K>^RY 


UNiV::    S!TY  OF 
SAN  DIE50 


-A-~ 


\ 


ASMODEUS: 


OR, 


THE  DEVIL   UPON  TWO  STICKS. 


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Alain  Rene  le  Sage 


ASMODEUS 


DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS 


PRECEDED    BY 


DIALOGUES,  SERIOUS  AND  COMIC 


TWO   CHIMNEYS   OF   MADRID 


TRANSLATED    FROM    THE    FRENCH    OF    ALAIN   RENE  LE   SAGE 


fDJt'f?  Sour  ^tisinat  <gf clings  6^  (R.  be  i,o6  (RtoB 


NEW  YORK 
WORTHINGTON   CO.,  747  Broadway 


CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

Dialogues,  &c.       .....•••         vii 

I.  What  sort  of  a  Devil  the  Devil  upon  Two  Sticks  was; 
and  where  and  how  Don  Cleofas  Perez  Zambullo  be- 
came acquainted  with  him  ......  1 

II.  In  which   the  story  of  Asmodeus's  Deliverance  is  con- 

cinued  .........  9 

III.  "Whither   the    Devil  carried  Don  Cleofas,  and  what  he 

first  showed  him  .......         12 

IV.  The  History  of  the  Amours  of  the  Count  de  Belflor  and 

of  Leonora  de  Cespides       ......         27 

V.  The  continuation  and  conclusion  of  the  History  of  the 

Count  and  Leonora S3 

VI.  Other    particulars    wliich    the    Student    saw,    and    the 

manner  of  his  being  revenged  on  Donna  Thomasa       .         75 

VII.   Of  the  Prisoners 85 

VIII.    Asmodeus  shows  Don  Cleofas  several  persons,  and  dis- 
covers to  him  what  they  have  been  doing  that  day        .        107 

IX.   Of  the  Confined  Mad  People 124 

X.  The  matter  of  which  is  inexhaustible       .         .         .         .150 
XI.  Of  the  Fire,  and  what  Asmodeus  did  on  that  occasion 

out  of  friendship  to  Don  Cleofas  ....       164 

XII.  The  Lovers 169 

XIH.  Of  the  Tombs,^  the  Ghosts,  and  Death    ....       178 

b 


vi  CONTENTS. 

CHAl'TER  PAGE 

XIV.  The  Power  of  Friendship    ......       191 

XV.  Of  the  Broil  betwixt  a  Tragic  and  Comic  Author  .       222 

XVI.  The  continuation  and  conclusion  of  the   Story  of  the 

Power  of  Friendship 231 

XVII.   Of  Dreams 267 

XVIII.   Where  you  will  see  several  Originals  that  are  not  with- 
out their  copies 279 

XIX.  Further   observations    made    by   the    Devil  and    Don 

Cleofas 289 

XX.   Of  the  Captives 299 

XXI.   Of  the  last  story  that  Asmodeus  told.     How,  as  he  was 
making  an  end  of  it,   he  was  suddenly  interrupted, 
and  how  disagreeably  for  him  Don  Cleofas  and  he 
were  parted     .         .         .         .         .         .         .         -313 

XXTI.   Of  what  Don  Cleofas  did  after  the  Devil  had  left  him, 

and  how  the  author  of  this  work  thought  fit  to  end  it        326 


DIALOGUES,  SERIOUS  AND  COMIC, 

BETWEEN 

TWO   CHIMNEYS   OF  MADRID. 


DIALOGUE  I. 
The  Chimney  A,  and  the  Chimney  B. 

A.  It  is  all  over  with  me,  my  dear  neighbour,  I  am  quite 
ruined ;  the  Lares,  my  protectmg  gods,  now  freeze  by  my 
hearth,  and  the  same  chillness  seizes  myself  from  head  to 
foot. — B.  I  am  startled  at  what  you  tell  me.  How  has  this 
terrible  distemper  seized  you  ?  and  how  comes  it  you  are  so 
suddenly  changed  from  hot  to  cold  ?  for  I  have  constantly 
seen  you  all  in  a  fire. — A.  Alas  !  I  must  of  necessity  foHow 
the  destiny  of  my  friend  the  scholar  and  the  poor  man. — 

B.  What  has  happened  to  him  ? — A.  Oh  !  the  gf»eatest  of 
misfortunes  ;  his  income,  that  is  to  say,  the  profits  of  his 
pen,  are  quite  put  a  stop  to. — B.  I  can't  say,  neighbour, 
that  I  yet  understand  you. — A.  Why,  then,  I'll  explain 
myself:  I  talk  of  an  author;  his  finances  depended  upon 


vifi  THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 

the  sale  of  small  pamphlets,  calculated  for  amusement, 
which  he  composed,  and  they  have  forbid  all  writings  of 
this  kind. — B.  What !  did  these  pamphlets  support  him  ? — 
A.  Yes  ;  and  at  his  ease  too  ;  for  he  did  not  take  up  his 
time  in  correcting  and  publishing  a  volume  ;  he  entertained 
the  public  with  these  flying  numbers,  at  least  seven  or  eight 
m  the  year. — B.  What  a  pity  it  is  to  deprive  the  world  of 
the  industry  of  so  good  a  hand ;  and  how  comes  it  they 
forbid  writings  of  amusement,  the  very  best  things  in  the 
worM  ?  The  public  loves  to  be  entertained,  and  why  are 
they  not  at  their  liberty  to  buy  what  diverts  them  ? — A.  You 
are  certainly  in  the  right  ;  and  this  prevailing  taste  makes 
both  for  authors  and  booksellers.  But  then  this  is  the 
ground  of  the  clamour  against  that  kind  of  writings ;  they 
say  that  nothing  is  wrote  nowadays  but  low  nonsense  and 
mere  bagatelle ;  and  that  posterity  will  distinguish  this  age 
for  the  Age  of  romances  and  all  sorts  of  futility.  They  say, 
moreover,  that  there  is  a  general  depravity  of  taste  ;  that 
these  broken  numbers  are  a  real  tax  upon  the  public  ;  that 
by  this  means  a  romance  is  swelled  to  an  intolerable  size  : 
and  that  an  author  is  now  actually  proposing  a  scheme  to 
divide  one  of  them  into  three  hundred  and  sixty-five  parcels  ; 
that  he  may  be  able  to  supply  his  customers  every  day  in 
the  year. — B.  Why,  after  the  thousand  and  one  nights,  the 
thousand  and  one  days,  the  thousand  and  one  quarters  of  an 
liour,  and  so  many  other  thousand  and  one  things,  I  think 
they  may  very  well  put  up  with  a  romance  split  into  no  more 
than  three  hundred  and  sixty-five  divisions. — A.  Judge,  then, 
if  they  ought  to  find  fault  with  my  author,  who,  in  no  work, 
has  ever  divided  beyond  number  eight. — B.  Indeed,  my 


DIALOGUES  BETWEEN  TWO  CHIMNEYS.         \x 

dear  friend,  I  pity  you,  as  I  do  the  chimneys  of  all  authors 
and  booksellers,  who  will  soon  become  as  cold  as  yours. — 
A.  It  is  but  cold  comfort  for  the  afflicted  to  have  others  as 
miserable  as  themselves. — B.  You  are  to  be  pitied  ;  and  I 
do  pity  you  ;  what  else  is  in  my  power  to  do  ?  Besides,  I 
must  tell  you  freely,  that  a  long  time  since,  I  have  heard 
many  people  say  it  was  high  time  to  check  that  prevailing 
taste  for  low  trifling  amusements,  and  to  put  a  stop  to 
romance- writing. — A.  What  is  this  you  say? — B.  Yes,  it  is 
true ;  and  men  of  discernment,  who  are  unprejudiced,  say 
now,  that  this  inhibition  is  of  great  service  to  polite  writing. 
That  people  ought  to  have  some  useful  end  in  view,  or  not 
write  at  all.  This  is  their  judgment  upon  the  affair,  and  all 
the  world  come  into  their  sentiments. — A.  But  is  not  that 
which  pleases  at  the  same  time  useful  ? — £.  Yes,  what  gives 
pleasure  is  so  far  useful.  But  besides  the  utility  arising  only 
fro)n  ijleasure,  readers  of  taste  want  something  solid  and 
instructive,  something  that  has  its  foundation  laid  in  the 
real  truth  of  manners  :  for  example,  "  The  Devil  upon  Two 
Sticks  "  is  so  far  a  romance,  but,  at  the  same  time,  more 
instructive  than  a  treatise  of  morality.  There  the  fable  is 
both  pleasant  and  useful ;  that  is,  useful  by  joining  pleasure 
with  instruction.  Let  your  author  write  such  another,  and 
I'll  answer  for  his  Iiaving  permission  to  print  it,  provided, 
though,  he  don't  publish  it  in  eight  numbers ;  for  that,  you 
know,  is  robbing  the  public  to  enrich  the  bookseller. — A. 
Come,  let  us  put  an  end  to  this  conversation.  One  may 
easily  perceive  that  you  are  a  chimney  belonging  to  a 
change-broker.  You  are  a  tasteless,  insipid  creature,  and 
ignorant,  in  the.  superlative  degree,  of  everything  concerning 


X  THE  DEVIL  UPON  TIVO  STICKS. 

literature ;  your  narrow  genius  does  not  reach  beyond  a 
sum  in  addition ;  and  I  am  ready  to  hang  myself  for  having 
been  so  free  with  you  as  I  have  been. — £.  What !  do  you 
insult  me,  in  return  for  my  showing  such  concern  for  your 
misfortunes? — A.  Is  that  showing  concern  for  one's  mis- 
fortunes, to  commend  those  who  are  the  cause  of  them  ? 
Go,  once  more,  I  tell  you,  you  are  as  great  a  dunce  as  him 
you  belong  to. — £.  For  one  that  complains  of  being  almost 
froze  to  death,  methinks  you  show  a  good  deal  of  warmth. 
But,  in  the  meantime,  I  desire  you  will  let  my  brother  alone  ; 
one  dash  of  his  pen  is  worth  all  the  volumes  of  Parnassus. 
Everything  he  writes  is  sensible,  agreeable,  and  universally 
approved ;  and  so  long  as  his  writings  are  but  legible,  I  fear 
not  the  cold  ;  my  hearth  will  be  kept  as  warm  as  if  it  had 
been  the  eternal  fire  of  the  vestals,  and  your  poor  chilled 
author  will  bless  himself  to  be  allowed  to  sit  down  by  it. 
As  for  you,  notwithstanding  your  ill-usage  of  me,  all  the 
harm  I  wish  you,  is  such  another  brother  as  mine  to  put 
you  into  heat  again. 


DIALOGUES  BETWEEN  TWO  CHIMNEYS. 


DIALOGUE  II. 

T^e  Chimney  C,  atid  the  Chimney  D. 

C.  What  a  prodigy !  what  a  miracle  is  this  !  Do  you 
know,  my  friend,  what  has  happened  to  me  ? — D.  Is  it  long 
since? — C.  About  an  hour  ago. — D.  No,  my  dear  neigh 
hour,  I  know  not ;  for  I  was  obliged  to  assist  at  a  marriage 
which  was  celebrated  in  the  apartment  I  belong  to. — C.  A 
marriage ! — D.  Yes,  and  a  couple  the  best  matched  that 
can  be.  Lysander  and  Celimene  have  taken  me  witness  to 
their  vows.  The  Penates,  my  household  gods,  are  the  only 
guarantees  of  their  mutual  engagements,  and  the  faith  they 
have  plighted  to  one  another.  No  mortal  was  present  at 
this  ceremony,  excepting  Lizetta,  the  faithful  servant  of 
Celimene.  They  are  now  enjoying  the  pleasures  of  this 
mysterious  union. — C.  This  marriage,  to  be  sure,  is  very 
solemnly  ratified  ! — D.  Why,  yes,  I  know  as  well  as  you, 
there  are  some  little  formalities  wanting,  but  what  then  ? 
Love  will  supply  the  place  of  all.  They  love  one  another, 
and  I  am  convinced,  let  their  parents  do  what  they  please, 
will  continue  so  to  do ;  and  pray,  do  you  find  that  common 
in  marriages  solemnised  according  to  the  rites  of  the 
church? — C.  No,  really.  Marriages,  for  the  most  part,  are 
only  so  many  civil  contracts,  that  bind  two  persons  eternally 
together,  who  are  so  far  from  loving,  that  they  generally 
hate  one  another  during  the  whole  course  of  their  lives. — 
D   Well,   I   can  answer   for   it.   the   bonds   which   unite 


xii  THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 

Lysander  and  Celimene  are  more  sacred  and  solemn,  foi 
they  are  the  bonds  of  love. —  C.  I  wish  you  joy,  my  dear 
neighbour  ;  and  I  like  you  all  the  better  for  interesting 
yourself  so  much  in  the  happiness  of  lovers.  It  is  what 
we  owe  them,  as  confidants  of  their  secrets  ;  and  I  myself 
would  do  all  in  my  power  to  serve  them,  which  you  will  easily 
believe,  when  I  tell  you  what  has  happened  to  me,  which 
is  pretty  much  such  another  affair  as  yours.  You  know  the 
apartment  I  belong  to  is  a  real  cell. — Z>.  Ay,  and  the  cell 
of  the  charming  little  Julia. — C.  Julia  was  beloved  by  a 
very  pretty  fellow  of  an  ofificer,  named  Trason  ;  and  Trason 
did  not  bestow  his  love  on  one  that  was  ungrateful. — D. 
Now,  I  did  not  know  that. — C.  There  was  nothing  wanting 
to  complete  their  mutual  happiness  but  a  favourable  oppor- 
tunity ;  and  Julia's  mother  had  more  eyes  than  Argus. 
The  cell  where  this  unhappy  young  creature  lay  was  more 
inaccessible  than  the  tower  of  Danae. — D.  Bless  me,  bow 
learned  you  are !  You  understand  the  ancient  fables.  I 
fancy  before  you  had  Julia,  some  poet  had  studied  by  your 
fireside.  But  since  you  mention  the  tower  of  Danae,  you 
remember  it  could  not  keep  out  a  shower  of  gold. — C 
True,  and  you  remember  likewise,  that  Danae  was  courted 
by  Jupiter;  and  you  know  a  god  can  change  water  and 
stones  into  gold  ;  but  Trason's  pockets  had  been  pretty  well 
drained  by  three  campaigns,  so  that  it  did  not  at  all  suit 
him  to  have  recourse  to  that  expedient. — D.  What  other 
expedient,  then,  did  he  fall  upon? — C.  The  most  simple 
and  obvious  one  that  could  be.  He  Uves  but  just  by;  and, 
without  the  help  of  any  other  magic  than  pure  love,  up  he 
gets  through  his  chimney  to  the  ridge  of  the  houses,  comes 


DIALOGUES  BETWEEN  TWO  CHIMNEYS.       xiii 

to  the  head  of  my  chimney,  which  he  easily  removed ;  foi 
I  had  no  mind  to  hinder  him ;  and  then  slides  down 
through  the  funnel  into  the  chamber  of  Julia,  supporting 
himself  by  his  hands  and  his  knees. — Z>.  Did  she  expect 
his  coming? — C.  No,  she  only  wished  it:  and  far  from 
running  with  open  arms  to  receive  her  lover,  was  in  a  most 
mortal  fright  at  seeing  him  come  down. — D.  She  swooned 
away,  I  warrant  you. — C.  If  she  did  not  at  first,  slie  would 
have  done  so  very  soon.  Come,  none  of  your  joking. 
This  gallant  of  a  chimney-sweeper  cast  himself  at  the  feet 
of  Julia,  and  she  soon  knew  him  to  be  her  dear  Trason. 
You  never  saw  anything  more  moving  than  the  situation 
they  were  both  in  at  that  time.  This  is  the  advantage  we 
chimneys  enjoy :  we  are  witnesses  to  a  thousand  sights  that 
men  would  pay  any  price  for  seeing.  At  present  Julia's 
fears  are  over :  she  feels  emotions  of  quite  a  different  kind. 
— D.  There,  now,  my  good  neighbour,  in  one  night  two 
marriages  pretty  much  alike. — C.  Why,  very  nearly  so, 
indeed.  Though  my  couple  not  only  exchange  the  solemn 
vow,  but  the  consequences  will,  very  probably,  oblige  the 
mother  of  Julia  to  acknowledge  Trason  for  her  son-in-law ; 
and  I  rejoice  beforehand  in  the  thoughts  of  what  perplexity 
this  good  woman  will  be  reduced  to. — Z).  And  I  in  the 
pleasures  her  dear  child  at  this  moment  enjoys. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 


DIALOGUE  III. 
Chimney  E,  and  Chimney  F. 

E.  Pray  tell  me,  if  you  please,  good  neighbour  F,  how 
you  can,  ^\•ithout  being  tired,  put  up  with  having  nobody 
besides  your  two  old  maids  ?  For  from  morning  till  night 
no  one  comes  near  your  fireside ;  you  have  always  the  same 
people,  and  always  the  same  subject  of  conversation. 
Indeed,  I  should  imagine  that  by  this  time  your  patience 
was  v/ore  out. — F.  I  must  indeed  own  to  you,  that  I  often 
wish  they  would  change  their  quarters ;  though,  perhaps,  in 
that  case,  I  should  be  hard  put  to  it  how  to  breathe,  as,  in 
all  probability,  I  should  not  have  so  good  a  fire ;  for  they 
are  extremely  devout,  so  of  consequence  take  no  less  care 
of  their  bodies  than  of  their  souls ;  especially  when  a 
certain  abbot,  whom  I  could  name,  comes  to  visit  them ; 
then  they  spare  no  cost ;  their  kitchen  then  may  vie  with 
that  of  a  lord,  and  the  smoke  I  breathe  upon  is  a  perfect 
perfume. — E.  As  far  as  I  perceive,  you  love  nothing  but 
smoke.  Well,  every  one  to  their  own  tastes,  I  love  variety. 
New  faces,  and  new  adventures,  are  my  delight.  I  am,  as 
I  suppose  you  know,  the  chimney  of  a  furnished  lodging. — 

F.  And  as  such  it  is  very  happy  for  you  that  you  have  a 
turn  for  variety. — E.  I  have  so  great  a  turn  that  way,  that 
I  should  be  extremely  sorry  to  see  the  same  lodger  six 
monilis  together ;  and  have  reason  to  be  thankful  that  it  is 
a  thing  never  happened  to  me  since  the  first  moment  of  my 


p  DIALOGUES  BETWEEN  TWO  CHIMNEYS.        xv 

existence. — F.  Belike,  then,  you  are  not  the  oldest  of  your 
neighbourhood. — £.  No,  not  by  a  great  deal ;  but  for  all 
that,  I  believe  I  have  the  most  experience. — jF.  Impart  to 
me,  then,  some  of  your  adventures ;  I  beg  you  to  do  it,  as 
you  would  oblige  a  neighbour. — E.  With  all  my  heart,  if  it 
don't  tire  you ;  and  will  begin  from  the  time  I  first  com- 
menced chimney.  He  who  first  sat  down  by  my  fire  was 
the  younger  son  of  a  good  family,  but  of  a  country  where 
the  portion  of  younger  sons  consists  only  in  their  sword, 
joined  to  a  happy  impudence  of  bullying  every  one  with 
their  being  born  gentlemen.  This  talent  my  gentleman 
possessed  in  an  eminent  degree  ;  but  had  another  at  the 
same  time  much  more  profitable ;  for  he  played  with  con- 
stant good  luck,  and  his  good  luck  was  the  effect  of  the 
most  assiduous  study ;  every  day  he  was  busy  in  calculating 
the  various  chances  upon  the  cards,  and  at  nighj:  put 
his  theory  into  practice. — El  He  must,  at  that  rate,  have 
been  always  flush  of  money. — E.  No,  you  are  mistaken : 
for  he  squandered  it  away  as  fast  as  he  got  it ;  so  that  he 
was  always  needy.  Indeed,  sometimes  he  cut  a  great  flash  ; 
that  is  a  disease  peculiar  to  his  nation ;  but  then  it  never 
lasted  long.  His  good  fortune  exasperated  the  students, 
who  frequented  the  same  nurseries  of  education,  against 
him,  and  they  brought  him  into  several  scrapes,  so  that  at 
the  end  of  four  months  I  lost  him.  He  was,  however,  a 
mighty  good  lodger,  and  I  regret  the  loss  of  him  to  this 
day. — E.  Who  came  in  his  room? — E.  A  man  the  most 
singular,  perhaps,  that  ever  yet  lived.  A  husband,  faithful 
and  affectionate  even  beyond  the  grave ;  that  could  not  be 
comforted  for  the  loss  of  his  dear  rib :  in  short,  a  phoenix  of 


jvi  THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 

a  husband.  The  moment  he  came,  he  ordered  his  room  to 
be  hung  with  black,  shut  up  his  windows  against  the  rays 
of  the  sun ;  and  had  no  light  in  his  chamber  but  the  dim 
glimmerings  of  a  lamp.  Enclos'ed  in  this  frightful  gloom, 
his  constant  employment  was  to  sob  and  shed  tears  without 
ceasing.  Very  often,  as  if  he  had  been  possessed,  he  would 
speak  aloud  to  an  urn  that  stood  upon  a  table  covered  with 
black  cloth,  and  which  he  seemed  to  adore.  He  would 
converse  with  that  precious  relic,  and  speak  to  it  as  if  it 
answered  his  passionate  expostulations. — 7^  It  is  a  chance 
but  some  spirit  was  enclosed  in  that  same  urn. — E.  A 
spirit !  What  a  simpleton  you  are !  No,  it  was  the  heart 
of  his  wife ;  that  was  the  object  of  his  vows  and  adoration. 
— E  This  was  tenderness  of  grief  to  excess.  I  can  scarce 
believe  what  you  tell  me. — £.  Nor  should  I,  if  I  had  not 
seen  it.  I  remember,  some  time  or  other,  to  have  heard 
one  of  my  lodgers  reading  a  book  which  mentioned  a  story 
of  the  same  sort  of  fidelity,  or  madness,  in  an  English 
philosopher,  which  I  do  not  believe  to  this  day,  notwith- 
standing what  I  have  told  you  ;  for  an  example  of  this  kind 
ought  lo  stand  alone. — El  But  how  long  did  your  lodger 
continue  in  this  fit  ? — E.  Full  three  months.  True  it  is, 
his  eyes,  the  fountains  of  his  tears,  began  tc  dry  up,  and 
refused  to  furnish  him  with  fresh  supplies  i.ti  continued 
grief,  and  by  degrees  his  devotions  to  the  urn  seemed  to 
relish  of  form  and  ceremony.  Happily  for  him,  his  friends 
found  him  out,  and  of  consequence  relieved  him.  I 
believe  he  yielded  to  the  violence  they  made  use  of  with 
only  a  seeming  reluctance.  However,  away  they  took  him, 
and  I  was  freed  of  this  mournful  guest. — E.  And,  I  suppose. 


DIALOGUES  BETWEEN  TWO  CHIMNEYS.      xvii 

did  not  much  lament  the  loss  of  him. — £.  Not  in  the  least, 
I  assure  you.  The  room  was  afterwards  let  to  a  woman, 
at  which  I  rejoiced  mightily,  as  I  had  hitherto  been 
acquainted  only  with  men.  A  kind  of  quaker's  dress,  and  a 
certificate  of  forty  years  marked  upon  her  forehead,  gave 
her  a  matron  air,  which  struck  me  at  first  sight ;  and  by 
what  I  had  heard  of  devotees,  I  immediately  judged  her  to 
be  one. — K  Now,  perhaps,  you  might  be  mistaken. — E.  I 
was  very  soon  convinced  of  my  error ;  for  the  woman  was 
a  woman  of  sense  and  conduct;  she  loved  pleasure,  yet 
regarded  her  reputation,  and  came  from  the  country,  a 
great  way  off,  to  Madrid,  that  she  might  be  sheltered  from 
the  malice  of  slander;  and,  a  very  short  time  after,  the 
gentleman  on  whose  account  she  had  undertaken  the 
journey  followed  her.  Bless  me  !  how  surprised  I  was  at 
the  first  visit  she  received  from  her  lover ;  she  flew  with 
transport  into  his  arms ;  her  demureness  was  changed  into  a 
wanton  sprightliness,  and  the  glow  upon  her  cheeks  effaced 
the  traits  of  her  age. — F.  A  pretty  lady  for  a  devotee 
truly  ! — E.  As  she  loved  her  man  with  all  the  violence 
of  passion,  she  made  use  of  every  method  to  preserve  her 
conquest.  She  was  very  well  apprised,  that,  at  her  age,  it 
is  allowed  for  women  to  embellish  the  charms  of  nature  by 
art,  and  accordingly  she  used  everything  she  could  for  that 
purpose  ! — F.  And  what  arts,  pray,  must  slie  use  for  that 
purpose  ?—jE".  I  will  tell  you.  Besides  black  and  white, 
which  painted  her  complexion  to  what  height  of  colour  she 
pleased ;  she  called  in  every  other  thing  to  her  assistance, 
dress,  baths,  and  perfumes.  She  was  at  her  toilet  always 
till  her  gallant  came,  and  repaired  to  it  again  immediately 


xuii  THE  D^VIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 

when  he  was  gone  away.  She  was  perpetually  at  her  glass, 
practising  the  different  airs,  eiiher  sprightly  or  languishing, 
which  she  imagined  might  do  execution.  As  for  the  artil- 
lery of  endearments  and  caresses,  that  she  was  perfect 
mistress  of. — J^.  With  all  that,  methinks,  it  was  hardly 
possible  she  could  miss  of  making  herself  beloved. — £. 
But  then  she  had  other  charms  infinitely  more  powerful 
over  the  heart  of  a  young  lover.  She  was  liberal  and 
rich,  and  one  must  have  a  heart  of  flint  not  to  love  a 
generous  mistress.  But  the  appointed  days  of  man  are 
numbered  :  when  these  two  lovers  were  now  at  the  height 
of  mutual  felicity,  the  gallant  fell  sick,  and  died  a  few  days 
afterwards,  in  spite  of  all  the  assistance  that  could  be  ad- 
ministered by  the  most  able  physicians. — J^.  The  lady,  no 
doubt,  took  on  mightily  ? — £.  Yes,  she  wept,  resumed  her 
former  demure  air,  and  went  back  into  her  own  country,  to 
edify  her  neighbours  by  her  example.  My  chamber  was 
not  long  empty ;  it  was  taken  by  another  woman,  who  was, 
by  profession,  a  go-between,  a  match-maker. — I^.  A  rare 
kind  of  occupation,  truly. — £.  It  is  an  occupation  that  is  very 
common.  Negotiators  of  this  sort  require  a  deal  of  address, 
and  this  good  lady  did  not  want  for  that.  She  carried  the 
proposals,  procured  interviews,  and  very  often  brought  the 
matter  to  a  final  conclusion.  How  many  of  these  contracts 
have  been  ratified  in  my  apartment !  She  would  make  a 
younger  brother,  not  worth  a  shilling,  pass  for  a  gentleman 
of  fortune,  and  set  off  a  demirep  for  a  pattern  of  illustrious 
virtue. — jF.  What  an  admirable  woman  this  was  ! — £.  All 
this  she  could  do  with  the  greatest  ease,  and  could  take  in  the 
most  cautious  and  wary ;  so  that  by  her  dexterity  she  had  g»t 


DIALOGUES  BETWEEN  TWO  CHIMNEYS.       >:ix 

a  pretty  fortune  ;  but  at  last  she.  began  to  have  scruples,  and 
her  remorses  carried  her  so  far,  that  she  retired  into  a  con- 
vent, there  to  repent  of  her  former  scandalous  life.  Thus 
a  fit  of  devotion  deprived  me  of  this  experienced  brokeress. 
— A  Well,  but  happily  for  you  the  natural  indifference  of 
your  temper  prevented  your  regretting  the  loss  of  her. — E. 
That  is  true  ;  however,  after  her  I  had  a  great  many  people 
of  common  characters  in  life  ;  men  and  women,  for  example, 
that  were  concerned  in  lawsuits,  a  very  troublesome  sort  of 
lodgers ;  or  people  who  came  from  the  country  to  see  what 
o'clock  it  was  at  Madrid,  and  returned  home,  for  the  most 
part,  as  wise  as  they  were  before.  But  it  now  begins  to 
grow  late  ;  so,  neighbour,  I  wish  you  a  good  night ;  another 
time  when  we  meet,  I  shall  give  you  an  account  of  some 
more  original  characters  whom  I  have  at  my  fireside. — A 
Adieu,  good  neighbour ;  I  will  not  fail  to  put  you  in  mind 
of  your  promise. 


ASMODEUS: 

THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

WHAT  SORT  OF  A  DEVIL  THE  DEVIL  VPOM  TWO  STICKS 
WAS ;  AND  WHERE  AND  HOW  DON  C  LEO  FAS  PEREZ 
ZAMBULLO    BECAME   ACQUAINTED    WITH   HIM. 

One  night  in  October,  when  thick  darkness  had 
overspread  the  famous  city  of  Madrid,  and  the 
weary  inhabitants,  being  retired  to  their  respective 
homes,  had  left  the  streets  free  to  those  restless 
lovers,  whose  nightly  care  it  is  to  sing  their  pains  or 
pleasures  under  the  balconies  of  their  mistresses ; 
and  now  the  busy  instruments  had  already  roused 
the  careful  fathers,  and  alarmed  the  jealous  hus- 
bands: in  short,  it  was  almost  midnight  when  Don 
Cleofas  Leandro  Perez  Zambullo,  a  young  student  of 
Alcala,  very  nimbly  bolted  out  of  the  garret  window 
of  a  house,  into  which  the  indiscreet  son  of  the 
Cytherean  goddess  had  enticed  him.  He  endea- 
voured to  preserve  his  life  and  honour,  by  flj'ing 
from  three  or  four  bullies,  who  followed  close  at  his 

A 


2  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

heels,  threatening  to  kill  or  force  him  to  marry  a  lady, 
with  whom  they  had  just  before  surprised  him. 

Though  alone,  he  yet  bravely  defended  himself  for 
some  time  against  so  much  odds,  and  had  still  main- 
tained his  ground,  if  they  had  not  wrested  his  sword 
from  him  in  the  fight.  They  followed  him  for  some 
time  along  the  gutters  ;  but,  favoured  by  tlie  night, 
he  at  length  got  clear  of  them,  and  stealing  along 
from  one  housetop  to  another,  he  made  towards  a 
light  which  he  perceived  at  a  great  distance  off,  and 
which,  feeble  as  it  was,  yet  served  him  for  a  lantern 
in  that  dangerous  conjuncture.  After  more  than  once 
running  the  risk  of  breaking  his  neck,  he  reached  the 
garret  where  its  rays  proceeded,  and  entered  it  by 
a  window,  as  much  transported  with  joy  as  a  pilot 
is  when  he  finds  himself  and  his  ship  safe  in  the 
harbour,  after  a  narrow  escape  at  sea  and  the  terrors 
of  a  tempest. 

He  immediately  looked  around  him,  and  much 
wondered  he  should  meet  with  nobody  in  an  apart- 
ment, which  seemed  so  very  odd  and  surprising.  He 
examined  it  with  great  attention,  and  saw  a  copper 
lamp  hanging  from  the  ceiling,  books  and  papers  in 
confusion  on  the  table,  spheres  and  compasses  on 
tiie  one  side,  phials  and  quadrants  on  the  other ;  all 
which  made  him  conclude,  that  under  this  roof  lived 
an  astrologer,  who  usually  retired  hither  to  make  his 
observations.  He  reflected  on  the  dangers  he  had  by 
good  fortune  escaped,  and  was  considering  what  course 
was  the  most  proper  for  him  to  take,  when  he  was 
interrupted  by  a  deep  sigh  that  broke  forth  very 
near  him.  He  at  first  took  it  for  a  nocturnal  illu- 
sion, or    imaginary    phantom,   proceeding   from    the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  3 

disturbance  he  was  in,  and  without  interruption  con- 
tinued his  reflections. 

But  being  interrupted  a  second  time  in  the  same 
manner,  he  then  took  it  for  something  real  ;  and, 
though  he  saw  no  soul  in  the  room,  could  not  help 
crying  out,  "  Who  the  devil  is  it  that  sighs  here  ?  " — 
"  It  is  me,  Signor  Student,"  answered  a  voice,  which 
had  somewhat  very  extraordinary  in  it  ;  "I  have 
been  six  months  enclosed  in  one  of  these  glass  phials. 
In  this  house  lives  a  skilful  astrologer  and  magician, 
who,  by  the  power  of  his  art,  has  confined  me  to  this 
close  prison." — "  You  then  are  a  spirit,"  said  Cleofas, 
somewhat  confused  at  this  uncommon  adventure" 
*'  I  am  a  demon,"  replied  the  voice,  "  and  }'ou  are  come 
very  opportunely  to  free  me  from  a  slavery  where  I 
languish  in  idleness  ;  though  I  am  the  most  active  and 
indefatigable  devil  in  hell." 

Cleofas  was  somewhat  affrighted  at  these  words  ; 
but,  being  naturally  courageous,  he  recollected  him- 
self, and,  in  a  resolute  tone,  thus  addressed  himself 
to  the  spirit  :  "  Signor  Demon,  pray  inform  me  by 
what  character  you  are  distinguished  amongst  your 
brethren.  Are  you  a  devil  of  quality,  or  an  ordinary 
one  .<* " — "  I  am,"  replied  the  voice,  "  a  very  considerable 
devil,  and  am  more  esteemed  in  this  and  in  the  other 
world  than  any  other." — "  Perhaps,"  replied  Cleofas, 
"  you  may  be  the  demon  which  we  call  Lucifer  ?  " — 
*'  No,"  replied  the  spirit,  "  he  is  the  mountebank's 
devil." — "Are you  then  Uriel.''"  returned  the  student. 
**  Fie !"  hastily  interrupted  the  voice,  "  he  is  the  patron 
of  traders,  tailors,  butchers,  bakers,  and  other  third- 
rate  thieves." 

"  It  may  be  you  are  Beelzebub  } "  said  Leandro. 


4  ASMODEUS:  Ok, 

"  You  deceive  yourself,"  answered  the  spirit ;  "  he  is 
the  demon  of  governantes,  and  gentlemen-ushers,  or 
waiting-men." — "  This  surprises  me,"  said  the  student; 
"  I  took  Beelzebub  for  one  of  the  greatest  of  your 
number." — "  He  is  one  of  the  least,"  replied  the 
demon;  "you  have  no  true  notion  of  our  hell." 

"You  must  then,"  replied  Don  Cleofas,  "be  either 
Leviathan,  Belphegor,  or  Ashtaroth." — "  Oh  !  as  for 
those  three,"  said  the  voice,  "  they  are  devils  of  the 
first  rank ;  they  are  the  court-spirits ;  they  enter 
into  the  councils  of  princes,  animate  their  ministers, 
form  leagues,  stir  up  insurrections  in  states,  and  hght 
the  torches  of  war.  These  are  not  such  boobies  as  the 
first  you  mentioned  to  me." — "  Ah  !  tell  me,  I  entreat 
you,"  said  the  student,  "what  post  has  Flagel.''" — 
"  He  is  the  soul  of  the  law,  and  the  life  of  the  bar," 
replied  the  devil.  "  It  is  he  who  makes  out  the 
attorneys'  and  bailiffs'  writs  ;  he  inspires  the  pleaders, 
possesseth  the  council,  and  attends  the  judges. 

"  But  my  business  lies  another  way  :  I  make  ridi- 
culous matches,  and  marry  old  graybeards  to  raw 
girls  under  age,  masters  to  their  maids,  virgins  of  low 
fortunes  to  lovers  that  have  none.  It  is  I  that  have 
introduced  into  the  world  luxury,  debauchery,  games 
of  chance,  and  chemistry.  I  am  the  inventor  of  carou- 
sals, dancing,  music,  pla\-s,  and  all  the  new  French 
fashions.  In  a  word,  I  am  the  celebrated  Asmodeus, 
surnamed  the  Devil  upon  Uvo  Sticks." 

"Ah!"  cried  Don  Cleofas,  "are  you  then  the 
fimous  Asmodeus,  so  gloriously  celebrated  by 
Agrip{)a  and  the  Clavicula  Salamonis  .''  Really  you 
have  not  told  me  all  your  amusements  ;  you  have 
forgotten  the  best  of  them.     I  know  that  you  some- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  5 

times  divert  yourself  with  assuaging  the  pains  of 
unfortunate  lovers  ;  by  the  same  token,  it  was  by 
your  assistance  that  a  young  gentleman,  a  friend  of 
mine,  crept  into  the  good  graces  of  a  doctor  of  the 
university  of  Alcala's  lady." — "  It  is  true,"  said  the 
spirit ;  "  I  reserved  that  till  the  last.  I  am  the  demon 
of  luxury,  or,  to  express  it  genteeler,  the  god  Cupid  ; 
for  the  poets  have  bestowed  that  fine  name  on  me, 
and,  indeed,  painted  main  very  advantageous  colours; 
they  describe  me  with  gilded  wings,  a  fillet  bound 
over  my  eyes,  a  bow  in  my  hand,  a  quiver  of  arrows 
on  my  shoulders,  and  a  charming,  beautiful  face. 
What  sort  of  a  face  it  is  you  shall  immediately  see, 
if  you  please  to  set  me  at  liberty." 

"Signor  Asmodeus,"  replied  Don  Cleofas,  "you 
know  that  I  have  long  been  your  sincere  devotee ; 
of  the  truth  of  which  the  dangers  I  just  now  run  are 
sufficient  evidences.  I  should  be  very  ambitious  of 
an  opportunity  of  serving  you ;  but  t  he  vessel  in 
which  you  are  hidden  is  undoubtedly  enchanted, 
and  all  my  eudeavouri.  to  unstop  or  break  it  will  be 
vain  ;  wherefore,  I  cannot  very  well  tell  which  way  to 
deliver  you  out  of  prison.  I  am  not  much  used  to 
these  sort  of  deliverances  ;  and,  betwixt  you  and  I, 
if  such  a  subtle  devil  as  you  are  cannot  make  your 
way  out,  how  can  a  wretched  mortal  like  me  effect 
it.?" — "It  is  in  your  power  to  do  it,"  answered  the 
demon;  "the  phial  in  which  I  am  enclosed  is  barely  a 
plain  glass  bottle,  which  is  very  easy  to  break ;  you 
need  only  to  throw  it  on  the  ground,  and  I  shall  imme- 
diately appear  in  human  shape." — "  If  so,"  said  the 
student,  "it  is  easier  than  I  imagined;  tell  me,  then, 
in  which  phial  you  are,  for  I  see  so  many  like  one 


6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

another,  that  I  cannot  distinguish  them." — "  It  is  the 
fourth  from  the  window,"  replied  the  spirit;  ''though 
the  cork  be  sealed  with  a  nagical  seal,  yet  the  bottle 
will  easily  break." 

"  It  is  enough,  Signor  Asmodeus,"  returned  Don 
Cleofas  ;  '•  there  is  now  only  one  small  difficulty  which 
deters  me :  when  I  have  done  you  this  service,  will 
you  not  make  me  pay  for  the  broken  pots?" — "  No 
accident  shall  befall  you,"  answered  the  demon  ;  "  but, 
on  the  contrary,  you  will  be  pleased  with  my  acquaint- 
ance. I  will  learn  you  whatever  you  are  desirous  to 
know,  inform  you  of  all  things  which  happen  in  the 
world,  and  discover  to  you  all  the  faults  of  mankind  ; 
I  will  be  your  tutelar  demon  ;  you  shall  find  me  much 
more  intelligent  than  that  of  Socrates  ;  and  I  will  make 
you  far  surpass  that  philosopher  in  wisdom.  In  a  word, 
I  will  bestow  myself  on  you,  with  my  good  and  ill 
qualities;  the  latter  of  which  shall  not  be  less  advan- 
tageous to  you  than  the  former." 

"  These  are  fine  promises,"  replied  the  student, 
'*  but  you  gentlemen  devils  are  accused  of  not  being 
very  religious  observers  of  what  you  promise  to  men." 
— "  It  is  a  groundless  charge,"  replied  Asmodeus  ; 
"some  of  my  brethren  indeed  make  no  scruple  of 
breaking  their  word ;  but  I  (not  to  mention  the 
service  you  are  going  to  do  me,  which  I  can  never 
sufficiently  repay)  am  a  sFave  to  mine;  and  I  swear, 
by  all  that  renders  our  oaths  inviolable,  that  I  will  not 
deceive  you.  Depend  upon  my  assurances.  I  pro- 
mise you,  withal,  that  you  shall  revenge  yourself  on 
Donna  Thomasa,  that  perfidious  lady,  who  hid  four 
ruffians  to  surprise  and  force  you  to  marry  her;  a 
circumstance  that  should  please  you," 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  7 

Young  Zambullo,  charmed  above  all  with  this  last 
promise,  to  hasten  its  accomplishment,  immediately 
took  the  phial,  and,  without  concerning  himself  what 
might  be  the  event  of  it,  he  threw  it  hard  against  the 
ground.  It  broke  into  a  thousand  pieces,  and  over- 
flowed the  floor  with  a  blackish  liquor,  which  by- 
little  and  little  evaporated,  and  converted  itself  into 
a  thick  smoke;  which  dissipating  all  at  once,  the 
amazed  student  beheld  the  figure  of  a  man  in  a 
cloak,  about  two  feet  and  a  half  high,  resting  on  two 
crutches.  This  diminutive  lame  monster  had  goat's 
legs,  a  long  visage,  sharp  chin,  a  yellow  and  black 
complexion,  and  a  very  flat  nose;  his  eyes,  which 
seemed  very  little,  resembled  two  lighted  coals  ;  his 
mouth  was  extremely  wide,  above  which  were  two 
wretched  red  whiskers,  edged  with  a  pair  of  un- 
paralleled lips. 

This  charming  Cupid's  head  was  wrapped  up  in  a 
sort  of  turban  of  red  crape,  set  off  with  a  plume  of 
cocks'  and  peacocks'  feathers.  About  his  neck  he 
wore  a  yellow  linen  collar,  on  which  were  drawn 
several  models  of  necklaces  and  earrings.  He  was 
dressed  in  a  short  white  satin  coat,  and  girt  about 
with  a  girdle  of  virgin -parchment,  marked  with 
talismanical  characters.  On  this  coat  were  painted 
several  pairs  of  women's  stays,  very  advantageously 
fitted  for  the  discovery  of  their  breasts  ;  scarfs,  party- 
coloured  aprons,  new-fashioned  head-dresses  of  various 
sorts,  eacji  more  extravagant  than  the  other. 

But  all  these  were  nothing  compared  with  his 
cloak,  the  ground  of  which  was  also  of  white  satin ; 
on  it,  with  Indian  ink,  were  drawn  an  infinite  number 
of  figures,  with  so  much  freedom,  and  such  masterly 


8  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

strokes,  that  it  was  natural  enough  to  think  the  devil 
had  a  hand  in  it:  on  one  side  appeared  a  Spanish 
lad}',  covered  with  her  veil,  teasing  a  stranger  as 
they  were  walking  ;  and  on  the  other,  a  French  one, 
practising  new  airs  in  her  glass,  in  order  to  try  them 
at  a  young  patched  and  painted  abbot,  who  appeared 
at  her  chamber  door.  Here  a  parcel  of  Italian 
cavaliers  were  singing  and  playing  on  the  guitar 
under  their  mistresses'  balconies  ;  and  there  a  com- 
pany of  Germans,  all  in  confusion,  and  unbuttoned, 
more  intoxicated  with  wine  and  begrimed  with  snuff 
than  your  conceited  French  fops,  surrounding  a  table 
overflowed  with  the  filthy  remains  of  their  debauch. 
In  one  place  was  a  great  Mahomeian  lord  coming 
out  of  the  bath,  and  encompassed  by  all  the  women 
of  his  seraglio,  officiously  crowding  to  tender  him 
their  service  ;  in  another,  an  English  gentleman  very 
gallantly  presenting  a  pipe  and  a  pot  of  beer  to  his 
mistress. 

There  the  gamesters  were  also  wonderfully  well 
represented  ;  some  of  them  animated  by  a  sprightly 
joy,  heaping  up  pieces  of  gold  and  silver  in  their 
hats  ;  and  others,  broken  and  reduced  to  play  upon 
honour,  casting  up  their  sacrilegious  eyes  to  heaven, 
and  gnawing  their  cards  with  despair.  To  conclude, 
theie  were  as  many  curious  things  to  be  seen  on  it, 
as  on  the  admirable  buckler  of  the  son  of  Peleus, 
which  exhausted  all  Vulcan's  art ;  with  this  difference 
betwixt  the  performance  of  the  two  cripples,  that  the 
figures  on  the  buckler  had  no  relation  to  the  exploits 
of  Achilles,  but,  on  the  contrary,  those  on  the  cloak 
were  so  many  lively  images  of  whatever  was  done  in 
the  wnrM  by  the  suggestion  of  Asmodeus. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 


CHAPTER    II. 

Iir   WHICH    THE   STORY  OF  ASMODEUs's    DELIVERANCE    IS 
CONTINUED. 

The  demon  observing  that  the  sight  of  him  did  not 
very  agreeably  prepossess  the  student  in  his  favour, 
smiling,  said:  "Well,  Signor  Don  Cleofas  Leandro 
Perez  Zambullo,  you  see  the  charming  God  of  Love, 
the  sovereign  ruler  of  hearts.  What  do  you  think 
of  my  beauty  and  air  ?  do  you  not  take  the  poets 
for  excellent  painters  ?  " — "  Why,  really,"  answered 
Cleofas,  "they  do  flatter,  a  little.  You  did  not,  I 
suppose,  appear  in  this  shape  to  Psyche  ? " — "  Doubt- 
less no,"  replied  Asmodeus;  "I  borrowed  the  appear- 
ance of  a  little  French  marquis,  to  make  her  dote 
on  me:  vice  must  always  be  covered  with  a  fair 
appearance,  without  which  it  will  never  please.  I 
assume  whatever  shape  I  will,  and  could  have  showed 
myself  to  you  in  a  finer  imaginary  body;  but  design- 
ing, without  any  disguise,  to  lay  myself  open  to 
you,  I  was  willing  that  you  should  see  me  in  a  shape 
best  suited  to  the  opinion  which  tJie  world  entertains 
of  me  and  my  functions." 

'•  I  am  not  surprised,"  said  the  student,  "  that  you 
are  somewhat  ugly :  pardon,  if  you  please,  the  harsh- 
ness of  the  term ;  the  conversation  which  we  have  had 


lo  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

together  may  admit  of  some  freedom.  Your  features 
are  very  well  proportioned  to  the  idea  I  have  of  you  ; 
but  pray  tell  me  how  you  came  to  be  a  eripple," 

"  My  lameness,"  answered  the  devil,  "  is  owing  to 
a  quarrel  I  formerly  had  in  France  with  Pillardoc, 
the  Devil  of  Interest,  about  one  Manceau,  a  man  of 
business,  and  one  of  the  farmers  of  the  revenues  :  he 
being  very  rich,  we  as  warmly  contested  who  should 
have  the  possession  of  him,  and  fought  it  out  in 
the  middle  region  of  the  air,  from  whence  Pillardoc 
(being  the  stronger  of  the  two)  threw  me  down  to 
the  earth,  as  the  poets  tell  you  Jupiter  did  Vulcan  ; 
and  so,  from  the  resemblance  of  our  adventures,  my 
comrades  call  me  the  Lame  Devil,  or  the  Devil  upon 
two  Sticks ;  and  that  nickname,  which  they  gave  me 
in  raillery,  has  stuck  by  me  ever  since :  but  though  a 
cripple,  I  can  yet  go  pretty  nimbly ;  you  shall  be  a 
witness  of  my  agility. 

"  But,"  adds  he,  "  let  us  end  this  discourse,  and 
make  ha'=;te  out  of  the  garret.  It  will  not  be  long 
before  the  magician  comes  up  to  labour  at  the  immor- 
tality of  a  beautiful  Sylph,  which  nightly  visits  him ; 
and  if  he  should  surprise  us,  he  would  not  fail  to 
commit  me  to  the  bottle  from  whence  I  came,  and 
confine  you  to  the  same.  Let  us,  therefore,  in  the 
first  place,  throw  away  all  the  pieces  of  the  broken 
phial,  that  the  enchanter  may  not  discover  my  en- 
largement." 

"  If  he  should  find  it  out  after  our  departure,"  said 
Cleofas,  "  what  would  then  be  the  event } " — "  What 
would  be  the  event!"  answered  the  demon;  "I  find 
you  have  not  read  the  treatise  concerning  Compul- 
sion*    Alas !  were  I  concealed  at  the  farthest  part 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS  il 

of  the  earth,  or  hidden  in  the  region  where  the  fiery 
Salamanders  dwell ;  should  I  descend  to  the  shades 
below,  or  the  bottom  of  the  deepest  sea,  I  should 
not  be  secured  from  his  resentment.  His  conjura- 
tions are  so  powerful,  that  all  hell  trembles  at  them. 
In  short,  I  cannot  resist  his  arbitrary  commands,  but 
shall  be  forced,  much  against  my  will,  to  appear 
before  him,  and  submit  to  whatever  pains  he  pleases 
to  inflict  on  me." 

"  If  so,"  replied  the  student,  "  I  very  much  fear 
that  our  friendship  will  be  of  no  long  duration; 
this  dreadful  necromancer  will  soon  discover  your 
flight."  —  "I  do  not  know  that,"  replied  the  spirit, 
"for  we  cannot  tell  what  may  happen." — "What!" 
said  Leandro  Perez,  "  are  you  not  acquainted  with 
futurity.''"  —  "No,  indeed,"  replied  the  devil,  "we 
know  nothing  of  that  matter;  but  those  who  depend 
upon  our  assistance  are  fine  bubbles;  and  indeed  to 
this  opinion  are  to  be  ascribed  all  the  fooleries  which 
are  imposed  on  women  of  quality  by  fortune-tellers 
of  both  sexes,  when  they  consult  them  on  future 
events.  We  only  know  the  past  and  the  present. 
I  do  not  know  therefore,  whether  the  magician  will 
soon  discover  my  absence,  but  hope  not ;  for  here 
being  several  phials  very  like  that  in  which  I.  was 
enclosed,  he  may  perhaps  not  miss  a  single  one. 
I  am  much  in  the  same  condition  in  his  laboratory 
as  a  law-book  is  in  the  library  of  a  man  of  business; 
he  never  thinks  of  me,  and  when  he  doth,  he  never 
doth  me  the  honour  of  conversing  with  me.  He  is 
tl)e  nio'^t  insolent  enchanter  that  I  know;  for,  during 
tlie  n'hole  time  that  I  was  his  prisoner,  he  did  not 
once  \-()uclisafe  to  speak  to  me," 


12  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"What  sort  of  fellow  is  this  ? "  replied  Don  Cleofas; 
*'or  what  have  you  done  to  draw  down  his  hatred 
upon  }ou  ?" — "I  crossed  one  of  his  designs,"  replied 
Asmodeus;  "there  was  a  place  in  an  academy  void, 
which  he  proposed  to  obtain  for  a  friend  of  his ;  but 
I  was  resolved  it  should  be  given  to  another.  The 
magician  prepared  a  talisman,  composed  of  the  most 
powerful  characters  of  the  Cabala  ;  but  I  placed  my 
man  in  the  service  of  a  great  minister,  and  his  name 
accordingly  carried  it  from  the  talisman." 

At  these  words  the  demon  gathered  up  all  the 
pieces  of  the  broken  phial,  and  after  having  thrown 
them  out  of  the  window,  "  Come  then,"  said  he  to 
the  student,  "  let  us  make  the  best  of  our  way  ;  take 
hold  of  the  end  of  my  cloak  and  fear  nothing."  How- 
ever dangerous  the  offer  appeared  to  Don  Cleofas, 
he  yet  chose  rather  to  accept  it  than  expose  himself 
to  the  resentment  of  the  magician  ;  wherefore,  he 
took  as  good  hold  as  he  could  of  the  Devil,  who 
carried  him  out  of  the  window. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  13 


CHAPTER  III. 

W^HITHER    THE  DEVIL    CARRIED   DON  CLEOFAS,   AND 
WHAT  HE  FIRST  SHOUTED   HIM. 

ASMODEUS  was  not  in  the  wrong  when  he  boasted 
his  agility ;  he  cleft  the  air  with  as  much  rapidity  as 
an  arrow  from  a  bow,  and  perclied  on  St.  Saviour's 
steeple.  When  gotten  on  his  feet,  he  said  to  Don 
Cleofas,  "Well,  Signor  Leandro,  when  men  are  in  a 
very  uneasy  hobbling  coacli,  and  cry  out,  'This  is  a 
coach  for  the  devil ! '  do  you  now  think  they  do  us 
justice?" — "I  think  nothing  can  be  more  unreason- 
able," answered  Don  Cleofas  politely,  "and  am  ready 
D  affirm,  upon  experience,  that  the  devil's  is  not 
only  easier  than  a  chair,  but  also  so  expeditious,  that 
nobody  can  be  tired  on  the  road." 

"Very  well,"  replied  the  demon;  "but  you  do  not 
know  why  I  brought  you  hither.  I  intend  from  this 
high  place  to  show  you  whatever  is  at  present  doing 
in  Madrid.  By  my  diabolical  power  I  will  heave  up 
>  J  roofs  of  the  houses,  and,  notwithstanding  the 
darkness  of  the  night,  clearly  expose  to  your  view 
whatever  is  now  under  them."  At  these  words  he 
only  extended  his  right  hand,  and  in  an  instant  all 
the  roofs  of  the  houses  seemed  removed,  and  the 
student  saw  the  insides  of  them  as  plainly  as  if  it 


U  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

had  been  noonday,  as  plainly,  says  Louis  Velez  de 
Guevara,*  as  you  see  into  a  pie  whose  top  is  taken 
off. 

This  view  was  too  surprising  not  to  employ  all  his 
attention  ;  his  eyes  ran  through  all  parts  of  the  city, 
and  tlie  variety  which  surrounded  him  was  sufficient 
to  engage  his  curiosity  for  a  long  time.  "  Signor 
Student,"  said  the  demon,  "this  confusion  of  objects, 
which  you  survey  with  so  much  pleasure,  affords 
really  a  very  charming  prospect ;  but,  in  order  to 
furnish  you  wi'.h  a  perfect  knowledge  of  human  life, 
it  is  necessary  to  explain  to  you  what  all  those 
people,  which  you  see,  are  doing,  I  will  disclose 
to  you  the  springs  of  their  actions  and  their  most 
secret  thoughts. 

"Where  shall  we  begin  ? — Let  us  observe  first  of 
all,  in  the  house  on  the  right  hand,  that  old  wretch 
telling  his  gold  and  silver.  He  is  a  rich,  covetous 
citizen.  His  coach,  which  he  had  for  almost  nothing 
at  an  auction  of  an  alcade  of  the  court,  is  drawn  by 
two  poor  lean  mules  that  are  in  the  stable,  and  which 
he  feeds  according  to  the  laws  of  the  twelve  tables, 
that  is,  each  with  a  pound  of  barley  a  day.  He 
uses  them  as  the  Romans  did  their  slaves.  It  is 
about  two  years  since  he  returned  from  the  Indies, 
loaded  with  a  vast  quantity  of  bars  of  gold,  which  he 
turned  into  ready  money.  Do  but  admire  with  what 
an  eye  of  pleasure  this  fool  surveys  his  riches  !  he  is 
never  satisfied  with  looking  at  them.  But,  at  the 
same  time,  see  what  is  going  forward  in  the  chamber 
adjoining.  Do  you  not  see  two  young  fellows  with 
an  old  woman  .' " — "  Yes,"  answered  Don  Cleofas,  "  I 
*  The  author  of  "  The  Devil  upon  Two  Sticks  "  in  Spanish. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  15 

suppose  they  are  his  children." — "  No,"  replied  the 
devil,  "they  are  his  nephews  and  heirs,  who,  being 
impatient  to  divide  his  spoils,  are  consulting  a  witch 
to  know  when  he  will  die. 

"  In  the  next  house  there  is  a  couple  of  pleasant 
pictures  enough.  One  is  a  superannuated  coquette 
going  to  bed,  after  leaving  her  hair,  eyebrows,  and 
teeth  on  her  toilet.  The  other  is  an  amorous  dotard 
of  sixty,  just  come  from  making  love.  He  has  already 
laid  down  his  e}'e,  false  whiskers,  and  peruke  which 
hid  his  bald  pate  ;  and  waits  for  his  man  to  take  off  his 
wooden  arm  and  leg,  to  go  to  bed  with  the  rest." 

"If  I  may  trust  my  eyes,"  said  Zanibuilo,  "in 
yonder  house  I  see  a  beautiful  tall  young  girl,  ti.at 
would  make  a  fine  picture.  What  a  charming  air 
she  has!" — "Very  well,"  replied  the  cripple;  "  tliat 
beautiful  young  creature  you  are  so  charmed  with  is 
elder  sister  to  the  gallant  that  is  going  to  bed.  One 
may  say,  she  is  the  counterpart  of  that  old  coquette 
who  lodges  with  her.  Her  shape,  which  you  admire, 
is  a  machine,  in  the  adjusting  of  which  all  the  art 
of  the  ablest  mechanics  has  been  exhausted.  Her 
breasts  and  her  hips  are  artificial ;  and  not  long 
since  she  dropped  her  rump  at  church,  in  the  midst 
of  the  sermon.  Yet,  as  she  gives  herself  a  girlish 
air,  she  has  two  young  fellows  that  strive  to  be  in 
her  good  graces-;  nay,  they  have  even  proceeded  to 
blows  for  her.  The  fools !  methinks  I  see  two  dogs 
fighting  for  a  bone. 

"  Prithee,  laugh  with  me  at  the  concert  begun, 
after  a  family  supper,  in  a  citizen's  bouse  hard  by 
there.  They  are  singing  cantatas.  An  old  counsellor 
composed  the  music  ;  and  the  words  are  a  bailifTs, 


i6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

who  sets  up  for  making  love  —  a  coxcomb,  that 
makes  verses  for  his  own  diversion  and  the  punish- 
ment of  others.  The  symphony  consists  of  a  bag- 
pipe and  a  spinnet ;  an  old  ungainly  chorister,  with 
a  squeaking  pipe,  sings  the  treble  ;  and  a  young  girl, 
with  a  very  deep  voice,  the  bass." — "  Very  pleasant, 
indeed  ! "  cried  Don  Cleofas,  laughing.  "  Had  they 
intended  to  have  made  a  jest  of  all  music,  they  could 
not  have  succeeded  better." 

"  Cast  your  eyes  on  that  magnificent  palace," 
pursued  the  devil;  '*)'ou  will  there  see  a  great  lord 
laid  in  a  splendid  apartment,  with  a  casket  full  of 
billets-doux,  which  he  is  reading  to  lull  him  asleep 
more  voluptuously.  They  come  from  a  lad)'  whom 
he  adores ;  and  who  puts  him  to  such  an  expense, 
that  he  will  soon  be  reduced  to  solicit  for  a  vice- 
royalty  to  support  himself. 

"  If  everybody  is  at  rest  in  that  palace,  and 
everx'thing  hushed  and  still  there,  to  make  amends, 
everything  seems  to  be  in  motion  in  the  next  house 
on  the  left  hand.  Do  not  you  distinguish  a  lady  in 
a  red  damask  bed  ?  It  is  a  woman  of  quality, 
Donna  Fabula,  who  has  just  sent  for  a  midwife,  and 
is  going  to  present  her  old  husband,  Don  Torribio, 
whom  you  see  by  her,  with  an  heir.  Are  you  not 
charmed  with  that  gentleman's  good  nature.-*  The 
cries  of  his  dear  moiety  pierce  his  sou)  1  he  is  pene- 
trated with  grief,  and  suffers  as  much  as  she  !  With 
what  care  and  earnestness  does  he  strive  to  help 
her  !  " — "  Really,"  said  Leandro,  "  the  man  is  in  a 
great  fluster;  but  I  discern  another,  who  seems  to 
sleep  very  sound  in  the  same  house,  without  being 
Concerned  at  the  .success  of  the  affair."— "  And  yet 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  17 

he  should  have  some  concern,"  replied  the  cripple, 
"since  that  domestic  is  the  first  cause  of  all  the 
pains  his  lady  sufifers." 

"  Carry  your  eye  a  little  farther,"  continued  he, 
"and  observe  that  hypocrite  in  a  low  room  rubbing 
himself  with  coach-wheel  grease,  in  order  to  go  to  a 
meeting  of  sorcerers  this  night  between  St.  Sebas- 
tian's and  Fontarabia.  I  would  carry  you  thither 
this  minute,  to  oblige  you  with  so  pleasant  a  diver- 
sion, if  I  was  not  afraid  of  being  known  by  the  devil, 
who  personates  the  goat  there." 

"That  devil  and  you,  then,"  said  the  student, 
"are  not  very  good  friends," — "No,  I  think  not, 
indeed,"  answered  Asmodeus.  "  Why,  it  is  the 
very  same  Pillardoc  I  was  mentioning  just  now. 
The  rascal  would  most  certainly  betray  me,  and 
inform  our  magician  of  my  flight."  —  "You  have 
besides,  perhaps,  had  some  squabble  with  this  same 
Pillardoc." — "  I  have  so,"  replied  the  demon,  "  About 
two  years  ago  we  had  a  fresh  dispute  about  a 
gentleman's  son  at  Paris,  who  had  some  thoughts 
of  settling  in  the  world.  We  both  pretended  to 
the  disposal  of  him.  Pie  would  have  made  him  a 
factor,  and  I  would  fain  have  had  him  a  smart 
fellow,  and  made  his  fortune  among  the  women; 
but  our  comrades,  to  end  the  dispute,  made  a 
rascally  monk  of  him.  They  then  reconciled  us, 
and  we  embraced, —  and  from  that  time  became 
mortal  foes." 

"  Let  us  have  done  with  this  fie//e  asscmblce"  said 
Don  Cleofas,  "  for  I  have  no  manner  of  curiosit}'  to 
be  at ;  but  let  us  rather  pursue  our  examination  of 
what  offers  before  us.     Pray  tell  me  what  mean  those 

B 


l8  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

sparks  of  fire  issuing  out  of  that  cellar?" — "It  is," 
replied  the  devil,  "  one  of  the  most  foolish  amongst 
all  the  works  of  men.  The  grave  personage  you 
see  in  that  cellar,  at  the  flaming  furnace,  is  an 
alchemist,  whose  rich  patrimony  the  fire  will  con- 
sume by  degrees,  and  he  will  never  find  what  he 
spends  it  in  search  of;  for,  between  you  and  I,  tiie 
philosopher's  stone  is  no  better  than  a  fine  chimera 
that  I  m}^self  forged,  to  divert  myself  with  human 
understanding,  which  would  pass  the  bounds  pre- 
scribed to  it. 

"  This  alchemist's  neighbour  is  an  honest  apothe- 
cary, who  is  not  yet  gone  to  bed.  You  see  him  at 
work  in  his  shop,  with  his  decrepit  wife  and  appren- 
tice. Do  you  know  what  they  are  doing?  The 
master  is  preparing  a  prolific  pill  for  an  old  advocate, 
that  is  to  be  married  to-morrow;  the  man  is  making 
a  laxative  decoction,  and  the  woman  beating  astrin- 
gent drugs  in  a  mortar.'' 

"  In  a  house  over  against  the  apothecary's,"  said 
Zambullo,  "  I  see  a  man  gettin-j  out  of  bed  and 
dressing  in  all  haste."  — " 'Adso,"  answered  the 
spirit,  "  it  is  a  physician  rising  upon  a  very  pressing 
occasion.  He  is  sent  for  to  a  prelate,  wiio  coughed 
twice  or  thrice  after  he  was  gone  to  bed. 

"  Turn  your  eyes  a  little  farther  to  the  right,  and 
try  whether,  by  the  dull  lamp  in  that  garret,  you  can 
distinguish  a  man  stalking  in  his  shirt." — "Yes,  yes, 
I  am  right,"  cried  the  student,  "  by  the  same  token 
that  I  would  venture  to  draw  you  up  an  inventory  of 
the  furniture  in  it.  There  is  nothing  but  a  wretched 
sorry  bed,  a  stool,  a  table,  and  the  dirty  walls  all 
over  as  black  as  soot." — "  That  lofty-minded  person," 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  19 

replied  Asmodeus,  "is  a  poet;  and  what  seems  black 
to  }'ou,  are  tragic  verses  of  his  own  composition,  with 
which  he  has  hung  his  chamber;  for  the  want  of 
paper  forces  him  to  write  his  poems  on  the  walls." 

"By  the  hurry  and  busy  air  of  his  gait,"  said  Don 
Cleofas,  "  I  should  conclude  that  he  was  composing 
some  piece  of  very  great  importance." — "You  are 
not  in  the  wrong  to  think  so,"  said  the  cripple  ;  "he 
yesterday  gave  the  finishing  stroke  to  a  tragedy, 
entitled  '  The  Universal  Deluge.'  He  cannot  be 
reproached  with  neglecting  the  unity  of  place,  since 
all  the  scenes  are  laid  in  Noah's  ark.  I  assure  you 
it  is  an  excellent  piece,  for  all  the  beasts  are  there 
introduced  talking  as  learnedly  as  so  many  doctors. 
He  intends  to  dedicate  it,  and  has  already  spent  six 
hours  in  working  up  the  epistle  dedicatory,  and  is  at 
this  moment  gotten  to  the  last  line.  It  may  justly 
be  called  a  masterpiece;  for  not  one  of  the  moral 
or  political  virtues,  not  one  of  the  topics  of  praise 
that  can  possibly  be  bestowed  on  a  man  whose  ances- 
tors or  his  own  merit  has  rendered  illustrious,  are 
spared  ;  never  was  author  so  prodigally  lavish  of  his 
flatteries." — "  To  whom  does  he  design  to  address  so 
magnificent  an  eulogy?"  replied  the  student.  "He 
knows  nothing  of  that  yet,"  answered  the  devil ;  "  he 
has  left  a  blank  for  the  name,  and  he  is  in  quest  of 
some  rich  lord,  more  generous  than  the  patrons  to 
whom  he  has  dedicated  the  former  pieces.  But 
people  that  pay  for  dedications  are  very  scarce  now- 
adays. Men  of  quality  have  mended  that  fault,  and 
thereby  done  an  acceptable  service  to  the  public, 
which  before  was  continually  pestered  with  wretched 
performances  —  the    greatest    part    of    the    books 


20  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

being  formerly  written  for  the  lucre  of  their  dedi- 
cations. 

"Now  you  are  upon  the  subject  of  dedications," 
added  the  demon,  "  I  must  give  you  a  very  extra- 
ordinary circumstance.  A  lady  at  court  having 
allowed  an  author  to  dedicate  his  works  to  her, 
resolved  to  see  the  dedication  before  it  was  printed  ; 
and,  not  thinking  it  came  up  to  her  perfections,  took 
the  pains  to  compose  one  of  her  own,  and  send  it  to 
the  author  to  place  before  his  works." 

"  I  fancy,"  cried  Leandro,  "  I  see  thieves  breaking 
into  a  house  over  a  balcony." — "You  are  not  mis- 
taken,'" said  Asmodeus;  "they  are  housebreakers 
getting  into  a  banker's.  Let  us  watch  them,  and 
see  what  they  will  do.  They  are  examining  the 
counting-house,  and  rummaging  everywhere.  But 
the  banker  has  been  beforehand  with  them  ;  he 
yesterday  made  the  best  of  his  way  to  Holland,  with 
all  the  riches  in  his  coffers." 

"  Sure,"  said  Zambullo,  "  that  is  another  thief  on  a 
silk  ladder  getting  into  a  balcony." — "  No,  he  is  not 
what  you  take  him  to  be,"  answered  the  cripple.  "  It 
is  a  marquis  scaling  the  chamber  of  a  virgin,  who  is 
very  willing  to  be  rid  of  that  name.  He  made  her 
some  superficial  promises  of  marriage,  and  she,  not  in 
the  least  distrusting  his  oaths,  has  yielded ;  and  no 
wonder,  for  on  Love's  excha^nge  your  marquises  are 
merchants  of  very  great  reputation." 

"  I  should  be  glad  to  know,"  said  the  student, 
**  what  that  man  in  the  nightgown  and  cap  is  doing. 
He  is  writing  very  hard,  and  all  the  while  his  hand 
is  guided  by  a  little  black  figure  that  stands  at 
his  elbow." — "The  man   who  is  writing,"  answered 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  21 

the  devil,  "is  a  clerk  or  registrar  of  a  court;  who, 
to  oblige  a  guardian,  wlio  will  return  the  favour,  is 
altering  a  decree  pronounced  in  favour  of  his  pupil ; 
and  the  little  black  fi;4ure  that  guides  his  hand  is 
Griffael,  the  clerk's  devil."  — "But  this  Griffael," 
replied  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  suppose,  supplies  this  place 
only  as  a  deputy;  since  Flagel  being  the  spirit  of 
the  bar,  the  registrars  seem  directly  subject  to  his 
direction." — "  No,"  replied  Asmodeus,  "  the  registrars 
were  thought  a  body  considerable  enough  to  have  a 
devil  of  their  own ;  and  I  assure  you  he  has  more 
upon  Ills  hands  than  he  can  compass. 

"In  a  citizen's  house,  next  door  to  the  registrar, 
observe  a  young  lady  on  the  first  floor ;  she  is  a 
widow,  and  the  man  }'ou  see  with  her  is  her  uncle, 
who  lives  on  the  second.  The  bashfulness  of  tha" 
young  widow  deserves  your  admiration  :  she  scruples 
receiving  her  shift  before  her  uncle  ;  but  retires  inU; 
her  closet  to  have  it  put  on  by  her  gallant,  whom 
she  has  hidden  there, 

"  With  the  registrar  lives  a  relation  of  his,  a  great, 
greasy,  lame  graduate,  who  for  joking  has  not  his 
fellow  in  the  world.  Volumnius,  so  cried  up  by 
Cicero  for  his  smart,  witty  repartees,  did  not  rally 
so  agreeably.  This  bachelor,  called  at  Madrid  the 
graduate  Donoso,  by  way  of  excellence,  is  courted 
by  all  the  court  and  city  that  make  entertainments. 
Eveiy  one  strives  who  shall  have  him  :  he  has  a 
particular  knack  of  making  the  guests  merry,  and 
is  the  very  soul  and  delight  of  an  entertainment; 
so  that  he  every  day  dines  at  some  considerable 
man's  table,  and  never  returns  till  two  in  the  morn- 
ing.      He    is    now    at    the     Marquis    of    Alcaniza's, 


22  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

which  happened  purely  by  chance." — "  How  by 
chance  ? "  interrupted  Leandro.  "  I  will  explain 
myself,"  answered  the  devil.  "  About  noon  to-day 
there  were  five  or  six  coaches  at  the  graduate's  door 
from  different  noblemen  that  all  sent  for  him.  He 
ordered  their  pages  to  be  sent  up  to  him,  and  taking 
a  pack  of  cards,  told  them  that  since  he  could  not 
oblige  all  their  masters,  and  was  resolved  not  to 
give  any  preference,  those  cards  should  decide  the 
matter,  and  that  he  would  dine  with  the  King  of 
Clubs." 

"  What  can  be  the  design  of  that  cavalier,"  said 
Don  Cleofas,  "who  is  sitting  at  the  door  on  the  other 
side  of  the  way  ?  Does  he  wait  for  the  chamber- 
maid's letting  him  in  ?" — "No,  no,"  answered  Asmo- 
deus ;  "  he  is  a  young  Castilian  that  is  practising 
your  sublime  love  in  form.  He  has  a  mind,  out  of 
a  pure  spirit  of  gallantry,  in  imitation  of  lovers  of 
former  days,  to  pass  the  night  at  his  mistress's  door. 
Every  now  and  then  he  thrums  upon  a  miserable 
guitar,  accompanying  it  with  ditties  of  his  own  com- 
posing ;  but  his  Dulcinea,  who  lies  on  the  second 
floor,  whilst  she  is  listening  to  his  music,  is  all  the 
while  bewailing  the  absence  of  his  rival. 

"  Let  us  give  a  look  into  that  new  building, 
divided  into  separate  wings.  In  the  first  lives  the 
owner  of  it,  that  old  gentleman  who  sometimes 
walks  about  the  room  and  sometimes  sinks  into  his 
easy  chair." — "Sure,"  said  Zambullo,  "his  head  must 
be  taken  up  with  some  project  of  importance.  Who 
can  this  man  be .?  To  judge  by  the  splendour  and 
riches  of  his  apartments,  he  must  be  some  grandee  of 
the  highest  rank." — "  However,"  answered  the  devil, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  23 

"he  is  no  more  than  a  contador,  but  is  grown  old  in 
places  of  great  profit.  His  estate  is  worth  about 
four  millions;  but  his  conscience  suggesting  some 
uneasy  reflections  upon  the  manner  of  his  acquiring 
it,  and  finding  he  must  shortly  make  up  his  accounts 
in  the  other  world,  he  is  grown  scrupulous,  and  is 
thinking  of  building  a  monastery,  and  flatters  him- 
self that,  after  so  good  a  work,  his  mind  will  be  at 
rest.  He  has  already  obtained  leave  to  found  a 
convent ;  but  being  firmly  resolved  not  to  place  any 
monks  in  it  in  whom  the  virtues  of  chastity,  sobriety, 
and  humility  do  not  eminently  shine,  he  is  very 
much  puzzled  in  the  choice. 

"  In  the  second  wing  lives  a  fair  lady,  who,  after 
bathing  in  milk,  is  just  stepped  into  bed.  This  volup- 
tuous creature  is  widow  to  a  knight  of  the  order  of 
St.  Jaques,  whose  empty  title  was  all  the  riches  he 
left  her.  But,  by  good  fortune,  two  counsellors  of 
the  council  of  Castile  are  her  gallants,  who  equally 
coutiibute  to  the  expenses  of  her  house." 

"  Alas  !  "  cried  the  student,  "  the  air  resounds  with 
shrieks  and  lamentations.  Some  sad  accident  must 
have  happened." — "It  is  this,"  said  the-spirit.  "Two 
young  gentlemen  were  playing  at  cards  in  that 
gaming-house  where  you  see  so  many  lamps  and 
candles  lighted  up;  they  grew  warm  upon  their 
game,  drew  their  swords,  and  wounded  each  other 
mortally.  The  eldest  of  them  is  married,  the 
youngest  an  only  son,  and  they  are  both  expiring. 
The  wife  of  the  one,  and  the  father  of  the  other, 
informed  of  the  sa-d  disaster,  are  just  come  to 
them,  and  they  fill  the  neighbourhood  with  their 
complaints.       'Unfortunate   child,'    said    the    father, 


24  ASMODEVS:  OR. 

addressing  himself  to  his  son,  who  was  past  hearing 
him,  'how  often  have  I  advised  thee  to  leave  off 
play?  how  often  have  T  foretold  thee  that  it  would 
cost  thee  thy  life?  If  thou  diest  thus  unfortunately, 
I  here  call  Heaven  to  witness  it  is  not  my  fault.'  As 
for  the  poor  wife,  she  is  running  mad ;  though  her 
husband  hath,  by  his  gaming,  lost  all  the  fortune  she 
brought  him,  though  he  hath  sold  all  her  jewels,  and 
even  her  very  clothes,  she  is  inconsolable  for  the  loss 
of  him.  She  is  cursing  cards,  which  have  been  the 
cause  of  it ;  she  is  cursing  him  that  invented  them ;  she 
is  cursing  the  gaming-house  and  all  that  live  in  it," 

"  1  extremely  pity  people  that  are  raving  mad  for 
play,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "their  minds  are  often  in 
such  a  horrid  situation.  Thank  Heaven,  I  have  no- 
thing to  answer  for  upon  account  of  that  vice." — 
"  But  you  have  another  full  as  bad,"  replied  the 
devil.  "  Think  you  it  is  at  all  more  excusable  to 
give  yourself  up  to  common  prostitutes  ?  And  was 
not  3'ou  this  very  night  in  danger  of  being  killed  by 
bullies  .''  Really  I  admire  at  the  folly  of  mankind  ; 
their  ©\vn  faults  seem  trifles  to  them,  whereas  they 
look  at  those  of  others  through  a  microscope. 

"  Let  me  present  you  with  some  more  melancholy 
images,"  continued  Asmodeus.  "  OL.^erve  that  cor- 
pulent man,  strc.^aed  out  upon  a  bed  in  the  house 
just  by  the  gaming-house.  It  is  an  unfortunate 
canon,  who  just  now  fell  into  an  'ooplexy:  his 
nephew  and  niece,  far  fru^ii  affording  im  any  assist- 
ance, suffer  him  to  die  for  want  of  it,  and  are  seizing 
his  best  effects^  and  conveying  them  to  a  receiver  of 
stolen  goods  ;  after  which  they  will  be  wholly  at 
leisure  to  mourn  and  to  lament. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  25 

*'A  little  farther  you  see  two  men,  whom  they  are 
now  bur}-ing  :  they  are  two  brothers,  that  were  both 
sick  of  the  same  disease,  but  took  different  measures; 
one  of  them  relied,  with  an  entire  confidence,  on  his 
physician;  the  other  let  nature  take  her  course,  yet 
they  are  both  dead — the  former,  from  taking  all  the 
physic  the  doctor  ordered,  and  the  latter,  because  he 
would  take  nothing." 

"  This  is  very  perplexing,"  said  Leandro.  "  Alas  ! 
what  must,  then,  a  poor  sick  man  do?" — "That  is 
more  than  I  can  tell  you,"  replied  the  devil;  "I 
know  very  well  there  are  such  things  as  good  reme- 
dies, but  cannot  say  whether  there  are  any  good 
physicians. 

"  Let  us  change  the  scene,"  continued  he  ;  "  I  will 
show  you  something  more  diverting.  Do  not  you 
hear  a  frightful  din  in  the  street  ?  A  widow  of  sixty 
lias  this  morning  married  a  young  fellow  of  seven- 
teen, upon  which  all  the  merry  fellows  in  that 
quarter  are  met  together  to  celebrate  the  wedding, 
with  a  jangling  concert  of  pots,  fr\-ing-pans,  and 
kettles." — "You  told  me,"  interrupted  the  student, 
"  that  the  making  ridiculous  matches  was  your  pro- 
vince ;  yet  you  had  no  hand  in  this." — "  No,  truly," 
replied  the  cripple  ;  "  I  was  far  from  having  any 
hand  in  it,  for  I  was  confined  ;  but  had  I  been  at 
liberty,  I  would  not  have  meddled  in  it.  This 
widow  had  a  scrupulous  conscience,  and  only  mar- 
ried to  enjoy  her  darling  pleasures  without  remorse. 
I  never  make  such  marriages  ;  I  have  a  much  greater 
pleasure  in  troubling  consciences  than  in  setting  them 
at  rest." 

•'  Notwithstanding  the  din  of  this  burlesque  sere- 


26  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

nade,"  said  Zambullo, "  I  fancy  I  hear  another  noise." 
— "  Yes,"  answered  the  cripple,  "  it  comes  from  a 
tavern,  where  a  great  greasy  Dutch  captain,  a 
French  chorister,  and  a  German  officer  of  the 
guards  are  singing  a  three-part  song ;  they  have 
been  at  it  ever  since  eight  this  morning,  and  each 
of  them  fancies  it  is  for  the  honour  of  his  country 
to  make  the  two  others  drunk. 

"  Throw  your  eyes  a  moment  across  the  way  to  that 
house  that  stands  by  itself  over  against  the  canon's; 
you  will  see  three  famous  courtesans  making  a  de- 
bauch with  three  great  lords  of  the  court." — "  Ah, 
how  pretty  are  they  !  "  said  Don  Cleofas.  "  I  do  not 
wonder  that  men  of  quality  are  so  mad  after  them  ! 
How  they  embrace  them!  They  must  certainly  be 
deeply  in  love  with  them." — "How  young  and  in- 
experienced you  are  ! "  said  the  spirit.  "  You  do  not 
know  this  sort  of  ladies;  their  hearts  are  more  painted 
than  their  faces.  Whatever  marks  of  tenderness  they 
express,  yet  they  have  not  the  least  grain  of  it  for 
tiiose  lords.  They  caress  the  one  for  a  protection, 
and  the  two  others  for  settlements.  It  is  so  with  all 
coquettes  ;  and  though  men  very  fairly  ruin  them- 
selves for  them,  they  are  not  the  more  loved  by 
them  ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  whoever  pays  for  love 
is  treated  like  a  husband.  This  is  a  law  in  amorous 
intrigues  which  I  myself  have  established.  But  let 
us  leave  those  lords  to  taste  the  pleasures  they  so 
dearly  purchase,  whilst  their  footmen,  who  wait  for 
them  in  the  street,  comfort  themselves  in  the  pleas- 
ing expectation  of  enjoying  them  gratis." 

"  Pray  do  me  the  favour,"  interrupted  Leandro 
Perez,  "to  explain  another  picture  that  presents  itself 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  27 

before  me.  Everybody  is  still  up  in  that  great 
house  on  the  left.  What  is  the  meaning  that  some 
are  laughing  ready  to  burst,  and  others  dancing  ?  It 
must  be  some  great  festival,  sure." — "  It  is  a  wed- 
ding," said  the  cripple  ;  "  all  the  servants  are  making 
merry  ;  but  within  less  than  three  days,  that  very 
palace,  which  you  see  at  present  the  scene  of  so 
much  joy,  was  the  house  of  the  utmost  mourning. 
It  is  a  story  I  must  let  you  into  ;  indeed,  it  is  some- 
what long,  but  I  hope  you  will  not  think  it  tire- 
some."    At  the  same  time  he  thus  began. 


28     •  ASMODEUS:  OR, 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE    HISTORY   OF    THE    AMOURS    OF    THE    COUNT  DB 
BELFLOR    AND   OF  LEONORA    DE    CESPIDES. 

The  Count  de  Belflor,  one  of  the  most  considerable 
lords  of  the  court,  loved  young  Leonora  de  Cespides 
to  distraction,  but  never  intended  to  marry  her  :  the 
daughter  of  a  private  gentleman  did  not  seem  a 
match  considerable  enough  for  him,  for  which  reason 
he  only  proposed  to  make  a  mistress  of  her. 

It  was  with  this  design  that  he  pursued  her  wher- 
ever she  went,  and  lost  no  opportunity  of  discover- 
ing his  love,  by  the  extraordinary  respects  he  paid 
her;  but  he  could  neither  speak  nor  write  to  her,  she 
being  perpetually  guarded  by  a  severe  and  vigilant 
duenna,  whose  name  was  Madam  Marcella.  This 
drove  him  to  despair,  and  feeling  his  desires  irritated 
by  the  difficulty  of  attaining  them,  he  was  continu- 
ally projecting  ways  to  deceive  the  Argus  which 
guarded  his  lo.  On  the  other  side,  Leonora,  per- 
cei'Mng  the  Count's  regard  for  her,  could  not  help 
being  touched  with  the  same  tenderness  for  him, 
which  insensibly  formed  itself  into  such  a  passion 
in  her  heart,  as  at  last  grew  to  be  extremely  violent. 
I  did  not  indeed  augment  it  by  my  common  temp- 
tations, because  the  magician  who  kept  me  prisoner 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  29 

denied  me  the  use  of  all  my  functions  ,  but  nature, 
no  less  dangerous  than  myself,  engaged  in  it,  and 
that  was  enough.  And  indeed  all  the  difference 
that  there  is  betwixt  her  and  me  is,  that  nature  cor- 
rupts hearts  by  slow  degrees,  whilst  I  seduce  them 
expedi'iously. 

Affairs  were  in  this  posture,  when  Leonora  and  her 
perpetual  governante,  going  one  morning  to  church, 
met  an  old  woman  with  one  of  the  largest  strings  of 
beads  that  ever  hypocrisy  yet  made.  Accosting  them 
with  a  pleasant  smiling  air,  she  thus  addressed  herself 
to  the  duenna  :  "  The  good  God  preserve  yeu  !  "  said 
she  ;  "  the  holy  peace  be  with  you  !  Give  me  leave 
to  ask  whether  you  are  not  Madam  Marceiia,  the 
chaste  widow  of  the  late  Signor  Martin  Rosetta.^" 
The  governante  having  answered,  Yes;  "You  are 
luckily  met  then,"  replied  the  old  woman  ;  "  and  I  am 
to  acquaint  you,  that  I  liave  at  home  an  old  relation 
of  mine,  who  is  very  desirous  to  speak  with  you.  He 
is  lately  arrived  from  Flanders,  was  your  husband's 
most  intimate  friend,  and  has  some  particulars  of  the 
utmost  importance  to  communicate  to  you.  He  had 
waited  on  you,  if  he  had  not  been  prevented  by  a  fit 
of  sickness  that  has  reduced  him  to  the  point  of  death. 
I  live  not  half  a  stone's  throw  from  hence;  I  beseech 
you  to  take  the  trouble  of  following  me." 

The  governante,  who  wanted  not  prudence  and  good 
sense,  being  afraid  of  a  false  step,  knew  not  what  to 
resolve  on  ;  but  the  old  woman,  guessing  the  reason 
of  her  uneasiness, said  to  her:  "  Dear  Madam  Marceiia, 
you  may  securely  rely  upon  me :  my  name  is  La 
Chicona  ;  the  licentiate  Marcos  de  Figueroa,  and  the 
curate  Mira  de  Mesqua,  will  answer  for  me  as  soon  as 


30  A£  MODE  US:  OR, 

for  their  grandmothers.  I  do  not  desire  you  to  come 
to  my  house  for  anything  but  your  own  good.  My 
relation  is  willing  to  restore  you  a  sum  of  money 
which  he  borrowed  of  your  husband."  The  very 
thoughts  of  restitution  engaged  Marcella  on  her  side. 
"  Come,  girl,"  said  she  to  Leonora,  "  let  us  go  see  this 
good  lady's  relation  ;  to  visit  the  sick  is  an  act  of 
charity."  They  soon  reached  La  Chicona's  house, 
and  were  led  into  a  lower  room,  where  they  found  a 
man  in  bed  with  a  gray  beard,  and  if  he  was  not  really 
very  sick,  he  at  least  feigned  himself  so.  "  Cousin," 
said  the  old  woman, presenting  to  him  thegovernante, 
"here  is  the  lady  you  desired  to  speak  with,  Madam 
Marcella,  the  widow  of  your  friend,  Signer  Martin 
Rosetta."  At  these  words,  the  old  man,  lifting  up 
his  head  a  little,  saluted  the  duenna,  and  making 
signs  for  her  to  come  nearer  the  bedside,  said  in  a 
feeble  tone  :  "  I  thank  Heaven,  dear  Madam  Marcella, 
for  prolonging  my  life  to  this  moment,  which  was  the 
only  thing  I  desired ;  I  feared  I  should  have  died 
without  the  satisfaction  of  seeing  you,  and  putting 
into  your  own  hands  an  hundred  ducats,  which  my 
intimate  friend,  your  late  husband,  lent  me  to  help 
me  out  of  an  honourable  quarrel  I  was  formerly 
engaged  in  at  Bruges.  Did  he  never  acquaint  you 
with  that  adventure  .-'" 

"  Alas  !  no,"  answered  Madam  Marcella,  "  he  never 
mentioned  it.  God  rest  his  soul !  he  was  generous 
enough  to  forget  the  services  he  did  his  friends  ;  and, 
very  unlike  those  boasters  who  brag  of  what  they  never 
did,  he  never  told  when  he  obliged  any  person." — 
"  He  certainly  had  a  very  great  soul,"  replied  the  old 
man;  "a  truth  which  I  am  more  firmly  engaged  to 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  31 

believe  than  any  man  else ;  and  to  prove  it  to  you, 
}-ou  must  give  me  leave  to  relate  the  affair  out  of 
which  I  was  so  happily  extricated  by  his  assistance  ; 
but  having  something  to  disclose  of  the  last  importance 
witli  regard  to  the  memory  of  the  deceased,  I  should 
be  very  glad  of  an  opportunity  of  revealing  them  to 
his  discreet  widow  alone." 

"  Very  well,"  said  La  Chicona,  "  that  you  may  have 
the  better  opportunity  of  discoursing  her  in  private, 
this  young  lady  and  I  will  retire  to  my  closet."  At 
these  words  she  left  the  duenna  with  the  sick  man, 
and  conducted  Leonora  into  another  chamber,  where, 
without  any  circumlocution,  she  said  :  "  Fair  Leonora, 
the  moments  are  too  precious  to  be  misspent.  You 
know  the  Count  de  Belflor  by  sight ;  he  has  long  loved 
you,  and,  languishing,  dies  for  an  opportunity  to  tell 
you  so ;  but  the  vigilance  and  severity  of  j  our  gover- 
nante  have  always  hindered  him  from  enjo\'ing  that 
satisfaction.  In  this  despair  he  had  recourse  to  my 
industry,  which  I  have  made  use  of  for  him.  The  old 
man  whom  you  have  just  now  seen  is  the  Count's 
young  va/ef  de  cJiavibrc,  and  all  that  hath  been  done 
is  only  a  trick  to  deceive  your  governante  and  draw 
you  hither." 

These  words  were  no  sooner  ended  than  the  Count, 
who  was  concealed  behind  the  hangings,  appeared, 
and  throwing  himself  at  Leonora's  feet :  "  Madam," 
said  he,  "  pardon  the  stratagem  of  a  lover,  who  could 
no  longer  live  without  speaking  to  you  ,  if  this  obh'g- 
ing  matron  had  not  produced  me  this  opportunity, 
I  should  have  abandoned  myself  to  despair."  These 
words,  expressed  with  a  moving  air  by  a  person  not 
at  all  disagreeable  to  her,  highly  perplexed  Leonora ; 


32  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

she  continued  for  some  time  doubtful  what  answer 
she  ought  to  make  ;  but  at  last  recovering  herself  and 
looking  displeased  at  the  Count,  said  :  "  Perhaps  you 
believe  yourself  very  much  obliged  to  this  officious 
lady,  who  has  so  well  served  your  purpose,  but  her 
designs  to  serve  you  shall  prove  ineffectual." 

At  these  words  she  made  several  steps  to  get  out  of 
the  room  ;  but  the  Count  stopped  her.  "  Stay,"  said 
he,  "  adorable  Leonora,  hear  me  one  moment ;  my 
passion  is  so  pure  that  it  ought  not  to  alarm  you.  I 
own  you  have  some  grounds  to  oppose  the  artifice 
which  I  have  made  use  of  to  converse  with  you  ;  but 
have  I  not  till  this  day  in  vain  endeavoured  to  speak 
to  you  .''  I  have  followed  you  these  six  months  to  the 
churches,  walks,  and  all  public  places.  I  have  long  in 
vain  watched  an  opportunity  of  telling  you  how  you 
have  charmed  me  ;  your  cruel,  your  merciless  gover- 
ness has  continually  frustrated  my  designs.  Alas, 
then,  instead  of  turning  the  stratagem  which  I  have 
been  forced  to  employ  into  a  crime,  commiserate,  fair 
Leonora,  my  suffering  all  the  tortures  of  such  a 
tedious  expectation,  and  judge  by  your  charms  the 
mortal  pangs  they  have  occasioned." 

Belflor  did  not  forget  to  reinforce  his  words  with  all 
the  airs  of  persuasion  which  gallant  men  are  used  to 
practise  with  success,  accompanj-ing  his  words  with 
some  tears  ;  with  which  Leonora  began  to  be  touched, 
and,  in  despite  of  her  resolution,  some  tender  compas- 
sionate emotions  began  to  arise  in  her  heart ;  but  far 
from  yielding  to  them,  the  more  she  perceived  them 
to  grow,  the  more  she  pressed  to  be  gone.  "  Count," 
said  she,  "  all  your  talk  is  in  vain,  I  will  not  hear  you  ; 
do  not  detain  me  any  longer,  but  let  me  go  out  of  a 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  33 

house  in  which  my  virtue  is  so  rudely  attacked,  or  by 
my  cries  I  will  call  in  all  the  neighbourhood  and  expose 
your  audaciousness  to  the  public."  This  she  uttered 
in  such  a  resolute  tone  that  La  Chicona,  who  was 
obliged  to  stand  in  awe  of  the  magistracy,  begged  of 
the  Count  iiot  to  push  things  any  farther.  Upon  which 
he  forbore  opposing  Leonora's  intention,  who  got  out 
of  his  hands,  and  (what  had  never  before  happened 
to  3n\y  virgin)  quitted  the  closet  as  good  a  maid 
as  she  entered  it. 

She  immediately  flew  to  her  governante.  "  Come, 
good  matron,"  said  she,  "leave  off  your  foolish  dia- 
logue ;  we  are  cheated,  let  us  quit  this  dangerous 
house." — "  What  is  the  matter,  child  ? "  with  amaze- 
ment answered  Madam  Marcella.  "What  is  the 
reason  of  your  so  hasty  departure  ?" — "  I  will  inform 
you,"  replied  Leonora  ;  "  but  let  us  fly,  for  every 
minute  1  stay  here  gives  me  fresh  uneasiness."  How- 
ever earnest  the  duenna  was  to  know  the  cause  of  this 
hasty  departure,  she  could  not  then  be  satisfied,  but 
was  obliged  to  yield  to  the  instances  of  Leonora. 
They  both  went  away  in  a  Imrry,  leaving  La  Chicona, 
the  Count,  and  his  valet  dec]ianibre\x\  as  great  con- 
fusion as  a  parcel  of  players  obliged  to  act  a  piece  that 
has  already  been  damned  by  the  critics. 

When  Leonora  was  got  into  the  street,  with  a 
great  deal  of  inward  disturbance  she  began  to  tell 
her  governante  what  passed  in  La  Chicona's  closet. 
Madam  Aiarcella  was  very  attentive ;  and  when 
the}'  had  reached  their  own  house,  "  I  protest,  my 
daughter,"  said  she,  "  I  am  extremely  mortified  at 
the  thoughts  of  what  you  have  just  informed  me. 
How  was  it  possibie  for  me  to  be  deluded  by  that 

C 


34  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

old  woman  ?  At  first  I  made  a  difficulty  of  following- 
her.  Oh,  that  I  had  continued  in  the  same  opinion!  I 
ought  to  have  mistrusted  her  flattering  wheedles.  I 
have  committed  a  folly  not  to  be  forgiven  in  a  person 
of  my  experience.  Ah!  why  did  not  you  discover  this 
plot  whilst  I  was  at  La  Chicona's  house?  I  would 
have  scratched  out  her  eyes,  called  the  Count  de 
Belflor  by  all  the  names  I  could  have  thought  on, 
and  tore  off  the  beard  ©f  the  counterfeit  old  man  who 
told  me  so  many  lies.  But  I  will  this  minute  return 
with  the  money  which  I  received  as  a  real  restitution 
of  what  I  supposed  my  husband  had  lent  ;  and  if  I 
find  them  together,  they  shall  not  lose  by  sta}'ing  for 
me."  These  words  ended,  she  put  on  her  veil  which 
she  had  laid  by,  flew  out,  and  made  the  best  of  her 
wa}'  to  La  Chicona's  house. 

The  Count  was  yet  there,  and,  by  the  ill  success  of 
his  stratagem,  reduced  almost  to  despair.  Another 
would  have  quitted  the  pursuit,  but  he  was  not  dis- 
couraged ;  for,  with  a  thousand  good  qualities,  he  had 
one  very  bad  one,  which  was,  the  suffering  himself  to 
be  too  much  hurried  on  by  his  amorous  inclinations. 
Whenever  he  loved  a  lady,  he  was  too  warm  in  the 
pursuit  of  her  favours;  and,  though  naturally  an 
honest  man,  he  made  no  scruples  of  violating  the 
most  sacred  laws  to  accomplish  his  desires.  Con- 
sidering, then,  that  it  was  impossible  for  him  to  gain 
his  end  without  the  assistance  of  Madam  Marcella, 
he  resolved  to  leave  no  means  unattempted  to  engage 
her  in  his  interest.  He  concluded  that  this  duenna, 
how  severe  soever  she  appeared,  was  not  proof  against 
a  considerable  present ;  and  indeed  his  opinion  was 
not  unjust,  for  if  there  are  any  such  things  as  trusty 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  35 

governantes,  the  only  reason  is  that  the  gallants  are 
not  rich  enough  to  make  sufficient  presents. 

Madam  Marcella  was  no  sooner  arrived  but,  finding 
those  she  wished  for  there,  she  opened  in  a  very  out- 
rageous manner,  loading  the  Count  and  La  Chicona 
with  a  million  of  hard  names,  and  made  the  restitu- 
tion sum  fly  at  the  head  of  the  vaUt  de  chambre. 
The  Count  attempted  to  appease  this  storm  with 
patience,  and  throwing  himself  at  the  duenna's  feet, 
to  render  the  scene  more  moving,  he  pressed  her  to 
take  the  purse  again,  and  offered  her  a  thousand 
pistoles  besides,  conjuring  her  to  have  pity  on  him. 
As  her  compassion  had  never  been  so  powerfully 
solicited,  so  she  did  not  prove  inexorable.  She  soon 
quitted  her  invectives,  and  comparing  the  offered  sum 
with  the  mean  recompense  she  expected  from  Don 
Lewis,  she  easily  found  it  was  more  for  her  interest 
to  draw  Leonora  from  her  duty,  than  preserve  her  in 
it ;  which  engaged  her,  after  a  few  complimental  re- 
fusals, to  take  up  the  purse  again,  accept  the  offer  of 
the  thousand  pistoles,  promise  to  be  subservient  to  the 
Count's  passion,  and  immediately  prepare  for  a  per- 
formance of  her  promise. 

Knowing  Leonora  to  be  a  virtuous  young  lady,  she 
very  carefully  avoided  giving  her  the  least  suspicion 
of  her  correspondence  with  the  Count,  for  fear  she 
should  discover  it  to  Don  Lewis,  her  father  ;  and  being 
resolved  on  more  subtle  measures  to  ruin  her,  she  thus 
addressed  herself  at  her  return :  "  Leonora,  I  have 
just  now  satisfied  my  enraged  mind ;  I  have  found 
the  three  villainous  deceivers  confounded  at  your 
courageous  retreat.  I  threatened  La  Chicona  with 
your   father's    resentment,   and    the    most    rigorous 


36  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

severity  of  the  law ;  J  called  the  Count  de  Belflor 

all  the  ill  names  which  rage  could  suggest,  and 
hope  that  lord  will  no  more  be  guilty  of  any  such 
attempts,  and  that  his  intrigues  will  no  more  exercise 
my  vigilance.  I  thank  Heaven  that,  by  your  resolu- 
tion, you  have  escaped  the  net  which  was  spread  for 
you.  I  weep  for  joy,  I  am  ravished  to  think  he  has 
not  been  able  to  gain  any  advantage  over  you  by  this 
straiagem  ;  for  great  lords  make  it  their  diversion 
to  sedace  young  ladies.  Most  of  those  who  value 
themselves  on  preserving  the  strictest  degree  of 
probity,  are  not  scrupulous  on  this  head,  as  though 
the  dishonouring  of  families  were  no  ill  act.  I  do 
not  absolutely  say  that  the  Count  is  a  man  of  this 
character,  nor  that  he  aims  at  deceiving  you  ;  we 
must  not  always  judge  ill  of  our  neighbours,  perhaps 
his  designs  are  honourable ;  though  his  quality 
entitles  him  to  ti.e  best  match  at  court,  your  beauty 
may  yet  have  made  him  resolved  to  marry  you.  I 
remember  also,  in  tlie  answers  he  made  to  the  hard 
words  I  gave  him,  he  hinted  it  to  me." 

"  What  do  }Ou  say,  good  governante  ?  "  interrupted 
Leonora;  "if  he  had  any  such  intention,  he  would 
before  now  have  asked  me  of  my  father,  who  would 
never  have  denied  a  man  of  his  quality." — "What 
you  say  is  very  just,"  replied  the  duenna;  "I  am 
of  your  mind;  the  course  wiMch  the  Count  took  is 
suspicious,  or,  rather,  his  intentions  were  ill.  I  am 
almost  in  the  mind  to  return  l:o  him.  and  scold  at 
him  afresh." — "  No,  good  madam,"  replied  Leonora, 
*'  it  is  better  to  forget  what  is  pasi  and  revenge  it  by 
contempt." — "It  is  true,"  said  MarcoHa,  "I  think  that 
is  the  best  way  ;  you  are  wiser  than  I.     But,  on  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  yj 

other  side,  let  us  not  judge  amiss  of  the  Count's 
sentiments.  How  do  we  know  but  he  took  that 
course  as  the  most  refined  way  of  discovering  his 
passion  ?  Before  obtaining  your  father's  consent, 
perhaps  he  was  fond  of  obtaining  your  favour,  and 
securing  your  heart  by  long  services,  that  your  union 
might  thereby  be  rendered  more  charming.  If  so, 
my  daughter,  would  it  be  a  great  crime  to  hearken 
to  him  ?  Unbosom  yourself,  you  know  my  tender 
affection  for  you.  Are  you  sensible  of  any  alteration 
in  favour  of  the  Count .''  or  would  you,  if  it  was  put 
to  you,  refuse  to  marry  him  ] " 

At  this  malicious  question  the  too  sincere  Leonora 
cast  down  her  eyes,  and,  blushing,  owned  that  she 
had  no  aversion  for  him,  but  modesty  prevented  her 
farther  discovering  herself ;  the  duenna  pressed  her 
afresh  to  hide  nothing  from  her.  She,  overpowered 
by  the  governante's  tender  professions,  went  on. 
'*  Good  Marcella,"  said  she,  "  since  you  would  have 
me  talk  to  you  as  my  confidante,  know  that  I  think 
Belflor  deserves  to  be  loved  ;  I  liked  his  mien  so 
well,  and  withal  have  heard  such  an  advantageous 
character  of  him,  that  I  could  not  help  being  touched 
with  his  addresses.  The  indefatigable  care  which 
you  always  took  to  oppose  them  hath  frequently 
given  me  great  uneasiness ;  and  I  own  that  I  have 
silently  deplored,  and  in  some  measure  repaid  with 
my  tears,  the  pains  your  vigilance  has  forced  him  to 
bear.  I  will  farther  own  to  you  at  this  very  moment, 
that  instead  of  hating  him  after  this  rash  attempt, 
my  heart,  against  my  will,  excuses  him,  and  throws 
the  fault  on  your  severity." — "  Daughter,"  replied  the 
governante,  '*  since  you  give  me  leave  to  believe  his 


38  ASMODBUS:  OR, 

addresses  will  be  agreeable  to  you,  I  will  manage 
this  lover  for  you." — "  I  am  very  sensible,"  answered, 
Leonora,  in  a  more  moving  tone,  "of  the  service  you 
are  willing  to  render  me.  If  the  Count  was  not  one 
of  the  grandees  of  the  first  rank  at  court — was  he 
only  a  bare  gentleman,  I  should  prefer  him  to  all 
men ;  but  let  us  not  flatter  ourselves.  Belflor  is  a 
great  lord,  and,  doubtless,  is  designed  for  one  of  the 
richest  heiresses  in  the  kingdom.  Do  not  let  us 
expect  that  he  will  ever  descend  to  Don  Lewis's 
daughter,  who  has  but  a  mean  fortune  to  offer  him. 
No,  no,"  adds  she,  "he  has  no  such  favourable 
thought  of  me ;  he  does  not  think  me  worth  bearing 
his  name,  and  pursues  me  only  to  dishonour  me." — 
"Ah!  wherefore,"  said  the  duenna,  "will  you  think 
he  does  not  love  you  well  enough  to  marry  you  ? 
Love  daily  works  greater  miracles  than  that.  You 
seem  to  imagine  that  heaven  hath  set  an  infinite 
distance  betwixt  the  Count  and  you.  Do  yourself 
more  justice,  Leonora, — it  would  not  be  below  him 
to  join  his  fortune  to  yours  ;  you  are  of  an  ancient 
noble  family,  and  your  alliance  could  never  put  him 
to  the  blush.  Since  you  have  some  inclinations 
towards  him,"  continued  she,  "  I  must  talk  with  him  ; 
I  will  examine  his  intentions,  and  if  I  find  them  such 
as  they  ought  to  be,  I  will  encourage  them  with  some 
hopes." — "  Oh,  take  care  how  you  do  that,"  replied 
Leonora ;  "  I  am  of  opinion  you  ought  not  to  go  in 
search  of  him  ;  if  he  should  suspect  my  having  any 
hand  in  it,  he  would  cease  to  value  me." — "  Oh,  I  am 
a  woman  of  more  address  than  you  imagine,"  replied 
Marcella.  "  I  will  begin  with  accusing  him  of  a 
design  to  seduce  you,  upon  which  he  will  not  fail 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  39 

to  justify  himself;  I  will  hear  him,  and  shall  see 
the  event.  In  short,  my  daughter,  leave  it  to  me; 
I'll  manage  your  honour  as  cautiously  as  if  it  were 
my  own." 

The  duenna  went  out  at  the  beginning  of  the  night. 
She  found  Belflor  near  Don  Lewis's  house,  and  gave 
him  an  account  of  her  discourse  with  her  mistress, 
not  forgetting  to  value  herself  on  her  conduct  in  the 
discovery  of  the  lady's  passion  for  him.  Nothing 
could  oblige  the  Count  more  than  this  news  ;  where- 
fore, he  expressed  his  thanks  to  Marcella  in  the  most 
sensible  manner ;  that  is,  he  promised  to  give  her 
the  thousand  pistoles  on  the  next  day,  assuring  him- 
self of  the  success  of  his  enterprise ;  very  well  know- 
ing, that  a  woman  prepossessed  is  half  seduced. 
They  then  parted,  very  well  satisfied  with  each  other, 
the  duenna  returning  home. 

Leonora,  who  impatiently  expected  her,  asked 
what  news  she  had  brought.  "The  best  that  you 
could  ever  hear,"  answered  the  governante ;  "  all 
things  succeed  the  best  in  the  world.  I  have  seen 
the  Count ;  I  can  tell  you  that  his  intentions  are 
not  ill, — he  has  no  other  design  but  that  of  marrying 
you.  This  he  swore  to  me  by  all  that  is  sacred 
among  men.  You  may  perhaps  imagine  that  I 
yielded  to  him  upon  this,  but  I  assure  you  I  did 
not.' — 'If  you  are  thus  resolved,'  said  I,  'why  don't 
you  make  the  usual  application  to  Don  Lewis .'' ' — 
'Ah,  dear  Marcella,*  said  he,  without  appearing  dis- 
turbed at  this  question,  'could  you  think  it  proper 
for  me  to  obtain  her  father's  good  will  before  I  was 
assured  how  she  stood  inclined  towards  me;  and, 
considering  nothing- but   the    transports   of  a   blind 


46  ASMOD^US:  OR, 

passion,  endeavour  tyrannically  to  obtain  her  of  her 
father  ?  No ;  her  ease  is  dearer  to  me  than  my  own 
desires ;  and  I  am  too  much  a  man  of  honour  to 
build  my  happiness  on  her  misfortunes.' 

"Durini,^  these  expressions  of  his,"  continued  tlie 
duenna,  ''■  I  observed  him  with  the  utmost  attention, 
and  emp!o\-ed  all  my  experience  in  discovering  by 
his  eyes  whether  his  love  was  so  sincere  as  he  repre- 
sented it.  What  shall  I  say  ?  He  seemed  touched 
with  a  real  passion,  and  I  with  a  joy  which,  without 
much  difficulty,  I  could  not  conceal.  Being-  then 
satisfied  with  his  sincerity,  I  thought  it  not  improper 
to  glance  at  your  sentiments  with  regard  to  him,  in 
order  to  secure  you  such  a  considercible  lover.  'My 
lord,'  sa.a  I  to  him,  'Leonora  hath  no  aversion  to 
you  ;  and,  so  far  as  I  can  judge,  your  add  esses  are 
not  insupportable  to  her.' — 'Great  God!'  exclaimed 
he  then  all  in  a  rapture,  'what  do  I  hear.?  Is  it 
possible  that  the  charming  Leonora  should  entertain 
any  fav^ourable  thoughts  of  me  ?  How  much  am  I 
indebted  to  you,  most  obliging  Marcella,  for  having 
rid  me  of  such  a  tedious  uncertainty — you  who,  by  a 
continual  opposition,  have  loaded  me  with  so  many 
torments !  But,  dear  Marcella,  complete  my  bliss, 
by  obliging  me  with  an  opportunity  of  speaking  with 
the  divine  Leonora ;  I  will  solemnly  promise  and 
swear  before  you,  that  I  will  never  be  any  other's 
but  hers.' 

"To  this,"  pursued  the  governante,  "he  added  yet 
more   moving  asseverations;   in   short,  daughter,  he 
entreated  me  in  such  a  pressing  manner  to  procure 
him  a  private  opportunity  of  speaking  to  you,  that  I  • 
could  not  avoid  promising  to  accomplish  it." — "Ah, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  41 

why  did  }-ou  promise  him  that?"  repHed  Leonora, 
somewhat  disturbed  "With  how  much  care  have 
you  inculcated  this  doctrine  into  me,  that  a  prudent 
virgin  ought  industriously  to  shun  all  dangerous 
conversations  ? " — "  I  agree  to  what  you  say,''  replied 
the  duenna,  "and  it  is  a  very  good  maxim  ;  but  you 
may  lawfully  dispense  with  it  on  this  occasion,  since 
)ou  may  look  on  the  Count  as  your  husband." — "  He 
is  not  so  yet,"  replied  Leonora  ;  "  and  I  ought  not  to 
sec  him  before  my  father  allows  of  his  suit." 

Madam  Marcella  now  began  to  repent  the  good 
education  she  iiad  bestowed  on  the  young  lady,  since 
she  found  it  so  difficult  to  subdue  her  virtue,  but 
yet  resolved  to  compass  her  end.  cost  what  it  would. 
"  My  dear  Leonora,"  said  she,  "  I  applaud  myself 
when  I  see  you  so  reserved.  Oh,  happy  fruit  of  my 
cares !  You  have  profited  by  all  the  rules  I  have 
given  you  ;  I  am  charmed  with  my  own  work  !  But, 
my  daughter,  you  exaggerate  what  I  have  taught, 
you  strain  my  morals  too  severely,  and  your  virtue 
is  indeed  a  little  too  rude.  Though  I  am  fond  of  a 
strict  severity,  yet  I  cannot  approve  of  a  brutish,  ill- 
mannered  caution,  indistinguishably  and  indififerently 
levelled  against  guilt  and  innocence.  A  virgin  doth 
not  abandon  her  virtue  by  affording  her  ear  to  a 
lover,  of  the  purity  of  whose  desires  she  is  satisfied  ; 
in  which  case,  it  is  no  more  criminal  to  answer  his 
passion  than  it  is  to  be  sensible  of  it.  Depend  upon 
me,  Leonora  ;  I  have  too  much  experience,  and  am 
too  deeply  engaged  in  your  interests,  to  draw  you 
into  any  measures  prejudicial  to  you." 

"Alas!  where  would  you  have  me  speak  with  the 
Count ,? "  said  Leonora.     "  In  your  own  apartment," 


42  ASMODEVS:  OR, 

replied  the  duenna,  "for  that  is  the  safest  place; 
I  will  introduce  him  to-morrow  night."  —  "Good 
Marcella,"  replied  Leonora,  "shall  I  then  admit  a 
man  ?" — "Yes,  you  shall  admit  him,"  interrupted  the 
duenna;  "it  is  no  such  extraordinary  thing  as  you 
imagine,  it  is  done  every  day,  and  I  send  up  my 
wishes  to  Heaven  that  the  maidens  wh^  receive  such 
visits  may  be  fortified  with  as  good  intentions  as 
yours.  Besides,  what  have  you  to  fear.?  shall  not  I 
be  with  you  ?  " — "  If  my  father  should  surprise  us  .-'  " 
replied  Leonora.  "  Never  disturb  yourself  in  the 
least  about  that,"  returned  Marcella;  "\'our  father 
is  perfectly  satisfied  in  your  conduct,  l^nows  my 
fidelity,  and  reposes  an  entire  confidence  iu  me." 
Upon  this,  Leonora  being  so  violently  pushed  on  by 
the  duenna,  and  inwardly  pressed  by  her  love,  was 
no  longer  able  to  hold  out,  but  yielded  to  Ma.jclla's 
proposal. 

The  Count  was  immediately  informed  of  it,  and 
so  joyfully  received  the  news  that  he  instantly  pre- 
sented his  female  agent  with  five  hundred  pistoles, 
and  a  ring  of  the  like  value;  and  she,  accordingly, 
finding  him  such  a  strict  observer  of  his  word,  re- 
solved not  to  fail  in  the  performance  of  her  promise. 
So  that  next  night,  as  soon  as  she  imagined  the 
family  asleep,  she  fastened  to  the  balcony  a  silken 
ladder  which  the  Count  had  given  her,  and  by  that 
means  introduced  the  impatient  lover  into  his  mis- 
tress's apartment. 

In  the  meanwhile  the  young  lady  was  wholly 
taken  up  with  a  series  of  melancholy  reflections, 
which  very  much  disturbed  her.  Notwithstanding 
her   inclination    for   the    Count,  and   whatever    her 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  43 

governante  could  say,  she  blamed  her  easy  consent 
to  a  visit  that  would  violate  her  duty.  The  purity  of 
his  intentions  did  not  make  her  easy.  To  receive  a 
man  into  her  chamber  by  night,  whose  real  senti- 
ments she  was  ignorant  of,  and  withal  without  her 
father's  knowledge,  seemed  to  her  not  only  criminal, 
but  also  what  might  render  her  contemptible  in  her 
lover's  eyes.  It  was  this  last  reflection  which  most 
tormented  her,  and  she  was  extremely  full  of  it  when 
the  Count  entered. 

He  immediately  fell  on  his  knees,  to  thank  her  for 
the  favour  she  did  him.  He  appeared  thoroughly 
touched  with  love  and  acknowledgment,  and  assured 
her  of  his  intentions  to  marry  her;  but  not  express- 
ing himself  so  satisfactorily  on  that  head  as  she 
uesired,  "  Count,"  said  she,  "  I  am  willing  to  believe 
that  you  have  no  other  design  than  what  you  have 
told  me,  but  whatever  assurances  you  can  give  me,  I 
shall  always  suspect  them  till  they  are  authorised  by 
my  father's  consent." — "  Madam,"  answered  Belflor, 
"  I  had  long  since  asked  that,  if  I  had  not  feared  the 
obtaining  it  at  the  expense  of  your  repose." — "I  do 
not  blame  you  for  not  having  yet  done  it,"  replied 
Leonora,  "  but  even  approve  these  m.ore  refined  punc- 
tilios of  your  love  ;  but  nothing  at  present  hinders 
you,  and  you  must  speak  to  my  father  as  soon  as 
possible,  or  resolve  never  to  see  me  more." 

"Ah!  why  never  see  you  more,  »harming  Leo- 
nora ?  "  replied  the  Count.  "  How  little  sensible  are 
you  of  the  pleasures  of  love  !  If  you  knew  what  it 
was  to  love  as  well  as  I,  you  would  be  pleased  with 
my  disclosing  my  pains  in  secret,  and  at  least  con- 
ceal them  for  some  time  firom  your  father's  know- 


44  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

\edgt.  Oh,  how  great  are  the  charms  of  such  a  private 
correipondence  betwixt  two  hearts  firmly  united  !  " — 
"They  may  prove  so  to  you,"  said  Leonora,  "but  they 
can  be  no  other  than  torments  to  me.  Such  subtle 
distinctions  of  tenderness  very  ill  become  a  virtuous 
maiden:  boast  therefore  no  more  of  the  delights  of 
a  guilty  commerce,  which,  if  you  valued  me,  you 
would  not  have  offered ;  and  if  your  intentions  are 
really  such  as  you  would  persuade  me  they  are,  you 
ought  from  the  bottom  of  your  soul  to  blame  my 
hearing  such  offers  so  patiently.  But,  alas  !  "  adds 
she,  letting  fall  some  tears,  "  it  is  to  my  weakness 
alone  that  this  crime  ought  to  be  imputed  ;  I  have 
indeed  deserved  it  by  doing  what  I  have  done  for  you." 

"  Adorable  Leonora,"  cried  the  Count,  "  you  wrong 
me  extremely  ;  your  too  scrupulous  virtue  takes 
false  alarms.  Why  should  you  fear  because  I  have 
been  so  happy  as  to  prevail  on  you  to  favour  my 
love,  that  I  should  cease  to  value  you  ?  How  unjust 
is  this !  No,  madam,  I  am  sensible  of  the  full  value 
of  your  favours.  They  can  never  deprive  you  of  my 
esteem.  I  am  therefore  ready  to  do  what  you  expect 
of  me,  and  will  speak  to  Signor  Don  Lewis  to-morrow. 
I  will  use  my  utmost  endeavour  to  obtain  his  consent 
to  my  happiness ;  but  I  must  not  omit  telling  you 
that  I  see  but  small  hopes  of  it." — "  How  ! "  replied 
Leonora,  extremely  surprised,  "  can  my  father  pos- 
sibly refuse  his  consent  to  a  man  of  your  character 
and  quality  at  court  ?" — "It  is  that  very  quality  and 
character  which  makes  me  fear  a  denial.  You  are  in 
a  surprise  at  what  I  say ;  but  I  will  rid  you  of  it. 

"  Some  days  past  the  king  declared  he  was  re- 
solved to  marry  me.     He   hath  not  yet  named  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  45 

lady  he  designs  me  for,  but  has  only  given  me  to 
understand  that  she  is  one  of  the  best  matches  at 
court,  and  that  he  is  firmly  bent  upon  it.  Not  know- 
ing at  that  time  what  sentiments  you  might  have 
with  regard  to  me  (for  you  very  well  know  that 
your  rigorous  severity  never  before  allowed  me  an 
opportunity  of  discovering  myself),  I  did  not  show 
any  averseness  to  obey  his  will.  After  this,  judge 
madam,  whether  Don  Lewis  would  run  the  risk  of 
the  king's  displeasure  by  accepting  me  for  his  son-in- 
law," 

"  No,  doubtless,"  said  Leonora  ;  "  I  know  my  father, 
how  great  soever  the  advantages  of  your  alliance 
might  prove,  would  choose  rather  to  renounce  it  than 
expose  himself  to  the  king's  displeasure.  But  if  my 
father  should  not  oppose  our  union,  we  should  not  yet 
be  the  happier  ;  for,  in  short.  Count,  how  can  you  give 
me  a  hand  which  the  king  has  engaged  elsewhere?" 
— "Madam,"  answered  Belflor,  ''  I  own  sincerely  that  I 
at  present  labour  under  a  very  great  difficulty  on 
that  side,  but  yet  hope  that  by  an  even  and  very 
prudent  conduct  with  regard  to  his  majesty,  I  shall 
so  well  manage  his  favours  and  friendship  for  me  as 
to  invent  a  way  to  avoid  a  misfortune  with  which 
I  am  so  unexpectedly  threatened.  You  yourself, 
beautiful  Leonora,  may  assist  me  herein,  if  you 
think  me  worth  joining  to  you." — "Ah!  in  what 
manner,  said  she,  "  can  I  contribute  to  the  breaking 
off  the  match  which  the  king  has  proposed  to  you  ?  " 
— "Ah,  madam,"  reph'ed  he  with  a  passionate  air,  "if 
you  please  to  receive  my  troth,  which  I  offer  to 
plight  to  you,  I  can  p'  rve  myself  for  you  without 
incurring  the  king's         leasure. 


46  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"  Permit,  adorable  Leonora,"  added  he,  kneelini;, 
"that  I  espouse  you  in  the  presence  of  Madam  Mar- 
cella,  and  let  her  be  witness  of  the  sanctity  of  our 
engagement;  by  this  means  I  shall  easily  escape  that 
miserable  knot  that  is  preparing  for  me :  for  after 
that,  whenever  the  king  presses  me  to  accept  the 
lady  he  designs  for  me,  I  have  nothing  to  do  but  pros- 
trate myself  at  the  feet  of  my  prince,  and  inform  him 
that  I  have  long  loved  and  secretly  married  you. 
However  desirous  he  may  be  to  marry  me  to  an- 
other, he  is  yet  too  gracious  to  snatch  me  from  her 
whom  I  adore,  and  too  just  to  offer  this  affront  to 
your  family. 

"  What  do  you  think,  discreet  Marcella  ?  "  adds  he, 
turning  to  the  governante  ;  "  what  is  your  opinion 
of  this  project,  with  which  love  has  this  minute  in- 
spired me?" — "I  am  charmed  with  it,"  said  the 
duenna  ;  "  it  must,  indeed,  be  owned  that  love  is  very 
ingenious  !  " — "  And  you,  charming  Leonora,"  replied 
the  Count,  "  what  do  you  say  to  it  ?  Can  your 
heart,  though  armed  with  distrust,  refuse  its  appro- 
bation?"— "No,"  returned  Leonora,  "provided  you 
will  let  my  father  into  the  secret,  who,  I  doubt  not, 
will  subscribe  to  what  you  will  have  him." 

"  We  ought  to  be  very  careful  how  we  intrust  this 
affair  with  him,"  interrupted  the  wicked  duenna.  "  You 
do  not  know  Don  Lewis  ;  he  is  too  nice  in  punc- 
tilios of  honour  to  be  assisting  to  secret  amours — the 
very  proposal  of  a  private  marriage  will  offend  him. 
Besides,  his  prudence  will  not  fail  to  make  him 
afraid  of  the  consequences  of  an  union  which  seems 
to  thwart  the  king's  designs.  By  this  indiscreet  step 
you  will  fill  hirn  with   suspicions  ;    his  eyes  will  be 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  47 

continually  upon  you  in  all  your  actions,  and  he  will 
deprive  )0u  of  all  opportunities." 

"  Ah  1  I  shall  then  die  with  grief,"  cried  our 
courtier.  "  But,  Madam  Marcella,"  pursued  he,  affect- 
ing a  melancholy  tone,  "do  you  reahy  believe  that  Don 
Lewis  would  reject  the  offer  of  a  private  marriage  .''  " 
— "  I  do  not  doubt  it  in  the  least,"  answered  the 
governante ;  "  but,  grant  that  he  should  accept  it, 
he  is  so  scrupulously  religious,  that  he  would  never 
yield  to  the  omission  of  any  of  the  ceremonies  of  the 
church,  and  if  they  are  all  performed  in  your  mar- 
riage, it  will  soon  be  published." 

"  Ah,  my  dear  Leonora,"  then  said  the  Count, 
tenderly  locking  his  mistress's  hand  betwixt  his 
own,  "  must  we,  to  satisfy  a  vain  notion  of  decorum, 
expose  ourselves  to  the  terrible  danger  of  being  sepa- 
rated for  ever,  since  there  is  no  occasion  for  anybody 
but  you  to  dispose  of  yourself  to  me?  The  consent 
of  a  father  would  perhaps  spare  you  some  uneasy 
thoughts,  but  since  Madam  Marcella  has  showed  us 
the  impossibility  of  obtaining  it,  yield  yourself  to 
my  innocent  desires.  Receive  my  heart  and  hand  ; 
and  -when  it  shall  be  proper  time  to  inform  Don 
Lewis  of  our  engagement,  we  will  acquaint  him 
also  why  we  concealed  it." — "  Well,  Count,"  said 
Leonora,  "I  consent,  then,  that  you  do  not  so  soon 
speak  to  my  father,  but  first  sound  the  king's  mind. 
Before  I  receive  your  hand  in  private,  speak  to  your 
prince  ;  tell    him    you    have    privately    married    me. 

Let    us    endeavour,    by   this    false    confidence" 

— "  Oh  no,  madam,"  replied  Belflor,  "  I  am  too  great  a 
hater  of  a  lie  to  dare  to  maintain  this  feint  ;  I  cannot 
thus   dissemble.      Besides,  I   know    the  king,  if  he 


48  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

should  once  discover  I  had  deceived  him,  would 
never  pardon  me  so  long  as  he  lived." 

"  I  should  never  have  done,  Signor  Cleofas,"  con- 
tinued the  devil,  "  if  I  should  repeat  verbatim  all  the 
expressions  which  Belflor  made  use  of  to  seduce  this 
young  lady.  Wherefore  I  shall  only  tell  you  that 
he  employed  all  the  pas.-ionate  language  which  I 
suggest  to  men  on  these  occasions ;  but  it  was  in 
vain  :  he  swore  he  would  as  soon  as  possible  publicly 
confirm  the  promise  which  he  had  made  in  secret;  it 
was  in  vain  :  he  called  Heaven  to  witness  his  oaths; 
he  could  not  triumph  over  Leonora's  virtue;  and  day 
being  ready  to  appear,  forced  him  against  his  will  to 
depart. 

The  next  day  the  duenna,  believing  her  honour, 
or  rather  her  interest,  engaged  not  to  abandon  her 
enterprise,  said  to  Don  Lewis's  daughter:  "Leonora, 
I  do  not  know  what  to  say  farther  to  you.  I  find 
you  oppose  the  Count's  passion,  as  though  it  had  no 
other  aim  but  that  of  a  bare  gallantry.  Have  you 
not  observed  something  in  his  person  that  disgusts 
you  ?  " — "  No,  good  Marcella,"  answered  Leonora  ; 
"on  the  contrary,  he  never  appeared  so  amiable,  and 
his  discourse  discovered  new  charms  to  me." — "  If  so," 
replied  the  governante,  "  I  do  not  comprehend  you  ; 
)'Ou  are  prepossessed  with  a  violent  inclination  for 
him,  and  yet  refuse  to  yield  to  a  thing,  the  necessity 
of  which  has  already  been  represented  to  you." 

"  My  good  madam,"  replied  Don  Lewis's  daughter, 
'*  }'ou  have  more  prudence  and  experience  than  I; 
b.ut  have  you  considered  thoroughly  the  consequences 
\\  hich  may  result  from  a  marriage  contracted  without 
my  father's  knowledge?" — "Yes,  yes,"  answered  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  49 

duenna,  "  I  have  made  all  necessary  reflection  on 
that,  and  am  very  sorry  to  see  you  so  obstinately 
resist  the  glorious  settlement  which  fortune  presents 
you.  Have  a  care  your  obduracy  does  not  weary 
and  disgust  your  lover,  and  be  afraid  lest  he  should 
cast  his  eyes  on  the  interest  of  his  fortune,  which  the 
violence  of  his  passion  has  made  him  neglect.  Since 
he  offers  to  give  you  his  faith,  accept  it  without  farther 
deliberation.  His  word  binds  him  ;  than  which  no- 
thing is  more  sacred  to  a  man  of  honour.  Besides,  I 
am  witness  that  he  acknowledges  you  for  his  wife. 
Do  not  you  know  that  such  important  evidence  as 
mine  is  sufficient  to  condemn,  in  a  court  of  justice, 
that  lover  who  should  dare  to  perjure  himself?" 

It  was  by  such  language  as  this  that  the  perfidious 
Marcella  overcame  Leonora,  who,  suffering  all  reflec- 
tions of  the  danger  that  threatened  her  to  wear  off,  in 
all  simplicity,  a  few  days  after,  abandoned  herself 
to  the  Count's  wicked  intentions.  The  duenna 
introduced  him  every  night  by  the  balcony  into 
his  mistress's  apartment,  and  ^et  him  out  before 
day. 

One  night  having  warned  him  to  depart  somewhat 
later  than  ordinary,  and  Aurora  beginning  to  break 
through  the  darkness,  he  hastily  endeavoured  to  slide 
into  the  street,  but  my  mischance  succeeded  so  ill 
that  he  got  a  very  severe  fall. 

Don  Lewis  de  Cespides,  whose  bedchamber  was 
under  that  of  his  daughter,  happening  that  morning 
to  rise  very  early  for  the  despatch  of  some  pressing 
affairs,  heard  the  Count's  fall,  and,  opening  his  win- 
dow to  see  what  was  the  occasion  of  the  noise,  per- 
ceived a  man  just  risen  from  the  ground  with  great 

D 


50  ASMODEUS.  OR, 

difficulty,  and  Marcella  in  bis  daughter's  balcony 
busy  in  drawing-  up  the  silken  ladder,  which  the 
Count  had  not  made  so  good  use  of  in  his  descend- 
ing as  in  his  ascent.  Don  Lewis  rubbed  his  eyes, 
and  at  first  took  this  spectacle  for  an  illusion  ;  but, 
after  having  considered  it,  concluded  that  nothing 
was  more  real,  and  that  the  daylight,  imperfect  as 
it  yet  was,  did  but  too  much  discover  his  disgrace. 

Confused  at  the  fatal  sight,  and  transported  by  a 
just  rage,  he  flew  in  his  nightgown  to  Leonora's  apart- 
ment, with  a  sword  in  one  hand  and  a  taper  in  the 
other.  He  went  in  quest  of  her  and  her  governante, 
in  order  to  sacrifice  them  both  to  his  resentment. 
He  knocked  at  their  chamber  door,  and  commanded 
them  to  open  it ;  they  knew  his  voice  and,  trembling, 
obeyed.  He  entered  with  a  furious  air,  and  dis- 
covering his  naked  sword  to  their  amazed  eyes,  "I 
come,"  said  he,  "to  wash  away  with  her  blood  the 
infamous  affront  that  wretch  has  thrown  upon  her 
father,  and,  at  the  same  time,  punish  the  villainous 
governante  that  has  betrayed  the  trust  I  reposed  in 
her." 

They  both  fell  upon  their  knees,  and  the  duenna 
began  :  "  Signor,"  said  she,  "  before  we  receive  the 
cnastisement  which  you  have  prepared,  vouchsafe  to 
hear  us  one  moment." — "Well,  wretch,"  replied  the 
old  gentleman,  "  I  consent  to  suspend  my  vengeance 
for  a  minute.  Speak,  inform  me  of  all  the  circum- 
stances of  my  misfortunes.  But  what  do  I  talk  of 
all  the  circumstances .''  I  know  them  all  but  one, 
and  that  is  the  name  of  that  rash  man  who  has  dis- 
honoured my  family."  —  "Signor,"  replied  Madam 
Marcella,  "the  Count   de  Belfior  is  the  gentleman 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  51 

that  hath  done  it." — "The  Count  de  Belflor ! "  said 
Don  Lewis;  "where  has  he  seen  my  daughter?  By 
what  means  has  he  seduced  her?  Conceal  nothing' 
from  me." — "  Signor,"  replied  the  governante,  "  I  will 
repeat  the  whole  story  to  you  with  all  the  sincerity 
I  am  capable  of." 

She  then,  with  an  infinite  deal  of  art,  recited  all 
the  expressions  which  she  had  made  Leonora  believe 
the  Count  had  uttered  with  regard  to  her.  She 
painted  him  in  the  most  lively  colours  of  a  tender, 
scrupulous,  and  sincere  lover.  But  not  being  able  to 
elude  the  discover}^  of  the  whole  truth,  she  was  obliged 
to  tell  it,  but  enlarged  on  the  reasons  that  prevailed 
with  them  to  conceal  from  him  the  secret  marriage, 
and  gave  them  such  an  acceptable  turn,  as  appeased 
Don  Lewis's  rage.  Which  she  perfectly  discerning, 
in  order  to  completely  soften  the  old  man,  "  Signor," 
said  she,  "this  is  what  you  desired  to  know;  punish 
us  this  minute;  plunge  your  sword  in  Leonora's 
breast.  But  what  do  I  say  ?  Leonora  is  innocent ; 
she  has  only  followed  the  counsel  of  a  woman  whom 
you  entrusted  with  her  conduct,  wherefore  it  is  me 
alone  against  whom  your  sword  should  point.  It  is  I 
that  have  introduced  the  Count  into  your  daughter's 
apartment,  and  I  alone  have  tied  the  knot  wherewith 
she  is  bound.  It  is  I  who  have  winked  at  all  irre- 
gularities in  a  contract  that  was  not  backed  by  your 
authority,  in  order  to  secure  you  a  son-in-law,  whose 
interest,  you  know,  is  the  channel  through  which  all 
court  favours  at  present  pass.  I  had  no  other  aim 
than  Leonora's  happiness,  and  the  advantage  your 
family  may  reap  by  such  an  important  alliance;  and, 
indeed,  nothing  less  than  excess  of  zeal  to  serve  your 


52    ~  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

house  could  draw  me  into  measures  that  carry  with 
them  such  an  appearance  of  treachery." 

While  the  subtle  Marcella  was  thus  cajoling  the 
old  gentleman,  her  mistress  shed  no  tears,  but  dis- 
covered such  a  sensible  grief  as  he  could  not  resist. 
He  grew  tender,  his  rage  turned  into  compassion,  he 
dropped  his  sword,  and  quitting  the  air  of  an  angry 
father,  "  Ah,  my  daughter !  "  said  he,  with  tears  in 
his  e}-es,  "  what  a  fatal  passion  is  love !  Alas,  \'ou 
are  not  sensible  of  all  the  reasons  you  have  to  afflict 
yourself!  The  shame  alone  that  results  from  the 
presence  of  a  father,  who  has  surprised  you,  must 
unavoidably  draw  tears  from  you  ;  besides  which, 
you  do  not  yet  foresee  all  the  anxieties  your  lover 
may  perhaps  prepare  for  you.  And  you,  imprudent 
Marcella,  to  what  a  precipice  has  your  indiscreet  zeal 
for  my  family  brought  you!  I  acknowledge  that 
such  a  considerable  alliance  as  that  of  the  Count 
might  dazzle  your  eyes,  and  it  is  that  alone  which 
excuses  you  to  me ;  but,  wretch  that  you  are,  ought 
you  not  to  have  distrusted  a  lover  of  his  high  quality  ? 
The  more  interest  and  favour  he  can  pretend  to,  tlie 
more  you  ought  to  have  guarded  yourself  against 
him.  Should  he  make  no  scruple  of  breaking  his 
faith  with  Leonora,  what  course  can  I  take?  If  1 
implore  the  assistance  of  the  laws,  a  person  of  i,,s 
character  would  easily  be  able  to  shelter  himseit' 
from  their  severity  ;  and  I  wish  that,  continuing  just 
to  his  oaths,  he  may  prove  willing  to  keep  his  word 
with  my  daughter;  for  if  the  king,  as  you  say,  designs 
to  oblige  him  to  marry  another  lady,  it  is  much  to 
be  feared  his  majesty  will  force  him  to  it  by  virtue 
of  his  authority." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  53 

"Oh,  sir,"  interrupted  Leonora,  "that  ought  not  to 
alarm  you  ;  the  Count  has  very  well  assured  us  that 
the  king  will  not  commit  such  a  violence  on  his 
passion." — "I  am  persuaded,"  said  Marcella,  "his 
majesty  is  too  fond  of  his  favourite  to  exercise  such 
a  tyranny  over  him,  and  also  that  he  is  too  generous 
to  plunge  into  a  fatal  grief  Don  Lev/is  de  Cespides, 
who  has  spent  all  his  best  days  in  the  service  of  the 
public." 

"  Fray  Heaven  it  prove  so,"  replied  the  old  gentle- 
man, sighing,  "and  that  my  fears  prove  vain!  I  will 
go  to  the  Count,  and  desire  him  to  explain  this 
affair.  A  father's  eyes  are  piercing,  and  I  shall  dis- 
cover the  deepest  recesses  of  his  soul.  If  I  find  him 
in  the  disposition  which  I  wish,  I  will  pardon  what 
is  past;  but,"  aids  he,  in  a  more  resolute  tone,  "if 
by  his  discourse  I  discover  a  perfidious  heart,  you 
shall  both  with  tears  bewail  your  imprudence  in  a 
melancholy  retirement  the  remainder  of  your  days." 
At  these  words  he  put  up  his  sword,  and  leaving 
them  to  the  frightful  thoughts  he  had  raised  in  them, 
returned  to  his  apartment  to  dress. 

In  this  part  of  the  story  Asmodeus  was  thus  in- 
tei  rupted  by  the  student :  "  However  affecting  the 
story  you  are  telling  me  may  be,  something  I  have 
my  eyes  upon  prevents  me  from  hearing  you  so 
attentively  as  I  could  wish.  I  see  a  very  genteel 
woman  between  a  \  oung  and  an  old  man  ;  they  are 
all  three,  I  suppose,  drinking  exquisite  liquors  ;  and 
whilst  the  fond  dotard  is  embracing  her,  the  baggage 
slips  her  hand  behind  him,  into  that  of  a  }'Oung 
cavalier,  who,  to  be  sure,  is  the  spark." — "Quite  the 
contrar)-,"  answered  the  cripple  ;    "  it  is  her  husband, 


54  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

and  the  other  her  lover.  The  old  man  is  a  person 
of  consequence,  a  commander  of  the  military  order  of 
Calatrava,  and  is  ruining  himself  for  that  lady,  whose 
husband  has  a  small  post  at  court ;  she  caresses  her 
old  lover  for  interest,  and  is  false  to  him,  in  favour  of 
her  husband,  and  inclination." 

"It  is  a  fine  picture,"  replied  Zambullo  ;  "but  is 
not  the  husband  a  Frenchman.''" — "No,"  answered 
the  devil,  "he  is  a  Spaniard." — "Oh  then,  the  good 
city  of  Madrid  has  within  its  walls  good-natured 
husbands  too .''  But  they  do  not  swarm  here  as 
they  do  at  Paris,  which,  without  dispute,  is  the  most 
fruitful  city  in  the  world  in  such  inhabitants.  Pardon 
me,  Signor  Asmodeus,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "for  break- 
ing in  upon  the  thread  of  Leonora's  story.  Go  on 
with  it,  I  beg  you,  for  it  pleases  me  infinitely  ;  there 
is  such  an  artful  variety  in  the  seducing  this  young 
lady,  that  I  am  transported  with  it." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  55 


CHAPTER    V. 

THE   CONTINUATION   AND   CONCLUSION   OF    THE   HISTORY 
OF    THE    COUNT  AND   LEONORA. 

Don  Lewis  went  out  early  to  the  Count,  who,  not 
suspecting  he  was  discovered,  was  surprised  with 
his  visit.  He  stepped  forward  to  meet  him  at  his 
entmnce,  and  after  having  stifled  him  with  embraces, 
"How  great  is  my  joy,"  saici  he,  "to  see  Don  Lewis 
here.  Doth  he  come  to  offer  me  an  opportunity  ot 
serving  him.?" — "My  lord,"  answered  Don  Lewis, 
"order,  if  you  please,  that  we  be  alone." 

Belflor  accordingly  did  so,  and  they  both  sat  down, 
when  the  old  man  thus  began  :  "  My  lord,"  said  he, 
"  my  honour  and  repose  require  an  explanation, 
which  I  come  to  ask  of  you.  I  saw  you  this  morning 
go  out  of  Leonora's  apartment ;  she   has  confessed 

all ;  she  has  told  me  " "  She  has  told  you  that 

I  love  her,"  interrupted  the  Count,  to  avoid  a  dis- 
course which  he  was  not  fond  of  hearing;  "but  she 
has  but  feebly  expressed  all  that  I  feel  for  her.  I  am 
enchanted  ;  she  is  a  lady  all  over  adorable;  she  has 
wit,  beauty,  virtue  ;  no  perfection  is  wanting.  I  have 
been  told  likewise  that  you  have  a  son  at  the  Uni- 
versity of  Alcala;  is  he  like  his  sister.?  If  he  hath 
her  beauty,  and  resembles  you  in  other  excellences, 


56  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

he  must  be  a  complete  gentleman.  I  die  with  desire 
to  see  him,  and  offer  you  all  my  interest  to  serve 
him." 

"  I  am  indebted  to  you   for  that  offer,"  said  Don 

Lewis  gravely;  "but  to  come  to" "He  ought 

to  be  entered  in  the  service  immediately,"  interrupted 
the  Count  again;  "I  charge  m}-selfwith  the  care  of 
his  fortune ;  I  assure  \'ou  he  shal!  not  wait  amongst 
the  crowd  of  subaltern  officers."  —  "Answer  me, 
Count,"  replied  the  old  gentleman  hastily,  "and 
leave  off  your  interruption.  Do  you  design  to  keep 
your -promise  ?"—"  Yes,  without  doubt,"  interrupted 
Belflor  the  third  time ;  "  I  will  keep  my  word  which 
I  have  given  you,  to  stand  by  your  son  with  all  my 
interest;  depend  upon  me,  I  am  a  sincere  man." — 
"It  is  too  much,"  cried  Cespides,  rising  up,  "after 
having  seduced  my  daughter,  that  ^vou  dare  insult 
me  ;  but  know,  I  am  a  gentleman,  and  the  injury 
you  have  done  me  shall  not  remain  unpunished." 
At  these  words  he  returned  home  with  a  heart  full 
of  resentment,  contriving  a  hundred  projects  to  com- 
pass his  revenge.  As  soon  as  he  came  home,  he 
told  Leonora  and  Marcel  la  very  angrily,  it  was  not 
without  ground  that  he  suspected  the  Count ;  "  he 
is  a  traitor,  on  whom  I  will  be  revenged ;  and  as 
for  you  two,  you  shall  to-morrow  be  entered  in  a 
convent ;  you  have  nothing  to  do  but  prepare  your- 
selves, and  thank  Heaven  my  rage  contents  itself  with 
that  chastisement."  He  then  went  and  locked  him- 
self up  in  his  closet,  to  deliberate  what  course  to  take 
in  such  a  nice  conjuncture. 

How  great  was  Leonora's  grief  when  she  heard 
Belflor  was   perfidious !     She    remained    some    time 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  57 

without  motion  ;  a  mortal  paleness  covered  her  face, 
her  spirits  fled,  and  she  fell  motionless  into  the  arms 
of  her  governante — who,  fearing  she  was  dyincj,  used 
all  her  endeavours  to  get  her  out  of  this  fit.  She 
succeeded  ;  and  Leonora  reassuming  the  use  of  her 
senses,  and  seeing  her  governante  very  officiou.sly 
helping  her,  "  How  barbarous  are  you ! "  said  she, 
with  a  deep  sigh  ;  "why  did  you  force  me  out  of  the 
happy  state  in  which  I  was?  I  was  not  then  sen-ible 
of  the  horror  of  my  fate.  Why  did  you  not  let  me 
die?  You,  who  well  know  all  the  tormenting  griefs 
which  must  disturb  the  repose  of  my  life,  wherefore 
did  you  keep  me  alive?" 

Marcella  endeavoured  to  comfort  her,  but  that  only 
increased  her  torment.  "  All  your  talk  is  superfluous," 
cried  Don  Lewis's  daughter ;  "  I  will  hear  nothing.  Do 
not  lose  }Our  time  in  attempting  to  abate  my  desr)air, 
you  ought  rather  to  raise  it.  You,  who  have  plunged 
me  into  the  abyss  of  misery  in  which  I  now  am  :  it  is 
}Ou  who  vouched  for  the  Count's  sincerity  ;  without 
\-ou  I  had  never  yielded  myself  to  my  inclinations 
for  him,  which  I  should  insensibly  have  conquered  ; 
or,  however,  at  least  he  would  never  have  been  able 
to  have  gained  the  least  advantage  over  me.  But  I 
will  not,"  continued  she,  "  charge  my  misery  on  }-ou  ; 
I  accuse  nobody  but  myself.  I  ought  not  to  have 
followed  your  advice  in  the  acceptation  of  a  man's 
faith,  without  consulting  my  father.  How  dazzling 
soever  the  Count's  address  might  appear  to  me,  I 
ought  to  have  despised  rather  than  complimented  it 
at  the  expense  of  my  honour.  In  short,  I  ought  to 
have  distrusted  him,  you,  and  myself.  Since  I  have 
been  so  weak  »s  to  yield  to  his  perfidious  oaths,  after 


58  ASMODEUS:  OR 

the  affliction  which  I  have  brought  upon  Don  Lewis, 
and  the  dishonour  I  have  done  my  family,  I  liate 
myself,  and  am  so  far  from  fearing  the  retirement 
with  which  I  am  threatened,  that  I  am  fond  of  hid- 
ing my  shame  in  the  most  dismal  retreat  in  the 
world." 

These  passionate  words  were  not  only  accompanied 
with  abundance  of  tears,  but  she  tore  her  clothes  in 
pieces,  and  revenged  the  injustice  of  her  lover  on  her 
beautiful  hair.  The  duenna,  to  suit  herself  to  her 
mistress's  grief,  did  not  spare  for  grimaces  and  dis- 
torted faces.  She  dropped  some  of  those  tears  she 
had  always  at  command  ;  she  imprecated  a  thousand 
curses  on  mankind  in  general,  and  the  Count  in  par- 
ticular. "  Is  it  possible,"  exclaimed  she,  "  that  Belflor, 
who  seemed  so  full  of  justice  and  probity,  should  prove 
such  a  villain  as  to  deceive  us  both  !  I  cannot  extri- 
cate myself  out  of  this  surprise,  or  rather,  I  cannot 
yet  persuade  myself  that  it  is  so." 

"  Really,"  said  Leonora,  "  when  I  fancy  him  at  my 
knees,  what  maiden  would  not  have  trusted  his  tender 
engaging  air,  and  depended  on  oaths  which  he  so 
audaciously  invoked  Heaven  to  witness,  and  those 
transports  which  he  incessantly  repeated  ?  Besides, 
his  eyes  discovered  more  love  than  his  mouth  ex- 
pressed, and  the  very  sight  of  me  seemed  to  charm 
him.  No,  he  did  not  deceive  me;  I  cannot  think  it. 
My  father  must  not  have  talked  with  him  so  dis- 
creetly as  he  ought ;  they  both  grew  warm,  and  the 
Count  answered  less  like  a  lover  than  a  great  lord. 
But,  alas  !  perhaps  I  flatter  myself.  What  shall  I  do 
to  extricate  myself  out  of  this  uncertainty  ?  I  will 
write  to  Belflor,  and  tell  him  that  I  expect  him  here 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  59 

this  night.  I  am  resolved  he  shall  either  secure  my 
alarmed  heart,  or  confirm  his  treacher)-." 

Marcella  applauded  the  design,  and  was  not  herself 
without  hope  that  the  Count,  ambitious  as  he  was,  yet 
touched  by  Leonora's  tears,  might  fall  from  his  reso- 
lution in  this  interview,  and  determine  to  marry  her. 

In  the  meanwhile,  Belflor,  having  rid  himself  of 
honest  Don  Lewis,  continued  in  his  apartment,  re- 
flecting on  the  consequences  which  might  result  from 
the  reception  he  had  just  given  him.  He  firmly  con- 
cluded that  the  whole  family  of  the  Cespides,  enraged 
at  the  inj  ury  done  to  their  house,  would  study  revenge  ; 
but  that  did  not  much  disturb  him  :  the  interest  of  his 
love  much  more  employed  his  thoughts.  He  imagined 
that  Leonora  would  be  put  into  a  convent,  or,  at  least, 
that  she  would  be  kept  so  strictly  watched,  that  in 
all  probability  he  should  never  see  her  more.  This 
thought  afflicted  him,  and  he  was  contriving  how  to 
escape  this  misfortune,  when  his  va/et  de  cJiavibre 
brought  him  a  letter  which  Marcella  had  just  put 
into  his  hands.  It  was  a  billet  from  Leonora,  the 
contents  whereof  run  thus  : — 

"  I  AM  to-morrow  to  quit  the  world ;  and,  in  a 
solitary  retirement,  have  the  horror  of  seeing  my- 
self dishonoured,  odious  to  my  family  and  myself: 
this  is  the  deplorable  condition  to  which  I  am  reduced 
by  believing  }'ou.  I  expect  you  once  more  this  night. 
In  my  despair  I  hunt  after  new  torments.  Come  and 
own  to  me  that  your  heart  had  no  part  in  any  of  the 
oaths  which  your  lips  swore  to  me,  or  justify  their 
sincerity  by  a  conduct  which  alone  can  soften  the 
rigour  of  my  fate..    Perhaps  this    meeting  may  be 


6o  A  SHOD  BUS:  OR, 

attended  with  some  danger,  after  what  has  passed 
betwixt  you  and  my  father ;  take  care,  Hherefore,  that 
you  be  accompanied  by  a  friend.  Though  you  have 
occasioned  all  the  miseries  of  my  life,  I  yet  feel  my- 
self concerned  for  yours.  LEONORA." 

The  Count  read  this  letter  twice  or  thrice  over, 
and  representing"  Leonora  in  the  condition  which  she 
described,  he  melted  into  compassion.  He  now  seri- 
ously reflected  on  what  he  had  done  ;  justice,  probity, 
and  honour,  all  the  laws  of  which  his  passion  had  hur- 
ried him  on  to  the  violation,  began  to  resume  their 
empire  over  him.  He  suddenly  found  his  blindness 
dissipated,  and,  like  a  man  just  got  out  of  a  violent 
fever,  blushed  at  the  extravagant  words  and  actions 
which  had  escaped  him;  he  was  ashamed  of  all  the 
base  artifices  he  had  used  to  satisfy  his  desires. 

"  Wretch  that  I  am,"  cried  he,  "  v/hat  have  I  done  } 
What  devil  possessed  me?  I  promised  to  marry 
Leonora  :  I  called  Heaven  to  witness  it :  I  feigned 
that  the  king  proposed  a  match  to  me :  I  have  made 
use  of  lies,  perfidiousness,  and  sacrilege,  to  corrupt 
her  innocence;  what  madness  has  seized  me?  How 
much  better  had  it  become  me  to  have  suppressed 
my  passion,  instead  of  satisfying  it  in  so  criminal  a 
manner.  I  have  seduced  an  innocent  lad\',  and  now 
abandon  her  to  the  resentments  of  her*  relations,  whom 
I  have  equally  dishonoured  ;  and  so  return  the  hap- 
piness she  has  conferred  on  me  with  a  load  of  miseries. 
Ah,  how  barbarous  is  such  ingratitude!  Ought  I  not 
rather  to  repair  the  disgrace  and  infamy  I  have  done 
lier.^  Yes,  I  ought;  and  I  will,  by  marrying  her,  dis- 
charge the  promise  I  made  her.     Who  is  there  can 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  6i 

oppose  so  just  an  intention?  Ought  her  tenderness 
to  me  to  prejudice  me  against  her  virtue?  No:  I 
know  how  much  her  resistance  cost  me  to  conquer 
it ;  and  she  rather  yielded  to  my  sworn  faith  than 
my  amorous  transports.  But,  on  the  other  side,  if  I 
confine  myself  to  this  choice,  I  shall  be  a  consider- 
able sufferer.  I,  who  may  pretend  to  the  noblest  and 
richest  heiresses  in  the  kingdom,  shall  I  content  my- 
self with  a  private  gentleman's  daughter  of  a  moderate 
fortune  ?  What  will  the  court  think  of  me  ?  They 
will  say  I  have  married  very  ridiculously." 

Beiflor,  thus  divided  betwixt  love  and  ambition, 
did  not  know  to  which  to  incline ;  but,  though  he 
was  not  yet  resolved  whether  he  should  marry 
Leonora  or  not,  he  yet  determined  to  go  to  her  that 
evening. 

Don  Lewis,  on  the  other  side,  passed  the  day  in 
contriving  the  restoration  of  his  honour.  The  con- 
juncture was  very  nice;  to  have  recourse  to  the  laws 
was  to  publish  his  dishonour  ;  besides,  he  very  much 
feared  that  justice  might  be  on  one  side,  and  the  judges 
declare  on  the  other.  He  durst  not  throw  himself 
at  the  king's  feet ;  for,  believing  that  prince  designed 
another  lady  for  the  Count,  he  was  afraid  it  would  be 
in  vain.  No  satisfaction  was  then  left  besides  that  of 
arms,  and  it  was  this  he  concluded  on. 

In  the  heat  of  his  resentment  he  was  tempted  to 
send  a  challenge  ;  but,  beginning  to  consider  that  he 
V*  as  too  old  and  feeble  to  rely  on  his  own  arm,  he 
chose  rather  to  put  it  into  the  hands  of  his  son,  whose 
pushes  might  prove  more  fortunate  and  successful. 
He  then  sent  a  footman  to  Alcala,  with  a  letter  for 
his  son;  by  which  he  commanded  him  to  come  imme- 


62  iSMODEUS:  OR, 

diately  to  Madrid,  to  revenge  an  injury  done  to  the 
family  of  Cespides. 

Don  Pedro,  his  son,  is  eighteen  years  of  age,  per- 
fectly handsome,  and  so  brave,  that  he  passes  at  Alcala 
for  the  most  valiant  of  all  the  students  in  that  univer- 
sity ;  but  you  know  him,  adds  the  devil,  and  there- 
fore it  is  needless  in  me  to  enlarge  farther  on  his 
character.  "  It  is  true,"  said  Cleofas,  "  he  has  all 
the  valour  and  merit  which  is  possible  to  centre  in 
a  young  man." 

He  was  not  then  at  Alcala,  as  his  father  supposed, 
replied  Asmodeus  ;  but  the  desire  of  seeing  a  lady 
whom  he  loved  had  brought  him  to  Madrid.  The 
last  time  he  had  been  there  to  see  his  relations,  he 
made  this  conquest  at  the  Prado.  He  did  not  yet 
know  her  name;  for  she  had  obliged  him  not  to  use 
any  means  to  inform  himself,  to  which  cruel  necessity 
he  submitted,  though  with  great  difficulty.  It  was  a 
woman  of  quality  who  had  conceived  a  passion  for 
him ;  and  believing  she  ought  to  distrust  the  discre- 
tion and  constancy  of  a  student,  she  thought  fit  to 
try  him  before  she  discovered  herself. 

This  unknown  fair  took  up  more  of  his  thoughts 
than  Aristotle's  philosophy  ;  and  Alcala  being  situate 
so  near  this  city,  he,  as  you  have  done,  often  played 
truant — with  this  only  difference,  that  it  was  for  the 
sake  of  an  object  which  deserved  much  better  than 
your  Donna  Thomasa.  To  conceal  the  knowledge  of 
his  amorous  journeys  from  Don  Lewis,  his  father, 
he  used  to  lodge  at  an  inn  in  the  suburbs,  where  he 
carefully  sheltered  himself  under  a  borrowed  name. 
He  never  went  out  but  at  a  certain  hour  in  the  morn- 
ing, when  he  was  obliged  to  go  to  a  house  where  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPOk  TWO  STICKS.  63 

lady,  which  occasioned  this  neglect  of  his  studies,  was 
so  kind  as  to  come,  accompanied  by  a  chambermaid. 
He  then  lived  locked  up  in  his  inn  the  rest  of  the  day; 
but,  in  requital,  at  night  he  walked  all  over  the  city. 

It  liappened  one  night,  as  he  crossed  a  by-street, 
he  heard  the  sound  of  several  voices  and  instru- 
ments, which  seemed  worth  his  attention ;  whereupon 
he  stopped,  and  found  it  to  be  a  serenade  given  by  a, 
gentleman  that  was  drunk, and  naturally  ver)-  brutishly 
rude.  He  had  no  sooner  discerned  our  student,  but 
he  immediately  ran  to  him,  and,  without  any  other 
compliment,  "  Friend,"  said  he,  in  a  hasty  tone,  "  go 
about  your  business  ;  I  do  not  love  inquisitive  people." 
— "I  might  have  withdrawn,"  answered  Don  Pedro, 
shocked  at  these  words,  "  if  you  had  desired  me  in  a 
civiller  manner ;  but  I  will  now  stay  to  teach  you 
better  language." — "  We  will  see  then,"  said  the 
master  of  the  concert,  drawing  his  sword,  "which  of 
us  two  shall  yield  the  place  to  the  other." 

Don  Pedro  also  drew  his  sword,  and  they  began  to 
engage.  Though  the  master  of  the  serenade  acquitted 
himself  with  great  dexterity,  he  could  not  yet  parry  a 
mortal  thrust,  upon  the  receipt  of  which  he  fell  dead 
on  the  spot.  All  the  actors  of  the  concert,  who  had 
by  this  time  quitted  their  mvisic,  and  were  drawing 
their  swords  to  assist  him,  now  came  on  to  revenge 
his  death.  They  all  at  once  fell  upon  Don  Pedro, 
who,  on  thi-^  occasion,  showed  his  utmost  skill  ;  for, 
besides  p.irrying  with  surprising  dexterity  all  the 
passes  made  at  him,  he  himself  made  very  vigorous 
ones,  and  at  once  kept  all  his  enemies  employed. 
Rut  they  so  obstinately  persisting,  and  their  number 
being  too  great,  as  able  a  fencer  as  he  was,  he  could 


64  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

not  have  escaped  alive,  if  the  Count  de  Belflor,  who 
then  passed  by,  had  not  taken  his  part.  The  Count, 
wanting  neither  courage  nor  a  large  share  of  generosity, 
could  not  see  so  main^  swords  drawn  upon  one  man 
without  engaging  himself  on  his  side.  He  drew,  and 
joining  with  Don  Pedro,  he  pushed  so  briskly  at  the 
serenaders,  that  they  all  fled,  some  wounded,  and 
others  for  fear  of  being  so. 

After  their  retreat  the  student  began  to  thank 
the  Count  for  his  assistance;  but  Belflor  interrupting 
him,  "No  more  of  that,"  said  he;  "are  you  not 
wounded.?  ' — "No,"  replied  Don  Pedro.  "Let  us 
get  from  this  place,"  replied  the  Count ;  "  I  see  you 
have  killed  a  man  ;  it  is  dangerous  to  stay  longer  in 
this  street ;  you  may,  perhaps,  be  seized."  Upon 
which  they  immediately,  making  the  best  of  their 
way,  got  into  another  street;  and  when  they  were 
advanced  a  good  distance  from  the  place  where  they 
fought,  they  stopped. 

Don  Pedro,  very  sensibly  influenced  by  just  and 
grateful  sentiments,  entreated  the  Count  not  to  con- 
ceal from  him  the  name  of  a  gentleman  to  whom  he 
was  so  much  obliged.  Belflor  made  no  scruple  of 
telling  it,  and  also  desired  to  know  his.  But  the  stu- 
dent, unwilling  to  discover  himself,  said  his  name  was 
Don  Juan  de  Matos,  and  assured  the  Count  that  he 
would  never  forget  what  he  had  done  for  him. 

"  I  would  willingly,"  said  the  Count,  "present  you 
with  an  opportunity  of  discharging  your  obligation  to 
me  this  very  nigh^  I  am  engaged  to  a  meeting  not 
wholly  free  from  danger,  and  was  going  in  search 
of  a  friend  to  accompany  me.  I  am  sensible  of 
your  valour,  and  therefore,  Don  Juan,  I  desire  your 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  65 

friendship." — "Your  seeming  to  doubt  it  renders  me 
somewhat  uneas}',"  rephed  the  student.  "  I  do  not 
know  how  to  employ  the  life  which  you  have  saved 
better  than  in  exposing  it  for  you.  Let  us  make 
haste ;  I  am  ready  to  follow  you."  Belflor  then 
conducted  Don  Pedro  to  Don  Lewis's  house,  and 
by  the  balcony  they  both  entered  Leonora's  apart- 
ment. 

Don  Cleofas  interrupted  the  devil  here.  "  Signor 
Asmodeus,"  said  he,  "how  was  it  possible  Don  Pedro 
should  not  know  his  father's  house  ?  " — "  That  was 
impossible,"  replied  the  demon,  "  for  Don  Lewis  had 
not  removed  to  this  house  above  eight  days  ;  which 
I  designed  to  have  told  you,  had  not  you  interrupted 
me.  You  are  too  hasty,  and  have  got  an  ill  custom 
of  breaking  the  thread  of  other  people's  discourse. 
Pray  correct  that  fault  for  the  future.' 

Don  Pedro,  continued  the  devil,  did  not  so  much 
as  suspect  that  he  was  at  his  father's  house,  nor 
thought  she  who  introduced  him  was  Madam  Mar- 
cella,  by  reason  she  had  received  him  in  the  dark 
in  an  antechamber,  where  Belflor  entreated  his  com- 
panion to  stay  as  long  as  he  should  remain  with  the 
lady  ;  to  which  the  student  consented,  and  sat  down 
with  his  naked  sword  in  his  hand  for  fear  of  a  sur- 
prise. His  thoughts  were  taken  up  with  the  favours 
which  he  concluded  love  was  showering  on  Belflor, 
and  wished  himself  as  happy  as  he ;  for  though  he 
was  not  ill  treated  by  his  unknown  mistress,  she  had 
not  yet  all  the  tenderness  for  him  which  Leonora  had 
for  the  Count. 

Whilst  he  was  making  all  the  reflections  on  this 
adventure  that  could  possibly  occur  to  the  mind  of  a 

£ 


66  AS  MOD  BUS:  OR. 

passionate  lover,  he  heard  a  person  softly  endeavour- 
ing to  open  another  door  besides  that  of  the  lovers,  and 
discerning  a  glimmering  light  through  the  keyhole, 
he  hastily  arose,  made  towards  the  door  that  opened, 
and  presented  the  point  of  his  naked  sword  to  the 
breast  of  his  father — for  it  was  he  who  was  going  to 
Leonora's  apartment  to  see  whether  the  Count  was 
not  there.  The  good  old  gentleman  did  not  believe, 
after  what  had  passed,  that  his  daughter  and  Mar- 
cella  would  again  venture  to  admit  him,  which  alone 
prevented  his  lodging  them  in  another  apartment. 
But  yet  he  was  apt  to  think  that  before  their  en- 
trance into  the  convent  on  the  morrow,  they  might 
be  willing  to  take  their  last  leave. 

"Wiioever  thou  art,"  said  the  student,  "do  not 
enter  this  room,  on  peril  of  thy  life."  At  these 
words  Don  Lewis  looked  at  Don  Pedro,  whose  eyes 
were  fixed  on  him  with  equal  attention,  so  that  they 
soon  Icnew  each  other.  "  Ah,  my  son,"  said  the  old 
gentleman,  "  with  what  impatience  have  I  expected 
you  !  Why  did  you  not  advertise  me  of  your  arrival  ? 
Were  you  afraid  of  breaking  my  rest .-'  Alas  !  I  am 
incapable  of  any  repose  in  the  miserable  condition  in 
which  I  at  present  am." — "  Oh,  my  father,"  said  Don 
Pedro,  "is  it  you  that  I  see  ?  Are  not  my  eyes  de- 
ceived by  a  false  likeness?" — "Whence  proceeds  this 
surprise?"  replied  Don  Lewis.  "Are  you  not  at  your 
father's  house  .''  did  I  not  acquaint  you  by  my  letter 
that  eight  days  since  I  removed  hither.''" — "Just 
Heaven,"  replied  the  student,  "  what  do  I  hear?  I 
am  then  at  present  in  my  sister's  apartment." 

At  these  words  the  Count,  who  had  heard  the 
noise,  and  supposed  that   his   guard   was   attacked. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  67 

came  out  of  Leonora's  chamber  with  his  sword  in 
his  hand.  The  old  gentleman,  distracted  at  this 
sight,  and  showing  him  to  his  son,  cried  out :  "  This 
is  the  audacious  villain  who  has  robbed  me  of  my 
rest,  and  cast  a  fatal  stain  upon  the  honour  of  our 
house.  Let  us  then  revenge  ourselves — let  us  in- 
stantly punish  the  traitor."  These  words  were  no 
sooner  out  of  his  mouth  than  he  drew  the  sword  he 
had  under  his  nightgown,  and  began  to  attack  the 
Count ;  but  Don  Pedro  restrained  him.  "  Sta\-, 
father,"  said  he,  "  I  beg  you  to  moderate  the  trans- 
ports of  your  rage." — "  What  do  j'ou  mean,  my 
son  ? "  answered  the  old  man  ;  "  why  do  you  hold  my 
arm  .''  You  doubtless  think  it  is  too  weak  to  revenge 
us.  Well  then,  take  satisfaction  yourself  for  the 
affront  given  to  our  family,  which  is  the  only  reason 
why  I  sent  for  you  to  Madrid.  If  you  fall  I  will 
second  you  :  the  Count  must  perish  by  our  hands,  or 
take  away  both  our  lives,  after  having  robbed  us  of 
our  honour." 

"  Father,"  replied  Don  Pedro,  "  I  cannot  yield  to 
what  your  impatience  expects  of  me.  I  am  so  very 
far  from  attempting  the  Count's  life,  that  I  came 
hither  to  defend  it ;  my  word  is  passed  for  it,  and  my 
honour  demands  it.  Let  us  then  retire,  my  lord," 
continued  he,  addressing  himself  to  Belflor.  "  Ha! 
base  wretch,"  interrupted  Don  Lewis,  looking  on 
Don  Pedro  with  a  very  angry  air,  "  dost  thou  th}'self 
oppose  the  execution  of  a  vengeance  wherein  all  thy 
force  ought  to  have  been  emplox'ed  .-'  My  son,  my 
own  son,  corresponds  with  the  perfidious  wretch 
that  has  seduced  my  daughter  :  but  do  not  think  to 
escape  my  resentment ;  I  will  call  up  all  my  domes- 


68  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

tics,  who  shall  revenge  me  of  his  treachery  and  your 
cowardice." 

"Sir,"  replied  Don  Pedro,  "be  juster  to  your 
son,  and  do  not  call  him  a  coward,  for  he  never 
deserved  th^t  hateful  name.  The  Count  has  saved 
my  life  this  night.  He  proposed  my  going  with  him, 
whither  I  did  not  know,  but  on  a  certain  appoint- 
ment. I  offered  to  share  the  dangers  he  might  en- 
counter, without  ever  suspecting  that  my  gratitude 
would  imprudently  engage  my  arm  against  the 
honour  of  my  family.  My  word  then  obliges  me  to 
defend  his  life  here  ;  and  in  so  doing  I  shall  dis- 
charge it — not  that  I  am  less  sensibly  touched  with 
the  injury  he  has  done  our  family — and  to-morrow 
you  shall  see  me  as  eager  to  shed  his  blood  as  you 
now  see  me  zealous  in  the  preservation  of  his  life." 

The  Count,  who  had  hitherto  remained  silent, 
being  thoroughly  struck  with  the  amazing  circum- 
stances of  this  adventure,  now  spoke.  "  Perhaps," 
said  he,  addressing  himself  to  Don  Pedro,  "  }'ou  may 
meet  with  but  indifferent  success,  in  revenging  this 
injury  by  force  of  arms :  I  will  offer  you  a  surer  way 
of  re-establishing  your  honour,  I  freely  own  to  you 
that  till  this  da}'  I  never  designed  to  marry  Leonora; 
but  I  this  morning  received  a  letter  from  her,  where- 
with I  was  sensibly  touched.  Her  tears  have  just 
completed  the  work,  and  the  happiness  of  being  her 
husband  is  at  present  the  utmost  of  my  desires."-  — 
"  If  ^he  king  designs    you  another  wife,"  said    Don 

Lewis,   "how  will   you  dispense  with" — "The 

king  never  proposed  any  match  to  me,"  interrupted 
Belflor,  blushing.  "  Pray  pardon  that  fiction  in  a 
man  whose  reason  was  overpowered  by  love.     It  is  a 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  69 

r 

crime  which  the  violence  of  my  passion  hurried  me 
on  to  commit,  and  vvliich  I  expiate  by  confessing  it." 

"My  lord,"  replied  the  old  gentleman,  "  after  an 
acknowledgement  so  suitable  to  a  great  mind,  I  no 
longer  doubt  your  sincerity.  I  see  you  are  resolved 
effectually  to  repair  the  injury  we  have  received,  and 
my  anf;er  yields  to  the  assurances  you  have  given 
me.  Permit  me,  then,  to  forget  my  resentment  in 
your  arms."  At  these  words  he  ran  to  the  Count, 
who  flew  to  prevent  him.  They  mutually  embraced 
several  times;  and  Belflor  turning  himself  to  Don 
Pedro,  "And  you,  the  counterfeit  Don  Juan,"  said  he, 
"you  who  have  gained  my  esteem  by  an  unparalleled 
valour  and  a  noble  mind,  allow  me  to  vow  a  sincere 
fraternal  friendship  to  you."  At  these  words  he  em- 
braced Don  Pedro,  who  receiving  his  caresses  with  a 
submissive  and  respectful  air,  thus  answered  him  : 
"  My  lord,  in  promising  me  such  a  valuable  friend- 
ship, you  engage  mine  ;  and  I  entreat  that  you  would 
always  conclude  me  one  who  will  continue  devoted 
to  you  to  the  end  of  my  life." 

In  the  meanwhile,  Leonora,  who  was  listening  all 
the  time  at  the  chamber  door,  did  not  lose  one  word 
of  all  they  said.  She  was  at  first  tempted  to  throw 
herself  in  the  middle  of  the  swords,  without  knowing 
why ;  but  Marcella  prevented  her.  And  when  that 
dexterous  duenna  perceived  all  things  likely  to  end 
so  amicably,  she  concluded  that  her  presence  and 
that  of  her  mistr'jss  would  not  prejudice  the  accom- 
modation. Whereupon  they  both  appeared  with 
their  handkerchiefs  in  their  hands,  and  weeping, 
ran  to  prostrate  themselves  at  Don  Lewis's  feet. 
They    feared,  and    not   without    reason,  after   their 


70  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

being  surprised  last  night,  that  the  old  gentleman's 
anger  might  return;  but,  raising  Leonora,  he  said, 
"  Daughter,  dry  up  your  tears,  I  will  not  blame 
you  an\'  more,  since  your  lover  has  resolved  to  keep 
the  faith  which  he  has  sworn  to  you.  I  consent 
to  forget  what  is  past." 

"Yes,  Don  Lewis,"  said  the  Count,  "  I  will  marry 
Leonora ;  and  yet  more  effectually  to  repair  the 
injury  I  have  done  you,  to  give  you  an  entire  satis- 
faction, and  your  son  a  pledge  of  my  friendship  for 
him,  I  offer  him  my  sister  Eugenia." — "  Ah,  my 
lord,"  cried  Don  Lewis  in  a  rapture,  "  how  sensible 
am  I  of  the  honour  }0u  do  my  son  !  What  father  was 
ever  happier  ?  You  now  shower  as  much  joy  on  me 
as  before  you  loaded  me  with  sorrow." 

Though  the  old  man  was  charmed  with  the 
Count's  offer,  yet  Don  Pedro  was  not.  Being  wholly 
taken  up  with  the  thought  of  his  unknown  lady,  he 
was  so  disturbed  and  confused  that  he  could  not 
say  one  word.  But  Belflor,  without  regarding  his 
trouble,  departed  ;  telling  them  he  would  order  all 
the  necessary  preparations  to  be  made  for  this  double 
union,  and  assuring  them  that  he  was  impatient  till 
he  was  fixed  to  them  by  those  strict  bonds. 

After  his  departure  Don  Lewis  left  Leonora  in 
her  apartment,  and  went  into  his  own  with  Don 
Pedro,  who,  with  all  the  frankness  of  a  young 
student,  said:  "Sir,  I  beg  you  would  dispense  with 
my  marrying  the  Count's  sister  :  it  is  enough  that  he 
marry  Leonora;  that  will  be  sufficient  to  retrieve  the 
honour  of  our  family." — "  What,  son  !  "  replied  the 
old  man;  "can  you  refuse  the  Count's  sister.^" — 
*'Yes,    father,"  replied    Don  Pedro;  "that   union,  I 


THE  DBVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  71 

own,  would  prove  a  cruel  torment  to  me,  the  cause  of 
which  I  will  not  conceal.  It  is  now  six  months  since 
I  loved,  or  rather  adored,  a  charming  lady  ;  she  admits 
me,  and  she  alone  can  render  my  life  happy." 

"  How  miserable  is  the  state  of  a  father !  "  said 
Don  Lewis;  "he  scarce  ever  finds  his  children  dis- 
posed to  what  he  desires.  But  who  then  is  this  lady 
that  has  made  such  violent  impressions  on  you?" — 
"I  do  not  yet  know,"  answered  Don  Pedro;  "she  has 
promised  to  inform  me  v/hen  she  shall  be  fully  satis- 
fied of  my  discretion  and  constancy  ;  nor  do  I  doubt 
but  she  is  of  one  of  the  most  considerable  families  in 
Spain." 

"  And  do  you  fancy,"  replied  the  old  man,  chang- 
ing his  tone,  "  that  I  will  be  so  complaisant  as  to 
approve  your  romantic  love  ?  that  I  shall  suffer  you 
to  quit  the  most  glorious  establishment  that  fortune 
can  ever  offer  you,  to  keep  )-ou  constant  to  a  person 
of  whom  you  do  not  know  so  much  as  the  name.'' 
Stifle  rather  these  sentiments  for  an  object  which 
perhaps  may  be  unworthy  of  them,  and  think  of 
nothing  but  deserving  the  honour  which  the  Count 
is  doing  you." — "All  these  discourses  are  in  vain, 
father,"  replied  the  student ;  "  I  feel  it  impossible 
for  me  ever  to  forget  my  unknown  fair;  nothing 
can  disengage  me  from  her :  should  the  Infanta  be 

offered  me" "Hold,"  cried  the  father  hastily; 

"it  is  too  insolent  to  boast  a  constancy  which  raises 
my  anger.  Be  gone,  and  never  let  me  see  you  again, 
until  you  are  resolved  to  obey  me." 

Don  Pedro  durst  not  reply  to  these  words,  for  fear 
of  drawing  on  something  more  severe.  He  retired 
to  his  chamber,  where  he  passed  the  rest  of  the  night 


72  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

in  reflections  equally  melancholy  and  agreeable.  He 
considered  with  grief,  that  he  was  going  to  break 
with  all  his  family  by  refusing  to  marry  the  Count's 
sister.  But  he  was  perfectly  comforted,  when  he 
represented  to  himself  how  his  unknown  lady  must 
value  him  for  such  a  sacrifice.  He  flattered  himself 
that,  after  such  a  shining  proof  of  his  fidelity,  she 
would  not  fail  to  discover  her  quality,  which  he 
imagined  little  inferior  to  that  of  Eugenia's. 

With  these  hopes,  as  soon  as  it  was  day,  he  went 
to  take  a  walk  in  the  Prado,  expecting  the  appointed 
hour  to  go  to  the  apartment  of  Donna  Juana  ;  for 
that  was  the  name  of  the  lady  in  whose  lodgings  he 
used  to  meet  his  mistress  every  morning.  He  waited 
for  the  iuippy  moment  with  great  impatience;  and 
when  it  was  come,  flew  to  the  place  of  rendezvous. 

He  found  his  unknown  charmer  already  come 
thither  sooner  than  ordinary,  but  touched  with  such 
a  sensible  grief  as  expressed  itself  to  Donna  Juana 
in  showers  of  tears.  A  dismal  spectacle  for  her 
lover!  All  in  confusion  he  approached  her,  and 
flinging  himself  at  her  knees,  "Madam,"  said  he, 
"what  must  I  think  of  the  condition  in  which  I  see 
you  ?  "  —  "  Doubtless,"  answered  she,  "  you  do  not 
expect  the  fatal  blow  which  I  bring  you.  Cruel 
fortune  is  separating  us  for  ever,  and  we  are  never  to 
see  each  other  more." 

She  accompanied  these  words  with  so  many  sighs, 
that  I  do  not  know  whether  Don  Pedro  was  more 
touched  with  what  she  said,  or  the  grief  she  dis- 
covered in  the  utterance  of  it.  "Just  Heaven  !  "  cried 
he,  with  an  excess  of  rage  which  he  could  not  restrain, 
'  is  it  possible  for  you  to  suffer  the  breaking   of  a 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  73 

union,  the  innocence  of  which  you  know?  But, 
madam,"  adds  he,  "perhaps  you  have  taken  a  false 
akum.  Is  it  certainly  true  that  you  will  be  torn 
from  the  most  faithful  lover  that  ever  was?  Must  I 
really  be  the  most  miserable  of  all  men  ?  " — "  Our 
ill  fate  is  but  too  sure,"  answered  the  unknown  fair. 
"  My  brother,  on  whom  I  depend,  will  marry  me  this 
day,  as  he  has  just  this  minute  declared  to  me." — 
"Ah  !  who  is  that  happy  bridegroom  ?"  very  hastily 
replied   Don  Pedro;  "name  him  to  me,  madam;   I 

will  in  my  despair" "I  do  not  yet  know  his 

name,"  interrupted  the  lady;  "my  brother  would  not 
acquaint  me  with  it.  He  told  me  that  he  desired  I 
should  first  see  the  gentleman." 

"But,  madam,'  said  Don  Pedro,  "will  you  submit 
to  a  brother's  will  without  resistance  ?  Will  you 
suffer  yourself  to  be  dragged  to  the  aUar,  without 
complaining  of  the  cruelty  of  the  sacrifice?  Will 
you  make  no  attempts  in  my  favour?  Alas,  I  was 
not  afraid  of  exposing  myself  to  my  father's  rage, 
to  reserve  myself  entirely  yours  1  His  threats  could 
not  shake  my  fidelity  ;  and  with  what  rigour  soever  he 
may  treat  me,  I  will  not  marry  the  lady  he  proposes, 
though  the  match  is  very  advantageous."  —  "And 
who  is  this  lady  ?"  said  the  unknown  beauty.  "  It  is 
the  Count  de  Belflor's  sister,"  replied  the  student. 
"  Ah,  Don  Pedro  ! "  reph'ed  she,  discovering  an  extreme 
surprise,  "you  doubtless  mistake;  you  are  not  sure 
of  what  you  say  ?  Is  it  really  Eugenia  de  Belflor 
who  is  proposed  to  )'Ou  ? " 

"Yes,  madam,"  replied  Don  Pedro,  "the  Count 
himself  made  me  the  ofier." — "How,"  cried  she,  "is 
it  possible  that  you  should  be  the  cavalier  for  whom 


74  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

my  brother  designs  me  ? " — "  What  do  I  hear  ?  "  cried 
Don  Pedro  in  his  turn;  "is  my  unknown  angel  then 
Eugenia  de  Belflor  ?  " — "  Yes,  Don  Pedro,"  replied 
she ;  "  but  I  scarce  believe  myself  this  moment  to 
be  any  longer  so :  so  hard  is  it  for  me  to  persuade 
myself  of  the  reality  of  the  happiness  of  which  you 
assure  me." 

At  these  words  Don  Pedro  embraced  her  knees, 
seized  one  of  her  hands,  with  all  the  raptures  that  a 
lover  suddenly  removed  from  the  extremities  of  pain 
to  the  excess  of  joy  could  possibly  feel.  Whilst  he 
thus  abandoned  himself  to  the  emotions  of  his  love, 
Eugenia,  on  her  part,  gave  him  a  thousand  proofs  of 
her  affection,  which  she  accompanied  with  tender 
engaging  expressions.  "  What  racking  pains,"  said 
she,  "  would  my  brother  have  spared  me,  had  he 
but  named  the  husband  he  designed  me!  what  an 
aversion  had  I  alread\'  conceived  for  my  spouse! 
Ah,  my  dear  Don  Pedro,  how  much  did  I  hate  you  !" 
— "Bright  Eugenia,"  answered  he,  "how  charming 
is  that  hatred  to  me!  I  will  deserve  it  by  adoring 
you  all  my  life." 

After  these  two  lovers  had  given  each  other  all 
the  most  moving  signs  of  their  mutual  tenderness, 
Eugenia  desired  to  know  how  the  student  could  gain 
her  brother's  friendship.  Don  Pedro  did  not  conceal 
from  her  the  amours  of  the  Count  and  his  sister,  but 
related  to  her  all  that  passed  the  last  night.  She 
was  infinitely  pleased  to  hear  that  her  brother  was 
to  marry  her  lover's  sister;  and  Donna  Juana  had 
too  great  a  share  in  her  friend's  fate  not  to  be 
t(Miched  with  this  happy  event.  She  testified  her 
j()\-  to  her  as  well  as  to  Don  Pedro,  who  at  last  left 


THE  DEVIL  UrON  TWO  STICKS.  75 

Eugenia,  after  their  having-  mutually  resolved  not  to 
seem  to  know  one  another  when  theyappeared  before 
the  Count. 

Don  Pedro  returned  to  his  father,  who,  finding 
him  perfectly  disposed  to  obedience,  was  the  better 
pleased,  because  he  ascribed  it  to  his  absolute  manner 
of  deporting  himself  towards  his  son  the  last  night. 
They  were  expecting  news  from  the  Count,  the  very 
minute  they  received  a  letter  from  him,  which  advised 
them,  that  he  had  just  obtained  the  king's  consent  to 
his  marriage,  and  that  of  his  sister,  with  the  addition 
of  a  considerable  post  for  Don  Pedro ;  that  on  the 
morrow  both  nuptials  might  be  celebrated,  his  orders 
having  been  so  diligently  executed,  that  all  the  pre- 
parations were  already  far  advanced.  He  came  in 
the  afternoon  to  confirm  what  he  had  written,  and  to 
present  Eugenia  to  them. 

Don  Lewis  showed  that  lady  all  imaginable  civili- 
ties, and  Leonora  did  not  neglect  tenderly  embracing 
her.  As  for  Don  Pedro,  by  whatsoever  emotions 
of  love  and  joy  he  was  agitated,  he  yet  sufficiently 
restrained  himself,  to  avoid  the  Count's  having  any 
suspicion  of  their  former  correspondence. 

Belflor,  particularly  applying  himself  to  observe 
his  sister,  thought  he  discovered,  notwithstending 
the  constraint  she  imposed  on  herself,  that  she  did 
not  dislike  Don  Pedro.  But  the  better  to  assure 
himself  of  the  truth  of  this  conjecture,  he  took  her 
aside  for  a  moment,  and  made  her  own  that  she 
was  extremely  well  pleased  with  her  cavalier.  He 
then  told  her  his  name  and  family,  which  he  before 
concealed,  lest  the  inequality  of  their  conditions 
should  have  prejudiced  her  against  him  :  all  this  she 


76  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

pretended  to  hear  as  though  utterly  ignorant  of  it 
before. 

At  last,  after  the  exchange  of  a  multitude  of 
civilities  on  both  sides,  it  was  resolved  that  the 
wedding  should  be  kept  at  Don  Lewis's  house ;  and 
the  nuptial  festivities  are  this  night  acting,  but  not 
finished  ;  and  that  is  the  reason  of  so  great  rejoicing 
in  that  house,  in  which  all  the  company  unanimously 
join,  except  Marcella,  who  has  no  share  in  it.  She 
cries  while  the  rest  laugh;  for  the  Count  de  Belflor, 
after  his  marriage,  confessed  the  whole  story  to 
Don  Lewis,  who  has  ordered  her  to  be  sent  to  the 
monasterio  de  los  arrepentidas,  where  the  thousand 
pistoles  which  she  received  to  seduce  Leonora  will 
serve  her  to  do  penance  the  remainder  of  her  life. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  77 


CHAPTER  VI. 

OTHER  PARTICULARS  WHICH  THE  STUDENT  SAW,  AND 
THE  MANNER  OF  HIS  BEING  REVENGED  ON  DONNA 
THOMAS  A. 

"  Let  us  turn  to  the  other  side,"  continued  Asmodeus, 
"and  run  over  some  new  objects.  Cast  your  eyes  on 
the  first  house  directly  under  us,  where  you  will  see 
something  extraordinary.  It  is  a  man  considerably 
in  debt,  in  a  profound  sleep." — "  He  must  then  be  a 
man  of  quality,"  said  Leandro.  "You  have  guessed 
right,"  answered  the  demon.  "It  is  a  Marquis  who 
has  a  hundred  thousand  ducats  a  }ear,  and  yet  his 
expenses  exceed  his  income.  His  table  and  his 
mistresses  oblige  him  to  run  considerably  in  debt, 
and  yet  it  does  not  break  his  rest.  On  the  contrary, 
when  he  has  a  mind  to  run  in  a  tradesman's  debt,  he 
fancies  that  he  is  obliging  him  extremely.  'It  is 
with  you,'  said  he  the  other  day  to  a  draper,  'it  is 
with  you,  for  the  future,  I  intend  to  deal  upon  credit, 
and  I  give  you  the  preference.' 

"Whilst   the   Marquis   is   enjoying  the    sweets    of 
repose,  which  he  is  robbing  his  creditors  of,  observe 

that    man   who  " —  "  Stay,   Signor    Asmodeus," 

interrupted  Don  Cleofas  hastily,  "  I  see  a  coach  in 
the  street,  which  1  cannot   let   pass  without   asking 


78  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

who  is  in  it." — "Hush!"  said  the  cripple,  lowering 
his  voice,  as  if  he  was  afraid  of  being  o\'erheard ; 
"  }'ou  are  to  know  there  is  in  that  coach  one  of  the 
gravest  persons  of  the  realm  in  disguise.  He  is  a 
president  going  to  make  merry  with  an  old  Asturian 
lady,  who  is  subservient  to  his  pleasures.  That  he 
may  not  be  known,  he  has  taken  Caligula's  precau- 
tion, Who  on  such  another  occas^ion  put  on  a  peruke 
to  disguise  himself 

"  Let  us  return  to  the  scene  I  was  going  to  lay 
before  you  when  you  interrupted  me.  Observe,  in 
the  uppermost  part  of  the  Marquis's  palace,  a  man 
very  busy  in  his  closet,  which  is  full  of  books  and 
manuscripts." — "  Perhaps,"  said  Zambullo,  "  it  is  the 
Marquis's  steward,  who  is  contriving  means  to  pay 
his  master's  debts."  —  "Good,"  replied  the  devil; 
"  that  must  needs  be  what  stewards  of  such  families 
amuse  themselves  with.  Their  business  is  rather  to 
make  an  advantage  of  the  disorder  of  their  master's 
affairs  than  extricate  them  out  of  it.  So  that  it  is 
not  a  steward  you  see  there,  but  an  author.  The 
Marquis  has  lodged  him  in  his  palace,  to  give  him- 
self an  air  of  encouraging  men  of  letters." — "  This 
author,  then,"  replied  Don  Cleofas,  "  is  a  man  of 
some  note." — "You  are  to  judge  of  that  yourself," 
answered  the  demon ;  "  he  is  surrounded  by  a  thou- 
sand volumes,  and  is  compiling  one,  in  which  there 
will  not  be  a  line  of  his  own.  He  pilfers  from  all 
those  books  and  manuscripts,  and,  though  he  only 
methodises  and  connects  his  thefts,  yet  he  has  a 
larger  share  of  vanity  than  a  real  author. 

"You  do  not  know,"  continued  the  spirit,  "who 
lives  within  three   doors  of  this  palace.     It   is    La 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS:  79 

Chicona,  whom  I  have  already  made  such  honour- 
able mention  of  in  the  story  of  Count  de  Belflor." — 
"Ah,  how  I  am  ravished  at  the  sight  of  her!"  said 
the  student.  "  The  good  woman,  so  very  serviceable 
to  young  people,  is  doubtless  one  of  these  two  old 
women  which  I  see  in  that  room.  The  one  is  leaning 
with  her  elbows  on  the  table,  earnestly  looking  on  the 
other,  who  is  telling  money.  Which  of  the  two  is  La 
Chicona  ?  " — "  She,"  said  the  demon,  "  leaning  on  her 
elbows.  The  other  is  called  La  Pebrada,  an  honour- 
able lady  of  the  same  occupation  ;  they  aare  partners, 
and  at  this  moment  dividing  the  profits  of  an  adven- 
ture which  they  have  just  now  brought  to  bear. 

"  La  Pebrada  has  the  best  trade,  and  deals  with 
several  rich  widows,  to  whom  she  carries  her  list  to 
read  every  day." — "  What  do  you  mean  b}-  her  list .''  " 
interrupted  the  student.  "  It  is,"  replied  Asmodeus, 
"  a  catalogue  of  all  the  handsome  foreigners  who  come 
to  Madrid,  especially  French.  As  soon  as  ever  La 
Pebrada  hears  any  fresii  ones  are  arrived,  she  runs 
to  their  inns,  and  slyly  informs  herself  of  their  birth, 
shape,  air,  and  age.  She  then  makes  her  report  to 
the  widows,  who  consider  of  it  ;  and,  if  they  are  so 
inclined.  La  Pebrada  brings  them  to  the  speech  of 
the  said  strangers." 

"This  is  not  only  very  convenient,"  replied  Zam- 
buUo,  "but  in  a  sort  lawful  ;  for  without  these  good 
ladies  and  their  agents,  youag  strangers,  who  have  no 
acquaintance  here,  would  be  obliged  to  the  expense 
of  an  infinite  deal  of  time  to  create  some.  But  pray 
tell  me,  are  there  any  of  this  sort  of  widows  and  neces- 
sary ladies  in  other  countries  .?  " — "  A  pretty  question 
indeed,  whether  there  are!"   answered   tlie   cripple. 


8o  ASMODEUS;  OR, 

"  Do  you  doubt  it  ?  I  should  very  ill  acquit  myself 
in  my  office,  if  I  neglected  to  stock  all  great  cities 
with  them. 

"  Give  your  attention  a  little  to  a  neighbour  of  La 
Chicona,  that  printer  at  work  alone  in  his  printing- 
house.  He  has  sent  his  servants  to  bed  these  three 
hours,  and  is  going  to  spend  the  night  in  printing  a 
book  privately." — "  How  !  what  can  it  be  then  ?  " 
said  Leandro.  "  It  is  a  libel,"  answered  the  demon  ; 
"  it  proves  that  religion  is  preferable  to  points  of 
honour,  and  that  it  is  better  to  forgive  than  revenge 
an  affront." — "  What  a  rascal ! "  cried  the  student ; 
"  he  does  well  to  print  h.s  infamous  book  in  private; 
nor  would  I  advise  the  author  to  own  it,  for  I  should 
be  one  of  the  first  to  cane  him.  What !  does  religion 
forbid  the  preservation  of  our  honour  .-•  " — "  Do  not 
let  us  enter  upon  that  dispute,"  interrupted  Asmo- 
deus,  with  an  ill-natured  smile.  "  It  seems  }ou  have 
improved  well  by  the  lectures  of  morality  you  have 
received  at  Alcala.  I  give  you  joy  of  \our  improve- 
ment."— "  You  may  say  what  you  please,"  inter- 
rupted Don  Cleofas  in  his  turn,  "  but  let  the  author's 
arguments  be  the  most  beautiful  and  clear  that  can 
be  invented,  I  shall  laugh  at  them  ;  I  am  a  Spaniard, 
and  nothing  in  the  world  is  so  sweet  to  me  as  revenge. 
And  since  you  have  promised  to  do  me  justice  on  my 
perfidious  mistress,  I  demand  that  you  keep  your 
word." 

"  I  yield  with  pleasure  to  the  transport  that  fires 
you,"  said  the  devil.  "  Oh,  how  I  love  those  bold 
spirits  who  pursue  all  their  inclinations  without 
scruple  1  I  will  this  moment  satisfy  )-ou  ;  the  time 
of  vour  vencreance  is  near  at  hand.     But  I  would  first 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  Sr 

show  you  something  that  will  divert  you  extremely. 
Carry  your  eye  beyond  the  printing-house,  and  take 
notice  of  what  is  doing  in  an  apartment  hung  with 
crimson  cloth." — "  I  see  five  or  six  women/'  answered 
Leandro,  "  crowding  and  pressing  one  another,  to 
thrust  glass  bottles  into  the  hands  of  a  sort  of  a  ser- 
vant, and  they  appear  to  me  in  a  violent  agitation." 

"  These  are,"  replied  the  cripple,  "  devout  ladies, 
who  have  great  reason  for  their  uneasiness,  for  in  that 
apartment  is  an  inquisitor  who  lies  sick.  Tliis  vener- 
able person,  who  is  about  five  and  thirty,  is  lodged  in 
a  chamber  near  where  you  see  those  women.  Two  of 
his  favourite  penitents  are  watching  with  him.  One  is 
emplo}'ed  in  making  him  broths,  and  the  other  at  his 
bolster  is  keeping  his  head  warm,  and  covering  his 
stomach  with  a  stomacher  made  of  fifty  lambs'  skins." 
— "What  is  his  distemper,  then.''"  said  Zambullo. 
"A  little  cold  in  his  head,"  replied  the  devil ;  "and  it 
is  to  be  feared  the  rheum  may  fall  on  his  lungs. 

"The  other  women  you  see  in  his  an; .chamber 
are  also  devout  ladies,  who,  on  the  news  of  his  indis- 
position, ran  thither  in  all  haste  with  medicines.  One 
of  them  has  brought  him,  for  his  cough,  syrups  of 
jujubes,  marshmallows,  coral,  and  coltsfoot ;  another, 
to  preserve  his  reverence's  lungs,  is  laden  with  syrups 
of  long  life,  veronica,  immortality,  and  elixir  pro- 
prietatis:  another,  to  fortify  his  brain  and  stomach, 
has  brought  balm,  cinnamon,  and  treacle  -  w-iter ; 
besides  the  divine  water,  and  essences  of  nutmegs 
and  ambergris  :  this  comes  to  offer  him  anacardine, 
and  bezoardic  confections;  and  that,  tincture  of  clove 
gillyflowers,  coral,  milleflorum,  the  sun.  and  emeralds. 
All  these  women  are  boasting  the  efficac\'  of  their 

r 


82  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

medicines  to  the  inquisitor's  footman  ;  the}'  take  him 
aside  one  after  another;  and  each  of  them,  clapping 
a  ducat  in  his  hand,  thus  whispers  him  in  the  ear: 
'  Laurence,  dear  Laurence,  I  entreat  you  not  to  fail 
preferring  my  medicines  to  all  the  rest.'" 

"  Bless  me  !  "  cried  Don  Cleofas  ;  "  what  happy 
mortals  are  these  inquisitors  !  " — "  Indeed  are  they," 
replied  Asmodeus;  "  I  m}-self  almost  env}'  their  hap- 
piness ;  andj  as  Alexander  once  said,  *  That,  were  he 
not  Alexander,  he  could  wish  to  be  Diogenes,'  so  I 
might  well  say,  That,  were  I  not  a  devil,  I  would 
be  an  inquisitor.  Come,  Signor  Student,"  added  he, 
"  now  let  us  go  and  punish  that  base  woman  who  so 
ill  returned  your  tenderness."  Upon  which,  Zanibullo 
took  hold  of  the  end  of  Asmodeus's  cloak,  who  cleft 
the  air  a  se\.ond  time  with  him,  and  set  him  down  on 
Donna  Thomasa's  house. 

The  baggage  was  at  table  with  the  four  bullies  who 
had  pursued  the  student  over  the  tiles  ;  he  trembled 
with  outrageous  resentment  to  see  them  eat  a  brace 
of  partridges  and  a  rabbit,  and  empty  several  bottks 
of  wine,  for  which  he  liad  paid  and  sent  thither.  To 
crown  his  vexation,  he  saw  there  was  nothing  but  mirth 
going  forward  ;  and  found,  by  the  demonstrations 
Donna  Thomasa  gave,  that  the  company  of  these 
wretches  was  more  agreeable  to  that  abandoned 
creature  than  his  own.  "  Ah,  rascals ! "  cried  he, 
inflamed  with  rage;  "how  deliciously  they  fare  at 
my  expense  !  and  a  fine  mortification  this  to  me." 

"  I  confess,"  said  the  devil,  "  it  is  no  very  pleasant 
sight ;  but  they  who  will  frequent  such  loose  ladies 
must  expect-  ;idventures  of  this  kind  ;  they  happen 
every  day  in  France  to  abbes,  men  of  the  long  robe, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  .^3 

and  rich  farmers  of  the  revenue." — "  If  I  had  a  sword," 
replied  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  would  break  in  upon  these 
villains  and  spoil  their  entertainment." — "  You  would 
be  overmatched,"  replied  the  cripple;  "leave  your 
revenge  to  me,  I  will  compass  it  better  than  you  ;  I 
will  this  moment  set  them  together  by  the  ears,  by 
inspiring  them  with  a  lascivious  flame,  and  they  shall 
draw  their  swo^'ds  upon  each  other  ;  you  will  see  a  fine 
uproar  presentl}^" 

At  these  words  he  blew ;  and  out  of  his  mouth 
issued  a  violet-coloured  vapour,  that  descended 
waving  like  a  squib,  and  spread  itself  over  Donna 
Thomasa's  table.  One  of  the  guests  immediately 
feeling  the  effect  of  this  blast,  drew  near  the  lady, 
and  passionately  embraced  her;  but  the  others, 
pushed  on  by  the  force  of  the  same  vapour,  endea- 
voured to  tear  her  from  him.  Each  pretended  to 
the  preference,  which  they  began  to  dispute,  and  a 
jealous  rage  possessed  all  their  minds;  they  came  to 
blows,  drew  their  swords,  and  began  to  engage  very 
warmly.  In  the  meanwhile  Donna  Thomasa  shrieked 
in  a  horrible  manner,  and  the  neighbourhood  was  im- 
mediately alarmed  :  they  cried  out  for  the  officers  of 
justice  to  come ;  which  they  immediately  did,  broke 
open  the  courtesan's  doors,  found  two  of  the  ruffians 
dead  on  the  spot,  seized  the  rest,  and  carried  them  to 
prison,  with  Donna  Thomasa,  who,  cr\ing  and  tear- 
ing her  hair,  lost  all  patience,  whilst  her  guards  were 
not  a  jot  more  moved  than  Zambullo,  who  laughed 
very  heartily  with  Asmodeus. 

"Well,"  said  the  demon  to  the  student,  "are  you 
satisfied?" — "No,"  replied  Don  Cleofas;  "if  you 
would   satisfy  m^  entirely,  you   must  show  me  the 


S4  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

prison.  What  exquisite  pleasure  it  will  be  to  me, 
to  see  that  wretch  who  made  a  jest  of  my  passion 
shut  up  there !  I  find  that  I  now  hate  her  more 
than  before  I  loved  her." — "  With  all  my  heart," 
replied  the  devil ;  "  you  shall  always  find  me  ready 
to  oblige  you,  though  it  were  even  against  my  incli- 
nation and  interest,  so  that  it  be  for  your  good." 

In  a  moment  they  reached  the  prison,  where,  soon 
after,  the  two  bullies  were  brought,  and  clapped  into 
a  dark  dungeon.  As  for  Thomasa,  she  was  lodged 
on  straw,  with  three  or  four  loose  women  who  had 
been  taken  up  that  day,  and  who,  on  the  morrow, 
were  to  be  carried  to  the  place  appointed  for  such. 
creatures. 

"  Now  I  am  satisfied,"  said  Zambullo  ;  "  I  have  had 
the  pleasure  of  a  full  revenge.  My  friend  Thomasa 
will  not  pass  the  night  so  agreeably  as  she  expected. 
Let  us  go  and  pursue  our  observations  where  you 
please." — "  This  is  a  place  very  proper  for  them," 
answered  the  spirit  ;  "  there  are  here  a  great  number 
of  guilty  and  innocent  people  ;  and  it  is  a  retirement 
which  begins  the  punishments  of  the  one,  and  puri- 
fies the  virtue  of  the  others.  I  will  show  you  some 
prisoners  of  each  kind,  and  tell  you  why  they  are 
kept  in  chains." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS. 


CHAPTER    VII. 

OF    THE   PRISONERS. 

"  Before  I  enter  into  particulars,  pray  take  notice  of 
the  gaolers  at  the  entrance  into  these  horrid  places. 
The  ancient  poets  placed  but  one  Cerberus  at  hell 
gates,  but  here  is  a  far  greater  number,  as  you  see. 
These  gaolers  are  villains  who  have  lost  all  senti- 
ments of  humanity.  The  wickedest  of  my  brethren 
couki  hardly  supply  the  place  of  one.  But  I  find," 
added  he,  "  you  look  with  horror  on  these  rooms, 
where  all  the  furniture  is  a  wretched  bed  ;  and  those 
frightful  dungeons  appear  to  you  like  so  many  graves. 
It  is  with  reason  that  you  are  astonished  at  the  misery 
of  these  places,  and  pity  the  fate  of  those  wretches 
whom  the  law  detains  in  them.  Yet  they  do  not  all 
deserve  tiie  same  compassion  ;  their  merits,  therefore, 
shall  be  the  subject  of  our  examination. 

"  First  of  all,  in  that  large  chamber  on  the  right, 
are  four  men  lying  on  those  two  wretched  beds  you 
see.  One  is  a  vintner  accused  of  poisoning  a  stranger, 
who  the  other  day  dropped  down  dead  in  his  house. 
It  is  pretended  that  the  quality  of  the  wine  killed 
the  deceased  ;  but  the  vintner  alleges  it  was  the 
quantity,  and  will  be  believed  at  his  trial,  for  the 
stranger  w^as  a  German." — "  And  which  of  them  are 


86  ASMODEUS :  OR, 

in  the  right  ? "  said  Don  Cleofas  ;  "  the  vintner,  or  his 
prosecutors?" — "The  affair  is  extremely  delicate," 
answered  the  devil.  "  It  is  true  the  wine  was  adul- 
terated ;  but,  on  my  conscience,  the  German  had 
drank  so  largely,  that  the  judges  may  safely  set  the 
vintner  at  liberty. 

"  The  second  prisoner  is  by  profession  an  assassi- 
nator, one  of  those  cut-throats  called  valieiites,  who, 
for  four  or  five  pistoles,  are  very  ready  to  oblige  such 
with  the  use  of  their  arm,  that  will  be  at  the  expense 
to  be  privately  rid  of  an  enemy.  The  third  is  a 
fop  of  a  dancing  master,  who  taught  one  of  his  female 
scholars  a  false  step.  The  fourth  is  a  lover,  caught 
by  the  watch  as  he  was  scaling  the  balcony  of  a 
woman  of  his  acquaintance  whose  husband  was 
absent.  It  is  his  own  fault  he  does  not  get  out,  by 
declaring  his  design  was  purely  amorous;  but  he 
cho'oses  rather  to  pass  for  a  thief,  and  run  the  risk  of 
his  life,  than  expose  his  mistress's  honouF. 

"A  very  discreet  lorer  indeed,"  said  the  student; 
"it  must  be  owned  that  our  nation  outdoes  all  others 
in  point  of  gallantry.  I  dare  venture  a  wager,  that 
there  is  not  a  Frenchman  in  the  world,  for  example, 
that  would  suffer  himself  to  be  hanged  for  his  dis- 
cretion."— '•'No,  I  assure  you,"  said  the  devil;  "a 
Frenchman  would  sooner  clamber  over  a  balcony  to 
disgrace  the  woman  that  should  do  him  any  favour. 

"  In  the  closet  next  to  these  four  men,"  continued 
he,  "is  a  famous  witch,  who  has  the  reputation  of 
being  able  to  do  impossibilities.  By  her  art,  it  is  re- 
ported, old  widow  ladies  find  gallants  that  love  them 
on  the  square  ;  husbands  become  just  to  their  wives  ; 
and  coquettes,  really  in  love  with  the  rich  gallants 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  87 

that  keep  them.  But  nothing  is  more  false;  she  is 
not  mistress  of  any  other  secret  than  that  of  per- 
suading the  world  she  is  so,  and  of  livine^  hand- 
somely  on  that  opinion.  This  poor  creature  the 
inquisition  claims,  and  very  probably  she  will  be 
burnt  at  the  first  at^^to  da  fe.  Under  the  closet  there 
is  a  dungeon  that  serves  for  a  lodging  to  a  young 
vintner." — "  What  !  my  host  again?"  cried  Leandro; 
*' sure  these  people  have  a  mind  to  poison  all  the 
world." — "This  man's  case  is  not  the  same,"  replied 
Asmodeus  ;  "  he  was  seized  yesterday,  and  is  like- 
wise claimed  by  the  inquisition.  I  will,  in  a  few 
words,  relate  to  you  the  subject  of  his  commitment. 

"An  old  soldier,  by  his  courage,  or  rather  patience, 
having  mounted  to  the  post  of  a  sergeant  in  his 
company,  came  to  raise  recruits  in  this  city.  He 
inquired  for  a  lodging  at  an  inn,  where  he  was  an- 
swered that  they  had  indeed  empty  rooms,  but  that 
they  could  not  recommend  any  of  them  to  him,  be- 
cause the  house  was  haunted  every  night  by  a  spirit, 
which  treated  all  strangers  very  ill  that  were  rash 
enough  to  lodge  there.  This  did  not  at  all  balk  our 
sergeant.  '  Put  me  in  what  chamber  you  please,' 
said  he;  'do  but  give  me  a  candle,  wine,  pipes  and 
tobacco  ;  and  as  for  the  spirit,  never  trouble  }'ourself 
about  it ;  ghosts  have  a  respect  for  men  of  war,  v/ho 
are  grown  old  in  the  service.' 

"As  he  seemed  so  resolute,  he  was  shown  into  a 
chamber,  where  all  that  he  desired  was  brought  to 
him.  He  fell  to  drinking  and  smoking  till  midnight, 
and  no  spirit  had  yet  disturbed  the  profound  silence 
that  reigned  in  the  house  :  one  would  have  imagined 
he  feared  this  new.  guest ;  but,  betwixt  one  and  two. 


88  ASMODBUS  :T)Rr 

the  sergeant,  all  of  a  sudden,  heard  a  terrible  noise, 
like  the  rattling  of  old  iron,  and  immediately  saw, 
entering  his  chamber,  an  apparition  clothed  in  black, 
and  laden  all  round  with  iron  chains.  Our  smoker, 
not  in  the  least  affrighted  at  this  sight,  drew  his 
sword,  advanced  towards  the  spirit,  and  with  the 
flat  side  of  it  gave  him  a  very  severe  blow  on  the 
head.  The  apparition,  not  much  used  to  meet  with 
such  bold  guests,  cried  out  ;  and,  perceiving  the 
soldier  going  to  begin  again  with  him,  he  most 
humbl}'  prostrated  himself  at  his  feet.  '  Mr.  Ser- 
geant,' said  he,  '  for  God's  sake,  do  not  give  me  any 
more,  but  have  mercy  on  a  poor  devil  that  casts  him- 
self at  your  feet  1  I  conjure  you,  by  St.  James,  who, 
as  you  are,  was  a  great  soldier.' — '  If  you  are  willing 
to  save  your  lile,'  answered  the  soldier,  '  you  must 
tell  me  who  you  are,  and  speak  without  the  least 
prevarication,  or  else  this  moment  I  cut  you  down  the 
middle,  as  your  knights  of  old  were  used  to  serve  the 
giants  they  encountered.'  At  tliese  words  the  ghost, 
finding  what  sort  of  a  man  he  had  to  do  with,  resolved 
to  own  all. 

" '  I  am  the  principal  servant  of  this  inn,'  replied 
the  spirit  ;  '  my  name  is  Guillermo  :  I  am  in  love 
with  my  master's  only  daughter,  and  she  does  not 
dislike  me ;  but  the  father  and  mother,  having  a 
better  match  in  view,  in  order  to  compel  them  to 
make  me  their  son-in-law,  the  girl  and  I  have  agreed 
that  I  shall,  every  night,  act  the  part  which  I  now  do. 
I  wrap  myself  up  in  a  long  black  cloak,  and  hang  the 
jack-chain  about  my  neck.  Thus  equipped,  I  run 
up  and  down  the  house,  from  the  cellar  to  the  garret, 
and    make    all    the    noise   which    you    have   heard. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  89 

When  I  am  at  my  master  and  mistress's  chamber 
door,  I  stop  and  cry  out,  Do  not  hope  that  I  will 
ever  let  you  rest,  till  }'0u  marry  Juanna  to  Guillermo, 
your  upper  drawer.  After  having  pronounced  these 
words  with  a  hoarse  broken  voice,  I  continue  my 
noise  ;  and  at  a  window  enter  the  closet  where  Juanna 
lies  alone,  togiveher  an  account  of  what  I  have  done. 
Mr.  Sergeant,'  continued  Guillermo,  '  you  see  I  have 
told  \-ou  the  whole  truth.  I  know  that  after  this  con- 
fession you  may  ruin  me  by  discovering  it  to  my 
master;  but,  if  you  please  to  serve,  instead  of  un- 
doing me,  I  swear  that    my  acknowledgments' 

— 'Alas!  what  service  can  I  do  thee?'  interrupted 
the  soldier.  '  Yon  need  no  more,'  returned  Guillermo, 
'than  to  say  to-morrow  that  you  have  seen  the  spirit  ; 
that  it  so  terribly  affrighted  you  ' — '  How,  ter- 
ribly affrighted  !'  interrupted  the  soldier;  'would  you 
have  Sergeant  Aiinibal  Antonio  Quebrantador  own 
such  a    thing  as  fear  ?     I  had   rather  ten    thousand 

devils  should  ' — 'That  is  not  absolutely  neces- 

sar\-,'  interrupted  Guillermo  ;  '  and  after  all,  it  is  not 
much  matter  what  you  say,  provided  you  second  my 
design.  And  when  I  have  married  Juanna,  and  am 
settled,  I  promise  to  treat  you  and  all  \-our  friends 
nobly  for  nothing  every  day.' — '  You  are  a  very 
tempting  person,  Mr.  Guillermo,'  said  the  soldier. 
'You  prcjpose  to  me  to  support  a  trick  :  it  is  a  serious 
affair,  which  requires  mature  deliberation  ;  but  the 
consequences  hurry  me  on.  Go,  continue  your  noise, 
give  your  account  to  Juanna,  and  I  will  take  care  of 
the  rest' 

"  Accordingly  next  morning  he  said  to   his  land- 
lor  1  and  landlady  :'  '  I  have  seen  the  spirit,  and  have 


00  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

talked  with  it.  It,  is  a  very  honest  feUovv.  I  am, 
said  he,  the  great-grandfather  of  the  master  of  this 
house.  I  had  a  daughter  whom  I  promised  to  the 
father  of  the  grandfather  of  this  drawer.  However, 
neglecting  the  word  I  had  given  liim,  I  married  her 
to  another,  and  died  soon  after,  and  ever  since  am 
tormented  as  the  punishment  of  my  perjury,  and 
shall  never  be  at  rest  till  one  of  my  family  shall 
marry  one  of  Guillermo's  ;  and  it  is  for  this  reason  I 
walk  here   every  night.     Yet  it  is  to  no  purpose  that 

1  bid  them  marry  J u anna  to  their  head  drawer.  The 
son  of  my  grandson  and  his  wife  turn  the  deaf  ear  to 
all  I  can  say.  But  tell  them,  if  you  please,  Mr. 
Sergeant,  that  if  they  do  not  immediately  comply 
with  my  desires,  I  shall  proceed  to  action,  and  will 
torment  them  both  in  an  extraordinary  manner.' 

"  The  host,  being  silly  enough,  was  terrified  at  this 
discourse  ;  but  the  hostess,  yet  more  silly  than  her 
husband,  fancying  that  the  spirit  was  always  at  her 
heels,  consented  to  the  match  ;  and  Guillermo  mar- 
ried Juanna  the  next  da}',  and  set  up  in  another  part 
of  the  town.  Sergeant  Quebrantador  did  not  fail  to 
visit  him  often  ;  and  he,  in  acknowledgment  of  the 
service  he  had  done  him,  gave  him  as  much  wine  as 
he  cared  for.  This  so  pleased  the  soldier,  that  he 
brought  thither  not  only  all  his  friends,  but  listed 
his  men  there,  and  made  all  his  recruits  drunk. 

'•But  at  last  Guillermo,  growing  weary  of  satiating 
S'.ich  a  crew  of  drunkards,  told  the  soldier  his  mind  ; 
who,  without  ever  thinking  that  he  had  exceeded  the 
agreement,  was  so  unjust  as  to  call  Guillermo  a  little 
ungrateful  rascal.  The  host  answered  •  the  sergeant 
replied  ;  and  the  dialogue  ended  with  several  strokes 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  91 

with  the  flat  side  of  the  sword,  which  Guillermo  re- 
ceived. Several  persons  pa3sing  by  took  the  vintner's 
part  ;  the  sergeant  wounded  three  or  four,  but  was 
suddenly  fallen  on  by  a  crowd  of  alguazils,  who  seized 
him  as  a  disturber  of  the  public  peace,  and  carried 
him  to  prison.  He  there  declared  all  that  I  have 
told  you,  and  upon  his  deposition  the  officers  have 
also  seized  Guillermo  ;  the  father-in-law  requires  the 
annulling  of  the  marriage  ;  and  the  holy  office,  being 
informed  that  Guillermo  is  rich,  have  thought  fit  to 
take  cognisance  of  it." 

"As  I  hope  to  be  saved,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "  this 
same  holy  inquisition  is  very  alert.      The    moment 

they  see  the  least  glimpse  of  profit " — "Softly," 

interrupted  the  cripple,  "  have  a  care  what  freedom 
you  take  with  this  tribunal,  for  it  has  its  spies  every- 
where, even  of  things  that  were  never  spoken.  I 
myself  dare  not  speak  of  it  without  trembling. 
Over  the  unfortunate  Guillermo,  in  the  first  room 
on  the  left,  are  two  men  that  deserve  your  pity. 
One  of  them  is  a  young  va/e^  de  chambre,  admitted 
by  his  mastt-r's  wife  as  a  lover.  One  day  the 
liusband  caught  tliem  in  the  fact ;  the  woman  im- 
mediately cried  out  for  help,  and  accused  the  vnlct 
de  chambre  of  a  rape.  The  unfortunate  fellow  was 
seized,  and  will,  in  all  likelihood,  be  sacrificed  to 
his  mistress's  reputation.  The  valet  de  cJiambrcs 
companion,  still  less  guilty,  is  very  nedr  his  end. 
He  is  a  duchess's  gentleman,  who  being  robbed  of 
a  large  diamond,  he  is  accused  of  the  theft.  He 
will  to-morrow  be  put  to  the  torture,  till  he  con- 
fesses the  fact,  which  was  in  truth  committed  by  an 
old  waiting  woman,  w  honi  nobody  dares  suspect." 


92  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

'  Ah,  Signer  Asmodeus,"  said  Leandro,  "let  me 
entfeat  you  to  help  this  young  gentleman;  I  am 
concerned  for  his  innocence;  keep  off,  by  your  power, 
the   cruel  tortures  that  threaten  him;   his  innocence 

deserves" — "  You  do  not  consider  what  you  ask, 

Sir  Student,"  interrupted  the  devil.  "Can  you  desire 
me  to  oppose  an  unjust  action,  and  hinder  the  destruc- 
tion of  an  innocent  man  ?  You  had  as  good  beg  of  an 
attorney  not  to  ruin  a  widow  or  orphan.  Pra}',  if  you 
please,  do  not  ask  anything  of  me  contrary  to  my  inte- 
rest, unless  it  may  be  of  considerable  advantage  to 
yourself.  Besides,  if  I  would  deliver  that  honest  man 
out  of  prison,  do  you  think  it  is  in  my  power?" — 
"  How  !  "  replied  Zambullo  ;  "  have  you  not  power  to 
fetch  a  man  out  of  prison  ?  " — "  No,  really,"  replied 
the  cripple  ;  "  if  you  had  read  Enchiridion,  or  Albertus 
Magnus,  you  would  know  that  I  cannot,  any  more 
than  my  brethren,  set  a  prisoner  at  liberty.  Should 
I  myself  have  the  misfortu<ie  to  fall  into  the  clutches 
of  a  justice,  I  could  not  extricate  myself  any  other 
way  than  by  money. 

"  In  the  next  room  is  a  surgeon,  convicted  of  hav- 
ing sent  his  wife  out  of  the  world  the  same  way  that 
Seneca  went.  He  was  this  day  tortured  ;  and,  after 
confessing  the  crime  he  was  charged  with,  owned 
besides,  that  he  had  for  ten  years  made  use  of  a  new 
way  to  create  practice  ;  he  wounded  the  passengers 
in  the  street  with  a  ba\-onet,  and  nimbly  made  his 
escape  by  ru-nning  into  his  own  house  at  a  back 
door.  The  wounded  person,  in  the  meanwhile, 
having  by  his  groans  drawn  the  neighbours  to  his 
assistance,  the  surgeon  ran  in  also  with  the  crowd, 
and,  finding  a  wounded  man  wallowing  in  his  blood. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  93 

he  caused  him  to  be  carried  into  his  shop,  where  he 
dressed  him  with  the  same  hand  which  had  given 
him  the  wound. 

"Though  the  barbarous  surgeon  hath  made  this 
confession,  and  deserves  a  thousand  deaths,  yet  he 
flatters  himself  with  a  pardon,  and  possibly  he  may 
get  one,  for  he  is  related  to  one  of  the  prince's 
dressers;  and  besides,  I  must  tell  you,  that  he  makes 
a  wonderful  water,  for  which  he  only  has  the  receipt. 
This  incomparable  water  has  the  power  of  whitening 
the  skin,  and  making  an  old  wrinkled  face  as  smooth 
and  soft  as  that  of  an  infant;  so  that  three  court 
ladies,  who  make  use  of  it  as  their  fountain  of  youth, 
have  entered  into  a  confederacy  to  save  him.  And 
he  reckons  so  much  upon  their  interest,  or  rather,  if 
}'ou  please,  upon  his  water,  that  he  is  gone  quietly  to 
sleep,  expecting  to  receive  the  agreeable  news  of  his 
liberty  when  he  wakes." 

"  In  the  same  chamber,"  said  the  student,  "I  think 
I  see  another  man  ver}-  fast  asleep  too,  upon  an  old 
bed.  Sure  his  business  cannot  be  a  very  bad  one." — 
"It  is  a  very  nice  one,"  answered  the  demon.  "He 
is  a  Biscayan  gentleman,  grown  rich  b\-  the  discharge 
of  a  gun ;  and  it  was  thus :  As  he  was  shooting 
with  his  elder  brother  about  a  fortnight  ago,  who 
possessed  a  very  considerable  estate,  he  unfortunately 
killed  him  by  a  shot  aimed  at  some  young  part- 
ridges."— "A  lucky  mistake  that  for  a  younger 
brother,"  cried  Don  Cleofas,  smiling.  "  True,"  said 
Asmodeus  ;  "but  those  that  are  ne.xt  in  succession, 
being  greedy  of  the  deceased's  estate,  are  prosecuting 
the  young  gentleman,  whom  they  accuse  of  com- 
mitting this   fact,  in  order   to   be   sole   heir   of  the 


94  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

family.  But  he  has  voluntarily  surrendered  himself, 
and  seems  so  afflicted  at  his  brother's  death,  that  it 
is  impossible  to  imagine  he  killed  him  designedly." 
— "  And  has  he  really  nothing  to  reproach  himself 
with  but  his  awkwardness  at  shooting  ? "  replied 
Leandro.  "  No,"  answered  the  cripple,  "  he  had  no 
ill  design ;  but  whenever  an  elder  brother  is  master 
of  all  the  estate  of  a  family,  I  would  not  advise  him 
to  go  a-shooting  with  his  younger  brother. 

"  Pray  take  particular  notice  of  those  two  youths 
in  the  next  room  to  the  Biscayan,  who  are  entertain- 
ing themselves  as  merrily  as  if  they  were  at  liberty. 
They  are  two  staunch  villains ;  one  of  them  espe- 
cially may  some  time  ©r  other  present  the  public 
with  an  account  of  his  rogueries  ;  for  he  may  pass 
for  a  second  Gusman  d'Alfarache.  I  mean  him  in 
the  brown  velvet  waistcoat,  with  a  plume  of  feathers 
in  his  hat.  It  is  hardly  three  months  ago  since  he 
was  one  of  the  Count  d'Oniate's  pages  here  at 
Madrid  ;  and  would  still  have  been  with  his  master, 
but  for  a  piece  of  roguery  that  has  brought  him 
hither,  which  I  shall  tell  you. 

'■'This  youth,  whose  name  is  Domingo,  happened 
one  day  to  receive  a  good  sound  whipping  from  the 
squire  or  governor  of  the  Count's  pages,  for  some 
unlucky  prank  he  had  committed,  that  deserved  it; 
which  he  stomached  a  long  while,  and  resoh'ed  to 
revenge.  He  had  observed  more  than  once,  that 
Signor  Don  Cosmo  (for  that  was  the  squire's  name) 
washed  his  hands  in  orange-flower  water,  and  after- 
wards rubbed  them  with  a  paste  made  of  pinks 
and  jasmine ;  that  he  took  more  care  of  his  person 
than  an  old  coquette;  in  short,  that  he  was  one  of 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  95 

those  fools,  who  imagine  that  a  woman  cannot  look 
upon  them  without  falling  in  love  with  them.  This 
observation  gave  him  a  hint  for  revenging  himself, 
which  he  communicated  to  a  young  girl  that  W2s 
chambermaid  in  the  neighbourhood,  whose  assistance 
he  wanted  to  put  his  designs  in  execution,  and  with 
whom  he  had  such  an  intimacy,  that  he  could  not 
possibly  have  a  greater, 

"  This  wench,  named  Florella,  in  order  to  converse 
with  him  with  greater  freedom,  made  him  pass  for 
her  cousin  at  her  mistress  Donna  Luziana's,  whose 
father  was  then  absent.  The  malicious  Domingo, 
having  instructed  his  pretended  cousin  in  what  she 
was  to  do,  went  one  morning  into  Don  Cosmo's 
chamber,  whilst  he  was  trying  on  a  new  suit  of 
clothes;  all  which  time  he  was  admiring  himself  in  a 
glass,  and  appeared  charmed  with  the  figure  he  saw 
there.  The  page  pretending  to  admire  this  Narcissus, 
and  fall  ng  into  a  feigned  transport,  'Really,  Signer 
Don, Cosmo,'  said  he,  'you  have  tlie  air  of  a  prince. 
Though  I  every  day  see  grandees  dressed  in  the 
greatest  magnificence,  yet,  notwithstanding  all  the 
richness  of  their  dress,  they  want  your  mien.  I 
know  not  whether,  being  your  humble  servant  so 
much  as  I  am,  I  look  on  you  with  eyes  too  much 
prejudiced  in  your  favour;  but,  in  my  opinion,  there 
is  not  gentleman  at  court  can  expect  to  be  taken 
notice  of  when  you  are  there.' 

"The  squire  smiled  at  this  discourse,  which  so 
agreeably  flattered  his  vanity ;  and  putting  on  a  soft 
air,  'You  flatter  me,  friend,'  answered  he,  'or  you 
must  really  love  me,  and  your  friendship  lends  me 
those  graces  which  nature  has  denied   me.' — '  I   do 


96  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

not  think  so,'  replied  the  page,  cajoh'ng  him  all  the 
while;  'for  there  is  nobody  but  who  speaks  of  you 
as  advantageously  as  myself.  I  wish  you  had  heard 
what  a  cousin  of  mine,  who  is  maid  to  a  woman  of 
quality,  said  of  you  yesterday.'  Don  Cosmo  did  not 
fail  of  asking  what  that  cousin  of  his  said.  'Said!* 
replied  the  page;  'she  enlarged  upon  the  beauty  of 
your  shape,  and  the  charms  that  are  to  be  seen  all 
over  your  person ;  and  what  is  still  better,  she  told 
me  in  confidence,  that  Luziana  her  mistress  took  a 
pleasure  in  looking  at  you  every  time  you  passed  by 
their  house.' — '  Who  can  that  be .'' '  said  the  squire, 
'or  where  does  she  live.-''  —  'What!'  answered 
Domingo,  'do  not  you  know  it  is  the  only  daughter 
of  General  Don  Ferdinand,  our  neighbour.'*' — 'Ah! 
now  I  have  it,'  replied  Don  Cosmo.  *  I  remember  I 
have  heard  the  wealth  and  beauty  of  this  Luziana 
much  talked  of.  She  is  a  fine  fortune.  Is  it  possible 
I  can  be  so  happy  as  to  have  made  her  take  notice 
of  me  .'' ' — *  Most  certainly,'  said  the  page,  '  my  cousin 
told  me  so ;  though  a  lady's  woman,  she  is  no  liar, 
and  I  would  answer  f©r  her  as  soon  as  for  myself.' — 
'If  it  be  so,'  said  the  squire,  'I  would  have  a  little 
private  discourse  with  thy  cousin,  and  bring  her  over 
to  my  interest  by  a  present  or  two,  according  to 
custom ;  and  if  she  advise  me  to  make  my  court  to 
her  mistress,  I  will  try  my  fortune.  And  indeed 
why  not  .-*  I  agree  there  is  some  distance  betw^een 
me  and  Don  Ferdinand ;  but  still  I  am  a  gentleman^ 
and  have  five  hundred  good  ducats  a  year.  Matches 
more  extraordinary  than  this  happen  every  day.' 

"The  page  backed  his  governor  in  this  resolution, 
and  procured  him  a   meeting  with  his  cousin,  who. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  97 

finding-  the  squire  ready  to  swallow  anything,  assured 
him  that  her  mistress  had  an  inclination  for  him. 
'She  has  often  asked  me  about  }'ou,'  said  she,  'and 
my  answers  have  not  been  to  }'our  disadvcintage.  In 
short,  sir,  you  may  reasonably  presume  that  Donna 
Luziana  secretly  loves  you  ;  boldly  declare  your 
honourable  designs ;  show  her  you  are  the  gallantest 
cavalier  in  Madrid,  as  you  are  one  of  the  handsomest 
and  best-made  gentlemen;  but,  above  all  things, 
give  her  a  serenade,  which  is  what  she  is  passionately 
fond  of  As  for  me,  I  will  take  care  to  extol  your 
gallantr}',  and  I  hope  my  offices  will  not  be  in  vain.' 
Don  Cosmo,  transported  with  joy  to  see  the  maid 
take  his  part  with  so  much  warmth,  stifled  her  with 
embraces;  and  putting  a  trifling  ring  upon  her 
finger,  which  he  had  purposely  bought  to  present 
her  with,  '  Dear  Florella,'  said  he,  '  I  give  >  ou  this 
diamond  onh'  for  the  sake  of  your  acquaintance;  I 
design  to  acknowledge  the  services  you  intend  me 
by  something  more  solid  and  considerable.' 

"  It  was  impossible  to  be  more  pleased  than  he 
was  with  this  conversation  with  the  chambermaid. 
Wherefore,  he  not  only  thanked  Domingo  for  pro- 
curing it  him,  but  rewarded  him  with  a  pair  of  silk 
stockings  and  some  laced  shirts,  promising  him  he 
would  let  slip  no  opportunity  of  serving  him.  And 
thtn  consulting  him  upon  the  measures  he  should 
take,  '  My  friend,'  said  he,  'dost  thou  advise  me  to 
break  the  ice  by  a  sublime,  passionate  letter  to  Donna 
Luziana  ? ' — '  Indeed,  do  I,'  answered  the  page  ;  'send 
her  a  declaration  of  love  in  the  lofty  style;  for  some- 
thing tells  nie  it  will  not  be  ill  received.'--*!  fancy 
so,  too,'  replied  the  squire  J  'however,  at  all  events, 

G 


98  ASMODEUS:  OR. 

that  shall  be  my  beginning.'  Immediately  he  put 
pen  to  paper ;  so,  having  torn  about  twenty  foul 
copies  of  billets-doicx  which  he  had  made,  at  last  he 
hit  upon  one  he  resolved  should  go;  this  he  read 
over  to  Domingo,  who,  having  heard  it  with  signs  of 
admiration,  undertook  to  carry  it  immediately  to  his 
cousin.  These  were  the  florid  and  far-fetched  terms 
it  was  couched  in  : — 

"'It  is  now  long  since,  charming  Luziana,  that, 
drawn  by  fame,  which  everywhere  publishes  your 
many  perfections,  I  cannot  help  being  inflamed  with 
an  ardent  love  for  you.  However,  notwithstanding 
the  fires  that  consume  me,  I  have  not  dared  to 
venture  upon  any  piece  of  gallantry;  but  as  I  am 
informed  that  you  vouchsafe  to  cast  an  eye  upon 
me  when  I  pass  by  your  window,  —  your  window 
that  deprives  the  eyes  of  mankind  of  your  celestial 
beauty;  and  that,  by  the  influence  of  your  stars  (an 
influence  very  fortunate  to  me),  you  are  inclined  to 
wish  me  well,  I  take  the  liberty  of  begging  to  be 
allowed  to  consecrate  myself  to  your  service.  If 
I  am  so  fortunate  to  obtain  it,  I  bid  adieu  to  all 
ladies,  past,  present,  and  to  come, 

" '  Don  Cosmo  de  la  Higuera.' 

"The  page  and  his  sham  cousin  did  not  fail  mak- 
ing themselves  very  merry  at  Don  Cosmo's  expense, 
and  diverting  themselves  with  his  letter.  But  that 
was  not  all ;  they  drew  up  between  them  a  kind 
letter,  which  the  chambermaid  transcribed,  and 
Domingo  carried  the  next  day  to  the  squire,  as 
Doi  ina  Luziana's  answer.     This  was  it : — 


THE  DEVIL  UPON   TWO  STICKS.  99 

*' '  I  KNOW  not  who  it  is  that  can  so  well  have  in- 
formed you  of  my  secret  sentiments,  —  somebody 
must  have  betrayed  me;  but  I  pardon  it,  since  it  has 
been  the  occasion  of  letting  me  know  that  you  love 
me.  Of  all  men  that  pass  through  the  street,  you 
are  the  person  I  take  the  most  pleasure  in  looking 
at;  and  I  would  fain  have  you  become  my  lover. 
Perhaps  I  ought  not  to  wish  it,  and  much  less  say 
it.  But  if  it  be  a  crime,  it  is  a  crime  your  merit 
must  find  an  excuse  for. 

" '  Donna  Luziana.' 

"  Though  this  answer  was  a  little  too  tender  for 
a  general's  daughter  (for  the  writers  had  not  taken 
their  measures  nicely  as  to  that),  the  vain  Don 
Cosmo  did  not  at  all  mistrust  it  upon  that  account. 
He  thought  well  enough  of  himself  to  imagine  a  lady 
might  lay  aside  decency  a  little  for  his  sake.  'Ah  . 
Domingo,'  cried  he,  with  an  air  of  triumph,  after 
rf  ading  the  pretended  letter  al^ud  ;  '  thou  seest,  my 
friend,  whether  our  neighbour  be  not  caught.  I  shall 
be  Don  Ferdinand's  son-in-law  as  sure  as  I  am  Don 
Cosmo  de  la  Higuera.' 

" '  There  's  no  doubt  of  it,'  said  the  rascal  of  a 
confidant ;  '  you  have  made  a  terrible  impression 
upon  his  daughter.  But  it  is  just  come  into  my 
head,'  said  ho,  '  I  remember  my  cousin  charged  me 
to  tell  you,  that  to-morrow  at  farthest,  it  was  abso- 
lutely necessary  for  you  to  give  your  mistress  a 
serenade,  in  order  to  ma'ke  her  run  quite  mad  for 
you.' — 'Wiiii  all  my  heart,'  said  the  squire,  'and 
thou  mayest  assure  thy  cousin  that  I  will  follow 
thy   advice,    and    to-morrow,    about    midnight,  she 


lOO  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

shall,  without  fail,  hear  one  of  the  finest  concerts 
in  her  street  that  ever  was  heard  in  Madrid.'  And, 
indeed,  he  really  went  to  an  excellent  music-master, 
and  having  let  him  into  his  design,  employed  him  in 
the  execution  of  it. 

"Whilst  he  was  busied  about  his  serenade,  Florella, 
whom  the  page  had  instructed,  seeing  her  mistress  in 
a  good  liumour,  said  to  her,  '  Madam,  I  am  preparing 
you  a  very  agreeable  diversion.'  Upon  which,  Luziaiia 
asked  her  what  it  was.  '  Oh,  really,'  replied  the  maid, 
laughing  like  mad  all  the  while,  'I  have  a  budget  full 
of  news  for  you.  An  original,  whose  name  is  Don 
Cosmo,  governor  to  the  Count  d'Oniate's  pages,  has 
taken  it  into  his  head  to  choose  you  for  the  sove- 
reign lady  of  his  affections  ;  and  that  you  may  not 
be  ignorant  of  it,  is  to-morrow  night  to  regale  you 
with  a  fine  concert  of  vocal  and  instrumental  music' 
Donna  Luziana,  who  was  naturally  gay,  and  thought 
the  squire's  gallantries  would  draw  no  ill  consequence 
after  them  in  regard  to  herself,  far  from  assuming  a 
serious  air,  pleased  herself  beforehand  with  the  thouL:ht 
of  hearing  the  concert;  so  that,  without  knowing  it, 
she  helped  to  confirm  Don  Cosmo  in  an  error,  which, 
had  she  known,  she  would  have  been  very  angry  at. 

"  In  short,  the  night  of  the  following  day  there 
appeared  before  Luziana's  balcony  two  coaches, 
out  of  which  alighted  the  gallant  squire  and  his 
confif^'^-ut,  accompanied  by  six  men,  some  of  whom 
sang,  and  others  played,  who  began  the  concert. 
It  lasted  a  considerable  time,  and  they  pla}'ed  a 
great  number  of  new  airs,  and  sang  several  songs, 
all  which  turned  upon  the  power  of  love  in  uniting 
hearts  of  unequal  condition ;  and  at  the  end  of  every 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  lol 

song,  which  the  general's  daughter  applied  to  her- 
self, she  laughed  ready  to  burst. 

"When  the  serenade  was  over,  Don  Cosmo  sent 
back  the  music  in  the  same  coaches  they  came  in, 
and  stayed  in  the  street  with  Domingo  till  such 
curious  people  as  his  music  had  brought  about  them 
were  gone.  He  then  drew  near  the  balcony,  from 
whence  the  maid,  by  her  mistress's  permission,  said 
to  him  through  a  little  window,  '  Is  it  you,  Signor 
Don  Cosmo  .'' ' — '  Who  is  it  asks  me  that  question  .'' ' 
answered  he  in  a  languishing  tone.  *  It  is  Donna 
Luziana,'  replied  the  maid,  '  who  would  be  informed 
whether  this  concert  be  the  efifect  of  your  gallantry  ?' 
— '  It  is  no  more  than  a  slight  shadow  of  the  enter- 
tainments my  love  is  preparing  for  this  wonder  of  our 
age,  if  she  will  vouchsafe  to  receive  them  from  a  lover 
consuming  upon  the  altar  of  her  beauty.' 

"  At  this  metaphor  the  lady  had  a  strong  incli- 
nation to  laugh:  however,  she  smothered  it;  and 
placing  herself  at  a  little  window,  '  Signor  Don 
Cosmo,'  said  she,  as  gravely  as  she  possibly  could, 
to  the  squire,  '  it  is  very  plain  you  are  no  novice  in 
gallantry  ;  lovers  who  would  oblige  their  mistresses 
must  learn  of  you  :  I  am  very  well  pleased  with  \'our 
serenade,  and  thank  you  for  it.  But  I  would  have 
you  retire,'  added  she,  'for  we  may  be  heard;  and 
another  time  we  will  have  a  longer  conversation.* 
At  these  words  she  shut  the  window,  leaving  the 
squire  prodigiously  pleased  with  the  favour  she  had 
just  done  him,  and  the  page  as  much  astonished  to 
see  her  act  a  part  in  the  comedy. 

"This  little  entertainment,  reckoning  the  charge  of 
the  coaches,  and, of  the  vast  quantity  of  wine  drank 


102  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

by  the  performers,  cost  Don  Cosmo  a  hundred  ducats: 
yet,  two  days  after  his  confidant  engaged  him  in  a 
fresh  expense,  which  was  thus  :  Having  learned  that 
Florella  was,  on  the  eve  of  St.  John  (an  eve  so  cele- 
brated in  this  city),  to  go  with  some  other  wenches  of 
the  same  stamp  to  the  Fiesta  del  sotillo,  he  undertook 
to  give  them  a  magnificent  breakfast  at  the  squire's 
cost. 

"  '  Signor  Don  Cosmo,'  said  he,  '  do  you  know  that 
to-morrow  is  the  festival  of  St.  John  ?  I  tell  you 
beforehand  that  Donna  Luziana  proposes  to  be  by 
daybreak  on  the  banks  of  the  Mansanarez,  to  see 
the  sotillo.  I  suppose  I  need  say  no  more  to  the 
flower  of  all  gallant  cavaliers ;  nor  are  you  a  man  that 
will  slight  so  fair  an  opportunity.  I  am  persuaded 
that  your  mistress  and  her  company  will  be  hand- 
somely treated  to-morrow.' — '  Yes,  you  may  depend 
upon  it,'  said  his  governor,  '  and  you  shall  see  I  know 
how  to  lay  hold  on  the  occasion.'  In  reality,  very 
early  the  next  morning,  four  of  his  master's  footmen, 
conducted  by  Doi^Mngo,  and  loaded  with  all  sorts  of 
cold  meats  dressed  different  ways,  and  a  vast  number 
of  small  loaves  and  bottles  of  the  best  wine,  arrived  on 
the  banks  of  the  Mansanarez,  where  Florella  and  her 
companions  were  dancing,  like  so  many  nymphs  at 
the  rising  of  the  morning. 

"Th^y  were  not  a  little  pleased  at  the  pa-c's 
comii.g  to  interrupt  their  light  dances,  by  the  offer 
of  a  solid  breakfast  from  Signor  Don  Cosmo.  They 
sat  down  on  the  grass,  and  began  to  do  honour  to 
the  feast,  by  laughing  immoderately  at  the  fool  who 
gave  it ;  for  the  charitable  cousin  of  Domingo  had 
taken  care  to  let  them  into  the  secret. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  103 

"As  they  were  all  disposed  for  mirth,  they  saw  the 
squire  appear  richly  dressed,  and  mounted  on  a  pad 
out  of  the  Count's  stables.  He  came  up  to  his 
confidant,  and  saluted  his  company,  who  got  up  tc 
receive  him  with  the  greatest  poHteness,  and  thank 
him  for  his  generosity.  He  looked  with  all  the  eyes 
he  had  among  these  wenches  for  Donna  Luziana, 
designing  to  make  his  addresses  to  her  in  a  fine 
compliment  which  he  had  studied  by  the  way;  tut 
Florella,  taking  him  aside,  told  him  that  an  indis- 
position had  prevented  her  lady's  appearing  at  the 
entertainment.  Don  Cosmo  showed  a  very  great 
concern  at  this  news,  and  asked  what  his  dear 
Luziana's  illness  was,  '  She  has  got  a  sad  cold,* 
said  the  maid,  '  by  passing  all  the  night  you  gave 
the  serenade  in  the  balcony  without  her  veil,  and 
talking  of  you.'  The  squire,  comforted  by  an  acci- 
dent proceeding  from  so  charming  a  cause,  begL;ed 
her  to  continue  him  her  good  offices  with  lier  mis- 
tress, and  returned  home  applauding  himself  more 
and  more  in  his  good  fortune. 

"  About  this  time  Don  Cosmo  had  a  bill  of 
exchange  sent  him,  and  received  a  thousand  crowns 
in  gold  sent  him  from  Andalusia,  as  his  share  of  an 
estate  of  an  uncle  of  his  at  Seville,  He  told  over  the 
sum,  and  put  it  into  a  chest  before  Domingo,  who 
eyed  it  wishfully,  and  being  tempted  to  get  those 
pretty  things  into  his  possession,  he  resolved  to  run 
away  with  them  to  Portugal.  He  informed  Florella 
of  it,  and  went  so  far  as  to  propose  to  her  to  go  along 
with  him.  Though  the  proposal  deserved  mature 
consideration,  the  wench,  as  wicked  as  the  page, 
accepted  it  without  boggling.     In  short,  one  night 


104  ISMODEUS:  6R, 

whilst  the  squire  was  shut  up  in  his  closet  and 
busied  in  inditing  a  passionate  letter  to  his  mistress, 
Domingo  found  means  to  open  the  chest  where  the 
money  lay,  and  carried  it  off.  Immediately  he 
made  the  best  of  his  way  into  the  street  with  his 
booty  ;  and  being  got  under  Luziana's  balcony,  fell 
a-caterwauling.  The  chambermaid  at  this  signal, 
which  they  had  agreed  upon,  did  not  make  him 
wait  long,  but  being  ready  to  follow  him  all  over 
the  world,  departed  out  of  Madrid  with  him. 

"They  built  upon  having  time  enough  to  reach 
Portugal  before  they  should  be  overtaken ;  but, 
unluckily  for  them,  Don  Cosmo,  that  very  night, 
perceiving  he  was  robbed,  and  Ins  confidant  run 
away,  had  immediate  recourse  to  a  justice,  who  des- 
patched his  blood-hounds  all  about  in  pursuit  of  the 
thief,  and  took  him  and  his  nj'mph  near  Zebreros  ; 
who  were  both  brought  back,  and  the  maid  sent  to 
Los  Arrepentidas,  and  Domingo  hither." 

"  Doubtless,  then,"  said  the  student,  "  the  squire 
will  not  lose  his  money,  but  it  will  be  returned  him." 
— "Not  so,  neither,"  answered  the  devil:  "those 
pieces  are  proofs  of  the  robbery,  and  the  officers  of 
justice  will  not  part  with  them :  and  Don  Cosmo, 
whose  story  is  spread  all  over  the  city,  remains 
p'jndered  and  laughed  at  by  everybody. 

"  Domingo,  and  that  other  prisoner  at  play  with 
hiia,"  continued  the  cripple,  "have  a  young  Casti- 
lian  for  their  neighbour,  who  has  been  brought  in 
here  for  having  given  his  father  a  blow  in  the  pre- 
sence of  credible  witnesses." — "  O  heavens  !  "  cried 
Leandro,  "  what  do  }'ou  tell  me .''  however  wicked  a 
eon  be,  yet  still  can  he  lift  up  his  hand  against  his 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  105 

father?" — "Oh  yes,"  said  the  demon,  "this  is  not 
without  an  instance,  and  I  will  give  a  very  remark- 
able one.  In  the  reign  of  Peter  the  First,  surnamed 
the  Just  and  the  Cruel,  eighth  King  of  Portugal,  a 
young  fellow  of  about  twenty  was  put  into  the  hands 
of  justice  for  the  same  fact.  Don  Pedro,  like  you, 
surprised  at  the  novelty  of  the  case,  resolved  to 
examine  the  criminal's  mother,  and  did  it  with  so 
much  art,  as  to  make  her  own  she  had  that  child  by 
a  right  reverend  prelate.  In  the  same  manner,  were 
the  judges  of  this  Castilian  to  examine  his  mother  as 
artfully,  they  might  probably  force  the  same  confes- 
sion from  her. 

'■  Carry  }our  eye  to  that  large  dungeon  under  the 
three  prisoners  I  have  just  showed  you,  and  let 
us  consider  what  is  passing  there.  Those  are  high- 
waymen. See,  they  are  breaking  out  by  the  help 
of  a  smooth  file  brought  them  in  a  loaf,  and  have 
already  filed  through  a  large  bar  of  a  window  ;  through 
which  they  may  slip  into  a  court  that  goes  into  the 
street.  They  have  been  here  more  than  ten  months, 
and  should  have  received  the  public  reward  due  to 
such  exploits  above  eight  months  ago  ;  but,  thanks 
to  the  tedious  proceedings  of  the  law,  they  are 
going  again  to  their  old  vocation  of  murdering 
travellers. 

"  Follow  me  into  that  low  hall,  where  you  will  see 
twenty  or  thirty  prisoners  lying  upon  straw  ;  the\'  are 
pick'pockets,  shop-lifters,  and  all  the  very  worst  sort 
of  felons.  Do  you  observe  five  or  six  of  them  worry- 
ing a  kind  of  handicraft  tradesman  brought  in  to-day 
for  wounding  an  alguazil  with  a  stone.''  " — "  Rut  why 
do  they  beat  the  poor  fellow  } "  said  Zambullo. — "  It 


io6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

is,"  answered  Asmodeus,  "  because  he  has  not  paid 
his  garnish.  But,"  added  he,  "  let  us  leave  these 
rogues,  and  get  as  -far  as  we  can  from  this  wretched 
place  that  we  may  employ  our  time  upon  objects  that 
are  more  agreeable." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  107 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

ASMODEUS  SHOWS  DON  CLEOFAS  SEVERAL  PERSONS^  AND 
DISCOVERS  TO  HIM  WHAT  THEY  HAVE  BEEN  DOING 
THAT  DAY. 

Leaving  the  prisoners,  they  flew  towards  another 
quarter,  and  hghted  upon  a  great  house,  where  the 
demon  said  thus  to  tiie  student :  "  I  have  a  great 
mind  to  tell  you  what  all  the  people  living  round 
this  great  house  have  this  day  been  doing,  and  pos- 
sibly it  may  divert  you." — "I  make  no  doubt  of  it," 
answered  Leandro,  "  and  I  wish  you  would  begin 
with  that  captain  .who  is  drawing  on  his  boots." — 
"  He  is  going  out  of  Madrid,"  said  Asmodeus  ;  "his 
horses  wait  for  him  at  the  gate,  and  he  is  commanded 
to  Portugal  in  order  to  join  his  regirwent. 

"  Having  no  money  to  make  the  campaign,  he 
yesterday  applied  himself  to  an  usurer:  '  Signor 
Sanguisuela,'  said  he,  'cannot  you  lend  me  a  thou- 
sand pieces  of  eight  ?  ' — '  Captain,'  answered  the 
usurer  in  very  obliging  terms,  '  I  have  not  so  much 
by  me,  but  I  will  do  my  best  to  find  you  a  man  that 
shall  lend  you  the  sum  ;  that  is,  shall  give  you  four 
hundred  down,  provided  you  give  your  note  for  a 
thousand;  and  out  of  that  four  hundred,  please  to 
take    notice   that   I    expect    sixty   for    procuration. 


io8  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

Money  is  so  very  scarce  at  this  time '      'What  a 

hellish  extortion  is  this/ interrupted  the  officer  hastily, 
*  to  ask  six  hundred  and  sixty  patacoons  for  the  use 
of  three  hundred  and  forty  !  What  a  horrid  cheat  is 
this  !  such  unconscionable  rascals  deserve  hanging  !* 
— '  Do  not  be  in  a  passion,  captain,'  replied  the  usurer 
with  great  coolness,  'try  at  another  place.  What  do 
you  complain  of?  Do  I  force  you  to  take  the  three 
hundred  and  forty  patacoons  ?  You  are  at  your 
liberty  to  take  them  or  let  them  alone.'  The  captain 
went  away  without  returning  any  answer  ;  but  after 
considering  that  he  must  go  to  his  regiment,  that  his 
time  was  short,  and  that  he  could  do  nothing  without 
money,  he  returns  the  next  morning  to  the  usurer, 
whom  he  met  at  his  door  in  a  black  cloak,  collar-band, 
and  short  hair,  with  beads  in  his  hand.  '  Signor  San- 
guisuela,'  says  he,  '  I  am  content  to  accept  your  three 
hundred  and  forty  patacoons ;  my  extreme  want  of 
money  has  forced  me  to  it,' — '  I  am  going  to  mass,' 
answered  the  usurer  very  gravely,  '  and,  at  my  return, 
come  again,  and  you  shall  have  that  sum.' — '  No,  no,' 
replied  the  captain,  '  go  in  again,  this  affair  will 
not  take  you  up  two  minutes  ;  pray,  despatch  me 
immediately,  for  I  am  in  the  utmost  haste.' — '  I  can- 
not, really,'  replied  the  usurer ;  '  I  every  day  hear 
mass  before  I  do  any  manner  of  business  ;  it  is  my 
constant  rule,  which  I  am  resolved  to  observe  most 
religiously  for  the  remainder  of  my  life/' 

"  However  impatient  the  captain  was  to  receive  his 
money,  he  was  forced  to  submit  to  pious  Sanguisuela's 
.strict  rules  ;  and, "as  if  he  had  been  afraid  he  should 
miss  the  patacoons,  he  followed  the  usurer  to  the 
church,  and   stayed   the  mass  out  with   him ;   after 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  109 

which  he  prepared  to  go  out  of  the  church,  when 
Sanguisuela  whispered  in  his  ear  that  one  of  the 
ablest  preachers  in  Madrid  was  going  to  mount  the 
pulpit;  'and  I  will  not  on  any  account,'  said  he, 'lose 
the  sermon.' 

"  The  officer,  who  thought  the  mass  insupportably 
tedious,  was  almost  distracted  at  this  fresh  delay, 
but  yet  waited  the  sermon  out.  The  preacher  ap- 
peared, and  preached  against  usury,  at  which  the 
captain  was  infinitely  pleased  ;  and  observing  San- 
guisuela's  looks,  he  said  to  himself,  '  If  this  Jew 
should  be  touched  with  this  discourse,  should  he 
now  give  me  six  hundred  patacoons,  how  happy  it 
would  be  ! '  After  the  sermon  the  usurer  went  out  of 
the  church  :  '  Well,  Signor  Sanguisuela,'  said  the 
captain,  joining  him,  '  what  do  you  think  of  this 
preacher  ?  was  not  the  sermon  very  pathetic  ?  for  my 
part  I  own  it  sensibly  moved  me.' — '  I  am  entirely 
of  your  opinion,'  answered  the  extortioner;  'he 
has  handled  his  subject  perfectly  well ;  he  is  a 
learned  man,  and  has  perfectly  well  discharged  the 
duty  of  his  calling  ;  let  us  go  do  the  same  in  ours.'" 

"  Pray  who  are  those  two  ladies  a-bed  together 
who  laugh  so  loud  ?  "  cried  Don  Cleofas  ;  "  they  seem 
to  me  to  be  very  merry." — "  They  are,"  answered  the 
devil,  "a  couple  of  young  ladies  that  have  this  day 
buried  their  father,  who  was  a  whimsical  humorist, 
that  had  such  an  aversion  for  matrimony,  or  rather 
such  a  reluctance  to  give  portions  to  his  daughters, 
that  he  would  never  marry  them,  how  advantageous 
matches  soever  were  offered.  The  character  of  their 
deceased  father  was  the  perpetual  subject  of  their  dis- 
course.    '  He  is  dead  at  last/  said  the  eldest,  '  our  un- 


no  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

natural  father,  who  took  a  barbarous  pleasure  in  pre- 
venting our  marriage  !  He  will  now  no  more  cross 
our  desires.' — '  For  my  part,'  said  the  youngest,  '  I 
am  for  a  rich  husband,  though  a  fool,  and  the  fat 
Don  Blanco  shall  be  my  man.' — '  Hold,  sister,'  replied 
the  eldest,  'do  not  let  us  be  so  very  hasty  in  the 
choice  of  husbands  ;  let  us  marry  those  the  powers 
above  have  destined  for  us  ;  for  our  marriages  are 
registered  in  heaven's  bo  >'- ' — 'So  much  the  worse, 
dear  sister,'  returned  the  ;  oungest,  '  for  I  am  afraid 
my  father  will  tear  out  the  leaf.'  At  this  the  eldest 
could  not  hold  from  an  extravagant  fit  of  laughter, 
in  which  the  youngest,  equally  tickled,  as  heartily 
joins. 

"In  the  house,  next  to  these  two  sisters,  lives  in  a 
ready-furnished  chamber,  a  young  Aragonian  lady 
who  is  upon  the  catch  for  some  rich  bubble.  I  see 
she  is  looking  in  the  glass  instead  of  going  to  bed, 
and  complimenting  her  charms  on  the  important 
conquest  they  have  made  this  day.  She  is  likewise 
contriving  new  airs,  and  has  already  hit  on  two  which 
will  to-morrow  give  a  good  stroke  towards  the  gain- 
ing of  a  new  lover,  who  is  such  a  very  promising 
spark,  that  she  cannot  be  too  sedulous  in  the  conquest 
of  him  ;  and  one  of  her  creditors  coming  not  long 
since  to  dun  her,  *  Honest  friend,'  said  she,  '  come 
within  a  few  days  and  you  shall  be  paid.  I  am  just 
upon  terms  of  agreement  with  one  of  the  chief  officers 
of  the  treasury.' " 

"  I  need  not,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "  ask  you  what 
that  gentleman,  whom  I  see,  has  been  doing  for  thig 
whole  day  ;  he  must  of  necessity  have  spent  it  ii^ 
writing  of  l-^-iters.     What  a  prodigious  quantity  do  I 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  m 

see  on  his  table  !  " — "  What  is  most  comical,"  an- 
swered the  devil,  "  is  that  all  these  letters  are  ver- 
batim the  same.  This  cavalier  has  written  to  all  his 
absent  friends  the  relation  of  an  adventure  which 
happened  to  him  this  day  after  dinner,  and  is  as  fol- 
lows : — He  loves  a  beautiful  discreet  widow  of  thirty  ; 
he  makes  his  addresses  to  her,  she  does  not  slight 
him  ;  he  proposes  to  marry  her,  and  she  accepts  the 
offer.  While  the  nuptial  preparations  are  making, 
he  has  free  leave  to  visit  her  at  her  own  house,  which 
he  accordingly  doth  daily.  He  has  been  there  to-day, 
and  happening  to  meet  with  none  of  the  family  to 
ask  where  she  was,  he  entered  the  lady's  apartment, 
where  he  surprised  her,  asleep  on  a  couch,  in  an 
amorous  undress  ;  or,  to  speak  more  properly,  almost 
naked.  He  approached  her  softl}',  and  stole  a  kiss  ; 
at  which  she  awaked,  and  sighing,  said,  '  Ah,  pray, 
Ambrosio,  let  me  sleep  ! '  The  cavalier,  like  a  well- 
bred  man,  very  civilly  took  his  leave  at  that  instant, 
and  quitted  her  apartment ;  he  met  Ambrosio  at  the 
door.  '  Ambrosio,'  said  he,  '  }our  mistress  begs  that 
you  would  not  wake  her.' 

"  Two  doors  beyond  this  cavalier  I  discover  a  small 
house  where  lives  an  original  of  an  husband,  who  snores 
•A'hile  his  wife  is  reproaching  him  for  having  stayed  out 
the  whole  day  ;  and  she  would  be  much  more  exaspe- 
rated, if  she  knew  how  he  had  been  employing  him- 
self"— "  In  some  intrigue,  I  warrant  you,"  said  Zam- 
buUo. — "You  are  right,"  replied  Asmodeus,  "and  I 
will  tell  you  it. 

"This  man  is  a  citizen,  whose  name  is  Patricio,  one 
of  those  loose  husbands  that  live  without  thinking,  as 
if  they  had  neither  wives  nor  children.     Yet  he  has  a 


112  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

beautiful  modest  wife,  two  daughters  and  a  son,  all 
very  young.  He  went  out  this  morning  without  ask- 
ing whether  there  was  bread  for  the  famil)',  who  some- 
times want  it.  He  passed  by  the  great  square,  drawn 
thither  by  the  preparations  for  the  bull-feasts  which 
are  to  be  to-day.  There  were  scaffolds  already 
built  all  round,  and  such  as  were  the  most  eager  to 
satisfy  their  curiosity  had  already  begun  to  take 
their  places. 

"  Whilst  he  was  gazing  at  them,  he  happened  to 
cast  an  eye  upon  a  lady  very  well  made  and  neatly 
dressed,  who,  in  coming  down  from  one  of  the  scaf- 
folds, showed  a  fine  well-turned  leg,  with  a  pink- 
coloured  silk  stocking  and  silver  garter.  There 
needed  no  more  to  set  our  weak  citizen  all  in  a  flame, 
who  advancing  up  to  the  lad\',  who  had  another  with 
her  that  plainly  enough  discovered  by  her  air  that 
they  were  both  upon  the  catch.  '  Ladies,'  said  he  to 
them,  '  if  I  can  be  serviceable  to  you  any  way,  pray 
command  nie,  for  I  am  very  much  at  your  service.' — 
'  Sir,'  answered  the  nymph  with  the  pink-coloured  . 
stockings,  '  your  offer  is  too  obliging  to  be  rejected  ; 
we  had  already  taken  our  places,  but  have  just  left 
them  to  go  to  breakfast,  for  we  have  been  so  silly  as 
to  come  out  this  morning  without  drinking  our  choco- 
late ;  and  since  you  are  so  gallant  as  to  offer  us  your 
service,  go  along  with  us,  if  you  please,  to  some 
phice  where  we  may  eat  a  mouthful.  But  let  it  be 
somewhere  that  we  may  not  be  seen  ;  for  j'ou 
know  young  maidens  cannot  be  too  careful  of  their 
reputation.' 

"  At  these  words,  Patricio,  growing  still  more  polite 
and  v\  ell-bred  than  there  was  an\-  occasion  for,  carries 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  113 

his  princesses  to  a  tavern  in  the  suburbs,  where  he  calls 
for  a  breakfast.  '  Sir/  says  the  man  of  the  house, 
•  what  would  you  please  to  have  ?  I  have  the  remains 
of  a  great  entertainment,  made  at  my  house  yesterday, 
still  by  me;  crammed  chickens,  partridges  of  Leon, 
pigeons  of  Old  Castile,  and  more  than  half  a  ham  of 
Estremadura.' — *  That  is  more  than  we  shall  want,'  said 
the  gentleman-usher  of  these  vestals.  'Ladies,  you 
need  only  choose  ;  which  are  you  for  ? ' — '  Whate\er 
you  please,'  answered  they,  'your  taste  shall  be  ours.' 
Whereupon  our  citizen  ordered  a  brace  of  young  par- 
tridges, and  two  cold  chickens,  and  a  private  room, 
seeing  he  was  with  ladies  who  stood  so  much  upon 
their  modesty. 

"  They  showed  him  and  his  company  into  a 
little  by-closet,  whither,  in  a  moment,  was  brought 
what  he  had  bespoke,  with  bread  and  wine.  Our 
Lucretias,  like  ladies  very  sharp  set,  fell  greedily 
upon  the  meat,  while  the  cully,  who  was  to  pay  the 
reckoning,  amused  himself  with  contemplating  the 
beauty  of  his  Luisita,  for  so  was  the  lady  of  his 
affections  called.  He  admires  the  whiteness  of 
her  hands,  on  which  sparkled  a  large  ring  which 
she  had  gained  by  her  practice ;  he  calls  her  a  star, 
a  sun,  and  a  thousand  such  fine  names,  and  is  not 
able  to  eat  for  thinking  on  his  good  luck  in  meeting 
with  her.  He  asked  his  goddess  if  she  were  married  ; 
to  which  she  answered,  No,  but  was  under  a  brother's 
care  :  if  she  had  added  on  Adam's  side,  she  had 
spoke  the  truth. 

"  In  the  meanwhile  the  two  harpies  not  only  de- 
voured each  her  chicken,  but  drank  proportionably 
too.     The  wine  was  soon  out,  and  our  spark  himself 

H 


114  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

ran  to  fetch  more,  that  they  might  have  it  the  sooner  ; 
but  he  was  hardly  out  of  the  room,  when  Jacintha, 
Luisita's  companion,  lays  her  claws  upon  the  par- 
tridges that  remained  in  the  dish,  and  crams  them 
into  a  linen  pocket  she  had  under  her  petticoat. 
Presently  our  Adonis  returned  with  more  wine; 
and,  observing  the  victuals  were  gone,  asked  his 
Venus  whether  she  would  not  eat  something  else. 
'  Let  us  have/  said  she,  '  some  of  those  pigeons  our 
landlord  was  mentioning,  provided  they  be  exceed- 
ing fine;  if  not,  a  piece  of  the  ham  will  do.'  She  had 
scarce  spoke  when  Patricio  went  back  to  the  larder, 
and  ordered  three  pigeons  and  a  large  slice  of  the 
ham.  Our  birds  of  prey  began  to  peck  again  ;  and 
whilst  their  spark  was  obliged  a  third  time  to  dis- 
appear for  bread,  they  sent  a  brace  of  the  pigeons  to 
keep  company  with  the  prisoners  in  theii'  pocket. 

"  After  the  repast,  which  concluded  with  fruits 
proper  to  the  season,  the  amorous  Patricio  pressed 
Luisita  to  make  him  those  returns  he  expected  from 
her  gratitude,  which  the  lady  refused  to  compl)-  with  ; 
but  gave  him  some  hopes,  at  the  same  time  telling 
him  there  w^as  a  season  for  everything,  and  that  she 
thought  a  tavern  a  very  unfit  place  to  testify  her 
acknowledgments  in  for  the  obligation  she  had  to 
him.  Upon  which,  hearing  it  strike  one,  she  put  on 
an  air  of  uneasiness,  saying  to  her  companion,  'Dear 
Jacintha,  we  are  very  unfortunate,  we  shall  meet  with 
never  a  place  to  see  the  bull-fight.' — 'Pardon  me,* 
answered  Jacintha,  '  this  gentleman  has  no  more  to  do 
than  carry  us  back  where  he  first  accosted  us  with  so 
much  politeness,  and  do  not  be  uneasy  about  the 
rest' 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  115 

"  Before  they  went  out  of  the  tavern,  there  was  a 
necessity  for  paying  the  vintner,  who  mounted  the 
bill  to  fifty  reals :  the  citizen  put  his  hand  into  his 
pocket,  where,  finding  but  thirty  reals,  he  was  forced 
to  pawn  his  beads,  garnished  with  silver  medals, 
for  the  rest.  He  then  waited  on  his  adventurers 
to  the  place  where  he  met  with  them,  and  placed 
them  in  a  very  convenient  seat  on  one  of  the  scaf- 
folds, for  which  the  proprietor,  a  friend  of  his,  gave 
him  credit. 

"  They  were  hardly  seated,  ere  they  asked  for 
something  to  drink.  '  I  am  fainting  with  thirst,'  cried 
one,  '  the  ham  has  made  me  so  terribly  drj^' — 'And  I, 
too,'  cried  the  other,  'could  drink  a  glass  of  lemonade 
with  pleasure.'  Immediately  Patricio,  who  understood 
but  too  well  what  all  this  meant,  left  them  in  order  to 
go  for  refreshments:  but  stopping  short,  says  he  to 
himself;  '  Where  art  thou  going,  madman  ?  methinks 
thou  shouldst  have  a  hundred  pistoles  either  in  thy 
pocket  or  at  home,  and  yet  thou  hast  not  a  cross. 
What  shall  I  do  .'' '  continued  he.  '  Shall  I  return  to 
the  lady  without  what  she  desires  ?  No,  that  will 
never  do.  On  the  other  hand,  shall  I  stop  short  in 
ai^  affair  that  is  so  far  advanced  ?  I  can  never  think 
of  that' 

"  In  this  perplexity  he  perceives  one  of  his  friends 
in  the  crowd,  who  had  often  made  him  offers  of 
friendship,  which,  out  of  pride,  he  had  alwa\-s  refused  : 
immediately  laying  aside  all  shame,  he  makes  up  to 
him  in  all  haste,  and  borrows  a  double  pistole  of  him  ; 
and,  taking  heart  at  this  fortunate  accident,  flies  to  a 
chocolate  house,  and  there  bu)-s  so  many  liquors 
cooled  in  ice,  so  many  biscuits,  and  dried  sweetmeats 


ii6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

that  the  doubloon  would  scarce  serve  for  that  ex- 
pense. 

"  In  short,  the  feast  concluded  with  the  day,  and 
our  gallant  waits  on  his  ladies  home,  hoping  thereby 
to  gain  his  ends.  But  when  they  were  before  a  house 
where  she  said  she  lived,  a  sort  of  a  maid  came  out  to 
Lui-sita,  and,  speaking  with  some  concern,  '  Lord,'  said 
she,  '  where  have  }  i  been  so  late  .''  Your  brother, 
Signor  Don  Jasper  xieridor,  has  been  at  home  these 
two  hours,  storming  and  swearing  like  a  madman  ;' 
upon  which  the  sister,  pretending  to  be  in  a  fright, 
turned  to  our  spark,  and  squeezing  his  hand,  said  in 
a  low  voice,  'My  brother  is  terribly  passionate,  but  it 
is  soon  over  ;  stay  a  little  in  the  street,  and  do  not  be 
impatient,  so  we  will  go  in  and  quiet  him  ;  but,  as 
he  every  night  sups  in  the  city,  the  moment  he  goes 
out,  Jacintha  shall  come  and  inform  you  of  it,  and 
let  you  in.' 

"  The  gallant,  comforted  by  this  promise,  kissed 
Luisita's  hand  with  transport,  who  bestowed  on  him 
a  few  caresses  to  keep  him  in  hopes;  and  then  went 
in  with  Jacintha  and  the  maid.  Patricio  very  content- 
edly sat  himself  down  on  a  stone  that  was  near  the 
door,  and  waited  a  good  while,  without  thinking  they 
could  possibly  have  any  design  to  trick  him.  No- 
thing surprised  him  but  that  he  did  not  see  .Don  Jas- 
per come  out,  which  made  him  fear  that  this  cursed 
brother  would  not  sup  in  the  city. 

"In  the  meantime  he  hears  it  strike  ten,  eleven, 
twelve.  Then  he  began  to  abate  of  his  confidence, 
and  to  suspect  his  lady's  sincerity.  He  goes  up  to 
the  door,  goes  in,  and  gropes  his  wa}'  through  a  dark 
alley,  in  the  midst  of  which  he  finds  a  pair  of  stairs. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  117 

However  he  dares  not  venture  to  go  up,  but  listens 
attentively,  and  his  ear  is  saluted  with  the  disagree- 
able concert  of  a  dog  barking,  a  cat  mewing,  and  a 
child  crying.  At  last  he  begins  to  find  he  is  imposed 
upon ;  and  what  fully  convinces  him  is,  that  en- 
deavouring to  get  at  the  end  of  the  alley,  he  finds 
himself  in  a  different  street  to  that  where  he  had  so 
long  waited. 

"Then  he  regretted  the  loss  of  his  money,  and  re- 
turns home  curbing  the  pink-coloured  stockings  ;  he 
knocks,  and  his  wife  opens  the  door  with  her  beads 
in  lier  hand  and  tears  in  her  eyes,  saying,  with  a 
moving  air,  'Ah!  Patricio,  can  you  thus  abandon 
your  house,  and  take  so  little  care  of  your  wife  and 
children  ?  What  have  you  been  doing  ever  since  six 
o'clock  this  morning,  that  you  went  out  ?'  The  hus- 
band not  knowing  what  answer  to  make,  and  ashamed 
besides  of  being  fooled  by  a  couple  of  jiiting  bag- 
gages, undressed,  and  went  to  bed  without  speaking 
one  word.  The  wife,  in  a  humour  for  moralising,  is 
now  giving  him  a  lecture  that  this  moment  has  laid 
him  to  sleep. 

"Cast  your  eye,"  pursued  Asmodeus,  "on  that 
great  house,  be\ond  that  of  the  gentleman  who  is 
writing  his  friends  an  account  of  breaking  off  his 
marriage  with  his  mistress.  Did  you  see  that  young 
lady  in  the  rose-coloured  satin  bed  embroidered  with 
gold  >  " — "  Yes,"  answered  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  discern  a 
fine  woman  in  a  profound  sleep,  and  I  think  also  a 
book  on  her  bolster." — "You  are  right,"  replied  As- 
modeus, "that  lady  is  a  very  ga}',  witty,  }'oung 
Countess,  who  being  indisposed,  and  not  able  to 
sleep  for  a  week, 'she  this  day  resolved  to  send  for 


ii'-i  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

one  of  the  gravest  physicians  of  this  city.  He  came, 
she  consulted  him,  and  he  ordered  her  a  remedy  men- 
tioned in  Hippocrates.  The  lady  began  to  rally  his 
prescription  ;  but  the  physician,  being  a  peevish  ani- 
mal, was  disgusted  at  her  jest,  and  replied  with  his 
doctorial  gravity:  'Hippocrates,  madam,  is  not  a 
proper  man  to  be  ridiculed.' — '  God  forbid,  Doctor,' 
answered  the  Countess,  with  the  most  serious  air  that 
it  was  possible  for  her  to  put  on  ;  '  God  forbid  that  I 
should  laugh  at  such  a  famous  and  learned  author  ! 
I  have  such  a  high  value  for  him,  that  I  am  fully  per- 
suaded the  reading  of  some  of  his  tracts,  only,  would 
cure  my  waking  distemper.  I  have  his  works  tran- 
slated by  the  learned  Azero,  which  is  the  best  trans- 
lation extant.'  She  accordingly  tried  the  experiment, 
and  at  the  third  page  fell  asleep. 

"In  the  Countess's  stables  there  is  a  poor  one- 
armed  soldier,  whom  the  grooms  out  of  charity  allow 
to  lie  every  night  on  the  straw.  He  begs  in  the  day- 
time, and  has  just  now  had  a  pleasant  conversation 
with  another  beggar,  that  lives  near  Buen-retiro,  in  a 
passage  leading  to  the  court.  This  last  has  made  a 
good  hand  of  it,  is  a  warm  old  fellow,  and  has  a  daugh- 
ter marriageable,  who  passes  amongst  these  people  for 
a  rich  heiress.  The  soldier,  accosting  the  old  gentle- 
man, said  to  him,  '  Signor  Mendigo,  you  see  I  have 
lost  my  right  <\rm,  I  can  no  longer  serve  his  majesty, 
and  am  reduced,  as  you  are,  to  the  civility  of  pass- 
engers for  a  subsistence.  But  of  all  trades,  I  know 
very  well  this  is  one  that  best  subsists  those  that  fol- 
low it,  and  that  all  it  wants  is  to  be  a  little  more  hon- 
ourable.'— '  If  it  were  honourable,'  answered  the  other, 
'it  would  be  worth  nothing,  for  everybody  would  take 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  119 

it  up.' — 'You  say  right/  replied  the  soldier;  'well 
then,  I  am  one  of  your  brethren,  and  would  fain  be 
related  to  you.  You  shall  give  me  }'our  daughter.' — 
'You  do  not  consider,'  answered  the  old  rich  fellow, 
'  that  she  must  have  a  better  match.  You  are  not 
half  lame  enough  for  my  son-in-law.  I  would  have 
a  man  in  a  condition  to  draw  compassion  from  an 
usurer.' — 'Good  God!'  said  the  soldier,  'is  not  my 
condition  deplorable  enough.''' — 'Fie,'  answered  the 
other  hastily,  'you  have  only  lost  an  arm,  and  yet 
you  pretend  to  my  daughter  !  Do  you  know,  sir, 
that  I  have  already  refused  her  to  a  fellow  so  lame, 
that  he  goes  with  his  breech  in  a  bowl  ? ' 

"  But  we  must  not  pass  by  the  house  next  to  the 
Countess's,  where  lives  a  drunken  painter  and  a  poet. 
The  painter  went  out  at  seven  this  morning,  with 
intent  to  fetch  a  confessor  to  his  wife,  who  is  at  the 
point  of  death  ;  but  meeting  with  a  friend  that  drag- 
ged him  to  the  tavern,  he  never  returned  till  ten  at 
night.  The  poet,  who,  if  he  be  not  belied,  has  some- 
times met  with  a  melancholy  reward  for  his  s.iLires, 
said  just  now  in  a  coffee-house,  with  a  swaggering 
air,  speaking  of  a  man  that  was  absent:  'That  is  a 
rascal  to  whom  I  must  give  a  good  drubbing  ; '  to 
whom  an  arch  fellow  replied  :  'That  you  may  very 
easily,  for  you  have  a  good  stock  by  you.' 

~  "  I  must  not  forget  a  scene  worth  your  hearing, 
that  hath  this  day  passed  at  a  banker's  in  this  street, 
who  is  lately  set  up  in  this  city.  It  is  not  two  montiis 
since  he  returned  from  Peru  laden  with  riches  :  his 
father  is  an  honest  cobbler  in  a  small  village  about 
twelve  leagues  from  hence,  where  he  lived  thoroughly 
contented  with  his   condition,  and   his   wife,  who   is 


I20  ASMODEVS:  OR, 

much  about  the  same  age  with  himself,  that  is 
sixty. 

"It  is  a  long  time  since  this  banker  left  his  parents, 
to  go  to  the  Indies  in  quest  of  a  better  fortune  than 
what  they  could  propose  to  leave  him  ;  for  within  the 
compass  of  twenty  rolling  years  they  had  not  set<. 
him.  They  frequently  talked  of  him,  and  continually 
prayed  that  heaven  would  please  not  to  forsake  him  ; 
and  the  parson  being  their  friend,  they  never  failed 
to  obtain  the  public  prayers  of  the  congregation  for 
him.  As  for  the  banker,  he  had  not  forgotten  them  ; 
but,  as  soon  as  he  was  settled,  resolved  to  inform 
himself  of  their  condition.  To  this  purpose,  after 
having  ordered  his  domestics  not  to  expect  him, 
he  mounted  on  horseback,  and  went  alone  to  the 
village. 

"  It  was  ten  at  night  before  he  got  thither,  and  the 
honest  cobbler  was  a-bed  with  his  wife,  in  a  sound 
sleep,  when  he  knocked  at  the  door;  they  then 
awaked,  and  asked  who  was  there  ,?  '  Open  the  door,' 
says  the  banker,  'it  is  your  son  Francillo.' — 'Make 
others  believe  that,  if  }ou  can,'  cried  the  old  man ; 
'  you  thieving  rogues,  gi>  about  your  business,  for 
here  is  nothing  for  you  ;  Francillo,  if  not  dead,  is  now 
in  the  Indies.' — '  He  is  no  longer  there  ;  he  is  returned 
home  from  Peru,'  replied  the  banker,  '  and  it  is  he 
that  now  speaks  to  you  ;  open  your  door,  and  receive 
him,' — '  Jacobo,  let  us  rise  then,'  said  the  woman,  '  for 
I  really  believe  it  is  Francillo,  I  think  I  know  his 
voice.' 

"  They  both  rose  immediately  ;  the  father  lighted  a 
candle,  and  the  mother,  after  getting  her  clothes  on 
with    the    utmost    haste,    opened    the   door.      She 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  121 

earnest!}'  looked  on  Francillo,  and  could  no  longer 
doubt  his  beincT  her  son;  she  flung  her  arms  about 
his  neck,  and  clasped  him  close  to  her.  Jacobo,  also 
touched  by  the  same  sentiments  as  his  wife,  did  not 
fail  to  embrace  his  son  in  his  turn  ;  and  all  three  of 
them,  transported  with  the  sight  of  one  another 
after  such  a  long  absence,  could  not  satisfy  them- 
selves with  expressing  the  marks  of  the  utmost 
tenderness. 

"After  these  pleasing  transports,  the  banker  un- 
saddled and  unbridled  his  horse,  put  him  into  the 
stable,  where  he  found  an  old  milk-cow,  the  nurse  to 
the  whole  family  ;  he  then  gave  the  old  folks  an  ac- 
count of  his  voyage,  and  all  the  riches  that  he  had 
brought  from  Peru.  The  particular  was  long,  and 
would  tire  any  disinterested  auditors;  but  a  son,  that 
unbosomed  himself  in  the  relation  of  his  adventures, 
could  not  tire  the  attention  of  a  father  and  mother. 
They  greedily  heard  him  ;  and  the  very  least  particu- 
lars which  he  related,  made  in  them  a  sensible  impres- 
sion of  grief  or  joy. 

"  As  soon  as  he  had  ended  the  story  of  his  fortunes, 
he  told  them  he  came  to  offer  them  part  of  his  wealth, 
and  begged  of  his  father  not  to  work  any  longer. 
*No,  my  son,'  said  Mr.  Jacobo,  'I  love  my  trade,  and 
will  not  quit  it.' — 'Why,'  replied  the  banker,  'is  it 
not  now  high  time  for  \'ou  to  give  it  over  and  take 
your  ease  ?  I  do  not  propose  your  coming  to  live 
with  me  at  Madrid  ;  I  know  very  well  that  a  city 
life  would  not  please  you.  I  would  not  disturb  your 
quiet  way  ot  living  ;  but,  at  least,  give  over  your  hard 
labour,  and  pass  }'our  days  as  easily  as  you  can.' 

"  The  mother  seconded  her  son,   and  Mr.  Jacobo 


122  ASMODEUS:  OR. 

yielded,  'Very  well,  Francillo/ said  he,  'to  please 
you,  I  will  not  work  any  more  for  the  public  ;  but  will 
only  mend  my  own  shoes,  and  those  of  my  good  friend 
the  vicar  of  the  parish.'  After  this  agreement,  the 
banker,  fatigued  with  his  day's  journe)^,  ate  a  couple 
of  poached  eggs,  and  lay  down  to  sleep  by  his  father, 
with  a  pleasure  which  onl\-  the  most  dutiful  and  best- 
natured  children  to  their  parents  can  imagine. 

"The  next  morning  the  banker,  leaving  them  a 
purse  of  three  hundred  ducats,  returned  to  Madrid; 
but,  yesterday,  was  very  much  surprised  to  see  Mr. 
Jacobo  unexpectedly  at  his  house.  '  My  father,'  said 
he, '  what  brought  you  hither .'' ' — '  Francillo,'  answered 
the  honest  man,  '  I  have  brought  your  purse, — take 
your  money  again;  I  desire  to  live  by  my  trade;  I 
have  been  ready  to  die  with  uneasiness  ever  since  I 
left  off  working.' — '  Well  then,  my  father,'  replied  the 
banker,  '  return  to  your  village,  work  at  your  trade 
enough  to  divert  yourself,  but  no  more ;  carry  back 
your  purse  with  you,  and  do  not  spare  mine.' — '  Alas ! 
what  would  you  have  me  to  do  with  so  much  money.''' 
replied  Mr.  Jacobo. — '  Comfort  the  poor  with  it,'  re- 
turned Francillo  ;  '  bestow^  it  as  your  vicar  shall  advise 
you.'  The  cobbler,  satisfied  with  this  answer,  returned 
that  morning  to  his  village." 

Don  Cleofas  could  not  hear  Francillo's  story  with- 
out a  particular  pleasure  ;  and  was  going  to  break  out 
into  praises  of  tlie  honest-hearted  banker,  if  just  at 
that  moment  a  very  shrill  cry  had  not  called  off  his 
attention.  "  Signor  Asmodeus,"  cried  he,  "  what  is  it 
that  I  hear  .''  what  confused  noise  strikes  the  air  ?" — ■■ 
"Those  are  madmen,"  answered  the  devil,  "who  are 
tearing  their  throats  with  singing  and  roaring;  we  are 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  123 

not  far  from  the  place  where  they  are  shut  up." — 
"Ah !  "  said  Don  Cleofas,  "pray  do  me  the  favour  to 
show  me  them,  and  give  me  an  account  wherefore 
they  ran  mad." — "  I  will  immediately  give  you  that 
diversion,"  answered  the  devil.  These  words  were 
scarce  ended,  before  the  student  was  transported  tc 
the  top  of  the  Casa  de  los  locos.* 

*  The  madhouse,  or  bedlam. 


124  ASMODEUS:  CR, 


CHAPTER  IX. 

OF   THE   CONFINED   MAD   PEOPLE. 

ZamBULLO  cast  an  attentive  eye  into  all  the  rooms; 
and,  having  observed  the  mad  men  and  women  that 
were  in  them,  said  the  devil  to  him,  "You  see  here 
are  mad  folks  of  both  sexes,  merry  and  melancholy, 
young  and  old  ;  but  I  must  now  tell  you  what  has 
turned  their  brains.  We  will  take  them  in  order,  one 
after  another,  and  begin  with  the  men. 

"He  that  is  raving  in  the  first  room  is  a  news- 
monger of  Castile,  born  in  the  heart  of  Madrid,  a 
haughty  citizen,  and  more  touched  with  the  honour 
of  his  country  than  an  old  Roman  citizen.  This  man 
is  melancholy  mad,  by  reading  in  the  gazette  that 
twenty  Spaniards  sufiftred  tiiemselves  to  be  beaten 
by  a  party  of  fifty  Portuguese. 

"  His  neighbour  is  a  licentiado,  who  has  played  the 
In^pocrite  at  court  for  these  ten  years,  only  to  obtain 
a  benefice;  and,  seeing  himself  continually  forgotten 
in  the  promotions,  despair  has  at  last  turned  his  head. 
But  a  very  lucky  circumstance  for  him  is,  that  he 
fancies  himself  Archbishop  of  Toledo  ;  and  if  he  really 
be  not  so,  he  has  the  pleasure  of  believing  he  is  ;  and 
I  think  him  still  the  more  happy,  as  I  look  upon  his 
madness  as  a  golden  dream  in  which  he  will  continue 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  i2$ 

all  his  life;  and  as  he  will  have  no  account  to  give  in 
the  next  world,  how  he  has  employed  the  revenues  of 
his  bishopric  in  this. 

"  The  next  is  an  orphan,  whom  his  guardian  made 
to  pass  for  distracted,  that  he  might  seize  his  estate; 
and  the  poor  youth  is  really  become  so  at  last,  out  of 
pure  grief  to  see  himself  shut  up  here.  Next  to  him 
is  a  schoolmaster,  who  lost  his  wits  in  search  of  the 
paiilo post  futuruni  of  a  Greek  verb;  and  the  other  a 
merchant,  whose  reason  could  not  support  the  news 
of  a  shipwreck,  after  having  had  the  courage  to  bear 
up  against  the  misfortune  of  two  bankruptcies, 

"  He  whom  you  see  beyond  him,  is  old  Captain 
Zanubio,  a  Neapolitan  gentleman,  who  came  to  settle 
at  Madrid,  and  ran  mad  with  jealousy.  His  story 
runs  thus : — 

"He  had  a  }'Oung  wife,  whose  name  was  Aurora; 
he  kept  her  out  of  sight ;  his  house  was  inaccessible 
to  all  men.  Aurora  never  went  out  but  to  mass,  and 
then  was  always  accompanied  by  her  old  Tithon,  who 
sometimes  carried  her  to  an  estate  which  he  liad  near 
Alcantara.  Notwithstanding  all  his -vigilant  care,  a 
certain  gentleman,  whose  name  was  Don  Garcia 
Pucheco,  having  seen  her  at  church,  had  conceived  a 
violent  passion  for  her.  He  was  a  bold  young  spark, 
and  worth  the  regard  of  a  handsome  woman  ill  mar- 
ried. The  difficulty  of  introducing  himself  to  Zanubio 
did  not  remove  his  hopes :  but  his  beard  being  not 
yet  grown,  and  being  a  very  beautiful  }'Outh  he 
dressed  himself  in  girl's  clothes,  took  a  purse  of  a 
hundred  pistoles,  and  went  to  Zanubio's  estate, 
whither  he  had  been  informed  by  good  hands,  that 
the  captain  and  his'wife  would  ver}-  soon  come.     He 


126  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

addressed  himself  to  the  gardener's  wife,  and,  in  a 
romantic  heroic  strain,  said  to  her,  '  I  come  to  throw 
myself  into  your  arms, — take  pity  upon  me!  I  am  of 
Toledo,  born  of  a  good  family,  and  to  a  good  fortune; 
my  parents  resolve  to  marry  me  to  a  man  I  hate,  and 
I  have  this  night  escaped  their  tyranny,  and  at  present 
want  a  shelter  from  their  rage.  They  will  never  come 
to  look  for  me  here; — permit  me  to  stay  here  till  my 
relations  come  to  more  tender  sentiments  for  me. 
Here  is  my  purse,'  adds  he,  giving  it  to  her,  '  take  it, 
— it  is  all  I  can  at  present  offer  you.  But  I  hope  I 
shall  one  day  be  able  to  acknowledge  any  service 
you  shall  do  me.' 

"The  gardener's  wife,  touched  with  this  discourse, 
more  especially  with  the  conclusion,  '  My  daughter,' 
said  she,  *  I  will  serve  you  ;  I  know  several  young 
women  who  are  sacrificed  to  old  men,  and  withal, 
know  that  they  are  not  very  well  contented  withal ; 
alas !  I  feel  part  of  their  griefs.  You  could  not  have 
addressed  yourself  to  a  more  proper  person  than  my- 
self; I  will  place  you  in  a  little  private  chamber, 
where  you  shall  be  secure.' 

"Don  Garcia  passed  several  days  here  very  im- 
patiently, expecting  the  arrival  of  Aurora,  who  at 
last  came,  accompanied  by  her  husband,  who,  accord- 
ing to  his  custom,  searched  all  the  apartments,  closets, 
cellars,  and  garrets,  to  see  if  he  could  not  discover 
any  man  hidden  there.  The  gardener's  wife,  know- 
ing him  thoroughly,  prevented  him  searching  Don 
Garcia's  chamber,  by  telling  in  what  manner  the 
pretended  lady  had  desired  a  refuge  there.  Za- 
nubio,  though  extremely  distrustful,  had  not  the 
least  suspicion  of  the  deceit.     He  was  willing  to  see 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  127 

the  unknown  lad\',  who  desired  to  be. excused  from 
the  discovery  of  her  name,  pretending  she  owed  that 
concealment  to  her  family,  whom  she  disgraced  by 
this  sort  of  flight.  She  then  told  her  romantic  tale 
so  advantageousl}',  that  the  captain  was  charmed 
with  it  and  began  to  find  a  growing  inclination  for 
the  fair  unknown.  He  offered  her  his  services,  and, 
flattering  himself  that  this  might  prove  a  lucky  ad- 
venture, placed  her  with  his  wife. 

"  As  soon  as  Aurora  saw  Don  Garcia,  she  blushed, 
and  grew  disturbed,  without  knowing  why  ;  he  per- 
ceived it,  and  believed  she  had  observed  him  in  the 
church  where  he  had  seen  her.  Wherefore,  to  satisfy 
himself,  as  soon  as  he  could  speak  to  her  alone,  he 
said,  '  Madam,  I  have  a  brother  has  often  mentioned 
you  to  me  ;  he  saw  you  for  a  moment  in  a  church ; 
ever  since  that  time  he  has  called  upon  your  name  a 
thousand  times  a-day,  and  is  in  a  condition  wliich 
indeed  deserves  your  pity.' 

"  At  these  words  Aurora  looked  on  Don  Garcia 
more  intently  than  she  had  yet  done,  and  answered, 
*  You  too  much  resemble  that  brother  for  me  to  be  any 
longer  deluded  by  your  artifice  ;  T.  see  clearly  enough 
that  )'OU  are  a  cavalier  in  petticoats;  I  remember, 
that  one  day  when  I  was  hearing  mass,  my  veil  sud- 
denh'  flew  open,  and  you  saw  me.  I  observed  you, 
out  of  curiosity,  and  found  your  eyes  always  fixed 
upon  me.  When  I  went  awa\',  I  believe  you  did  not 
fail  to  follow  me,  to  discover  in  what  street  I  lived, 
and  who  I  was.  I  believe,  I  say;  because  I  durst 
not  turn  my  head  to  observe  }'ou  ;  because  my  hus- 
band, who  was  with  me,  would  have  been  .darmed, 
and    made  a  c^reat  crime  of  it.     The  next  and  the 


nS  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

following  da}'s  I  went  to  the  same  church,  where  I  saw 
}'ou  again,  and  took  so  much  notice  of  your  face  that 
I  know  it  again,  notwithstanding  your  disguise.' — 
'  Madam,  then,'  replied  Don  Garcia,  '  I  must  unmask. 
Yes,  I  am  a  man,  ensnared  by  your  charms.  It  is 
Don  Garcia  Pucheco,  whom  love  has  introduced  here 
in  this  dress.' — 'And  you  hope,  without  doubt,'  said 
she,  '  that,  approving  your  passion,  I  should  favour 
this  stratagem,  and  contribute  my  part  to  keep  my 
husband  in  the  error  he  now  lies  under — but  there  you 
are  deceived.  I  will  immediately  discover  the  whole 
to  him.  I  am  glad  of  such  a  handsome  opportunity 
of  convincing  him  that  his  vigilance  is  less  secure  thaa 
my  virtue;  and  that,  as  jealous  and  distrustful  as  he 
is,  it  is  more  difficult  to  surprise  me  than  him.' 

"  She  had  scarce  ended  these  words  before  the 
captain  appeared.  'What  are  you  talking  of,  ladies?' 
said  he.  To  which  Aurora  immediately  answered, 
'We  are  speaking  o^  those  young  cavaliers  that 
attempt  to  get  into  the  affections  of  }oung  women 
who  have  old  husbands  ;  and  I  was  sa)-ing,  that  if 
any  of  those  sparks  should  be  so  rash  as  to  presume 
to  introduce  themselves  to  you,  under  any  disguise,  I 
would  very  severely  punish  their  impudence. — 'And 
you,  madam,'  said  Zanubio,  turning  towards  Don 
Garcia,  'how  would  you  treat  a  young  cavalier  on 
the  same  occasion.?'  Don  Garcia  was  so  disturbed 
and  confused,  that  he  was  utterly  at  a  loss  what 
answer  to  return  to  the  captain,  who  would  have 
perceived  the  perplexity  he  was  in,  if  a  footman 
had  not  come  to  tell  him  that  a  person  was  come 
from  Madrid  to  speak  with  him. 

"  He  went  to  see  what  his  Vjusiness  was.  when  Don 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  129 

Garcia  threw  himself  at  Aurora's  feet.  '  Ah,  madam  ! ' 
said  he,  *  what  pleasure  do  you  take  in  tormenting 
me  ?  Will  you  really  be  so  barbarous  as  to  deliver 
me  over  to  the  resentment  of  an  enraged  husband  ? ' 
— 'No,  Pucheco,'  answered  she,  smiling;  'young 
women,  who  have  old  jealous  husbands,  are  not  so 
cruel.  Reassume  your  courage ;  I  was  willing  to 
divert  m\'self  by  putting  you  into  a  little  fright,  but 
that  shall  be  all  ;  it  is  not  making  you  p^y  too  dear 
for  my  complaisance  in  suffering  you  to  stay  here.' 
At  these  comforting  words  Don  Garcia  found  all  his 
fears  vanish,  and  conceived  hopes  which  Aurora  was 
so  kind  as  to  make  good, 

"  One  day,  when  they  were  mutually  exchanging 
some  marks  of  their  good  understanding  in  Zaniibio's 
apartment,  the  captain  surprised  them.  Had  he  not 
been  the  most  jealous  man  in  the  world,  he  saw 
enough  to  engage  him  to  believe,  with  good  reason, 
that  his  fair  unknown  was  a  cavalier  disguised, 
Enraged  to  the  highest  degree  at  this  sight,  he  runs 
to  his  closet  to  fetch  his  pistols  ;  but,  in  the  mean- 
while, the  lovers  escaped,  double-locking  all  the  doors 
after  them,  and  carr\-ing  off  the  ke\'s.  They  got  to 
a  neighbouring  village,  where  Don  Garcia  had  left 
his  valet-de-chambre  and  two  horses.  There  he 
quitted  his  petticoats,  took  Aurora  behind  him,  and 
con  lucted  her  to  a  convent,  where  he  desired  her  to 
enter,  and  assured  her  of  a  refuge  there,  the  abbess 
being  his  aunt.  This  done,  he  returned  to  Madrid 
to  wait  the  issue  of  this  adventure. 

"In  the  interim,  Zanubio  finding  himself  locked 
in,  loudh'  called  all  his  family.  A  footman,  hearing 
his   voice,   ran    towards    him ;    but    the    doors    being 

I 


I30  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

locked,  he  could  not  open  them.  The  captain  endea- 
voured to  break  them  open,  but  not  being  able  to 
get  out  that  way  quick  enough,  yielding  to  his  rage, 
he  hastily  flung  himself  out  at  a  window  with  the 
pistols  in  his  hand;  he  fell  upon  his  back,  hurt  his 
head,  and  remained  senseless  on  the  ground.  His 
domestics  came  and  carried  him  into  the  hall,  on  a 
couch  ;  they  threw  water  in  his  face,  and,  on  torment- 
ing him,  fetched  him  out  of  his  fainting-fit ;  but  with 
his  senses  his  rage  returned.  He  asked  for  his  wife. 
The  servants  answered  him,  that  they  saw  her  and 
the  strange  lady  go  out  at  the  little  garden-door. 
He  commanded  them  to  give  him  his  pistols  imme- 
diately, and  they  were  forced  to  obey  him.  He 
caused  a  horse  to  be  saddled,  mounting  it  without 
thinking  of  his  wounds;  but  happened  to  take  a 
different  road  than  that  which  the  lovers  went.  He 
passed  the  whole  day  in  a  vain  chase;  and  at  night, 
stopping  at  an  inn  in  a  village  to  repose  himself, 
his  fatigu.  md  the  blood  which  he  had  lost,  threw 
him  into  a  tever  and  delirium,  which  almost  carried 
him  off. 

"To  tell  you  the  rest  in  two  words, — he  lay  fifteen 
days  sick  in  that  village  ;  after  which,  he  returned  to 
his  estate,  where,  continually  possessed  by  his  mis- 
fortune, he,  by  degrees,  lost  his  wits.  Aurora's  friends 
were  no  sooner  informed  of  this,  than  they  brought 
him  to  Lladrid,  and  shut  him  up  in  the  madhouse; 
and  his  wife  is  yet  in  a  nunnery,  where  they  resolve 
she  shall  stay  some  years,  as  a  punishment  for  her 
indiscretion,  or  rather  a  fault  for  which  they  only  are 
to  blame. 

"  The  very  next  to  Zanubio  is  Signor  Don  Bias 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  131 

Desdichado,  a  gentleman  of  great  merit.  His  wife's 
death  is  the  occasion  of  his  being  in  the  sad  condi- 
tion wherein  you  see  him." — "  That  is  surprising," 
said  Don  Cleofas.  "  What  !  a  husband  run  mad  for 
the  death  of  a  wife  ?  really  I  did  not  think  conjugal 
love  could  be  carried  so  high." — "  Not  so  fast,"  intei"- 
rupted  Asmodeus;  "Don  Bias  did  not  run  mad  with 
grief  for  the  loss  of  his  wife,  but  for  being  forced  to 
restore  fifty  thousand  ducats  to  his  wife's  relations, 
according  to  the  marriage  articles,  in  case  they  had 
no  children,  which  is  this  gentleman's  misforrune." 

"  Oh,  that  alters  the  affair,"  said  Leandro  ;  "now  I 
am  no  longer  surprised  at  it.  But,  pray  tell  me  who 
that  young  man  is  in  the  next  room,  that  is  capering 
about  like  a  goat,  and,  stopping  now  and  then,  bursts 
out  into  a  laugh,  and  holds  his  sides  all  the  while  ?" 
— "That  is  a  merry  madman,"  replied  the  cripple; 
"and  his  madness  was  caused  by  an  excess  of  joy. 
He  was  a  porter  to  a  person  of  quality;  but,  hearing 
one  day  of  the  death  of  a  rich  contador,  whose  only 
heir  he  was,  he  was  not  proof  against  so  joyful  a  piece 
of  news,  and  so  his  head  turned. 

"  We  are  got  to  that  tall  youth  who  plays  upon 
the  guitar,  and  sings  to  himself  He  is  a  melan- 
choly madman,  a  lover,  whom  the  severities  of  his 
mistress  have  reduced  to  this  condition." — "Ah, 
how  I  pity  him ! "  cried  the  student ;  "  allow  me  to 
deplore  his  misfortune  ;  it  may  be  every  honest 
gentleman's  case.  If  I  should  be  smitten  by  a 
cruel  beauty,  I  do  not  myself  know  whether  I  should 
not  lose  my  wits." — "  By  this  sentiment  you  show 
yourself  to  be  a  true  Castilian  ;  one  must  be  born  in 
the  very   middle  of  Castile  to  be    capable  of  ever 


132  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

running  melancholy-mad  for  being  unable  to  please. 
The  French  are  not  so  tender;  and  if  you  will  know 
the  difference  betwixt  a  Frenchman  and  a  Spaniard 
on  this  head,  I  need  onh'  repeat  that  song-  which  the 
madman  sings,  and  has  just  this  minute  composed  : — 

A   SPANISH    SONG, 

"  *  Ardo  y  lloia  sin  sossiego  : 
Llorando  y  ardiendo  tanto, 
Que  ni  el  llanto  appaga  el  fuego  ; 
Ni  el  fuego  consume  el  llanto.' 

•  I  sorely  weep,  my  heart  the  while  on  fire, 
The  fire  all  fierce  ne'er  can  my  tears  consume, 
Nor  weeping  quench  the  flame  of  my  desire, 
Alack  !  that  tears  and  flames  are  both  my  doom.' 

"  Thus  sings  the  Spanish  cavalier,  wlien  his  mis- 
tress has  used  him  ill  ;  and  on  the  same  occasion, 
a  Frenchman,  a  tew  days  since,  expressed  himself 
thus  : — 

A    FRENCH    SONG. 

"  '  L'  objet  qui  regne  dans  mon  coeur 

Est  toujnurs  insensible  a  mon  amour  fidele 

Mes  soins,  nies  soupirs,  ma  languer, 

Ne  sauraient  atteudrir  celle  beaute  cruelle. 

O  ciel  !  est  il  nn  sort  plus  alifreux  que  le  mein  ? 

Ah  !  puisque  je  ne  puis  lui  plaire, 

Je  renonce  au  jour  qui  m'eclaire  ; 

Venez,  mes  cher  amis,  m'enterrer  chez  Payeo. 

*  Th'  ungrateful  object  of  my  love 

K  deaf  to  all  my  prayers  ; 
Her  cruel  heart  no  sighs  can  move, 

Nor  is  she  soften'd  by  my  tears. 
Was  ever  mortal  cursed  like  me? 

The  light  and  ever-gloiious  sun, 
llenccforlh  abandon'd,  will  1  slum, 

And  henceforth  will  vviili  rp.vcn  lie.'"' 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  133 

"  Payen  is  probably  a  vintner,"  said  Don  Cleofas. 
"  You  have  guessed  right,"  said  the  devil.  "  Let  us 
go  on  and  examine  the  rest." — "No,"  said  Lcandro, 
"  let  us  rather  go  to  the  women,  for  I  am  impatient 
to  see  them." — "  I  will  comply  with  your  impatience 
presently,"  replied  the  spirit;  but  there  are  two  or 
three  unfortunate  people  that  I  should  be  glad  to 
show  you  first, — perhaps  you  may  improve  by  their 
misfortune. 

"  In  the  next  room  to  the  man  playing  on  the 
guitar,  don't  you  see  a  pale,  meagre  face,  grinding 
liis  teeth,  and  looking  as  if  he  intended  to  swallow 
the  iron  bars  at  his  window .-'  That  is  an  honest 
fellow,  born  under  so  unlucky  a  planet,  that  with  all 
the  merit  in  the  world,  and  twenty  years  endeavours, 
he  has  not  been  able  to  secure  himself  bread.  He 
ran  mad  at  seeing  a  little  inconsiderable  fellow  of  his 
acquaintance  mount  in  one  day  to  the  top  of  fortune's 
wheel,  by  nothing  but  his  knowledge  of  arithmetic. 

"  His  neighbour  is  an  old  secretary,  whose  noddle 
is  cracked  by  the  ingratitude  of  a  courtier  whom  he 
had  served  for  sixty  years.  He  is  a  servant  whose  zeal 
and  fidelity  can  never  be  sufficiently  commended; 
for  he  never  asked  anything,  but  was  satisfied  with 
letting  his  care  and  services  speak  for  him.  Yet 
his  master,  very  different  from  Archelaus,  King  of 
Macedon,  who  denied  favours  when  asked,  and  be- 
stowed them  unasked,  is  dead  without  making  him 
any  recompense  ;  and  left  him  but  just  enough  to 
pass  his  days  here  in  misery,  and  among  madmen. 

"  One  more,  and  I  have  done.  It  is  he  leaning 
with  his  elbows  on  the  window,  buried  in  profound 
meditation.     In  him   you  see  a   Signer  Hidalgo  of 


134  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

Tafalla,  a  small  town  in  Navarre;  he  removed  to 
Madrid,  and  emplo}'ed  his  money  to  a  fine  purpose; 
for  he  was  mad  enough  to  make  an  acquaintance 
with  all  the  beaux-esprits,  and  treat  them  every  day 
of  his  life.  Every  day  was  a  day  of  entertainment 
at  his  house  ;  and  though  the  authors,  an  ungrateful 
and  churlish  tribe,  laughed  at  him  whilst  they  were 
eating  him  up,  yet  he  never  would  rest  till  he  had 
spent  all  his  little  fortune  upon  them." — "  No  doubt," 
said  Zambullo,  "he  is  run  mad  with  vexation  at 
having  ruined  himself  so  foolishly."  —  "Quite  the 
contrary,"  replied  Asmodeus,  "  it  is  to  see  himself  not 
in  a  condition  to  continue  the  same  life. 

"  Let  us  now  come  to  the  women." — "  How  comes 
it,"  said  the  student,  "that  I  see  but  seven  or  eight! 
there  are  fewer  women  mad  than  I  thought." — "All 
of  the  mare  not  here,"  replied  the  demon,  smiling  ; 
"  but,  in  another  part  of  the  city,  there  is  a  great 
house  quite  full  of  them,  I  will  carry  you  thither 
this  minute,  if  you  please."  —  "That  is  needless," 
answered  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  will  content  m)self  with 
what  are  here." — "  You  are  in  the  right,"  replied 
the  cripple,  "lor  they  are  almost  all  young  ladies, 
and  of  distinction  ;  and  you  may  judge  by  the  neat- 
ness of  their  rooms  that  they  cannot  be  ordinary 
women.  But  let  me  inform  you  of  the  causes  of 
their  distraction. 

"The  first  is  a  corregidor's  lady,  whose  head  was 
turned  by  the  outrageous  passion  she  fell  into  at 
being  called  a  citizen's  wife  by  a  court  lady.  The 
second  is  wife  to  the  treasurer-general  of  the  council 
rf  the  Indies;  and  she  is  run  mad  with  vexation  at 
being  obliged  to  turn  lur  coach  in  a  narrow  street, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  135 

to  make  way  for  that  oi  the  Duchess  of  Medina 
Cell's.  The  third  is  a  merchant's  widow,  out  of  her 
wits  with  spite  for  losing  a  great  lord,  whom  she 
hoped  to  marry.  And  the  fourth  is  a  girl  of  quality, 
named  Donna  Beatrix,  whose  misfortune  I  must  tell 
you. 

"  This  lady  had  a  friend  called  Donna  Mencia, 
whom  she  saw  every  day.  A  knight  of  the  order  of 
St.  Jago,  a  well-made  gallant  }'oung  fellow,  became 
acquainted  with  them,  and  soon  made  them  rivals; 
for  they  both  vigorously  disputed  his  heart,  but  he 
inclined  to  Donna  Mencia's  side,  so  she  was  in  a 
short  time  married  to  him. 

**  Donna  Beatrix,  jealous  of  the  power  of  her 
charms,  conceived  a  mortal  spite  at  having  the  pre- 
ference given  against  her;  and,  like  a  right  Spaniard, 
entertained  a  violent  desire  of  revenge,  when  she 
received  a  letter  from  Don  Jacintho  de  Romarate, 
another  lover  of  Donna  Mencia's,  wherein  he  tells 
her,  that  being  as  much  mortified  at  his  mistress's 
wedding  as  she  herself  was,  he  had  resolved  to  fight 
the  cavalier  who  had  robbed  him  of  her. 

"  This  was  a  very  agreeable  letter  to  Donna  Beatrix, 
who,  desiring  only  the  death  of  the  offender,  wished 
for  nothing  more  than  that  Don  Jacintho  would 
take  away  his  rival's  life  ;  but  whilst  she  was  im- 
patiently waiting  for  so  Christian-like  a  satisfaction, 
it  happened  that  her  brother  having  accidentally 
quarrelled  with  Don  Jacintho,  they  drew,  and  he 
received  two  wounds  of  which  he  died.  It  was 
Donna  Beatrix's  duty  to  bring  the  murderer  to 
justice,  which  however  she  neglected,  in  order  to  give 
him  time  to  attack  the  knight  of  St.  Jago ;  and  this 


!36  ASM  ODE  US:  OR, 

proves  that  a  woman  holds  no  consideration  so  dear 
as  that  of  her  beauty.  And  it  was  thus  Pallas 
behaved  to  Ajax,  after  he  had  ravished  Cas-andra: 
for  the  goddess  did  not  immediately  punish  the 
sacrilegious  Greek,  who  had  just  been  profaning  her 
temple,  but  resolved  he  should  contribute  towards 
revenging  her  for  the  judgment  of  Paris.  But,  alas! 
Donna  Beatrix,  less  fortunate  than  Minerva,  did  not 
taste  the  pleasure  of  being  revenged  ;  for  Romarate 
perished  in  his  rencounter  with  the  knight,  and  the 
lady's  chagrin,  to  see  an  affront  which  had  been 
offered  her  go  unpunished,  has  turned  her  brain. 

"  The  two  following  madwomen  are  an  attorney's 
grandmother,  and  an  old  marchioness.  The  former 
having  sulTiciently  plagued  her  grandson  by  her  ill- 
nature,  he  has  very  fairly  shut  her  up  here,  to  rid  his 
hands  of  her.  The  other  is  a  lady  who  has  all  her 
lifetime  been  worshipping  her  beauty.  Instead  of 
growing  old  with  a  good  grace,  she  was  perpetuall}' 
bemoaning  the  ruin  of  her  charms,  and,  at  last,  one 
day,  happening  to  look  into  a  glass  that  did  not 
flatter,  fell  mad." 

"As  for  the  old  marchioness,"  said  Leandro,  "I 
think  it  is  a  luck}'  accident;  as  her  mind  is  dis- 
ordered, perhaps  she  no  longer  finds  that  time  has 
made  any  alteration  in  her  person." — "No,  certainly," 
replied  the  devil ;  "  far  from  seeing  anything  like  age 
in  her  face,  her  complexion  seems  to  her  a  mixture 
of  lilies  and  roses,  the  loves  and  graces  appear  at 
her  side,  and,  in  short,  she  thinks  herself  the  goddess 
Venu'^." — "Well,  then,"  replied  the  student,  "is  not 
she  happier  in  her  madness,  than  if  she  could  see 
herself  just  as  she  really  is  ?  "— "  Doubtless  she  is," 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  137 

said  Asmodeus.  "  But  hold ;  we  have  but  one  lady 
more  (she  is  in  the  furthermost  room),  who  is  just 
fallen  into  a  deep  sleep  after  three  days  and  nights 
of  raving.  It  is  Donna  Emerenciana.  Examine  her 
well;  what  say  you  to  her?" — "1  think  her  perfectly 
handsome,"  answered  Zambullo ;  "  what  pity  it  is 
>o  charming  a  creature  should  be  mad  !  By  what 
accident  has  she  been  reduced  to  so  deplorable  a 
condition  ?" — "Listen  attentively,"  replied  the  cripple, 
"and  you  shall  hear  the  story  of  her  misfortune. 

"  T/ie  History  of  Donna  Evicrcnciana. 

"  Donna  Emerenciana  was  the  only  daughter  of 
Don  Guillem  Stephani,  and  lived  at  ease  at  her 
father's  house  in  Siguenca,  till  Don  Ximenes  de 
Lizana  broke  in  upon  her  quiet  by  the  gallantries  he 
put  in  practice  to  please  her.  She  was  not  only  sen- 
sible of  the  cavalier's  assiduities,  but  was  so  weak  as  to 
help  forward  the  stratagems  he  employed  to  get  at 
the  speech  of  her,  and  soon  gave  him  her  faith,  and 
received  his. 

"  These  two  lovers  were  of  equal  birth  ;  but  the 
lad\'  might  pass  for  one  of  the  best  fortunes  in 
Spain,  whereas  Don  Ximenes  was  no  more  than  a 
younger  brother.  There  was  still  another  obstacle 
to  their  union.  Don  Guillem  hated  the  famiK'  of 
Lizana ;  which  he  showed  but  too  plainly  by  his 
discourse,  whenever  that  family  was  the  subject  of 
conversation.  He  seemed  even  to  iiave  a  greater  aver- 
sion for  Don  Ximenes  than  for  the  rest  of  his  race. 
Emerenciana,  extremely  afflicted  to  see  her  father 
in  such  a  disposition,  took  it  as  an  ill  omen  to  her 
love.    However,  he  did  not  scruple  to  give  loose  to  her 


138  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

inclinations,  and  to  converse  privately  with  Lizana, 
who  was  introduced  to  her  from  time  to  time  at 
night  by  the  means  of  her  woman. 

"  One  of  those  niglits  it  happened  that  Don 
Guillem,  who,  by  cliance  waked  just  as  the  lover 
was  coming  in,  thought  he  heard  something  in  his 
cJaughter's  apartment,  wliich  was  not  far  from  his 
own.  ■  There  needed  no  more  to  make  so  distrustful 
a  parent  uneasy.  However,  as  suspicious  as  he  was, 
Emerenciana's  conduct  had  been  so  artful,  thathe  never 
suspected  her  correspondence  with  Don  Ximenes. 
But  not  being  one  of  that  sort  of  men  who  carry 
their  confidence  too  far,  he  got  up  very  softly,  went 
and  opened  a  window  that  looked  into  the  street,  and 
had  the  patience  to  stay  there  till  he  saw  Lizana  go 
down  by  a  rope-ladder  into  the  street,  and  knew  him 
by  the  light  of  the  moon. 

"  What  a  sight  was  this  for  Stephani,  the  most 
revengeful  and  barbarous  man  that  Sicily,  the  place 
of  his  birth,  ever  produced  !  He  did  not  immediately 
yield  to  the  dictates  of  his  passion,  but  carefully 
avoided  making  a  noise,  which  might  have  deprived 
him  of  the  principal  victim  of  his  resentments.  He 
put  a  constraint  upon  himself,  and  waited  till  his 
daughter  was  up  the  next  day  before  he  went  into 
her  apartment.  There,  finding  himself  alone  with 
her,  and  looking  at  her  with  eyes  sparkling  with  rage; 
'  Wretch,'  said  he,  '  who,  notwithstanding  thy  noble 
blood,  art  not  ashamed  to  be  guilty  of  the  most 
infamous  actions,  prepare  thyself  to  suffer  the 
punishment  thou  hast  deserved.  This  steel,'  added 
he,  drawing  a  poniard  out  of  his  bosom,  '  this  steel 
shall  rob  thee  of  life,  if  thou   do.<^t  not  confess  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  139 

truth.     Tell  me  the  name  of  that  audacious  vilb.ia 
who  came  hither  last  night  to  dishonour  my  house.' 

"  Emerenciana  remained  quite  speechless,  and  so 
confounded  at  her  father's  threats,  that  she  could 
not  bring  out  a  word.  'Ah!  wretch,' continued  her 
father,  '  thy  silence  and  confusion  show  me  thy  guilt 
but  too  plain.  And  dost  thou  imagine,  daughter 
unworthy  of  me,  that  I  am  to  learn  what  has 
passed  .-*  Last  night  I  saw  the  audacious  villain, — 
it  is  Don  Ximenes.  It  was  not  enough  to  admit 
a  cavalier  into  thy  apartment  at  night,  but  he  must 
be  my  mortal  enemy  too.  But  come,  let  us  know 
how  far  I  am  injured.  Speak  without  disguise;  for 
it  is  thy  sincerity  alone  can  preserve  thy  life.' 

"  The  lady,  at  these  words,  entertaining  hopes  of 
escaping  the  dismal  fate  that  threatened  her,  re- 
covered in  some  measure  from  her  fright,  and 
answered  Don  Guillem  thus :  '  My  lord,'  said  she, 
'I  could  not  help  hearing  Lizana,  but  Heaven  is 
witness  of  the  purity  of  his  sentiments.  As  he  knows 
you  hate  his  family,  he  has  not  yet  dared  to  ask  your 
consent ;  and  it  was  only  to  confer  together  about  the 
means  of  obtaining  it,  that  I  sometimes  granted  him 
admission.' — '  And  whom  did  you  both  make  use 
of,'  replied  Stephani,  '  to  convey  your  letters  to  each 
other.''' — 'One  of  your  pages,'  answered  the  lady, 
'did  us  that  service.' — 'That  is  all  I  would  know,' 
replied  the  father:  'now  for  my  design.'  Where- 
upon  with  the  dagger  still  in  his  hand,  he  made  her 
take  pen  and  ink,  and  write  her  lover  this  letter, 
which  he  dictated  himself: — 

**'  Dearest  Husband,  only  joy  of  my  life, — I  am  to 


140  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

tell  you  that  my  father  is  just  gone  into  the  country, 
from  whence  he  returns  to-morrow.  Make  use  of  the 
opportunity.  I  flatter  myself  that  you  will  wait  for 
night  with  as  much  impatience  as  myself.' 

"  When  Emerenciana  had  written  and  sealed  this 
perfidious  billet,  Don  Guillem  bid  her  call  the  page 
who  had  so  well  acquitted  himself  of  the  commission 
he  had  been  charged  with,  and  order  him  to  carry 
that  letter  to  Don  Ximenes.  '  But  do  not  hope  to 
deceive  me,'  added  he,  '  for  I  will  lie  concealed  some- 
where here,  and  observe  thee  narrowly  when  thou 
givest  it  to  him  ;  and  if  thou  sayest  a  word  to  him,  or 
givest  him  the  least  sign  that  may  make  him  suspect 
the  message,  I  will  immediately  plunge  the  dagger  in 
thy  heart'  Emerenciana  knew  her  father's  temper 
too  well  to  dare  to  disobey  him.  She  gave  the  billet 
into  the  page's  hands  as  usual. 

"  Stephani  then  put  up  the  poniard,  but  did  not 
leave  his  daughter  one  moment  all  the  day;  he  would 
not  let  her  speak  to  anybody  out  of  his  sight,  and 
managed  so  well  that  Lizana  could  receive  no  infor- 
mation of  the  snare  that  was  laid  for  him.  The  }'oung 
gentleman  was  exact  to  the  appointment.  Scarce 
was  he  got  within  the  doors,  when  he  found  himself 
immediately  laid  hold  on  by  three  lusty  fellows,  who 
disarmed  him  without  giving  him  an  opportunity  of 
defending  himself,  gagged  him  for  fear  of  his  crying 
out,  and  tied  his  hands  behind  him.  At  the  same 
instant  they  put  him  in  this  condition  into  a  coach 
that  had  been  prepared  for  the  purpose ;  and  all  three 
went  into  it,  to  make  sureof  the  cavalier,  whom  they  car- 
ried to  Stephani's  country-seat,  situated  at  the  village 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  141 

of  Miedes,  about  four  short  leagues  from  Siguenca. 
The  moment  after,  Don  Guillem  set  out  in  another 
coach,  with  his  daughter,  two  maids,  and  an  old  ill- 
natured  duenna,  whom  he  had  hired  that  afternoon. 
He  took  with  him  the  rest  of  his  family,  except  an 
old  domestic,  who  knew  nothing  of  the  carrying  away 
of  Lizana. 

"Before  daybreak  they  all  arrived  at  Miedes. 
Stephani's  first  care  was  to  see  Don  Ximenes  secured 
in  a  dungeon,  which  let  in  a  small  glimmering  by  a 
hole  too  straight  for  a  man  to  get  through.  He 
then  ordered  Julio,  a  servant  privy  to  his  designs,  to 
give  him  no  other  nourishment  than  bread  and 
water,  nor  any  other  bed  than  straw,  and  to  say  to 
him  every  time  he  carried  him  his  allowance,  '  Here, 
base  seducer !  It  is  thus  Don  Guillem  treats  those 
that  dare  injure  him.  The  cruel  Sicilian  used  his 
daughter  with  no  less  severity ;  he  shut  her  up  in  a 
room  that  had  no  window  towards  the  fields,  removed 
her  woman,  and  gave  her  the  duenna  he  had  cliosen 
for  her  jailer  ;  a  duenna  that  could  not  be  paralleled 
in  the  world  for  tormenting  young  ladies  committed 
to  her  charge. 

"In  this  manner  he  disposed  of  the  two  lovers; 
but  his  intention  was  not  to  stop  there.  He  had 
resolved  to  rid  himself  of  Don  Ximenes;  but  still 
he  would  fain  have  committed  that  crime  with  im- 
punity ;  which,  however,  seemed  prett\'  difficult  to 
effect.  As  he  made  use  of  his  own  servants  to 
carry  off  the  cavalier,  he  could  not  hope  that  a  fact 
known  to  so  many  could  perpetually  remain  a  secret. 
\A'hat  then  was  to  be  done  to  escape  the  pursuits  of 
justice  ?     He  determined  upon  an   expedient  which 


142  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

showed  him  to  be  a  complete  villain.  He  called 
together  his  accomplices  into  a  small  house  separate 
from  the  castle.  He  told  them  how  pleased  he  was 
with  their  zeal,  and,  in  acknowledgment,  promised 
them  a  large  reward,  after  he  had  entertained  them. 
He  made  them  sit  down  to  table,  and,  in  the  midst 
of  the  entertainment,  Julio  poisoned  them  by  his 
order.  Then  the  master  and  the  man  set  fire  to  the 
house;  and  before  the  flames  c  .uld  bring  in  the 
inhabitants  of  the  village  about  him,  they  assassinated 
Emerenciana's  two  maids,  and  the  little  page  I 
mentioned  before,  and  then  threw  their  bodies  to  the 
rest.  In  a  short  time  the  house  was  all  in  flames, 
and  burnt  to  the  ground,  notwithstanding  all  the 
neighbouring  peasants  could  do  to  extinguish  it. 
All  this  while  the  Sicilian  was  to  be  seen  showing 
all  the  signs  of  a  most  immoderate  grief  He 
appeared  inconsolable  at  the  loss  of  his  servants. 

"Having  in  this  manner  made  sure  of  the  discre- 
tion of  those  in  whose  power  it  was  to  have  betrayed 
him,  he  thus  addressed  himself  to  his  confidant: 
'Dear  Julio,  now  I  am  at  rest,  and  may  take  away 
Don  Ximenes's  life  whenever  I  please.  But  before  I 
sacrifice  him  to  my  honour,  I  will  enjoy  the  charming 
pleasure  of  seeing  him  suffer.  The  misery  and  horror 
of  a  long  imprisonment  will  be  more  cruel  to  him 
than  death.'  And,  indeed,  Lizana  was  continually 
bewailing  his  ill  fortune,  and,  being  persuaded  he 
should  never  get  out  of  the  dungeon,  wished  to  be 
freed  from  his  sufierings  by  a  sudden  death. 

"  But  it  was  in  vain  that  Stephani  hoped  his  mind 
would  be  at  rest  after  such  an  exploit.  In  three  daysi 
a  fresh  uneasiness  came  upon  him.     He  was  appre- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  143 

hensive  that  Julio,  when  he  carried  the  prisoner  his 
food,  might  be  gained  over  by  promises ;  and  that 
fear  made  him  determine  to  hasten  the  death  of  the 
one,  and  then  to  shoot  the  other.  Julio,  too,  on  his 
side,  was  not  without  his  fears  ;  and  judging  that  his 
master,  after  ridding  himself  of  Don  Ximenes,  might 
very  probably  sacrifice  him  to  his  own  safety,  formed 
the  design  of  making  his  escape  the  first  opportunity, 
with  everything  in  the  house  that  could  be  carried 
off  with  the  greatest  ease. 

"  These  were  the  contrivances  of  those  two  good 
men,  each  unknown  to  the  other,  when  they  were 
one  day  both  surprised,  about  a  hundred  paces  from 
the  castle,  by  fifteen  or  twenty  archers  of  the  holy 
brotherhood,  who  surrounded  them  immediately,  cry- 
ing out,  '  By  order  of  the  king,  and  of  justice  ! '  At 
this  sight  Don  Guillem  turned  pale,  and  was  con- 
founded. However,  setting  a  good  face  upon  the 
matter,  he  asked  the  commandant  whom  his  business 
was  with  ?  '  With  yourself,'  answered  the  officer. 
'You  are  charged  with  carr}'i:ig  away  Don  Ximenes 
de  Lizana.  I  am  ordered  to  make  a  strict  search  for 
that  gentleman  all  over  your  castle,  and  to  secure 
your  person.'  Stephani  being  convinced  by  this 
answer  that  he  was  undone,  fell  into  a  violent  rage. 
He  drew  out  a  pair  of  pistols,  insisted  he  would  not 
suffer  his  house  to  be  searched,  and  threatened  to 
shoot  the  commandant  if  he  did  not  presently  draw 
off  with  his  men.  The  captain  despising  his  threats, 
advanced  upon  the  Silician,  who  let  off  a  pistol  at 
him,  and  wounded  him  in  the  face.  But  that , wound 
cost  the  rash  man  that  gave  it  his  life;  for  two  or 
three  archers   fired   upon   him   that  instant,  and,  to 


144  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

revenge  their  officer,  laid  him  dead  upon  the  spot 
As  for  Julio,  he  surrendered  himself  without  any 
resistance,  and  did  not  give  them  the  trouble  of 
asking  whether  Don  Ximenes  was  in  the  castle,  but 
confessed  everything:  however,  seeing  his  master 
lifeless,  he  threw  all  the  villany  upon  him. 

"  In  short,  he  took  the  commandant  and  his  archers 
to  the  dungeon,  where  they  found  Lizana,  fast  bound, 
lying  upon  straw.  The  poor  gentleman  who  lived  in 
continual  expectation  of  death,  thought  that  so  many 
men  in  arms  were  not  come  thither  upon  any  other 
design  than  to  kill  him  ;  but  was  agreeably  surprised  to 
find  that  they  whom  he  took  for  his  executioners,  were 
his  deliverers.  When  they  had  unbound  and  brought 
him  out  of  the  dungeon,  he  thanked  them  for  his 
deliverance,  and  asked  them  how  they  came  to  know 
he  was  a  prisoner  there.  *  That  is,'  said  the  com- 
mandant, '  what  I  am  going  to  tell  you  in  few  words. 

'"The  night  you  was  carried  off,'  pursued  he,  'one 
of  those  concerned  in  it,  who  had  a  mistress  that 
lived  a  few  doors  from  Stephani,  going  to  take  his 
leave  of  her  before  he  set  out,  was  so  indiscreet  as  to 
discover  Stephani's  project  to  her.  The  woman  kept 
it  secret  for  two  or  three  days ;  but  as  the  report  of 
the  fire  at  Miedes  began  to  spread  all  over  Siguenca, 
and  as  it  seemed  strange  to  everybody  that  the 
Sicilian's  servants  should  all  perish  in  it,  she  lie- 
thought  herself  that  it  might  be  the  handiwotk-  of 
Don  Guillem.  So,  to  revenge  her  lover,  she  went  to 
Don  Felix,  your  father,  and  told  him  all  she  knew. 
Don  Felix,  frightened  to  see  you  at  the  niercy  of  a 
man  capable  of  anything,  carried  the  woman  before 
the  corregidor,  who,  having  examined    her,  did    not 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  145 

doubt  but  Stephani  intended  you  should  suffer  the 
longest  and  most  cruel  torments,  and  that  he  was  the 
horrid  contriver  of  the  fire  ;  and  resolving  to  go  to  the 
bottom  of  the  affair,  sent  me  an  order  to  Retortillo, 
where  I  live,  to  mount  and  hasten  hither  with  my 
brigade,  in  order  to  search  for  you,  and  bring  Don 
Guillem  alive  or  dead.  I  performed  my  commission 
in  what  relates  to  you  with  success  ;  but  am  very 
sorry  it  is  out  of  my  power  to  carry  the  criminal 
to  Siguenca  alive.  He  put  us  under  a  necessity  of 
killing  him,  by  the  resistance  he  made.' 

"The  officer  having  ended  his  story  thus,  said  to 
Don  Ximenes  :  '  Signor  Cavalier,  I  am  going  to  draw 
up  informations  of  all  that  has  happened  here ;  after 
which  we  will  set  out,  in  order  to  comply  with  the 
impatience  you  must  be  in  of  ridding  your  family  of 
the  uneasiness  they  feel  upon  your  account.' — '  Sir,' 
cried  Julio,  '  I  will  furnish  you  with  fresh  matter,  to 
enlarge  your  information.  You  have  still  another 
prisoner  to  set  at  liberty.  Donna  Emerenciana  is 
shut  up  in  a  dark  room,  where  a  merciless  duenna  is 
continually  mortif}'ing  her,  and  never  allows  her  a 
moment's  rest.' — '  O  heaven  ! '  cried  Lizana,  *  the  cruel 
Stephani  then  was  not  satisfied  with  exercising  his 
barbarity  upon  me  only!  Let  us  go  this  moment 
and  deliver  that  unhappy  lady  from  the  tyranny  of 
her  governante.' 

"Thereupon  Julio  carried  the  conmiandant  and 
Don  Ximenes,  with  five  or  six  archers,  to  the  chamber 
which  served  Don  Guilleni's  daughter  for  a  prison. 
They  knocked  at  the  door,  and  the  duenna  came  and 
opened  it.  You  may  easily  guess  the  pleasure  that 
Lizana  felt  at  the  sight  of  his  mistress,  after  he  had 

K 


146  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

despaired  of  ever  possessini^  her.  He  perceived  his 
hope  return,  or  rather  he  could  not  doubt  of  his 
happiness,  since  the  only  person  tliat  could  pretend  to 
oppose  it  was  dead.  As  soon  as  he  saw  Emerenciana, 
lie  ran  and  threw  himself  at  her  feet;  but  who  can 
express  his  concern,  when,  instead  of  meeting  with  a 
mistress  ready  to  receive  his  transports,  he  found 
nobody  but  a  lady  bereft  of  her  understanding?  In 
effect,  she  had  been  so  tormented  by  the  duenna, 
that  she  was  run  mad.  She  continued  some  time  in 
deep  thought,  then  on  a  sudden  imagining  she  was 
the  fair  Angelica,  besieged  by  the  Tartars  in  the 
fortress  of  Albraca,  she  considered  all  the  men  that 
were  in  her  room  as  so  many  Paladins  come  to  her 
assistance.  She  took  the  captain  of  the  holy  brother- 
hood for  Orlando,  Lizana  for  Brandismart,  Julio  for 
Hubert  of  the  Lion,  and  the  archers  for  Antifort, 
Clarion,  Adrian,  and  the  two  sons  of  the  Marquis 
OHver.  She  received  them  with  great  politeness, 
sa}'ing,  *  Brave  knights,  I  no  longer  fear  the  Emperor 
Agrican,  nor  Queen  Marphisa :  your  valour  is  able  to 
defend  me  against  all  the  force  of  the  universe.' 

"  At  this  extravagant  discourse  the  officer  and 
archers  could  not  help  laughing.  But  it  was  far 
otherwise  with  Don  Ximenes,  who,  sensibly  afflicted 
to  see  his  mistress  in  so  sad  a  condition  for  his  sake, 
was,  in  his  turn,  near  losing  his  senses.  However,  he 
still  flattered  himself  she  might  be  brought  to  her- 
self; and,  in  this  hope,  '  My  dear  Emerenciana,'  said 
he,  with  a  tender  air,  'see  here  your  Lizana.  Re- 
collect your  wandering  thoughts.  Know  that  our 
misfortunes  are  at  an  end.  Heaven  would  not  suffer 
two  hearts  it  had  joined  to  be  separated ;  and  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  147 

inhuman  parent  who  has  used  us  so  ill  can  now  no 
longer  cross  our  designs.' 

"The  daughter  of  King  Galafron's  answer  to  this, 
was  a  discourse  addressed  to  the  valiant  defenders  of 
Albraca,  who,  for  once,  forbore  laugh.ing.  The  com- 
mandant himself,  though  naturally  very  far  from 
being  tender-hearted,  felt  some  touches  of  com- 
passion, and  said  to  Don  Ximenes,  whom  he  saw 
borne  down  by  his  grief,  '  Signor  Cavalier,  do  not 
despair  of  your  mistress's  recovery.  You  have  physi- 
cians at  Siguenca,  who  by  their  skill  may  accomplish 
it.  But  let  us  not  stay  here  any  longer.  You,  Lord 
Hubert  of  the  Lion,'  added  he,  speaking  to  Julio, 
'you  know  where  the  stables  of  the  castle  are;  take 
with  you  Antifort,  and  the  two  sons  of  the  Marquis 
Oliver.  Choose  the  best  steeds  there,  and  put  them 
into  the  princess's  chariot.  In  the  meantime,  I  will 
draw  up  my  informations.' 

"  Upon  this,  he  took  out  of  his  pocket  an  ink-horn 
and  paper,  and  having  written  what  he  thought 
proper,  presented  his  hand  to  Angelica,  to  help  her 
to  go  down  into  the  courtyard  ;  where,  by  the  care 
of  the  Paladins,  they  found  a  coach  with  four  mules 
ready  to  set  out.  He  put  the  lady  and  Don  Ximenes 
into  it,  and  then  went  in  himself;  he  took  the  duenna 
with  him,  too,  whose  deposition  he  thought  the  cor- 
regidor  would  be  glad  of.  That  was  not  all ;  by  the 
captain  of  the  brigade's  order,  Julio  was  loaded 
with  irons,  and  put  into  another  coach  with  Don 
Guillem's  corpse.  The  archers  then  remounted  their 
horses,  and  they  all  set  out  for  Siguenca. 

♦'  During  their  journey,  Stephani's  daughter  said  a 
thousand  extravagant  things,  which  were  so  many 


148  ASMODEUS:  OR. 

daggers  to  her  lover.  He  could  not  look  on  the 
duenna  without  falling  into  a  passion.  'It  is  you, 
cruel  old  hag,'  said  he,  'it  is  you  that  have  harassed 
Emerenciana  by  your  cruel  treatment,  and  turned 
her  brain.'  The  governante  excused  herself  with  an 
hypocritical  air,  and  tl.rcw  all  the  blame  on  the  de- 
ceased. 'It  is  to  Don  Guillem  only,' answei^d  she, 
'that  this  misfortune  is  owing.  That  too  severe 
parent  came  every  da}',  and  terrified  his  daughter 
with  his  menaces,  which  at  last  made  her  run  mad.' 

"As  soon  as  the  commandant  arrived  at  Siguenca, 
he  went  and  gave  an  account  of  his  commission  to 
the  corregidor,  who  upon  the  spot  interrogated  Julio 
and  the  duenna,  and  sent  them  to  prisons  in  the  city, 
where  they  still  remain.  He  also  examined  Lizana, 
who  then  took  his  leave,  and  went  home  to  his  father's, 
where  he  turned  their  sorrow  and  uneasiness  into  joy. 
As  for  Donna  Emerenciana,  the  corregidor  took  care 
to  send  her  to  Madrid,  where  she  had  an  uncle  by 
her  mother's  side.  This  good  relation,  who  only 
wanted  to  have  the  administration  of  his  niece's  estate, 
could  not  handsomely  avoid  appearing  to  desire  her 
recovery,  and  applied  to  the  most  celebrated  physi- 
cians :  nor  had  he  any  occasion  to  repent  it ;  for, 
after  all  their  pains  had  been  thrown  away,  they 
pronounced  her  incurable.  Upon  this  decision,  the 
guardian  immediately  shut  up  his  charge  here,  where, 
according  to  all  probability,  she  will  spend  the  rest  of 
her  days." 

"Cruel  destiny!  "  cried  Don  Cleofas;  "I  am  heartily 
concerned  for  her.  Donna  Emerenciana  deserved  a 
better  fate.  And  what  is  become  of  Don  Ximenes.-'" 
continued  he  ;  "I  should  be  glad  to  know  what  resolu- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  149 

tion  he  has  taken  " — "A  very  reasonable  one,'"  rephed 
Asmodcus.  "When  he  saw  tiie  evil  was  without 
remedy,  lie  set  out  for  New  Spain.  He  hopes  his 
travels  will  by  degrees  wear  out  of  his  mind  the  re- 
membrance of  a  lady,  whom  his  reason  and  repose 
require  he  should  forget.  But,"  pursued  the  devil, 
"having  shown  you  the  confined  mad  folks,  I  must 
let  you  see  those  who  deserve  to  be  so." 


ISO  ASMODEUS:  OR, 


CHAPTER  X. 

T/fE   MATTER    OF   WHICH  IS  INEXHAUSTIBLE. 

'Let  us  turn  our  eyes  towards  the  city,  and  as  I 
discover  any  subject  which  deserve  to  be  placed 
amongst  those  that  are  here,  I  will  give  you  their 
respective  characters.  I  see  one  already  which  I  will 
not  suffer  to  escape.  It  is  a  new-married  man,  who 
eight  days  since  was  told  of  the  coquetting  tricks 
of  a  jilt  that  he  loved.  Enraged,  he  goes  to  her, 
breaks  one  part  of  her  furniture,  throws  another  out  at 
the  window,  and  the  next  day  marries  her." — "Such 
a  man  as  this,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "certainly  deserves 
the  first  vacancy  in  this  house." — "  He  has  a  neigh- 
bour not  much  wiser  than  himself,"  replied  Asmodeus  ; 
"it  is  a  bachelor  of  forty-five,  who  has  sufficient  to 
live  on,  and  yet  would  enter  himself  in  a  nobleman's 
service.  I  see  a  lawyer's  widow,  a  good  woman,  who 
is  above  sixty  ;  her  husband  is  just  dead,  and  she  is 
going  to  retire  into  a  nunnery  to  secure  her  reputation, 
as  she  sa\'s,  from  scandal. 

"  I  discern  a  couple  of  virgins  of  above  fifty,  each 
making  vows  to  Heaven  to  take  their  father,  who 
keeps  them  as  close  locked  up  as  though  they  were 
under  age.  They  hope,  after  the  old  gentleman's 
death,  they  shall  find  handsome  men  that  will  marry 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  151 

them  for  love." — "  And  why  not  ?  "  said  the  student ; 
"there  are  men  in  the  world  of  as  whimsical  a  taste 
as  that." — "  I  grant  it,"  replied  the  devil,  "  it  is  not 
impossible  they  should  find  husbands,  but  they 
ought  not  to  flatter  themselves  with  such  hopes ;  it  i-^ 
therein  consists  their  folly. 

"  There  is  no  country  in  the  world  where  the  women 
tell  their  age  truly.  About  a  month  since,  a  maid  of 
forty-eight,  and  a  wife  of  sixty-nine,  went  before  a 
commissary  to  testify  for  a  widow  of  their  acquaint- 
ance, whose  virtue  was  questioned.  The  commissary 
first  interrogated  the  married  woman  on  her  age, 
and  though  it  was  as  plainly  expressed  in  her  forehead 
as  in  the  church-register,  she  yet  boldly  ventured  to 
say  she  was  but  forty.  He  next  interrogated  the 
maiden.  'And  you,  madam,'  said  he, 'how  old  are 
you  .'' ' — 'Let  us  pass  on  to  the  other  questions,  sir,' 
answered  she,  '  for  this  is  an  improper  one  to  put  to 
us.' — '  You  do  not  consider  what  you  say,  madam,' 
replied  the  commissary  ;  '  do  you  not  know  that  in 
judicial  cases  the  truth  ought  always  to  be  told?' — 
'  No  law  obHges  us  to  it, '  answered-the  maiden  hastily. 
'  But  then  I  cannot  take  your  deposition,'  said  he, 
'if  your  age  be  not  to  it,  for  it  is  a  material  circum- 
stance.'— '  If  it  is  absolutely  necessary/  replied  she, 
'  look  upon  me  intentl)',  and  put  my  age  down  accord- 
ing to  your  conscience.' 

"  The  commissary  looked  in  her  face,  and  was  polite 
enough  to  set  her  down  twent\'-eight.  He  then  asked 
whether  she  had  long  known  the  widow.  '  I  knew  her 
before  her  marriage,'  said  she.  '  Then  I  have  mis- 
talvcn  your  age,'  replied  he,  'in  setting  you  down  but 
twenty-eight,   for   it   is  twent\-nine  years  since   the 


IS2  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

widow  was  married.' — '  Well,  sir,'  returned  the  maiden, 
'  write  me  down  thirty,  then  ;  I  might  at  a  year  old 
know  the  widow.' — 'That  will  not  be  regular,'  replied 
he,  '  let  us  add  a  dozen.' — '  No,  indeed,'  interrupted 
she  ;  '  all  that  I  can  possibly  afford  to  add  is  one  }'ear 
more,  and  I  would  not  put  a  month  more  if  it  were 
to  save  m}'  reputation.' 

"  When  these  two  ladies  were  gone  from  the  com- 
missary's, the  married  woman  said  to  the  other,  '  I 
wonder  that  impertinent  fellow  should  take  us  for 
such  fools  as  to  tell  our  ages  truly.  It  is  not  enough 
indeed  that  they  are  registered  in  the  parish-books, 
but  the  rude  fellow  would  have  them  upon  his  papers, 
that  all  the  world  may  know  them.  Would  it  not  be 
fine  to  hear  it  bawled  out  in  court,  Mrs.  Richards, 
aged  so  many  years,  and  Mrs.  Perinelle,  aged  fort}-- 
five  years,  depose  so  and  so  ?  Well,  I  bantered  him 
sufiSciently ;  I  sunk  a  good  round  twenty  years  upon 
him,  and  you  have  done  very  well  in  suppressing  so 
many.' — 'What  do  you  call  so  many  ,? '  answered  the 
maiden  very  smartly;  'you  rally  me,  I  am  at  most 
but  five  and  thirty.' — 'Ha!'  replied  the  other  with 
an  angry  air,  '  whom  do  you  tell  so  ?  I  saw  you  born. 
It  is  a  long  time  since  indeed.  I  remember  to  have 
seen  your  father  ;  when  he  died  he  was  not  young, 
and  it  is  now  above  forty  years.' — 'Oh,  my  father! 
my  father!'  hastily  interrupted. the  virgin,  enraged 
at  the  other's  freedom  ;  '  betwixt  you  and  I,  when  my 
father  married  my  mother,  he  was  so  old,  he  was  not 
able  to  get  children.' 

"I  observe  in  the  same  house,"  continued  the 
spirit,  "  two  mm  who  are  not  overwise.  One  is  the 
only  son  of  the  family,  who  can  neither  keep  any 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  153 

money,  nor  be  without  it.  When  he  is  flush  of 
money,  he  buys  books,  and  when  it  begins  to  be  low 
with  him,  he  sells  them  for  half  what  they  cost  him. 
The  other  is  a  foreign  painter,  who  draws  women's 
pictures  ;  he  is  a  great  artist,  he  paints  well,  draws 
correctly,  and  hits  a  likeness  extraordinarily  well,  but 
does  not  flatter;  and  yet  is  so  vain  as  to  think  he 
should  be  crowded  with  business.  In/er  stultos  rcfe- 
ratur." 

"  How,"  said  the  student,  "you  speak  Latin  to  a 
miracle!" — "Ought  you  to  wonder  at  that.-*"  said 
the  devil ;  "  I  speak  all  languages  in  perfection  ;  even 
not  excepting  that  of  Athens,  which  I  speak  a  hun- 
dred times  better  than  a  certain  set  of  men  who  at 
present  value  themselves  on  speaking  well,  and  yet  I 
am  neither  the  greater  fool,  nor  the  vainer  for  it. 

"  Cast  your  eye  into  that  great  house  on  the  left 
hand,  on  a  sick  lady,  surrounded  by  several  women 
who  watch  with  her.  It  is  the  widow  of  a  famous 
rich  architect,  who  is  overrun  with  an  affectation  of 
nobility.  She  has  this  day  made  her  will,  by  which 
she  bequeaths  her  immense  riches  wholly  to  persons 
of  the  first  quality;  not  that  she  so  much  as  knows 
an)'  one  of  them,  but  only  for  the  sake  of  their  great 
titles.  She  was  asked  whether  she  would  not  leave 
something  to  a  certain  person  who  had  done  her 
considerable  services.  'Alas,  no,'  answered  she,  'and 
I  am  concerned  at  it.  I  am  not  so  ungrateful  as 
not  to  on-n  that  I  have  obligations  to  him  ;  but  he  is 
but  a  yeoman,  and  his  name  would  disgrace  my 
will.' " 

"  Signor  Asmo  leus,"  interrupted  Don  Cleofas,  "  I 
beg   you   would   inform   mc   whether  that  old   man, 


154  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

whom  I  see  reading  so  hard  in  a  closet,  may  not 
perhaps  deserve  to  be  placed  here  ?  " — "  He  deserves 
it  beyond  dispute,"  answered  the  demon,  "  He  is  an 
old  licentiado  in  divinity,  and  is  reading  a  proof  of  a 
book  he  has  at  the  press." — "The  subject  must  cer- 
tainly be  moral  or  divine,"  said  the  student.  "No," 
replied  the  devil,  "it  is  a  miscellany  of  lewd  poems 
which  he  has  written;  instead  of  burning  them,  or  at 
least  suffering  them  to  die  with  their  author,  he  prints 
them  in  his  lifetime,  for  fear  his  heirs  should  not  be 
inclined  to  publish  them  after  his  death;  or,  out  of 
regard  to  ids  character,  should  deprive  them  of  all 
their  salt  and  spirit. 

"  I  should  do  wrong  to  pass  by  a  little  woman  who 
lives  with  the  licentiate.  She  is  so  much  possessed 
with  her  very  small  merit,  that  she  is  drawing  up  a 
list  ©f  her  lovers,  in  which  she  inserts  all  men  in 
general  who  ever  spoke  to  her, 

"  But  let  us  come  to  a  rich  canon  that  I  discern 
about  two  paces  further,  tainted  with  a  very  parti- 
cular foUy.  He  lives  frugally,  though  it  is  neither  for 
mortification  nor  sobriety,  but  to  amass  riches.  For 
what.''  To  distribute  in  alms.'*  No.  He  bu}-s  picv 
tures,  rich  furniture,  jewels,  china  and  baubles,  not 
to  enjoy  the  use  of  them  during  his  life,  but  only  to 
make  a  figure  in  his  inventory." 

"  What  you  tell  me  is  unnatural  and  forced,"  inter- 
rupted Don  Cleofas.  "  Is  there  really  a  man  in  the 
world  of  this  character.?" — "Yes,  I  tell  you,"  replied 
the  devii,  "he  is  one  of  that  sort  of  madmen.  Does 
he,  for  instance,  buy  a  very  fine  cabinet .-'  he  causes  it 
to  be  packed  up  neath%  and  locked  up  in  his  garret, 
that  it  may  appear  perfectly  new  to  the  brokers  who 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  155 

are  to  buy  it  after  his  death.  In  short,  he  pleases 
himself  with  the  thoughts  that  the  inventory  of  his 
goods  will  be  admired. 

"  Let  us  proceed  to  one  of  his  neighbours,  whom 
you  will  think  full  as  mad.  He  is  a  bachelor,  and 
lately  arrived  at  Madrid,  from  the  Philippine  Islands, 
with  a  vast  estate,  left  him  by  his  father  who  was 
auditor  of  the  court  of  Manilla.  His  conduct  is  very 
extraordinary  ;  for  he  is  to  be  seen  passing  the  whole 
day  in  the  antechamber  of  the  king,  and  of  the  chief 
minister.  Not  that  he  has  the  ambition  to  solicit  any 
great  post ;  no,  he  neither  desires  nor  asks  any.  How 
then  !  say  you,  does  he  go  thither  purely  to  make  his 
court  ?  You  are  farther  off  still.  He  never  speaks  to 
the  minister,  neither  is  he  known  to  him,  nor  desires 
to  be  so.  What,  then,  can  be  his  motive  ?  Why  this  : 
he  would  persuade  the  world  he  has  an  interest 
there." 

"  A  very  diverting  original  ! "  cried  the  student, 
bursting  into  a  laugh  ;  "  but  this  is  giving  one's  self 
a  great  deal  of  trouble  to  very  little  purpose  ;  and  I 
think  you  are  in  the  right  to  rank  him  amongst  such 
mad  people  as  ought  to  be  confined." — "Oh!  as  to 
that,"  replied  Asmodeus,  "  I  shall  show  you  a  great 
many  more  whom  it  would  be  wrong  to  think  a  whit 
more  in  their  senses.  For  example,  do  but  look  into 
that  great  house  where  you  see  so  many  wax-tapers 
lighted  up,  and  three  men  and  two  ladies  round  the 
tab's.  Now  these  people  have  just  supped,  and  are 
at  present  sat  down  to  cards,  in  order  to  spend  the 
rest  of  the  night,  after  which  they  will  part ;  and  this 
is  the  life  these  gentlemen  and  ladies  lead.  They 
meet  regularly  every  night,  and  part  at  daybreak  to 


156  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

go  to  sleep,  till  darkness  has  banished  the  sight  of  the 
sun,  and  of  the  beauties  of  nature.  V/ould  you  not 
say,  to  see  them  in  the  midst  of  so  many  candles,  that 
they  are  so  many  dead  people  waiting  for  the  last 
office  being  done  them  ? " — "  Well,  then,"  said  Don 
Cleofas,  "there  is  no  occasion  for  shutting  up  these 
fools  ;  they  are  shut  up  already." 

"I  see  in  the  arms  of  sleep,"  replied  the  cripple,  "a 
man  whom  I  love,  and  who  has  a  particular  affection 
for  me;  a  man  moulded  according  to  my  heart's 
desire.  He  is  an  old  graduate,  who  idolises  the  fair 
sex.  You  cannot  mention  a  pretty  girl  to  him,  but 
}'0u  find  he  listens  to  you  with  an  extraordinary 
pleasure.  If  you  tell  him  she  has  a  small  mouth,  red 
lips,  ivory  teeth,  or  a  complexion  of  alabaster ;  in  a 
word,  if  you  are  the  least  particular  in  your  descrip- 
tion, he  sighs  at  every  feature,  turns  up  his  eyes, 
and  dissolves  in  raptures.  It  is  but  two  da)'s  since, 
passing  by  a  shoemaker's  shop  in  Alcala  Street,  he 
stopped  short  to  admire  a  very  small  woman's  slipper 
he  saw  there ;  and  having  surveyed  it  with  much 
more  attentk)n  than  it  deserved,  he  said,  with  a  dying 
air,  to  a  gentleman  that  was  with  him,  'Ah,  my  dear 
friend,  there  is  a  shpper  that  enchants  me  !  What  a 
charming  pretty  foot  that  must  be,  that  it  was  made 
for !  But  let  us  be  gone,  for  I  am  too  much  pleased 
with  it,  and  rt  is  dangerous  to  go  through  this  street.'" 

"  We  must  mark  this  graduate  with  black,"  said 
Leandro  Perez.  "Right,"  replied  the  devil;  "we 
must  so;  nor  must  his  next  neighbour  be  marked 
with  white  ;  an  original  of  an  auditor,  who,  because 
he  has  an  equipage,  blushes  with  shame  whenever  he 
is  obliged  to  make  use  of  a  hackney-coach.     And,  I 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  157 

think,  we  may  place  in  the  same  rank  one  of  his 
relations,  a  licentiado,  who,  though  he  has  a  dignity 
of  a  vast  revenue  in  a  church  at  Madrid,  yet  almost 
perpetually  goes  in  a  hackne\--coach  to  save  two  very 
neat  ones,  and  four  fine  mules  of  his  own  that  he  has 
in  the  stable. 

"  In  the  neighbourhood  of  the  worthy  graduate  and 
auditor,  I  perceive  a  man  who  must  not  be  denied 
the  justice  of  being  placed  amongst  the  mad  folks  ; 
a  cavalier  of  sixty  making  love  to  a  young  creature. 
He  sees  her  every  day,  and  thinks  to  be  agreeable 
to  her,  by  entertaining  her  with  the  conquests  he 
made  in  his  younger  days,  and  would  have  her 
esteem  him  for  his  having  been  formerly  handsome. 

"  In  the  same  number  with  this  gentleman,  let  us 
place  another  who  is  asleep  about  ten  paces  from  us, 
a  French  Count,  who  is  come  to  Madrid  to  see  the 
Spanish  court.  This  old  nobleman  is  upwards  of 
seventy,  and  in  his  youth  made  a  figure  at  the  court 
of  his  own  king.  All  the  world  at  that  time  admired 
his  shape  and  gallant  air,  but  his  taste  and  manner 
of  dress  charmed  everybody.  Now  this  gentleman 
has  preserved  all  his  clothes,  and  worn  them  these 
fifty  years  in  spite  of  the  mode,  which,  in  his  country, 
changes  every  day.  But  the  most  diverting  circum- 
stance is,  that  he  imagines  he  has  the  same  graces  at 
this  day,  which  were  admired  in  him  in  his  youth." 

"We  need  not  consider  upon  this  matter,"  said 
Doi'i  Clcofas;  "let  this  French  lord  go  into  the 
number  of  those  that  ought  to  be  boarders  at  the 
Casa  de  los  locos," — "  I  keep  a  room  there,"  replied 
the  demon,  "for  a  lady  that  lives  in  a  garret  on  one 
side  the  Count's  palace.     She  is  an   elderly  widow, 


158  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

who,  out  of  excess  of  tenderness  to  her  children,  has 
made  over  all  her  estate  to  them,  excepting  a  very 
small  allowance  to  subsist  on,  which  her  children  are 
obliged  to  make  her,  and  which,  out  of  gratitude, 
they  take  great  care  not  to  pay. 

"  I  must  likewise  send  thither  an  old  bachelor  of 
a  good  family,  who  no  sooner  has  a  ducat  in  his 
pocket  than  it  is  gone  ;  and  yet,  not  being  able  to 
support  the  want  of  money,  will  do  anything  to 
come  at  it.  About  a  fortnight  ago  his  laundress,  to 
whom  he  owed  thirty  pistoles,  came  and  desired  he 
would  pay  her,  telling  him  she  wanted  it  in  order  to 
be  married  to  a  valet-de-chambre,  who  courted  her. 
'  Thou  must  have  other  money  then,'  said  he ;  '  for 
what  devil  of  a  valet-de-chambre  would  have  thee 
for  fifty  pistoles.''' — 'Oh  dear!  yes,  sir,'  said  she, 
'  I  have  two  hundred  ducats  besides.' — 'Two  hundred 
ducats! 'said  he  eagerly.  'Gadso!  Thou  hast  no- 
thing to  do,  but  to  give  them  to  me,  and  I  will  marry 
thee,  and  so  we  are  even.'  His  laundress  took  him 
at  his  word-  and  is  now  his  wife. 

"  Let  us  keep  three  places  for  those  three  men  just 
come  from  supper  in  the  cit}',  who  are  now  stepping 
into  that  house  on  the  right,  where  they  live.  One 
of  them  is  a  Count,  who  sets  up  for  a  lover  of  polite 
learning.  The  other  is  his  brother,  a  licentiado ;  and 
the  third  is  a  wit  that  hangs  on  them.  They  are 
alvva)'S  inseparable,  and  never  visit  asunder.  The 
Count's  sole  business  is  to  praise  himself;  that  of 
the  licentiado  to  praise  his  elder  brother  and  him- 
self; but  the  wit's  business  is  of  a  larger  extent, 
he  praises  both  of  them,  intermixing  his  own  com- 
mendations with  theirs. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  159 

"Two  more  places  must  be  kept:  one  for  an  old 
citizen,  a  great  florist,  who,  having  scarce  enough  to 
subsist  on,  is  for  keeping  a  gardener  and  his  wife  to 
look  after  a  dozen  of  flowers  in  his  garden.  The 
other  is  an  actor,  who,  complaining  of  the  disadvan- 
tages incident  to  that  way  of  life,  said  the  other  day 
to  some  of  his  companions,  '  Indeed,  gentlemen,  I  am 
very  much  tired  with  this  profession;  nay,  I  would 
even  rather  be  an  inconsiderable  country  gentleman 
of  a  thousand  ducats  a-year.' 

"Let  me  turn  on  which  side  I  will,"  continued  the 
spirit,  "  I  meet  with  nothing  but  people  disordered  in 
their  senses.  There  is  a  knight  of  Calatrava,  so  proud 
and  vain  of  private  conversations  with  the  daughter 
of  a  grandee,  that  he  thinks  himself  upon  a  footing 
with  the  most  considerable  persons  at  court.  He  is 
like  Viilius,  who  fancied  himself  Sylla's  son-in-law, 
because  he  was  well  with  the  dictator's  daughter.  The 
comparison  is  the  more  pat,  as  this  knight,  like  the 
Roman,  has  a  Longarenus,  a  good-for-nothing  fellow 
of  a  rival,  that  is  more  in  her  good  graces  than  himself. 

"  One  would  be  apt  to  say  that  the  same  men  from 
time  to  time  spring  up  again,  only  with  different 
features.  For  in  that  minister's  secretary  one  may 
discover  Bolanus,  who  kept  no  measures  with  any- 
bod\',and  affronted  every  man  whose  countenance  did 
not  please  him.  In  that  old  president  one  sees  Fufidius 
over  again^  who  used  to  lend  his  money  at  five  per 
cent,  per  month.  And  Marsaeus,  who  gave  his  family- 
seat  to  the  comedian  Origo,  lives  again  in  that  heir  of 
the  family,  who  is  wasting  in  debauchery  the  money 
he  received  for  a  country  house  he  has  near  the 
Escurial,  with  an  actress." 


lOO  ASMODEUS:  OK, 

Asmodeus  was  going  on,  when  on  a  sudden  he 
heard  the  tuning  of  instruments,  upon  which  he  broke 
off,  and  said  to  Don  Cleofas — "  At  the  corner  of  this 
street  there  are  some  nmsicians  going  to  serenade  the 
daughter  of  an  Alcalde  of  the  court;  and  if  you  have 
a  mind  to  be  nearer  the  diversion,  you  need  only 
speak." — "  I  love  these  concerts  mightily,"  answered 
Zambullo ;  "  let  us  go  nearer  the  music,  perhaps 
there  may  be  voices  amongst  them."  He  had  scarce 
spoken,  when  he  found  himself  upon  the  house  adjoin- 
ing to  that  of  the  Alcalde. 

The  in.-,truments  began  the  concert  with  several 
Italian  airs,  after  which  two  voices  sung  the  following 
couplets  alternately : 

First  Couplet. 

'•  Si  de  tu  he  mojura  quieres 
Una  copia  con  mil  gracias  ; 
Escuclia,  porque  pretendo 

El  pintar  lac. 

Second  Couplet. 

"  Es  tu  frente  toda  uieve 

Y  el  albastro  ;  baWillas 
Olfrecio  al  amor,  nanendo 

En  ella  vayju 

TAird  Couplet. 

"Amot  labro  de  tus  cejas 
Dos  arcos  para  su  Aljava 

Y  debaxo  ha  descubierio 

Quien  le  mata. 

Fourth  Couplet. 

"  Eras  duena  de  el  lugar, 
Vandolera  de  las  almas, 
Iman  de  los  alvediios, 

Linda  alhaia. 


THE  DEVIL  UrON  TWO  STICKS.  161 

F/fik  Couplet. 

"  Un  rasgo  de  tu  hermosura 
Quisiera  yo  retrni    r  la, 
Que  es  estrella,  es  cielo  ;  es  sol ; 
No  es  sino  el  alva. 

Ftrsi  Couplet. 

"  Would  you  s 'e  a  copy  of  those  charms,  and  that  beauty  of  yours  ? 
listen,  for  I  am  going  to  paint  them. 

Second  Couplet. 

"Your  face  is  all  of  snow  and  alabaster";  it  has  defied  love  who 
lauglied  at  it. 

Third  Coiiplet. 

"  Love  has  made  of  your  eyebrows  two  bows  for  his  quiver ;  but  he 
has  discovered  below  them  who  it  is  that  wounds  him. 

Fourth  Couplet. 

"You  are  the  sovereign  of  this  place,  the  stealer  of  hearts,  the  dia- 
mond of  desires,  a  fine  jewel. 

Fifth  Couplet. 

"I  would  fain,  with  one  stroke,  describe  your  beauty.  It  is  a  star, 
a  heaven,  a  sun.     No,  it  is  nothing  but  the  morning." 

"These  couplets  are  gallant  and  delicate,"  said  the 
student.  "That  is  because  you  are  a  Spaniard,"  said 
the  demon  ;  "were  they  translated  into  French,  they 
would  not  be  much  admired.  Readers  of  that  nation 
would  not  like  the  fii^urative  expressions,  but  would 
discover  in  them  a  whimsical  imagination  that  would 
set  them  a  laughing.  Every  nation  is  prepossessed  in 
favour  of  its  own  taste  and  genius.  liut  let  us  have 
done  with  those  couplets,"  continued  he,  "for  you  are 
going  to  hear  another  kind  of  music. 

"  Follow  with,  your  eye  those  four  men  that  on  a 

L 


i62  ASMODBUS:  OR, 

sudden  appear  in  the  street ;  see,  they  fall  upon  the 
serenaders,  who  make  use  of  their  instruments  to 
defend  themselves;  but  they,  not  being  able  to  with- 
stand the  force  of  the  blows,  fly  into  a  thousand 
shivers.  And  now  two  gentlemen  came  to  their 
assistance,  one  of  which  gave  the  serenade.  See 
with  what  fury  they  charge  the  aggressors,  who 
being  of  equal  courage  and  address,  receive  them 
with  a  good  grace.  What  a  fire  flashes  from  their 
swords!  See,  one  of  the  defenders  of  the  concert 
falls ;  and  it  is  he  that  gave  it.  He  is  mortally 
M^ounded.  His  companion,  who  perceives  it,  takes 
to  his  heels ;  the  aggressors,  too,  make  off,  and 
the  music  disappears.  Only  the  poor  unfortunate 
cavalier,  whose  serenade  cost  him  his  life,  remains 
there  on  the  spat.  Observe,  at  the  same  time,  the 
Alcalde's  daughter,  who,  from  her  window,  is  observ- 
ing everything  that  has  passed;  and  is  so  proud  and 
vain  of  her  beauty,  though  a  very  ordinary  creature, 
that,  instead  of  being  sorry  for  the  sad  eftects  of  it, 
the  cruel  wretch  applauds  herself  for  it,  and  thinks 
herself  more  handsome  upon  that  account. 

"But  that  is  not  all,"  added  he;  "you  see  another 
gentleman,  who,  coming  up  to  him  that  lies  wallow- 
ing in  his  own  blood,  endt^avours,  if  possible,  to  help 
him  ;  but  while  he  is  employed  in  so  charitable  an 
office,  you  see  he  is  seized  by  the  watch  that  come 
in  upon  him,  and  is  dragged  to  prison,  where  he  will 
remain  a  Ion-  time,  nor  will  it  cost  him  less  than  if 
he  had  been  really  the  murderer." 

"Good  God!"  exclaimed  Zambullo,  "how  many 
misfortunes  have  happened  to-night!" — "Yes,"  replied 
the  devil,  "and   )-et  that  will  not  be  the  last.     At 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  163 

this  moment,  if  you  were  at  the  Gate  of  the  Sun, 
you  would  be  startled  at  a  sight  that  will  soon 
present  itself.  By  the  carelessness  of  a  servant,  the 
fire  has  taken  hold  of  a  great  house,  and  already 
reduced  a  great  many  valuable  things  to  ashes.  But 
whatever  valuable  effects  it  may  consume,  Don 
Pedro  de  Escolano,  whose  unfortunate  house  it  is, 
will  not  regret  the  loss  of  them  if  he  can  save  his 
only  daughter  Seraphina,  who  is  in  danger  of  being 
burnt."  Don  Cleofas  desiring  to  be  an  eyewitness 
of  the  fire,  the  cripple  that  instant  flew  with  him  to 
a  large  house  directly  over  against  that  where  the 
fire  was. 


l64  ASMODEUS:  OR, 


CHAPTER    XI 

OF   THE  FIRE^    AND    WHAT  ASMODEUS   DID   ON  THAT 
OCCASION,  OUT  OF  FRIENDSHIP  TO  DON  CLEOFAS. 

Immediately  they  heard  a  confused  noise  of  people 
crying  out  fire,  and  calling  for  water.  Presently  they 
saw  the  great  staircase  leading  to  the  best  apart- 
ment of  Don  Pedro's  house  all  on  fire  ;  and  in  a 
minute  clouds  of  flames  and  smoke  issued  out  at 
the  windows. 

"The  fire  rages,"  said  the  demon;  "it  is  already 
mounted  to  the  roof,  and  begins  to  make  its  way  out 
by  it,  and  fill  the  air  with  sparks  ;  and  is  got  to  such 
a  he'ght,  that  though  the  people  flock  from  all  parts 
to  extinguish  it,  they  can  do  no  more  than  stand  by 
as  spectators.  You  may  distinguish  from  amongst 
the  crowd  an  old  gentleman  in  a  night-gown.  He  is 
the  Signor  de  Escolano.  How  he  cries  and  takes 
on  !  He  is  addressing  himself  to  the  people  that  are 
about  him,  and  conjuring  them  to  go  fetch  out  his 
('aughter  ;  but  the  great  reward  he  promises  them  is 
to  no  purpose,  for  nobody  will  expose  his  own  life 
for  that  lady,  who  is  a  perfect  beauty,  and  but  six- 
teen years  of  age.  He  tears  his  hair  and  mustachios, 
seeing  his  prayers  and  entreaties  for  assistance  are  in 
vain;  he  beats  his  breast,  and  out  of  excess  of  grief 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  T]VO  STICKS.  165 

behaves  like  a  madman.  On  the  other  side,  Sera- 
phina,  in  her  apartment,  deserted  by  her  women,  is 
swooned  away  with  the  fright,  and  will,  in  a  little 
time  be  stifled  by  the  thick  smoke,  for  no  mortal 
man  has  it  in  his  power  to  help  her." 

"Ah,  Signor  Asmodeus,"  cried  Leandro  Perez, 
moved  by  a  generous  compassion,  "yield,  I  beg  you, 
to  the  emotions  of  pity  which  I  feel,  and  do  not 
reject  the  entreaties  I  make  you  to  rescue  this  lady 
from  impending  death.  It  is  the  only  recompense  I 
ask  for  the  service  I  have  done  you.  Do  not  oppose 
my  desires  as  you  did  just  now,  for  I  shall  die  with 
grief  if  you  refuse  me." 

The  devil  smiled  to  hear  the  student  talk  thus. 
"Signor  ZambuUo,"  said  he,  "you  have  all  the  quali- 
fications of  a  true  knight-errant ;  you  have  bravery, 
a  compassion  for  the  sufferings  of  others,  and  a  great 
readiness  to  serve  the  ladies;  have  not  you  a  mind 
to  throw  yourself  into  the  midst  of  those  flames  like 
an  Amadis,  in  order  to  deliver  Seraphina,  and  restore 
her  safe  and  sound  to  her  father  ?  " — "  Would  to 
heaven  the  thing  were  possible!"  answered  Don 
Cleofas,  "  I  would  undertake  it  without  a  moment's 
hesitation." — "  Yes,"  replied  the  devil,  "  and  death 
would  be  the  reward  of  so  fine  an  exploit.  For  I 
have  already  told  you,  that  human  valour  can  be  of 
no  service  here,  and  it  must  be  myself  that  under- 
takes the  affair  to  oblige  you.  Pray,  see  how  I  go 
about  it,  and  observe  all  my  operations." 

These  words  were  hardly  out  of  his  mouth,  when, 
putting  on  the  likeness  of  Leandro  Perez,  to  the 
student's  great  amazement,  he  slipped  among  the 
crowd,  pressed  through,  and  darted  into  the  midst  of 


1 66  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

the  flames  as  into  his  proper  element,  in  the  sight  of 
the  spectators,  who  were  terrified  at  the  action,  and 
showed  their  disHke  of  it  by  a  general  shriek.  "  What 
madman  is  this!"  said  one;  "how  can  interest  have 
Winded  him  so  far?  Were  he  not  entirely  bereft  of 
his  senses,  the  promised  reward  would  have  been  no 
temptation  for  him  !  " — "  This  rash  }'Oung  fellow,"  said 
another,  "must  certainly  be  a  lover  of  Don  Pedro's 
daughter,  who,  pushed  on  by  excessive  grief,  must 
have  resolved  to  rescue  his  mistress,  or  die  in  the 
attempt." 

In  short,  they  gave  him  up  to  Empedocles'  fate, 
when  in  a  moment  they  saw  him  break  through  the 
flames  with  Seraphina  in  his  arms.  The  air  rang 
with  acclamations  of  the  people,  who  could  not  suf- 
ficiently praise  the  brave  cavalier  that  had  performed 
so  fine  an  action ;  for  when  rashness  is  crowned  with 
success,  it  finds  none  to  blame  it,  and  though  it  was 
a  prodigy,  it  appeared  as  the  bare  consequence  of 
Spanish  courage. 

As  the  lady  was  still  in  her  swoon,  her  father  did 
not  dare  to  give  himself  up  to  joy ;  but  was  afraid 
that  after  being  so  happily  rescued  from  the  flames, 
she  might  die  in  his  sight  by  the  terrible  impressions 
which  the  danger  she  had  run  must  have  made  on  her 
brain.  But  he  was  soon  put  out  of  his  fears ;  for  she 
came  to  herself  by  the  care  that  was  taken  of  her ; 
and  casting  her  eyes  on  the  old  gentleman  with  an 
air  of  tenderness,  "  Sir,''  said  she,  "  I  should  be  more 
afflicted  than  rejoiced  to  find  my  life  preserved,  if 
yours  was  not  so  too." — "  Ah !  my  dear  child," 
answered  he,  embracing  her,  "  since  you  are  safe,  I 
am  not  concerned  for  anything  else.    Let  us  return 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  167 

our  thanks,"  continued  he,  at  the  same  time  present- 
ing the  counterfeit  Don  Cleofas  to  her,  "  let  us  both 
return  our  thanks  to  this  young  gentleman  our  deh- 
verer — it  is  to  him  you  owe  your  hfe.  We  cannot  be 
grateful  enough  to  him;  nor  is  the  promised  reward 
sufficient  to  bring  us  out  of  his  debt." 

Here -the  devil  took  up  the  discourse,  and  very 
gallantly  said  to  Don  Pedro,  "  My  lord,  the  reward 
you  proposed  h^^d  no  share  in  the  service  which  I  have 
had  the  happiness  to  do  }'ou.  I  am  a  gentleman  and 
a  Castilian  ;  the  pleasure  of  drying  up  your  tears,  and 
of  preserving  from  the  flames  the  charming  object 
they  were  going  to  consume,  is  more  than  a  sufficient 
recompense  for  me." 

The  disinterestedness  and  generosity  of  their  de- 
liverer inspired  the  Signor  de  Escolano  with  a  vast 
esteem  for  him  :  he  invited  him  to  come  and  see  him, 
and  desired  his  friendship  in  return  for  his  own,  which 
he  offered  him  ;  and  then,  after  a  great  many  com- 
pliments on  both  sides,  the  old  gentleman  and  his 
daughter  retired  to  a  little  apartment  they  had  at  the 
end  of  the  garden.  After  this  the  devil  went  back  to 
the  student,  who,  seeing  him  return  in  his  first  form, 
said,  "  Sir  Demon,  either  my  eyes  deceive  me,  or  you 
were  just  now  in  my  likeness." — "Yes,  sir,"  said  the 
cripple,  "  I  was,  and  hope  you  will  pardon  me  for  it, 
when  I  acquaint  you  with  the  reasons  for  that  meta- 
morphosis. I  have  formed  a  great  design,  for  I  intend 
you  shall  marry  Seraphina,  and,  under  your  features, 
have  inspired  her  with  a  violent  passion  foryour  lord- 
ship. Don  Pedro,  too,  is  very  well  pleased  with  }'0U, 
because  I  told  him  very  gallantly  that  my  only  view 
in  rescuing  his  daughter  was  the  pleasure  of  obliging 


i68  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

them  both  ;  and  that  the  honour  of  happily  putting 
an  end  to  so  dangerous  an  affair  was  recompense 
enough  for  a  gentleman  and  Spaniard.  The  good 
man,  who  has  a  great  soul,  will  not  be  outdone  in 
generosity,  and,  I  must  tell  }'ou,  is  this  moment  con- 
sidering whether  he  shall  not  make  you  his  son-in-law, 
that  his  gratitude  may  keep  pace  with  the  obligation 
he  thinks  he  has  to  you.  While  he  is  determining,  I 
will  carry  you  to  another  place,  and  divert  you  with 
different  objects." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  169 


CHAPTER  XII. 

TI/E   LOVERS. 

"  I  MUST  confess,"  says  Cleofas,  "  the  observations 
you  have  made  are  very  instructive,  but  tend  to 
things  for  which  a  man  of  my  age  and  complexion 
has  but  httle  reUsh.  You  are  to  remember  it  was  a 
love-adventure  brought  me  into  the  honour  of  your 
conversation;  and,  dear  Cupid,  since  you  preside 
over  that  passion,  confine  your  discourse  to  what 
you  are  master  of.  Show  me  then  the  joys  and 
anxieties,  the  pohtics  and  folHes  of  lovers,  if  you 
would  improve  me  in  a  real  useful  knowledge." — 
"  I  should  be  shy,"  said  the  demon,  "  of  giving  you 
that  information,  for  fear  of  losing  a  votary,  did  not 
I  know  it  is  an  inseparable  quality  in  lovers,  to  see 
and  yet  indulge  their  misery  and  weakness ;  for  which 
reason  I  am  under  no  apprehension  of  j'our  grow- 
ing wiser  from  the  folly  of  others." — "  But  pr'ythee," 
quoth  the  student,  "  before  you  go  any  further,  let 
me  know  what  that  gentleman  is,  who  is  striking 
fire  at  his  tinder-box  ;  do  you  observe  }  onder  how 
he  appears  and  vanishes  as  the  sparks  fly  about 
him?" — "That  vigilant  person,"  replied  Asmodeus, 
"  is  a  lover,  who  has  been  this  evening  in  his  mis- 
tress's company.    -She,  in  her  discourse  on  indifferent 


lyo  ASMODBUS:  OR, 

things,  began  two  or  three  censures  with  an  accusto- 
mary  phrase  of  hers,  *  There  are  some  people  in  the 
world.'  This  he  took  no  notice  of  at  the  time  she 
spoke  it ;  but  upon  second  thoughts,  in  his  own  lodg- 
ings, very  wisely  discovered  that  she  meant  him  by 
that  ambiguous  expression.  After  taking  several 
turns  in  his  chamber,  he  called  for  pen,  ink,  and 
paper,  kicked  his  footman  downstairs,  and  resolved 
to  tell  his  mistress,  plainly,  he  knew  whom  she  aimed 
at  in  her  late  reflections.  He  had  not  gone  through 
the  first  line  of  his  letter,  before  he  was  interrupted 
by  a  sudden  thought  which  set  all  things  right  again; 
convinced  him  that  his  suspicions  were  groundless, 
and  that  he  was  still  in  her  good  graces.  He  imme- 
diately grew  the  most  satisfied  man  in  the  world,  went 
to  bed  in  the  height  of  good  humour,  gave  his  man  a 
crown,  and  bid  him  good-night. — "  What  disaster," 
said  Cleofas,  "  can  have  befallen  him  since  ?  he  seems 
to  blow  his  tinder  in  an  unusual  hurry  ;  how  his  cheeks 
swell,  and  his  eyes  glare  !  it  is  the  most  dreadful  night- 
piece  I  ever  saw." — "  You  must  know, "says  the  demon, 
"he  had  composed  himself  with  great  tranquillity  for 
half  an  hour,  and  was  just  falling  asleep,  when  he 
started  on  a  sudden,  and  bethought  himself,  Tf  she  did 
not  mean  me,  who  could  she  mean  ? '  This  threw  him 
into  so  great  a  ferment,  that  he  jumped  out  of  his  bed, 
with  a  resolution  to  do  something  which  yet  neither  he 
nor  I  know  anything  of." — "  I  heartily  pity  the  poor 
fellow,"  said  Cleofas,  "  for  I  find  he  loves  in  earnest." 
— "Had  he  not,"  replied  the  demon,  "she  had  been 
his  own  before  now ;  but  it  is  the  frailty  of  that  weak 
sex  to  prefer  an  acted  passion  to  a  real  one." — "  That 
is  a  frailty,"  says  the  student,  "into  which  they  may 


THE  DEVIL   UPON  T]VO  STICKS.  171 

naturally  fall.  A  personated  lover  can  assume  all  the 
graces,  and  avoid  all  the  imperfections  of  the  passion. 
Disquietudes,  jealousies,  and  expostulations  alwa}-s 
accompany,but  very  ill  recommend,  a  heart  thoroughly 
enamoured.  But  look,  the  man  has  lighted  his  candle, 
and  blown  it  out  again." — "  Ay,"  says  the  demon,  "  he 
was  quieted  the  very  moment  he  had  lighted  it,  by  call- 
ing to  mind  that  he  had  one  day  heard  his  mistress  say, 
nothing  was  so  graceful  in  a  man  as  an  high  fore- 
head, which  you  may  observe  he  has,  to  the  apparent 
detriment  of  his  chin,  cheeks,  and  eyes." — "  On  how 
slight  a  foundation  is  raised  the  good  and  evil  of 
lovers  !  "  cried  Cleofas.  "  Perhaps  she  who  creates 
all  this  disorder  is  in  perfect  tranquillity." — "  That 
you  shall  see  immediately,"  said  Asmodeus.  "  Cast 
your  eyes  on  the  great  house  in  the  corner  of  the  same 
street;  does  not  a  watch-light  discover  to  you  a  lady 
lying  ha^f  out  of  her  bed,  and  talking  to  a  servant 
who  sits  by  her  side?  you  are  to  understand,  by  the 
way,  that  the  woman  of  a  lady  in  love  never  goes  to 
bed  till  four  in  the  morning.  As  soon  as  she  has  un- 
dressed her,  and  laid  her  on  her  pillow,  her  business 
of  putting  her  to  rest  is  but  begun  ;  for  she  is  then  to 
sit  down  by  her,  hear  her  sentiments  of  the  humble 
servant,  and  confute  all  her  suspicions  of  his  infidelity 
or  want  of  love  ;  and  by  that  time  the  good  lady  is 
ten  times  thoroughly  convinced,  and  her  maid  as  often 
perjured,  in  hopes  to  be  dismissed,  the  story  is  to 
begin  again.  The  present  anguish  of  our  wakeful 
vestal  is  occasioned  by  a  merry  tale  that  the  gentle- 
man in  his  shirt  told  her  in  their  last  conversation, 
which  diverted  her  so  much,  that  she  is  afraid  he 
hath  not  grief  at  heart,  who  could  talk  with  so  much 


172  ASMODEUS:  OR,  ^ 

humour.  This  gives  her  a  thousand  fears,  that  he  has 
broke  his  fetters  ;  but  she  now  receives  comfort,  the 
wench  having  almost  persuaded  her,  that  the  person 
for  whom  her  ladyship  has  so  much  tenderness,  went 
away  in  very  great  disorder,  and  in  all  probability  is 
at  this  moment  upon  the  rack." 

"  I  know  by  experience,"  says  the  student,  "  there 
is  nothing  so  disagreeable  to  one  in  her  lad\'ship's 
condition  as  a  state  of  indifference  ;  your  true  lover 
must  be  always  giving  either  pleasure  or  pain.  But 
who  is  that  pretty  creature  signing  before  her  glass 
at  this  time  of  night .-'  Why  does  she  bite  her  lips, 
glance  her  eyes,  and  examine  her  face  in  so  many 
different  views  ?" — "  You  know,"  said  Asmodeus,  "  the 
custom,  among  you  young  fellows,  of  publishing  a  hst 
every  winter  of  the  beauties  who  are  to  be  the  tyrants 
of  the  N'ear,  and  have  their  healths  drank  by  crowds 
of  second-hand  lovers  that  never  saw  them,  but  are 
to  be  enamoured  by  hearsay,  and  die  for  them,  be- 
cause it  is  the  fashion.  The  lady  before  us,  after  a 
reign  of  three  years,  was  left  out  in  yesterday's 
nomination,  which  is  the  subject  of  her  present  con- 
templation ;  wherein  she  appeals  to  her  glass  from  the 
injustice  of  the  electors.  To  be  revenged  on  the 
town,  sometimes  she  is  resolved  to  marry  a  faithful 
lover  she  has  long  laughed  at,  and  spend  the  re- 
mainder of  her  life  in  devotion  ;  but  upon  surveying 
herself  more  narrowly,  she  finds  things  are  not  come 
to  that  extremity,  and  now  intends  to  dress,  and  try  the 
fortune  of  her  features  in  all  public  places  for  one 
year  more,  in  order  to  revive  her  pretensions  against 
the  next  election.  But  we  must  not  dwell  so  long  on 
particulars;  if  you  would  have  an  idea  of  the  extent 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  173 

of  my  command,  you  see  my  followers  in  every  quarter 
of  the  city. 

"Yonder  is  a  young  lady  getting  out  at  a  window, 
to  run  away  with  her  father's  footman  ;  and  at  that 
corner  is  a  lord  attending  with  a  coach  and  six,  to 
steal  a  mantuamaker's  journeywoman.  The  gentle- 
man you  see  in  the  porch  has  made  an  assignation  to 
meet  his  mistress  in  that  place  to-morrow  morning 
at  seven,  and,  in  order  to  it,  took  his  station  there 
at  ten  last  night." — "Excuse  interruption,"  said  the 
student ;  "  pray  tell  me  the  circumstances  of  the  person 
yonder  that  lies  on  his  back  with  his  hands  lifted  up, 
and  his  head  erected,  like  a  figure  on  a  tomb  ;  he 
seems  falling  asleep  in  an  act  of  devotion  ;  it  is  the 
only  person  I  have  seen  well  employed ;  he  is  taken 
up  much  better  than  in  these  vanities." — "  Nothing 
less,"  answered  the  demon;  "he  lies  motionless,  as 
you  see,  that  a  plate  of  blacklead  on  his  forehead 
may  have  its  due  effect  in  preserving  it  smooth.  His 
hands  are  tied  up,  that  they  may  be  white  in  the 
morning  ;  and  his  waist  braced  in  with  an  iron  bodice, 
to  preserve  his  shape.  In  this  extraordinary  posture 
he  is  calling  upon-  cruel  Belinda  ;  and,  amidst  a  thou- 
sand cutting  reflections  on  the  ill  success  of  his  pas- 
sion, it  is  no  small  mortification  to  him,  that,  by  the 
itching  of  the  left  side  of  his  nose,  he  finds  he  shall 
have  a  pimple  there  before  morning." 

"But  pray  tell  me,"  says  Cleofas,  "the  history  of 
that  studious  gentleman  that  stands  in  his  night-gown 
looking  upon  his  candle.  He  rubs  his  head,  as  if  it 
teemed  with  some  extraordinary  project."  —  "Ha! 
my  old  friend  Leandro,"  says  the  demon,  "are  you 
there  ?     This  gentleman,"  says  he,  turning  to  Cleofas, 


174  ASMODEUS:  OR,  r 

"about  fifteen  years  ago,  fell  in  love  with  a  young 
widow,  who  did  not  discourage  his  addresses.  He 
is  a  good-natured  sensible  fellow,  and  fond  to  death 
of  his  fair  idol ;  but,  at  the  same  time,  so  over-run 
with  modesty,  that  he  cannot  find  courage  enough  to 
reveal  his  passion,  and  ask  her  consent.  She  has 
given  him  a  thousand  opportunities  of  breaking  it  to 
her,  and  he  has  made  as  many  resolutions  of  doing 
it  the  next  time  he  sees  her;  but  they  are  no  sooner 
left  together,  than  he  falls  into  confusions  and  pal- 
pitations, looks  like  an  ass,  and  wishes  somebody 
would  come  into  the  room  to  disembarrass  him,  and 
spoil  an  opportunity  that,  perhaps,  he  has  longed  for 
several  months  before.  She  t®ok  him  }'esterday  into 
the  fields.  The  lover,  who  would  have  given  half  his 
estate  for  so  favourable  an  occasion,  fell  a-praising 
the  prospect,  and  after  a  great  many  efforts  to  enter 
on  the  grand  affair,  resolved  to  put  it  off  to  another 
time.  His  passion  began  in  the  year  1692,  and  in 
1695  was  in  a  fair  way,  had  he  pressed  it;  ever  since 
that  time  he  has  been  endeavouring  to  communicate 
his  heart,  but  it  fails  him,  and  it  is  very  probable  he 
may  be  passed  the  functions  of  love  before  he  has 
courage  enough  to  make  it." — "This  would  have  been 
a  rare  fellow  to  have  made  love  before  the  deluge," 
says  Cleofas ;  "a  man  might  have  languished  an 
hundred  years  for  a  girl,  and  afterwards,  upon  her 
disdain,  have  had  two  or  three  centuries  of  youth  to 
take  in ;  but  at  present,  courtship,  marriage,  and 
consummation  are  drawn  into  a  span.  We  must 
huddle  up  our  amours  as  soon  as  possible,  if  we 
intend  to  taste  the  sweets  of  them." — "  But,"  said 
Asmodeus,  "commend  me  to  that  busy  gentleman, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  175 

whom  you  see  writing  in  a  pensive  posture.  He  is 
a  passionate  lover,  that  is,  an  angry  one  ;  an  honest 
soul,  that  shows  his  sincerity  to  his  mistress  by  never 
disguising  his  resentments.  This  morning  he  took 
the  innocent  freedom  of  shaking  her  by  the  shoulder, 
and  calling  her  a  dirty  baggage  ;  upon  which,  after 
having  deliberated  whether  he  ought  to  hang  himself, 
or  beg  her  pardon,  he  has  just  now  finished  a  peni- 
tential letter  to  her,  wherein  he  subscribes  himself 
the  vilest  of  men,  and  most  miserable  of  lovers." 

"Unhappy  wretch!  let  him  go  sleep,  if  he  can," 
said  the  student;  "but  I  grow  sick  with  looking  upon 
fools  so  like  m}'self.  You  would  oblige  me  more,  if 
you  would  show  me  the  weakness  of  the  enemy,  and 
let  me  see,  that,  with  all  these  disadvantages,  we  are 
equal  to  the  sex  we  have  to  deal  with."- — "  There  is 
hardly  one  of  them,"  said  the  devil,  "  who  does  not 
destroy,  by  her  insolence,  the  passion  she  raises  by 
her  beaut\\ 

"If  you  had  as  good  ears  as  I,  you  would  hear 
that  lady,  who  frisks  to  and  fro  in  her  apartment 
with  so  much  uneasiness,  cry  coxcomb,  fop,  clown, 
novice,  at  every  little  stop  she  makes  in  her  walk. 
Her  misery  is,  that,  according  to  form,  she  told  a 
plain  fellow,  with  a  good  estate,  who  proposed  himself 
to  her,  she  wondered  he  could  make  her  such  an  offer, 
and  solemnly  protested  she  could  never  like  him. 
The  swain  believed  her,  and  is  gone  to  his  country- 
seat;  upon  which  she  is  now  casting  about,  by  what 
means  to  explain  to  the  rustic  the  nature  of  gallantry, 
and  make  him  understand  that  a  man's  profession  of 
love,  and  a  woman's  refusal,  in  this  refined  age,  are 
equally  mere  words." 


176  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"  But  I  observe  a  lady,  who,  of  all  that  I  have 
seen,"  said  Cleofas,  "  touches  me  with  the  greatest 
compassion ;  her  streaming  eyes  and  dishevelled 
hair  speak  a  perfect  Magdalen.  What  can  be  her 
distress?  who  could  be  so  barbarous  to  a  creature 
made  up  of  so  much  softness  ? " — "  That  disconsolate 
dame,"  quoth  Asmodeus,  "  was  three  hours  ago  one 
of  the  greatest  coquettes  in  Madrid,  and  is  breaking 
her  heart  too  late  for  want  of  knowing-  it  time  enougrh. 
She  had  long  loved  a  gentleman  of  merit,  but  played 
with  his  passion  and  her  own  by  so  many  repeated 
slights,  that  he  grew  tired  of  the  chase,  and  yesterday 
disposed  of  himself  to  another.  It  is  for  this  reason 
that  she  abandons  herself  this  night  to  prayer  and 
hartshorn,  and  intends  to-morrow  to  shut  herself  up 
in  a  nunnery  for  ever.  It  would  be  endless  to  show 
you  the  vanities  of  the  sex;  their  thoughts,  words,  and 
actions  tend  only  to  show  and  ostentation,  for  which 
they  sacrifice  their  liberty  and  all  the  pleasures  of 
life.  Look  at  the  sumptuous  apartment  in  that 
palace,  and  the  wrought  bed  that  reaches  up  to  the 
roof  of  it.  Do  not  you  see  in  it  an  old  man  just 
fallen  asleep,  and  by  his  side  a  beautiful  young  lady 
looking  at  a  picture  in  miniature  ?  The  avarice  of 
her  mother  tore  her  from  the  young  gallant  whose 
figure  she  is  contemplating,  to  bury  her  in  the  em- 
braces of  one  she  loathes.  And  now  all  the  hopes 
she  has  left  are  to  lay  her  old  man  in  a  winding- 
sheet,  and  one  day  or  other  come  into  the  arms  of  her 
first  love.  At  the  next  house  is  a  more  diverting 
sight ;  the  brute  who  staggers  into  that  chamber  is 
reeling  to  the  bed  of  that  delicate  creature,  whom  her 
prudent   parent   prostituted   to    his   embraces.     The 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  177 

beastly  sot  was  rival  to  one  of  a  very  agreeable  char- 
acter; their  fortunes  were  equal,  but  I  daresay  you 
will  laugh  at  the  merit  which  preferred  this  worthy 
to  the  choice  of  the  provident  mother.  You  must 
know  he  had  a  pigeon-house  upon  his  estate,  which 
the  other  wanted.  This  turned  the  balance  in  his 
favour,  and  determined  the  fate  of  that  unfortunate 
lady." 

"  If  you  can  show  us  only  unhappy  efifects  of  this 
passion,"  said  Cleofas,  "  I  must  desire  you  would  en- 
tertain me  with  another  set  of  objects." — "Do  not  be 
discouraged,"  answered  the  demon,  '*  at  the  pro- 
spects I  have  laid  before  you.  There  are  in  nature 
pleasing  amours  and  happy  marriages,  but  these  are 
not  to  be  looked  for  in  Madrid.  To  give  you  a  sight 
of  happy  pairs,  I  should  transport  you  to  solitudes 
and  retirements,  where  love  is  a  stranger  to  art  and 
gallantry,  and  lives  amidst  its  own  natural  sweets, 
complacency,  mutual  esteem,  and  eternal  constancy ; 
without  being  diverted  by  the  false  appearances, 
which,  under  the  colour  of  advancing  its  enjoyments, 
vitiate  the  true  relish  of  them.  It  is  when  we  spirits 
behold  mortals  in  this  condition,  that  we  suffer  our 
greatest  pangs  of  envy,  and  wish  for  flesh  and  blood 
to  taste  the  gratifications  bestowed  upon  them" 


M 


178  ASMODEUS:  OR, 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

OF    THE    TOMBS,    THE   GHOSTS,   AND   DEATH. 

"  Before  we  pursue  our  reflections  on  the  living-," 
Sciid  the  demon,  "  let  us  for  a  few  nwments  disturb  the 
repose  of  the  dead,  buried  in  this  church.  Let  us  run 
through  these  sepulchres,  lay  open  what  they  conceal, 
and  see  wherefore  they  were  erected. 

"The  first  of  those  which  you  see  on  the  right 
hand,  contains  the  sad  remains  of  a  general  officer, 
who,  like  another  Agamemnon,  at  his  return  from 
the  army  found  an  Egisthus  in  his  house.  In  the 
„econd  is  a-  }'Oung  cavalier  of  a  noble  family,  who, 
designing  to  show  to  his  mistress  his  address  and 
vigour  at  a  bull-feast,  was  cruelly  torn  to  pieces  by 
one  of  those  creatures.  And  in  the  third  lies  an  old 
prelate,  too  soon  hurried  out  of  the  world  by  mak- 
ing his  will  in  perfect  health,  and  reading  it  to  his 
domestics,  to  whom,  like  a  good  master,  he  had 
bequeathed  legacies.  But  his  cook  was  too  much  in 
haste  for  his. 

"  In  the  fourth  mausoleum  rests  the  body  of  a 
courtier,  who  never  gave  himself  any  trouble  but  to 
make  his  court.  For  sixt\'  }'ears  he  was  every  day 
seen  at  the  levee,  dinner,  and  supper  of  the  king, 
who  loaded  him  with  favours  as  the  reward  for  his 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  179 

assiduity." — "  But  really,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "  was  this 
man  good  for  anything  else? " — "For  no  kind  of  thing," 
answered  the  devil.  "  He  was  lavish  of  his  offers  of 
service,  but  never  in  his  lifetime  kept  his  word." — 
"The  wretch!"  replied  Leandro.  "Were  all  super- 
fluous members  to  be  retrenched  from  civil  societ}', 
this  sort  of  courtiers  ought  to  be  the  first." 

"  The  fifth  tomb,"  pursued  Asmodeus,  "  contains  the 
mortal  remains  of  a  nobleman,  whose  zeal  for  his 
country's  good  and  his  sovereign's  glory  was  ever 
uppermost  at  his  heart.  His  whole  life  was  spent  in 
embassies  to  Rome,  France,  England,  and  Portugal ; 
and  he  so  fairly  ruined  himself  by  them,  that  when 
he  died  he  had  not  enough  to  bury  him  ;  but  the 
king,  to  reward  his  services,  was  at  that  expense. 

"  Let  us  go  on  to  those  on  the  other  side.  The 
first  is  the  sepulchre  of  a  considerable  trader,  who  left 
his  children  an  immense  fortune,  but,  for  fear  their 
wealth  might  make  them  forget  their  rise,  he  had  his 
name  and  profession  engraved  upon  his  tomb  ;  which 
his  present  descendants  are  not  very  well  pleased 
with. 

"  The  following  mausoleum,  which  exceeds  all  the 
rest  in  magnificence,  is  a  piece  looked  upon  with  ad- 
miration by  all  travellers." — "  Why,  really,"  said  Zam- 
buUo,  "  I  think  it  deserves  to  be  so  looked  on.  But  I 
am,  above  all,  charmed  with  those  two  figures  kneel- 
ing ;  they  seem  so  admirably  well  finished.  Who- 
ever made  them  must  have  been  a  curious  workman. 
But,  pray  tell  me  what  the  persons  they  represent 
might  have  been  in  their  lifetime." 

"You  see," replied  the  cripple,  "a duke  and  his  wife; 
he  was  groom  of  the  stole,  and  filled  his  post  with 


l8o  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

great  reputation,  and  his  wife  lived  in  a  strict  devo- 
tion. I  must  let  you  into  a  circumstance  of  this 
good  duchess's  life,  which  I  fancy  you  will  think 
merry  enough  in  one  who  professed  so  much  devo- 
tion.    And  it  was  this. 

"  The  lady  had  long  had  for  her  confessor  a  monk  of 
the  order  de  la  Merci,  named  Don  Jerom  d'Aguilar, 
a  good  man,  and  very  famous  for  his  preaching; 
with  whom  she  was  very  well  pleased,  till  a  Domini- 
can appeared  at  Madrid,  who  by  his  sermons  charmed 
all  the  people.  This  new  orator's  name  was  Father 
Placidio.  The  people  flocked  to  hear  him  as  much 
as  to  Cardinal  Ximenes:  and  the  court  having  been 
pleased  to  go  to  one  of  his  sermons,  upon  his  great 
reputation,  was  better  pleased  with  him  than  the 
city. 

"Our  duchess  at  first  made  it  a  point  of  honour 
to  hold  out  against  common  fame,  and  to  resist  the 
curiosity  that  inclined  her  to  go,  and  be  herself  the 
judge  of  Father  Placidio's  eloquence  ;  and  she  be- 
haved in  this  manner  to  show  her  director,  that  like  a 
penitent  who  was  delicate  and  concerned  for  her  con- 
fessor, she  had  a  share  in  those  sentiments  of  anger 
and  jealousy  which  this  new  comer  might  have  given 
him.  Yet  there  was  no  possibility  for  her  always  to 
hold  out  against  him.  The  Dominican  made  so 
much  noise  in  the  city,  that  at  last  she  yielded  to  the 
temptation  of  seeing  him  ;  and  did  see  him,  heard 
him  preach,  liked  him,  followed  him,  and  at  last  the 
little  inconstant  creature  formed  the  following  design, 
in  order  to  make  him  her  confessor. 

"  But  her  first  step  was  to  get  rid  of  her  former, 
and  this  was  not  very  easy ;  for  a  spiritual  guide  is 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  i8r 

not  to  be  left  like  a  lover.  A  devotee  would  not 
willingly  pass  for  fickle,  nor  lose  the  esteem  of  the 
director  she  is  abandoning.  What  then  does  our 
duchess,  think  you  .^  She  goes  to  Don  Jerom,  and 
tells  him,  with  as  melancholy  an  air  as  if  she  had 
been  really  concerned^  '  Father,'  says  she,  *  I  am 
distracted,  I  am  inexpressibly  amazed,  afflicted,  and 
perplexed  in  my  mind.' — '  What  is  the  matter  then, 
madam  } '  answered  d'Aguilar.  'Ah,  would  you  be- 
lieve it.''  rjplied  she;  'my  husband,  who  always 
reposed  ;;  ntire  confidence  in  my  virtue,  after  seeing 
me  so  long  under  \-our  direction,  without  showing  the 
least  uneasiness  in  my  conduct,  is  all  of  a  sudden 
grown  suspicious  and  jealous,  and  will  not  suffer  you 
any  longer  to  be  my  confessor.  Did  you  ever  hear 
of  such  a  whim  ?  I  told  him  he  not  only  affronted 
me,  but  likewise  a  man  of  strict  piety,  and  one  who 
was  free  from  the  tyranny  of  the  passions  ;  but  all  in 
vain,  I  only  increased  his  mistrust  by  taking  your 
part. 

"  Don  Jerom,  notwithstanding  all  his  good  sense, 
gave  into  this  story.  Indeed  she  had  told  it  with 
an  air  that  would  have  deceived  the  whole  world. 
Though  he  was  sorry  and  vexed  to  lose  a  peni- 
tent of  such  importance,  he  however  exhorted  her 
to  obey  her  husband's  will ;  but  his  reverence's  eyes 
were  opened,  and  he  discovered  the  trick,  upon 
hearing  the  lady  had  chosen  Father  Placidio  for  her 
confessor. 

"  Next  to  this  duke  and  his  cunning  spouse," 
continued  the  devil,  "a  plainer  tomb  conceals  the 
ridiculous  conjunction  of  an  old  dean  of  the  council 
of  the  Indies,  and- his  young  wife.     This  old  fellow. 


i82  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

in  his  grand  climacteric,  married  a  girl  of  twenty  ;  he 
had  two  children  by  a  former  wife,  and  was  just  ready 
to  have  signed  their  ruin,  when  an  apoplexy  carried 
him  off;  and  their  mother-in-law,  four  and  twenty 
hours  after,  died  with  vexation  that  he  did  not  die 
three  days  later. 

"We  are  now  at  the  most  sacred  monument  in  this 
church.  ^^  The  Spaniards  have  as  much  veneration  for 
it,  as  the  Romans  had  for  that  of  Romulus." — "  What 
great  man  is  it  whose  ashes  lie  there  ? "  said  Leandro 
Perez.  "  A  first  minister  of  the  court  of  Spain," 
answered  Asmodeus.  "Never  will  the  kingdom,  per- 
haps, enjoy  his  equal.  The  king  threw  all  the  care  of 
the  government  upon  this  great  man,  who  so  well  dis- 
charged his  trust,  that  both  the  king  and  his  subjects 
were  very  well  pleased  with  him.  The  state,  under  his 
administration,  was  always  in  a  flourishing  condition, 
and  the  people  happy.  To  conclude,  this  able  minister 
was  a  man  of  great  religion  and  humanity ;  yet,  for 
all  he  had  no  crime  to  charge  himself  with  on  his 
deathbed,  he  could  not  help  trembling  to  think  of 
the  ticklish  post  he  had  been  in. 

"A  little  beyond  this  minister,  whose  loss  deserves 
to  be  for  ever  regretted,  you  may  distinguish  up  in  a 
corner  a  black  marble  stone  fixed  to  one  of  the  pillars. 
Shall  I  open  you  the  grave  under  it,  and  show  you 
the  remains  of  a  citizen's  daughter,  that  died  in  the 
flower  of  her  age,  and  whose  beauty  charmed  all  eyes 
that  beheld  her }  Yet  she  is  now  nothing  but  dust, 
though,  whilst  living,  she  was  so  lovely,  that  her 
father  was  under  continual  uneasiness  lest  some  lover 
should  run  away  with  her,  and  had  she  lived  a  little 
'onger,  such  a  thing  might  have  happened.     Three 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  183 

cavalier;,,  who  idolised  her,  were  not  to  be  comforted 
at  the  loss  of  her,  and  aK  killed  themselves  to  sh  w 
their  despair.  Their  tragical  story  is  written  in  letters 
of  gold  on  that  marble  stone,  wi';h  three  small  figures 
representing  the  three  despairing  lovers,  who  are 
going  to  make  an  end  of  themselves.  One  of  them 
is  swallowing  a  glass  of  poison,  the  second  falls  upon 
his  sword,  and  the  third  is  putting  a  cord  about  his 
neck,  in  order  to  hang  himself." 

The  demon,  seeing  the  student  laugh  here  very 
heartil}',  and  please  himself  mightily  with  the  sight  of 
the  girl's  epitaph  being  adorned  with  those  three 
figures,  said  to  him,  "  Since  this  fancy  so  delights 
you,  I  can  hardly  forbear  carrying  you  this  instant 
to  the  banks  of  the  Tagus,  in  order  to  show  you  a 
dramatic  writer's  monument,  which  he  had  built  in  a 
church  at  a  village  near  Almaraz,  whither  he  retired 
after  leading  a  long  and  merry  life  at  Madrid.  This 
author  had  furnished  the  play-house  with  several 
comedies  full  of  bold  and  smutty  images;  but  repent- 
ing before  he  died,  and  resolving  to  atone  for  the 
scandal  they  had  given,  he  ordered  a  sort  of  funeral 
pile  to  be  engraven  upon  his  tomb,  made  of  books 
representing  some  of  the  pieces  he  had  written,  and 
Modesty  appears  setting  fire  to  them  with  a  lighted 
torch. 

"  Beside  the  dead  interred  in  those  tombs  I  have 
shown  you,  there  are  a  vast  number  of  others  buried 
in  a  very  plain  manner.  I  see  all  their  ghosts  wan- 
dering about,  continually  walking  to  and  fro  by  each 
other,  without  disturbing  the  profound  silence  that 
reigns  in  that  holy  place.  Tliey  do  not  indeed  dis- 
course together;  but,  notwithstanding  they  are  silent, 


1 84  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

I  read  all  their  thoughts." — "  What  a  mortification  is 
this  to  me,"  cried  Don  Cleofas,  "  not  to  be  able  to 
enjoy  the  pleasure  of  seeing  them  as  you  do  !  " — "  I 
can  give  you  that  satisfaction,"  said  Asmodeus,  "with 
the  greatest  ease."  At  the  same  time  the  demon  laid 
his  hand  on  his  eyes,  and,  by  a  delusion,  made  him  see 
a  great  number  of  phantoms  clothed  in  white. 

At  the  apparition  of  so  many  spectres,  Zambullo 
shuddered.  "  How  !"  said  the  devil,  "  do  }'ou  shake  ? 
are  you  afraid  of  these  ghosts  }  do  not  let  their  dress 
scare  }'Ou  ;  accustom  yourself  to  it  betimes,  for  it  is 
what  you  must  wear  in  your  turn,  and  is  the  livery  of 
the  departed.  Take  heart,  then,  and  fear  nothing. 
Can  you  want  courage  now,  who  could  bear  the  sight 
of  me .''  These  people  are  not  half  so  mischievous  as 
myself" 

The  student,  at  these  words  recalling  all  his 
courage,  looked  pretty  boldly  upon  these  phantoms. 
"  Observe  these  ghosts  attentively,"  said  the  devil ; 
"those  who  have  superb  mausoleums  are,  without  dis- 
tinction, confounded  with  those  whose  monuments  are 
no  more  than  a  pitiful  coffin.  That  .subordination  which 
distinguished  them  one  from  the  other  is  now  at  an 
end.  The  groom  of  the  stole,  and  the  first  minister, 
are  now  no  more  valued  than  the  meanest  citizen 
that  is  buried  here.  Their  grandeur  is  over  with 
their  life,  like  that  of  an  hero  of  the  stage  upon  the 
conclusion  of  the  play." 

"  I  observe  one  thing,"  said  Leandro  ;  *'  a  melan- 
choly ghosL  walking  by  himself,  seeming  to  shun 
the  company  of  his  brethren." — "  Say,  rather,  that 
the  rest  shun  his,"  answered  the  demon,  "and  you 
will   be   right.      Do  you  know  what  that   ghost   is  ? 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  185 

Why,  that  of  an  old  notary,  who  had  the  vanity  to  be 
buried  in  a  leaden  coffin  ;  which  has  so  shocked  all 
the  plebeian  ghosts,  whose  bodies  were  more  modestly 
laid  in  the  ground,  that,  to  mortify  him,  they  will  not 
suffer  his  ghost  to  mix  amongst  them." 

"  I  have  just  made  another  remark,"  replied  Don 
Cleofas  ;  "  two  of  the  phantoms,  as  they  passed, 
stopped  a  moment  to  look  at  each  other,  and  then 
went  on." — "They  are,"  answered  the  devil,  "the 
ghosts  of  two  intimate  friends,  one  of  which  was  a 
painter,  and  the  other  a  music  master,  a  little  given 
to  drinking,  but  else  very  honest  fellows.  They  died 
in  the  same  year;  and  when  they  met  just  now, 
struck  with  the  remembrance  of  their  pleasures,  they 
said,  by  that  melancholy  silence,  'Ah!  friend,  our 
drinking  da}'s  are  over.'" 

"  Bless  me  !  "  cried  tlie  student,  "  what  is  it  I  see  ? 
At  the  end  of  the  church  there  are  two  ghosts  walk- 
ing together,  but  how  ill  they  are  matched!  Their 
shape  and  gait  are  very  different.  One  is  unreason- 
ably tall,  and  walks  with  all  the  gravity  in  the  world  ; 
and  the  other  is  very  short,  and  seems  to  be  flying 
into  the  air." — "The  tall  one,"  i-eplied  the  crii)ple, 
"is  a  German,  who  got  his  death  by  drinking  three 
healths  with  tobacco  in  his  glass;  and  the  short  one, 
a  Frenchman,  who,  according  to  the  civility  of  iiis 
nation,  takipc^  it  into  his  head  to  present  a  lady  with 
holy  water  ^c  her  entrance  into  the  church  ;  as  he 
was  going  out  of  it,  the  same  day,  was  laid  fiat  with  a 
blunderbuss,  as  the  reward  of  his  politeness. 

"I  am,  in  my  turn,"  said  Asmodeus,  "observing 
three  remarkable  gho.sts  that  I  distinguish  from 
amongst    the  crowd,   and    I    must    tell   you  in  what 


1 85  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

manner  they  were  separated  from  their  dust.  They 
once  informed  the  pretty  bodies  of  three  actresses, 
who,  in  their  time,  made  as  much  noise  at  Madrid  as 
Origo,  Cytheris,  and  Arbuscula  made  at  Rome  in 
theirs;  and  who,  as  well  as  they,  possessed,  in  the 
greatest  perfection,  the  art  of  diverting  men  in  public, 
and  ruining  them  in  private.  But  mark  the  end  of 
these  three  famous  Spanish  actresses.  One  died  sud- 
denly of  envy,  at  the  pit's  clapping  a  young  actress 
at  her  first  coming  on  the  stage.  The  other  found, 
in  excess  of  good  eating  and  drinking,  the  infallible 
death  that  is  its  consequence;  and  the  third,  over- 
heating herself  in  playing  the  part  of  a  vestal  virgin, 
miscarried,  and  died  of  it  behind  the  scenes. 

"  But  let  us  leave  all  these  ghosts  at  peace,"  con- 
tinued the  devil,  "  for  we  have  seen  enough  of  them. 
Besides,  I  intend  to  present  to  your  view  an  object 
that  ought  to  make  a  stronger  impression  upon  you, 
and  will,  by  the  help  of  the  same  power  by  which  I 
showed  you  the  ghosts,  make  Death  visible  to  you. 
This  cruel  enemy  of  mankind  shall  be  the  subject  of 
your  contemplation,  who  is  incessantly  hovering  over 
man,  though  he  does  not  perceive  him,  and  who,  in 
the  twinkling  of  an  eye,  pervades  all  the  parts  of  the 
earth,  and,  in  the  same  moment,  makes  all  the 
nations  that  inhabit  it  sensible  of  the  vast  extent 
of  his  power. 

"  Look  towards  the  east,  see  there  j  is  !  A  vast 
troop  of  birds  of  ill  omen  fly  before  him  with  terror 
at  their  head,  and  proclaim  his  coming  by  mournful 
and  deadly  cries.  His  indefatigable  hand  is  armed 
with  a  cruel  scythe,  under  which  successively  fall  all 
generations.     On  one  of  his  wings  are  painted  war, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  187 

pestilence,  famine,  shipwreck,  conflagrations,  \\ith  the 
rest  of  those  sad  accidents  which  every  instant  dehver 
him  up  a  fresh  prey.  On  his  other  wing  are  to  be 
seen  young  physicians  taking  their  doctors'  degree, 
in  the  presence  of  Death,  who  gives  them  the  cap, 
after  swearing  them  never  to  practise  physic  other- 
wise than  it  is  practised  at  this  time  of  day." 

Though  Don  Cleofas  was  pretty  sure  there  was 
nothing  real  in  what  he  saw,  and  that  the  devil 
showed  him  Death  under  this  form  only  to  oblige 
him,  yet  he  could  not  look  on  it  without  shuddering. 
However,,  he  pulled  up  his  courage,  and  said  to  the 
demon, — "Will  this  frightful  figure  only  pass  over 
Madrid,  without  leaving  some  signs  of  his  passage?" 
— "No,  certainly,"  replied  the  cripple;  "he  does  not 
come  hither  for  nothing.  And  it  is  in  your  choice 
whether  you  will  be  witness  of  his  operations." — "  I 
take  you  at  your  word,"  replied  the  student ;  "  let  us 
follow  him,  and  see  upon  what  unhappy  families  his 
fury  will  fall.  Alas  !  how  many  tears  are  going  to 
be  shed  ! " — "  Doubtless,"  answered  Asmodeus,  "  and 
a  great  many  counterfeit  ones  too  ;  for  Death,  not- 
withstanding the  horror  that  goes  along  with  him, 
causes  as  much  joy  as  sorrow." 

Our  two  spectators  took  their  flight,  in  order  to 
follow  Death  and  observe  him.  The  first  place  he 
entered  was  a  citizen's  house,  where  the  master  was 
in  the  last  extremity.  He  touched  him  with  his 
scythe,  and  the  good  man  expired  in  the  midst  of  his 
family,  which  immediately  formed  a  concert  of  sighs 
and  groans.  "  Here,"  said  the  demon, "is  no  counter- 
feiting: the  wife  and  children  of  this  citizen  loved 
him  ♦■enderly,  and,  besides  they  wanted   him,  for  he 


1 88  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

was  their  support ;  there  can  be  no  dissimulation  in 
their  tears. 

"  But  it  is  quite  otherwise  as  ♦"o  what  passes  in  that 
other  'louse,  where  you  see  Death  is  striking  an  old 
man  m  bed.  He  is  a  counsellor,  who  has  lived 
miserably,  and  a  bachelor,  to  amass  vast  riches  for 
three  nephews,  who  flew  to  his  house  the  moment 
they  heard  he  was  drawing  near  his  end.  They  have 
played  their  parts  extremely  well,  by  the  show  of  a 
prodigious  sorrow.  But  see  they  are  throwing  off  the 
mask,  preparing  to  behave  as  heirs,  after  playing  the 
grimace  of  relations,  and  going  to  rifle  everywhere. 
What  heaps  of  gold  and  silver  will  they  find  !  '  Oh, 
the  pleasure!'  said  one  of  his  heirs  just  now  to  the 
others;  'oh,  the  pleasure  for  nephews  to  have  old 
stingy  uncles,  that  renounce  all  the  pleasures  of  life 
purely  that  they  may  enjoy  them  ! '  "— "  A  fine  funeral 
oration,  really  !  "  said  Leandro  Perez.  "  Oh  !  upon  my 
word,"  replied  the  devil,  "there  are  (ew  long-lived 
rich  fathers  that  ought  to  expect  any  other  even  from 
their  own  children. 

"  Whilst  these  )'oung  heirs,  swimming  in  joy,  are  in 
search  of  the  deceased's  treasures.  Death  is  making 
towards  a  fine  palace,  where  lies  a  young  lord  sick  of 
the  small-pox.  This  lord,  one  of  the  most  amiable 
persons  of  the  court,  is  going  to  be  cut  off  in  his 
prime,  notwithstanding  the  celebrated  physician  who 
has  him  under  his  care  ;  or,  perhaps,  rather,  because 
he  has  him  under  his  care. 

"Observe  with  what  a  rapidity  Death  performs  his 
operations.  He  has  already  determined  the  fate  of 
that  young  lord's  life,  and  is  ready  for  another  ex- 
pedition.    He  stops  over  a  convent,  goes  aown  into 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  189 

one  of  the  cells,  falls  upon  an  honest  friar,  and  cuts 
the  thread  of  a  penitent  and  mortified  life  which  he 
has  led  for  forty  years.  Death,  all  terror  as  he  is,  has 
not  alarmed  him ;  but,  in  return,  he  is  entering  a 
palace  which  he  will  fill  with  terror;  for  he  is  making- 
his  approaches  to  a  licentiate  of  quality,  lately  nomi- 
nated to  the  bishopric  of  Albarazin.  That  prelate 
thinks  of  nothing  but  his  preparations  for  going 
down  to  his  diocese,  with  all  the  pomp  and  splendour 
which  novv-a-days  are  inseparable  from  princes  of  the 
Church  ;  and  Death  is,  of  all  things,  the  furthest  from 
his  thoughts.  Yet  he  is  just  this  moment  beginning 
his  journey  to  the  other  world,  where  he  will  arrive 
with  as  thin  a  train  as  the  poor  friar,  and  I  question 
whether  he  will  be  so  favourably  received." 

"  O  heaven  ! "  cried  Zambullo,  "  Death  is  going  to 
pass  over  the  king's  palace,  and  I  am  afraid  the  bar- 
barian will,  with  one  stroke  of  his  scythe,  put  all  Spain 
in  a  consternation." — "You  have  reason  to  tremble," 
said  the  cripple,  "  for  he  has  no  more  lespect  for  kings 
than  their  footmen  ;  but  take  courage,"  added  he  a 
moment  after;  "he  has  nothing  to  say  at  present  to 
the  monarch,  but  he  is  falling  upon  one  of  his  courtiers, 
one  of  that  sort  of  creatures,  whose  only  employnient 
is  to  follow  and  make  their  court  to  him.  They  are 
easily  spared,  their  places  are  so  soon  filled  up." 

"  But  methinks,"  replied  the  student,  "Death  is  not 
C(^ntent  with  taking  off  that  courtier,  he  makes  another 
pause  on  the  queen's  apartment." — "He  does  so," 
answered  the  devil,  "  and  to  do  a  very  good  work  too  : 
he  is  going  to  slit  the  windpipe  of  a  wicked  old  woman, 
whose  pleasure  lies  in  sowing  division  in  the  queen's 
court,  and  who  fell   sick    with   vexation  to  see  tuo 


I90  ASMODEUS:  Ok, 

ladies,  whom  ^he  nad  set  together  by  the  ears,  sin- 
cerely reconciled. 

"You  are  going  to  hear  some  very  piercing  cries," 
continued  the  demon,  "Death  has  just  entered  that 
fine  house  on  the  left  hand,  where  is  going  to  be  acted 
one  of  the  most  melancholy  scenes  that  ever  was 
represented  on  the  theatre  of  the  world.  Fix  \'our 
eyes  on  that  deplorable  spectacle." — "  Really,"  said 
Don  Cleofas,  "  I  do  see  a  lady  that  tears  her  hair,  and 
struggles  in  her  woman's  arms.  Why  does  she  appear 
so  afflicted  ?  " — "  Look  into  the  opposite  apartment," 
answered  the  devil,  "and  you  will  see  the  cause. 
Observe  the  man  laid  on  that  stately  bed ;  it  is  her 
husband  who  is  expiring,  and  she  is  inconsolable. 
Their  story  is  very  moving,  and  deserves  to  be  written. 
I  have  a  great  mind  to  tell  it  you." 

"  You  will  oblige  me,"  replied  Leandro  ;  "  I  am  not 
less  sensible  of  objects  of  compassion,  than  diverted  by 
those  of  ridicule." — "  It  is  somewhat  long,"  answered 
Asmodeus,  "  but  too  moving  to  be  tiresome.  Besides, 
to  tell  you  the  truth,  as  much  devil  as  I  am,  I  am 
tired  with  running  after  Death  ;  so  let  us  leave  him  in 
search  of  fresh  victims." — "  With  all  my  heart,"  said 
ZambuUo.  "  I  should  be  better  pleased  to  hear  this 
history,  which  you  have  promised  to  entertain  me 
with,  than  thus  to  see  the  whole  race  of  man  perish- 
ing one  after  another."  Upon  which  the  devil  having 
set  the  student  down  upon  one  of  the  highest  houses 
in  Alcala  Street,  began  the  relation  in  these  terms. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  191 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

THE  POWER  OF  FRIENDSHIP. 
A  STORY. 

A  YOUNG  gentleman  of  Toledo,  accompanied  by  his 
valet-de-chambre,  travelled  by  long  joui"ne)'S  from  his 
native  country,  to  avoid  the  consequences  of  a  tragical 
adventure.  He  was  two  little  leagues  from  Valencia, 
when,  at  the  entry  of  a  wood,  he  met  a  lady  descend- 
ing hastily  out  of  her  coach.  No  veil  covered  her  face, 
in  which  beauty  shone  in  perfection.  This  charming 
lady  seemed  so  disturbed  and  distracted,  that  the 
cavalier,  concluding  she  wanted  assistance,  did  not 
fail  to  tender  her  that  of  his  courage. 

"  Generous  unknown,"  said  the  lady,  "  I  embrace 
your  offer  ;  Heaven  seems  to  have  sent  you  hither  to 
my  assistance,  and  to  avert  the  misfortune  which  I 
dread.  Two  gentlemen  are  met  upon  an  appointment 
in  this  wood  ;  I  this  minute  saw  them  enter;  I  can 
tell  >  ou  no  rv.ore  ;  but,  if  you  please,  follow  me,  and 
you  shall  kiiow  the  whole."  At  the  end  of  these 
words  she  flew  into  the  wood  ;  and  the  Toledan,  leav- 
ing the  care  of  his  horse  to  his  man,  made  after  her 
as  fast  as  he  could. 

They  had  scarce  advanced  an  hundred  paces  before 
they  heard  the  clashing  of  swords,  and  soon  discovered 


192  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

two  men  furiously  engaged.  The  Toledan  ran  to 
part  them ;  which  having  done,  partly  by  force,  and 
partly  by  entreaty,  he  asked  them  the  cause  of  their 
quarrel.  "  Brave  unknown."  said  one  of  the  cavaliers, 
"  my  name  is  Don  Fadrique  de  Mendoga,  and  my 
adversary  is  Don  Alvaro  Ponce :  we  both  love  Donna 
Theodora,  the  lady  whom  you  accompany.  She  ha.s 
always  slighted  our  addresses,  and,  notwithstand- 
ing all  the  tendernesses  that  love  could  suggest  to 
please  her,  the  obdurate  fair  would  never  treat  us 
better.  As  for  me,  I  designed  to  continue  her  slave 
in  spite  of  her  indifference;  but  my  rival,  instead  of 
taking  the  same  resolution,  sent  me  a  challenge." 

"  It  is  true,"  interrupted  Don  Alvaro,  "  I  concluded 
that,  if  I  had  no  rival,  Donna  Theodora  might  look 
on  me;  wherefore  I  endeavoured  to  take  away  the 
life  of  Don  Fadrir|ue,  to  rid  myself  of  a  man  that 
opposed  my  felicity." 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  the  Toledan,  "  I  do  not  approve 
your  duelling  ;  it  is  an  affront  to  Donna  Theodora. 
It  will  soon  be  published  in  Valencia  that  you  have 
fought  for  her;  and  your  mistress's  honour  ouglit  to 
be  dearer  to  you  than  your  own  repose  and  lives. 
Besides,  what  advantage  could  the  vanquisher  reap 
by  his  victory  ?  After  having  exposed  his  mistress's 
reputation,  could  he  expect  she  would  look  on  him 
with  a  favourable  eye.-*  Take  my  advice,  make  a 
more  noble  effort  on  yourselves,  more  worthy  the 
names  that  you  bear :  conquer  these  furious  trans- 
ports, and,  by  an  inviolable  oath,  engage  yourselves 
to  subscribe  the  articles  of  accommodation  which  I 
shall  propose  to  you.  Your  quarrel  shall  end  without 
bl  lodshed." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  i9> 

"Ha!  how?"  said  Don  Alvaro.  "This  lady  must, 
declare,"  repHed  the  Toledan,  "  whether  she  will 
choose  Don  Fadrique,  or  you  ;  and  the  unhappy  lover, 
far  from  arming  against  his  rival,  must  leave  him  the 
field." — "I  consent,"  said  Don  Alvaro,  "and  swear 
by  all  that  is  most  sacred  to  acquiesce  in  her  choice, 
whether  she  determine  in  favour  of  me  or  my  rival  ; 
for  even  that  preference  will  be  more  supportable  than 
the  miserable  uncertainty  under  which  I  now  labour." 
— "And  as  for  me,"  said  Don  Fadrique  in  his  turn, 
*'  I  call  Heaven  to  witness,  that  if  the  divine  object 
which  I  adore  does  not  pronounce  in  my  favour,  I  will 
reniove  m}self  far  from  her  charms  ;  and  if  I  cannot 
forget  her,  at  least  I  will  never  see  her  more." 

The  Toledan  then  turning  towards  Theodora, 
"Madam,"  said  he,  "it  is  in  your  power  with  one 
word  to  disarm  these  two  rivals;  you  need  only 
declare  whose  constancy  of  the  two  you  please  to 
reward."  —  "Sir,"  answered  the  lady,  "search  for 
another  expedient  to  reconcile  them.  Why  should 
I  be  the  sacrifice  of  their  agreement.''  I  read}'  value 
Don  Fadrique  and  Don  Alvaro,  but  I  do  not  love 
either  of  them  ;  and  it  is  unjust,  that,  to  prevent 
the  stain  which  their  duelling  might  cast  upon  my 
honour,  I  should  be  obliged  to  give  those  hopes 
which  my  heart  will  never  own." 

"  It  is  too  late  to  dissemble,  madam,"  replied  the 
Toledan;  "you  must  declare  yourself.  Both  these 
cavaliers  are  equally  handsome,  and  I  am  certain 
you  have  more  inclination  fo»r  one  than  the  other;  I 
refer  myself  to  the  mortal  agony  in  which  I  saw 
you." 

"You    misinterpret    that    fright,"    replied    Donna 

N 


194  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

Theodora ;  "  the  loss  of  either  of  these  gentlemen 
would  very  sensibly  touch  me,  and  I  should  never 
give  over  blaming  myself  on  that  account,  though 
I  am  only  the  innocent  cause;  but  if  you  saw  me 
alarmed,  it  was  for  my  own  reputation,  which  I  knew 
would  unavoidably  suffer  in  the  dispute." 

Don  Alvaro  Ponce,  who  was  naturally  very  fierce, 
at  these  words  lost  all  patience  :  "  It  is  enough,"  said 
he  very  warmly ;  "  since  the  lady  refuses  to  end  this 
dispute  amicably,  the  sword  shall  immediately  decide 
it."  Upon  which  he  aimed  a  pass  at  Don  Fadrique, 
who  was  prepared  to  receive  it. 

The  lady,  rather  affrighted  by  this  action,  than 
determined  by  her  inclination,  amazed,  cried  out, 
"  Hold,  gentlemen,  I  will  satisfy  you ;  if  there  be 
no  other  way  to  end  an  engagement  in  which  my 
honour  is  concerned,  I  declare  that  I  give  the  pre- 
ference to  Don  Fadrique  de  Mendoga." 

She  had  no  sooner  ended  these  words,  than  the 
discarded  Ponce,  without  uttering  one  syllable,  imme- 
diately loosened  his  horse  which  was  fastened  to  a 
tree,  and  retired,  casting  very  angry  looks  at  his 
rival  and  mistress.  The  happy  Mendoga,  on  the 
contrary,  was  overwhelmed  with  joy ;  sometimes  he 
fell  on  his  knees  before  Donna  Theodora,  at  others 
he  embraced  the  Toledan ;  and  was  utterly  at  a  loss 
for  expressions  strong  enough  to  represent  the  senti- 
ments of  gratitude  with  which  he  was  thoroughly 
touched. 

In  the  meantime,  the  lady,  returning  to  her  natural 
temper,  after  the  departure  of  Alvaro,  began  to 
reflect  how  anxious  it  would  prove  to  her  to  suffer 
the  addresses  of  a  lover,  whose   merit  though  she 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  195 

really  valued,  yet  withal  for  whom  her  heart  had 
never  been  prepossessed  with  any  the  least  tender- 
ness. 

"  Don  Fadrique,"  said  she,  "  I  hope  you  will  not 
abuse  the  preference  which  I  have  given  you  ;  you 
owe  it  to  the  necessity  to  which  I  was  reduced,  to 
declare  betwixt  you  and  Don  Alvaro  ;  not  but  that  I 
value  you  much  more  than  him,  and  I  know  very  well 
that  he  has  not  all  the  good  qualities  which  you 
have ;  and  I  shall  but  do  you  justice  by  saying,  that 
you  are  the  most  complete  gentleman  in  Valencia.  I 
will  further  own  to  you,  that  the  addresses  of  such  a 
man  as  you  might  very  well  flatter  a  woman's  vanity; 
but  how  honourable  soever  it  may  be  to  me,  I  must 
tell  you,  I  look  upon  them  with  so  little  relish,  that 
you  are  really  to  be  pitied  for  loving  me  so  tenderly 
as  \ou  appear  to  do.  I  will  not  yet  deprive  }'ou  of 
all  hopes  of  touching  my  heart.  My  indiff"crence, 
perhaps,  may  be  only  the  effect  of  the  yet  remaining 
grief  which  seized  me  a  year  since,  for  the  loss  of  Don 
Andrea  de  Cifuentes,  my  husband.  Though  we  did 
not  live  long  together,  and  he  was  of  an  advanced 
age,  when  my  parents,  dazzled  with  his  riches,  obliged 
me  to  marry  him,  yet  was  I  very  much  afflicted  at 
his  death.     I  shall  bemoan  it  all  my  life. 

"And,  indeed,  did  he  not  deserve  my  sorrow.''  He 
was  not  like  those  sour,  jealous,  old  men,  who,  never 
being  able  to  persuade  themselves  that  a  woman  may 
be  discreet  enough  to  excuse  their  w^eakness,  contin- 
ually watch  all  her  motions,  or  entrust  that  charge 
to  a  duenna  devoted  to  their  tyranny.  Alas,  he  had 
such  an  entire  confidence  in  my  virtue  as  even  a  young 
husband,  though  adored,  is  scarce  capable  of.    Besides, 


196  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

his  compliance  was  endless.  I  dare  venture  to  say, 
that  his  sole  care  was  to  prevent  me  in  all  things 
which  I  seemed  to  desire.  Such  was  Don  Andrea  de 
Cifuentes;  you  may  then,  Mendoga,  easily  judge, 
that  it  is  not  easy  to  forget  a  man  of  such  an  agreeable 
character.  He  is  always  present  in  my  thoughts, 
which  does  not  a  little  contribute,  doubtless,  to  turn 
them  from  fixing  on  whatever  is  done  to  please  me." 

Don  Fadrique  could  not  help  interrupting  Donna 
Theodora  here.  "  Ah  !  madam,"  cried  he,  "  how  happy 
am  I  to  learn  from  your  own  mouth,  that  your  former 
despising  my  addresses  did  not  result  from  any  aver- 
sion to  my  person:  I  hope  you  will  one  day  yield  to 
my  constancy." — "  It  will  not  be  my  fault,  if  your 
passion  does  not  succeed,"  replied  the  lady,  "since  I 
allow  you  to  visit  me,  and  sometimes  mention  \'our 
love.  Endeavour  to  make  me  relish  your  endear- 
ments; use  all  your  arts  to  make  me  love  you.  I 
will  never  conceal  from  you  any  favourable  sentiments 
which  I  may  have  for  you  ;  but  if,  after  all  your  efforts, 
you  cannot  compass  your  end,  remember,  Mendoca, 
that  you  will  have  no  reason  to  blame  me." 

Don  Fadrique  would  have  replied,  but  had  not 
time,  by  reason  the  lady  took  the  Toledan  by  the 
hand  and  nimbly  turned  towards  her  equipage.  He 
loosened  his  horse,  which  was  tied  to  a  tree,  and 
leading  him  by  the  bridle,  followed  Donna  Theodora, 
who  mounted  her  chariot  with  as  much  precipitation 
as  she  had  before  descended  from  it,  thouo-h  the 
reason  was  utterly  different.  The  Toledan  and  he 
accompanied  her  on  horseback  to  the  gates  of  Valen- 
cia, where  they  parted.  She  went  to  her  own  house, 
and  Don  Fadrique  carried  the  Toledan  to  his. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  197 

He  made  him  sit  down,  and  after  having  well 
entertained  him,  he  asked  him  what  particularly 
brought  him  to  Valencia,  and  whether  he  thought  of 
making  a  long  stay  there?  "I  shall  continue  here 
as  little  while  as  possible,"  answered  the  Toledan  ;  "  I 
came  this  way  only  to  go  towards  the  sea-side,  to 
embark  in  the  very  first  vessel  which  sails  from  the 
coast  of  Spain,  for  I  care  not  much  in  what  part  of 
the  world  I  finish  the  course  of  an  unfortunate  life, 
provided  it  be  far  distant  from  these  fatal  climates." 

"What  is  it  can  set  you  thus  against  your  country," 
replied  Don  Fadrique,  surprised  at  the  Toledan's 
discourse,  "  and  make  you  hate  what  all  men  naturally 
love  ? " — "  After  what  has  happened,"  returned  the 
Toledan,  "  my  country  is  odious  to  me,  and  I  aim  at 
nothing  in  the  world  but  to  quit  it  for  ever." — '-'Ah, 
sir,"  said  Mendo^a,  touched  with  a  compassionate 
concern,  "how  impatient  I  am  to  know  your  misfor- 
tunes !  If  I  cannot  relieve  your  pains,  I  will  share 
them  with  you.  The  air  of  your  face  has  prepossessed 
me  in  your  favour  ;  your  deportment  charms  me,  and 
I  find  mA'self  strenuously  interested  in  your  fortune." 

"  It  is  the  greatest  consolation  which  I  am  capable 
of  receiving,  Don  Fadrique,"  answered  the  Toledan; 
*'and  in  some  measure  to  acknowledge  the  affection 
which  you  have  discovered  for  me,  I  must  also  tell 
you,  that,  when  I  saw  you  with  Don  Alvaro  Ponce, 
my  inclinations  declared  on  your  side.  An  internal 
motion,  which  I  was  never  before  sensible  of  at  the 
first  sight  of  any  person,  made  me  fear  lest  Donna 
Theodora  should  prefer  your  rival,  and  I  was  touched 
with  joy  when  she  determined  in  your  favour.  You 
have  since  so  much  strengthened  that  first  impression, 


198  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

that  instead  of  hiding  my  uneasinesses,  I  earnestly 
desire  to  lay  them  before  you,  and  find  a  secret 
pleasure  in  unbosomir.g  myself  to  you.  Attend  then 
to  the  relation  of  my  misfortunes. 

"Toledo  is  my  native  place,  and  Don  Juan  de 
Zarate  my  name.  Almost  from  my  infancy  I  lost 
those  who  gave  me  life,  so  that  I  began  betimes 
to  enjoy  an  annual  estate  of  four  thousand  ducats, 
which  they  left  me.  My  heart  being  at  my  own 
disposal,  and  believing  myself  rich  enough  not  to 
consult  anything  but  my  own  inclination  in  the  choice 
of  a  wife,  I  married  a  virgin  perfectly  beautiful,  with- 
out reflecting  on  the  meanness  of  her  fortune,  or  the 
inequality  of  our  conditions.  I  was  charmed  with 
my  felicity  ;  and  to  give  the  greater  relish  to  the 
pleasure  of  possessing  the  person  I  loved,  a  few  days 
after  my  marriage  I  carried  her  to  an  estate  which  I 
have  some  leagues  from  Toledo. 

"We  lived  there  in  a  most  agreeable  union,  when 
the  Duke  of  Naxera,  whose  seat  is  near  my  estate, 
came  one  day,  when  he  was  hunting,  to  refresh  him- 
self at  my  house.  He  saw  my  wife,  and  fell  in  love 
with  her.  I  suspected  it  at  least ;  but  what  fully 
convinced  me  of  it  was,  that  he  immediately  made 
the  most  pressing  instances  in  the  world  to  obtain 
my  friendship,  which  he  never  before  set  any  value 
on.  He  introduced  me  to  his  hunting  acquaintance, 
forced  me  to  accept  of  several  presents,  and  made 
me  several  offers  of  his  service. 

"  Being  immediately  alarmed  by  his  passion,  I 
intended  to  return  to  Toledo  with  my  wife ;  and, 
doubtless,  that  thought  was  inspired  by  Heaven. 
For  had  I  wholly  deprived  the  Duke  of  all  oppor- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  199 

tunities  of  seeing  her,  I  should  have  avoided  those 
misfortunes  which  have  fallen  on  me  ;  but  my  con- 
fident reliance  on  her  virtue  secured  me.  I  tlioug-ht 
it  impossible  for  a  woman  I  had  married  without  a 
fortune,  and  raised  from  a  low  condition,  to  be  so 
ungraceful  as  to  forget  my  favours.  Alas,  what  a 
wrong  judgment  did  I  make!  Ambition  and  vanity, 
those  V.WO  vices  natural  to  the  sex,  were  her  greatest 
faults. 

"As  3oon  as  the  Duke  had  got  an  opportunity  to 
discover  his  sentiments,  she  was  secretly  pleased  at 
such  an  important  conquest.  The  passion  of  a  man 
adorned  with  the  title  of  his  Excellence  tickled  her 
pride,  ai\d  filled  her  mind  with  extravagant  chimeras; 
whence  i;he  began  to  value  him  more,  and  me  less: 
and  all  that  I  had  done  for  her,  instead  of  exciting 
her  gratitude,  served  only  to  render  me  contemp- 
tible in  lier  eyes.  She  looked  on  me  as  a  husband 
unworthy  of  her  beauty,  and  fancied  that  if  this 
grandee,  who  was  now  conquered  by  her  charms, 
had  seen  her  before  her  being  a  wife,  he  had  cer- 
tainly raiirried  her.  Intoxicated  by  these  foolish 
imaginations,  and  seduced  by  several  engaging  pre- 
sents, she  yielded  to  the  Duke's  private  and  pressing 
opportunities. 

"  They  frequently  wrote  to  each  other,  without  my 
ever  suspecting  their  correspondence  ;  but  at  last  I 
was  unhappy  enough  to  be  cured  of  that  blindness. 
One  day  returning  from  hunting  sooner  than  usual, 
I  went  into  my  wife's  apartment,  who  did  not  expect 
me  so  soon.  She  had  just  received  a  billet  from 
the  Duke,  which  she  was  preparing  to  answer.  She 
could  not  hide  her  uneasiness  from  me.     I  trembled, 


200  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

and  finding  pen,  ink,  and  paper  ready  on  the  table, 
I  concluded  she  had  betrayed  me.  I  pressed  her  to 
show  me  what  she  was  writing ;  which  she  so  abso- 
lutely denied,  that  I  was  obliged  to  use  some  violence 
to  satisfy  my  jealous  curiosity;  and,  notwithstanding 
all  her  resistance,  I  tore  from  her  bosom  a  letter 
containing  these  words: 

"  '  Shall  I  for  ever  languish  in  expectation  of  a 
second  interview  ?  How  cruel  are  you,  to  give  me 
the  most  charming  hopes,  and  thus  long  delay  the 
fulfilling  them  !  Don  Juan  goes  every  day  a-hunt- 
ing,  or  to  Toledo:  should  we  not  make  use  of  these 
opportunities  ?  Have  more  regard  to  the  violent 
flames  which  consume  me.  Pity  me,  madam;  con- 
sider, that  if  it  be  a  pleasure  to  obtain  our  desires,  it 
is  a  torment  to  wait  long  for  the  enjoyment  of  them.' 

"  I  could  not  read  out  this  letter  without  the  ut- 
most transports  of  rage.  I  clapped  my  hand  on  my 
dagger,  and  at  first  was  tempted  to  take  the  life  of 
that  faithless  wife  who  had  deprived  me  of  my 
honour ;  but  considering  that  would  be  only  to  revenge 
myself  by  halves,  and  that  my  resentment  required  yet 
another  victim,  I  conquered  my  rage,  dissembled,  and 
said  to  my  wife,  with  the  least  disturbance  possible  : 
'  Madam,  you  were  to  blame  to  hearken  to  the  Duke  ; 
the  lustre  of  his  high  quality  ought  not  to  have 
dazzled  your  eyes  ;  but  young  women  are  fond  of 
pompous  titles.  I  am  willing  to  believe  that  this  is  all 
you  have  proceeded  to,  and  that  you  have  not  yet 
done  me  the  last  injury  ;  wherefore  I  excuse  your  in- 
discretion, provided    you   will  return   to  your   duty, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  201 

and,  becoming  truly  sensible  of  my  tenderness,  you 
will  think  of  nothing  more  than  to  deserve  it.' 

"After  these  words  I  retired  to  my  apartment,  as 
well  to  leave  her  to  recover  herself,  as  because  I 
wanted  some  retirement  to  cool  my  rage,  which  had 
sufficiently  inflamed  me.  If  I  could  not  recover  my 
temper,  I  at  least  put  on  a  very  easy  air  f  r  two 
days;  and  on  the  third,  pretending  business  of  the 
last  consequence  to  Toledo,  I  told  my  wife  that  I  was 
obliged  to  leave  her  for  some  time,  and  entreated 
her  to  take  care  of  her  honour  during  my  absence. 

"  I  left  her;  but,  instead  of  going  to  Toledo,  I  pri- 
vately returned  home  at  the  beginning  of  the  night, 
and  concealed  myself  in  the  chamber  of  a  faithful 
domestic,  where  I  could  see  whoever  entered  my 
house.  I  did  not  doubt  f  the  Duke's  being  informed 
of  my  departure,  and  concluded  he  would  not  miss 
the  opportunity.  I  hoped  to  surprise  them  together! 
and  promised  myself  an  entire  vengeance. 

"  But  I  was  deceived  in  my  expectation.  For,  in- 
stead of  finding  my  house  preparing  for  the  reception 
of  a  lover,  I  saw,  on  the  contrary,  the  doors  very  close 
shut  at  their  time  ;  and  three  days  passing  without 
the  appearance  of  the  Duke  or  even  of  any  of  his  ser- 
vants, I  persuaded  myself  that  my  spouse  repented 
her  fault,  and  had  broken  off  all  manner  of  communi- 
cation with  the  Duke. 

"  Prepossessed  with  this  opinion,  I  lost  all  desire  of 
revenge,  and,  yielding  to  the  motion  of  a  love  which 
angry  resentment  had  suspended,  I  flew  to  my  wife's 
apartment,  embraced  her  with  transporting  raptures, 
and  said,  '  Madam,  I  restore  you  all  my  esteem  and 
tenderness.     I  have  not  been  at  Toledo:  I  pretended 


202  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

that  journey  only  to  try  you.  You  ought  to  pardon 
a  snare  laid  by  a  husband,  whose  jealousy  was  not 
groundless.  I  feared  that  your  mind,  seduced  by 
splendid  illusions,  was  not  capable  of  undeceiving 
itself:  but,  thanks  to  Heaven,  you  are  sensible  of 
your  error,  and  I  hope  nothing  for  the  future  will 
ever  disturb  our  good  agreement.' 

"My  wife  seemed  touched  at  these  words;  and, 
letting  fall  some  tears,  '  How  unhappy  am  I,'  said 
she,  '  to  have  given  you  reason  to  suspect  my  virtue. 
Though  I  have  to  the  last  degree  abhorred  that  fault 
which  so  justly  irritated  you  against  me,  my  eyes  have 
in  vain  kept  from  closing  these  two  days  to  make  way 
for  my  tears  ;  yet  for  all  my  grief,  and  all  my  remorse, 
I  shall  never  regain  your  entire  confidence  in  me.' — 
'  I  restore  it  to  you,  madam,'  said  I,  perfectly  softened 
by  the  sorrow  which  she  expressed  ;  '  I  will  no  more 
remember  what  is  past,  since  you  so  sincerely  repent.' 

"  Accordingly,  from  that  very  moment  I  had  the 
same  regard  for  her  as  before,  and  began  again  to 
taste  those  pleasures  which  had  been  so  cruelly  in- 
terrupted. The  relish  of  them  was  heightened ;  for 
my  wife,  as  though  she  resolved  to  efface  out  of  my 
mind  all  the  marks  of  the  injury  she  had  done  me, 
was  much  more  solicitous  to  please  me  than  ever.  I 
found  her  caresses  more  tender,  and  almost  rejoiced 
;;t  the  discontent  which  had  occasioned  this  happy 
change. 

"  I  then  fell  ill,  and,  though  my  disease  was  not 
dangerous,  it  is  not  to  be  imagined  what  fears  my 
wife  discovered.  She  stayed  all  day  with  me ;  and 
in  the  night,  I  being  in  a  separate  apartment,  she 
constantly  came  two  or  three  times  to  satisfy  herself 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  203 

how  I  was.  She  seemed  extremely  solicitous  to  pre- 
vent all  the  assistance  I  wanted,  and  her  life  seemed 
to  be  inseparable  from  mine.  On  my  side,  I  was  so 
sensible  of  all  the  marks  of  tenderness  which  she 
gave  me,  that  I  could  never  sufhciently  testify  my 
acknowledgment  of  them  to  her :  and  yet,  Mendoga, 
they  were  not  so  sincere  as  I  imagined. 

"  One  night,  when  I  began  to  recover,  my  valet-de- 
chambre  waked  me  :  '  My  lord,'  said  he,  very  much 
confused,  '  I  am  obliged  to  disturb  your  repose  ;  but 
am  too  faithful  to  conceal  what  is  now  acting  in  your 
house.     The  Duke  of  Naxera  is  with  my  lady.' 

"  I  was  so  stupified  at  this  news,  that  for  sometime 
I  looked  on  the  fellow  without  being  able  to  speak. 
The  more  I  thought  of  what  he  told  me,  the  less  I 
believed  it.  '  No,  Fabio,'  cried  I,  '  it  is  impossible 
that  my  wife  should  be  guilty  of  such  a  horrid  per- 
fidious crime  !  You  are  not  sure  of  what  you  say.' — 
*  My  lord,*  cried  Fabio,  '  would  to  God  it  were  possible 
for  me  to  doubt  of  it;  but  I  am  not  deceived  by  false 
appearances.  Ever  since  your  indisposition,  I  have 
suspected  the  Duke's  being  every  night  introduced 
into  my  lady's  apartment.  I  hid  myself  to  remove 
my  suspicions,  and  am  but  too  well  convinced  that 
they  are  just.' 

"  At  these  words  I  rose,  distracted  with  rage  ;  took 
my  night-gown  and  sword,  and  made  directly  to  my 
wife's  apartment,  accompanied  by  Fabio,  who  lighted 
me.  At  the  noise  of  our  entrance,  the  Duke,  who  sat 
on  the  bed,  rose,  and  catching  a  pistol  from  his  girdle, 
fired  at  me;  but  with  such  great  confusion  and  pre- 
cipitation, that  he  missed  me.  I  then  violenth'  rushed 
upon  him,  and  ran  him  into  the  heart ;  after  which  I 


204  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

addressed  myself  to  my  wife,  who  was  rather  dead 
than  alive;  'And  thou,'  said  I,  'infamous  wretch, 
receive  the  reward  of  all  thy  falsehoods.'  At  these 
words,  I  plunged  my  sword,  yet  reeking  in  her  lover's 
blood,  into  her  breast. 

"  I  condemn  my  passion,  Don  Fadrique,  and  own 
I  might  have  sufficiently  punished  a  perfidious  wife 
without  taking  away  her  life  :  but  what  man  could 
keep  his  reason  entire  in  such  a  conjuncture  ?  Paint 
to  yourself  all  the  demonstrations  of  concern  this 
false  woman  showed  at  my  illness  ;  represent  all  the 
circumstances,  the  enormity  of  the  treason,  and  judge 
whether  a  husband,  fired  with  a  just  rage,  ought  not 
to  be  pardoned  her  death. 

"To  conclude  so  tragical  a  story  in  two  words; 
after  having  fully  satiated  my  vengeance,  I  dressed 
myself  with  the  utmost  haste,  concluding  I  had  no 
time  to  lose;  that  the  Duke's  relations  would  hunt 
for  me  all  over  Spain,  and  that  the  interest  of  my 
family  not  being  sufficient  to  balance  that  of  theirs, 
I  should  never  be  safe  till  gotten  into  a  foreign 
country.  Wherefore  I  selected  two  of  my  best 
horses,  and,  with  all  the  money  and  jewels  I  had, 
left  my  house  before  day,  followed  by  the  servant 
who  had  so  well  approved  his  fidelity.  I  chose  the 
road  to  Valencia,  designing  to  put  myself  on  board 
the  first  vessel  bound  for  Italy;  and  this  day  passing 
near  the  wood  where  you  were,  I  met  Donna  Theodora, 
who  entreated  me  to  follow  her,  and  endeavour  to 
part  you." 

After  the  Toledan  had  done,  Don  Fadrique  said : 
"  Don  Juan,  your  revenge  on  the  Duke  of  Naxera 
was  just;   do   not   therefore  disturb   yourself  a^t   the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  205 

pursuit  his  relations  may  make.  You  shall,  if  you 
please,  stay  with  me,  until  an  occasion  offers  to 
embark  for  Italy.  My  uncle  is  governor  of  Valencia, 
and  you  will  be  safer  here  than  anywhere  else,  and 
will  besides  be  with  a  man  who  desires  for  the  future 
to  be  engaged  to  you  by  the  strictest  ties  of  friend- 
ship." Zarate  answered  Mendoga  in  terms  full  of 
acknowledgment,  and  accepted  the  offered  refuge. 

The  power  of  sympathy  is  very  surprising,  Don  Cleo- 
fas,  pursued  Asmodeus.  These  two  young  cavaliers 
were  touched  with  such  a  mutual  affection  for  one  an- 
other that  in  a  few  days  it  created  a  friendship  be- 
twixt them  as  entire  as  that  of  Orestes  and  Pylades. 
Besides  the  equality  of  their  merit,  there  was  such 
a  harmony  in  their  humours,  that  whatever  pleased 
Don  Fadrique,  the  other  could  not  dielike.  They 
both  made  up  but  one  character,  and  they  were 
made  to  love  one  another.  Don  Fadrique,  who 
above  all  was  enchanted  with  the  deportment  of  his 
friend,  could  not  forbear  boasting  of  it  every  moment 
to  Theodora. 

They  both  frequently  visited  that  lady,  who  con- 
tinually looked  on  Mendoga's  addresses  with  indiffer- 
ence ;  at  which  he  was  extremely  mortified,  and 
complained  of  it  to  his  friend,  who  told  him,  to  com- 
fort him,  that  the  most  insensible  women  suffer  them- 
selves to  be  touched  at  last ;  that  nothing  was 
wanting  to  lo  rers  but  patience  enough  to  wait  the 
favourable  time  ;  that  he  should  not  be  discouraged  ; 
that  his  lady,  soon  or  late,  would  regard  his  services. 
This  advice,  though  founded  on  experience,  (id 
not  encourage  the  faint-hearted  Mendo^a,  who  very 
much  feared  he  should  never  be  able  to  please  the 


2o6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

widow  Cifuentes  ;  and  this  fear  threw  him  into  such 
a  languishing  condition  as  excited  pity  in  Don  Juan, 
who  was  soon  after  in  a  more  deplorable  state  him- 
self. 

What  reason  soever  the  Toledan  had  to  be  dis- 
gusted against  the  sex,  after  the  horrible  falsity  of 
his  wife,  yet  he  could  not  help  loving  Donna  Theo- 
dora, though  he  was  so  far  from  abandoning  himself 
to  a  passion  which  injured  his  friend  that  he  thought 
of  nothing  but  struggling  against  it ;  and  fully  per- 
suaded that  he  could  not  better  conquer  it  than  by 
keeping  at  a  distance  from  those  eyes  which  occa- 
sioned it,  he  resolved  never  to  see  the  widow 
Cifuentes  again.  Accordingly,  whensoever  Mendoga 
would  have  carried  him  with  him,  he  always  found 
some  pretext  to  excuse  it. 

But  Don  Fadrique  never  made  one  visit  to  the  lady 
that  she  did  not  ask  why  Don  Juan  had  left  off  com- 
ing thither.  One  day  when  she  put  that  question, 
he  answered,  smiling,  that  his  friend  had  his  reasons. 
"'Ha  !  what  reasons  can  he  have  to  avoid  me?"  said 
Donna  Theodora.  "  Madam,"  returned  Mendoga, 
"when  I  desired  him  to  come  along  with  me  this  day. 
and  expressed  some  surprise  at  his  refusal,  he  told 
me  in  confidence,  what  I  am  obliged  to  reveal  to  you 
to  excuse  him ;  it  was  that  he  had  engaged  a  mis- 
tress, and  that  not  having  long  to  stay  in  this  city 
his  moments  were  precious." — "  I  cannot  be  satisfied 
with  this  excuse,"  replied  the  widow  Cifuentes,  blush- 
ing; "lovers  are  not  allowed  to  abandon  their  friends." 
Don  Fadrique  observing  Donna  Theodora  changing 
colour,  thought  it  only  owing  to  her  vanity,  and 
believed  that  spite,  to  see  herself  neglected,  was  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  207 

cau5ieof  her  blushing.  But  his  conjecture  was  wrong; 
a  more  violent  impulse  than  that  of  vanity  occasioned 
the  mot'ons  which  she  betrayed  ;  but  for  fear  of  his 
discovering  her  sentiments,  she  turned  the  discourse, 
and  affected  a  gaiety  during  the  rest  of  their  conver- 
sation, which  would  have  thrown  the  blame  on  his 
discernment,  if  he  had  not  soon  perceived  the  altera- 
tion. 

As  soon  as  the  widow  Cifuentes  was  alone,  she 
turned  extremely  thoughttul.  She  then  felt  the  ut- 
most force  of  her  passion  for  Don  Juan  ;  and  imagin- 
ing herself  worse  recompensed  than  she  really  was. 
"  How  cruel  and  unjust,"  said  she,  sighing,  "  is  that 
power  which  delights  to  inflame  disagreeing  hearts  ! 
I  do  not  love  Don  Fadrique,  and  he  adores  me  ;  and 
I  burn  for  Don  Juan,  whose  thoughts  are  taken  up 
by  another!  Ah!  Mendoga,  no  more  reproach  my 
indifference ;  thy  friend  has  sufficiently  revenged 
it!" 

At  these  words,  struck  with  a  quick  sense  of  grief 
and  jealousy,  she  dropped  several  tears  ;  but  hope, 
which  assuages  lovers'  pains,  soon  represented  various 
flattering  images  to  her  mind.  It  suggested  to  her, 
that  perhaps  her  rival  might  not  be  dangerous;  that 
Don  Juan  might  not  be  less  seized  by  her  charms, 
than  amused  by  her  favours,  and  that  it  was  no  hard 
matter  to  get  rid  of  such  feeble  ties.  But  to  enable 
her  to  judge  herself  what  she  ought  to  believe  of  the 
Toledan,  she  was  resolved  to  spe.ik  with  him  in 
private.  She  sent  for  him,  he  came  ;  and  when  they 
were  alone,  Donna  Theodora  thus  began  : 

'^  I  never  thought  that  love  could  make  a  well-bred 
man  forget  the  complaisance  due  to  the  ladies  j  and 


2o8  ASM  ODE  US:  OR, 

yet,  Don  Juan,  since  you  have  been  in  love,  you  avoid 
my  house,  for  which  I  think  I  have  reason  to  com- 
plain ;  but  I  am  yet  willing  to  believe  that  it  is  not  of 
your  own  accord  that  you  fly  me ;  perhaps  your  lady 
may  have  forbid  you  seeing  me.  Confess  it  to  me, 
Don  Juan,  and  I  will  excuse  it.  I  know  lovers' 
actions  are  not  free ;  they  dare  not  disobey  their 
mistresses." — "  Madam,"  answered  the  Toledan,  "  I 
grant  that  my  conduct  ought  to  surprise  you ;  but  let 
me  beg  of  you  not  to  put  me  to  justify  it.  Satisfy 
yourself  with  knowing  that  I  have  reason  to  avoid 
you." — "  Whatever  that  reason  may  be,"  replied 
Donna  Theodora,  with  the  utmost  emotion,  "  I  insist 
upon  it  you  tell  me." — "Well,  madam,"  replied  Don 
Juan,  "you  must  be  obeyed  ;  but  I  shall  not  pity  you 
if  you  hear  more  than  you  desire  to  know. 

"  Don  Fadrique,"  adds  he,  "  has  related  to  you  the 
adventure  which  obliged  me  to  quit  Castile.  In  my 
travelling  to  Toledo,  with  a  heart  full  of  resentment 
against  women,  I  defied  the  whole  sex  ever  to  sur- 
prise me.  With  this  fierce  disposition  I  approached 
Valencia  ;  I  met  you,  and,  what  perhaps  no  other 
man  has  been  able  to  do,  I  sustained  the  first 
sight  of  you  without  being  moved.  I  even  looked 
on  you  again  afterwards  with  impunity;  but,  alas! 
how  dear  I  paid  for  a  few  resolute  days.  You  at 
last  conquered  my  resistance  ;  your  beauty,  wit,  and 
charms  have  exercised  themselves  on  a  rebel.  In  a 
word,  I  have  all  the  love  for  you  which  you  are 
capable  of  inspiring. 

"  This,  madam,  is  what  keeps  me  from  you.  The 
lady  who,  you  were  told,  engrossed  my  thoughts,  is 
but  an  imaginary  one,  and  I  only  feigned  the  making 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  209 

Mendo^a  my  confidant  to  prevent  any  suspicions  I 
m'ght  raise  in  him  by  my  refusal  to  visit  you  along 
with  him." 

This  unexpected  discourse  filled  Donna  Theodora 
with  such  an  extraordinary  joy  that  she  could  not 
help  discovering  it.  It  is  indeed  true  she  did  not 
concern  herself  at  all  to  hide  it ;  but  instead  of  arm- 
ing her  eyes  with  some  sort  of  severity,  looking  on 
the  Toledan  with  a  very  tender  air,  she  said,  "  You 
have  told  me  your  secret,  Don  Juan,  and  I  will  alsa 
discover  mine. 

"Insensible  of  the  sighs  of  Don  Alvaro  Ponce, 
little  moved  at  Mendoga's  flames,  I  led  an  easy  un- 
disturbed life,  when  chance  brought  you  near  the 
wood  where  we  met.  Notwithstanding  the  confusion 
I  was  in,  I  yet  observed  you  offered  me  your  assist- 
ance with  a  very  good  grace  ;  and  the  way  in  which 
you  parted  the  two  furious  rivals  raised  in  me  an  ad- 
vantageous opinion  of  your  valour  and  address.  But 
the  means  you  proposed  to  reconcile  them  displeased 
me.  I  could  not,  without  difficulty,  resolve  on  the 
choice  of  either.  But  not  to  conceal  anything  from 
you,  I  believe  you  had  then  a  small  share  in  my 
repugnance  ;  for  at  the  very  moment  that  my  mouth, 
forced  by  necessity,  named  Don  Fadrique,  I  felt  my 
heart  declare  for  the  unknown  cavalier.  From  that  day 
(which  I  may  call  happy,  since  you  have  owned  your 
passion),  your  merit  augmented  my  value  for  you. 

"  From  you,"  continued  she,  "  I  conceal  no  part  of 
my  thoughts,  but  impart  them  to  you  with  the  same 
frankness  that  I  told  Mendoga  I  did  not  love  him. 
A  woman  who  has  the  misfortune  to  conceive  a  pas- 
sion for  a  person  that  can  never  love  her,  is  in  the 

0 


210  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

riL^lit  to  restrain  herself,  and  at  least  revenge  her 
weakness  by  an  eternal  silence ;  Vjut  I  take  it  for 
granted  that  I  may,  without  scruple,  discover  an  inno- 
cent tenderness  to  a  man  whose  intentions  are  lawful. 
Yes,  I  am  in  raptures  to  find  you  love  me,  and  for 
that  blessing  render  thanks  to  Heaven,  which,  doubt- 
less, destined  us  for  each  other." 

After  these  words  the  lady  remained  silent,  to  give 
Don  Juan  leave  to  speak,  and  room  to  discover  those 
shining  transports  of  joy  and  gratitude  with  which 
she  believed  she  had  inspired  him  ;  but,  instead  oi 
appearing  enchanted  with  what  he  had  heard,  he  was 
profoundly  thoughtful  and  melancholy. 

"What  do  I  see,  Don  Juan.?"  continued  she. 
"  When  to  make  you  a  fortune,  which  another  would 
think  worth  envying,  I  forget  the  pride  of  my  sex, 
and  show  you  a  soul  charmed  with  you,  can  you  resist 
the  joy  such  an  engaging  declaration  ought  to  raise 
in  )'ou  ?  You  remain  in  a  frozen  silence,  nay,  I  see 
even  grief  in  your  eyes.  Ah,  Don  Juan !  what  strange 
effects  have  my  favours  produced  .-' " 

"  Alas !  what  other  effects,  madam,"  interrupting 
her  with  a  melancholy  air,  said  the  Toledan,  "  could 
they  produce  on  a  heart  like  mine?  The  greater 
degrees  of  passion  you  discover  for  me,  so  much 
the  more  miserable  I  am.  You  are  not  ignorant  what 
Mendoga  has  done  for  me,  and  know  the  sacred 
friendship  in  which  we  are  mutually  engaged.  Can  I 
then  found  my  happiness  on  the  ruins  of  his  most 
charming  hopes  ? " — "  You  are  too  nice,"  said  Donna 
Theodora  ;  "  I  never  promised  Don  Fadrique  any- 
thing which  can  obstruct  my  offering  you  my  faith 
without  incurring  his  censure,  and  your  receiving  it 


THE  DEVIL   UPON  TWO  STICKS.  ill 

without  injustice.  I  own  that  the  thoughts  of  an 
unhappy  friend  ought  to  give  you  some  uneasiness ; 
but,  Don  Juan,  can  that  counterbalance  that  happy  fate 
which  attends  you  ?  " 

' '  Yes,  madam, "  replied  he  warmly  :  ' '  such  a  friend  as 
Mendo9a  has  more  power  over  me  than  you  imagine. 
If  you  could  conceive  all  the  tenderness  and  force  of 
our  friendship,  what  a  miserable  object  of  pity  would 
you  find  me !  Should  I  thus  treat  Don  Fadrique, 
who  has  hid  nothing  from  me?  My  interests  are  be- 
come his,  and  the  least  concerns  of  mine  never  escape 
his  vigilant  care ;  to  say  all  in  a  word,  I  share  his  soul 
with  you. 

"Alas  !  had  I  been  destined  to  accept  your  favours, 
you  should  have  shown  them  before  I  had  entered 
into  such  strict  bonds  of  friendship.  Then,  charmed 
with  the  happiness  of  pleasing  you,  I  should  have 
looked  on  Mendo9a  with  no  other  eyes  than  those  of 
a  rival ;  my  heart  guarded  against  the  affection  he  ex- 
pressed for  me,  would  not  have  returned  it,  and  I 
should  not  have  had  those  obligations  I  have  at  present 
to  him.  But,  madam,  it  is  now  too  late  ;  I  have  received 
all  the  services  he  could  render  me  ;  I  have  followed 
the  inclination  I  had  for  him  ;  gratitude  and  affection 
have  tied  me  up  so  close,  and  at  last  reduced  me  to  the 
cruel  necessity  of  renouncing  the  glorous  fortune  which 
you  offer  me." 

Here  Donna  Theodora,  whose  eyes  were  covered 
with  tears  dried  them  up  with  her  handkerchief. 
This  disturbed  the  Toledan  :  he  found  his  resolution 
shaken  and  decaying,  a,nd  could  no  longer  answer  for 
the  consequences.  "Wherefore,"  continued  he,  with 
a   voice    continually   interrupted   with   sighs    "Adieu, 


214  ASMODEUS.  OR, 

madam,  adieu  ;  I  must  fly  to  preserve  my  virtue  ;  I 
cannot  b*ir  your  tears,  the}-  render  you  too  formid- 
able. I  separate  myself  from  you  for  ever,  and  de- 
plore the  loss  of  so  many  charms,  which  my  inexor- 
able friendship  forces  me  to  sacrifice."  These  words 
ended,  he  retired  with  the  poor  remains  of  constancy, 
which  were  not  a  little  difficult  to  retain. 

After  his  departure,  the  widow  Cifuentes  was 
agitated  by  a  thousand  confused  emotions.  She  was 
ashamed  of  having  declared  herself  to  a  man  whom 
she  could  not  keep.  Yet  finding  no  room  to  doubt 
but  his  passion  was  equal  to  hers,  and  that  the 
interest  of  his  friend  alone  was  what  made  him  refuse 
the  hand  she  offered,  she  was  so  just  as  to  admire  so 
very  rare  an  instance  of  friendship,  instead  of  being 
offended  at  it.  Notwithstanding  which,  as  one  can- 
not help  being  afflicted  when  things  do  not  succeed 
as  one  would  have  them,  she  therefore  resolved  for 
the  country  on  the  next  da\',  to  divert  her  melancholy, 
or  rather  to  augment  it ;  for  solitude  naturally  tends 
rather  to  strengthen  than  weaken  love. 

Don  Juan,  on  the  other  side,  not  finding  Mendoga 
in  his  apartment,  locked  himself  up  in  his  own,  aban- 
doning himself  wholly  to  his  grief;  for,  after  what  he 
had  done  for  his  friend,  he  thought  he  might  be 
allowed  at  least  to  sigh.  But  Don  Fadrique  soon 
came  to  interrupt  his  thoughtfulness  ;  and,  concluding 
by  his  face  that  he  was  indisposed,  he  discovered  no 
small  concern;  so  that  Don  Juan,  to  remove  it,  was 
forced  to  assure  him  he  wanted  nothing  but  rest. 
Mendoga  instantly  left  him  to  his  repose,  but  with 
such  an  afflicted  air,  as  more  sensibly  touched  the 
Toledan  with  his  misfortune.     O  Heaven  !  said  he  to 


THE  DEVIL   UPON  TWO  STICKS.  213 

himself,  why  must  the  most  tender  friendship  in  the 
world  occasion  all  the  iiiseiy  of  my  life! 

The  following  day  Don  Fadrique  was  not  yet 
risen,  when  word  was  brought  him  that  Donna 
Theodora  and  her  whole  family  were  gone  to  her 
seat  of  Villa  Real,  from  whence  it  was  not  probable 
vhey  would  soon  return.  This  news  less  disturbed 
him  on  the  pains  he  knew  he  should  suffer  by  the 
distance  of  his  beloved  object,  than  that  her  depar- 
ture was  made  a  secret  to  him.  Without  knowinof 
u  hat  to  think,  he  toolc  it  for  an  ill  presage. 

He  rose  to  visit  his  friend,  as  well  to  talk  with  him 
concerning  it,  as  to  inquire  after  his  health.  But 
having  just  got  dressed,  Don  Juan  entered  his  cham- 
ber, sa}-ing,  "  I  come  myself  to  remove  the  uneasiness 
I  gave  you  ;  I  am  very  well  to-day." — "  That  good 
news,"  answered  Mendo^a,  "  a  little  consoles  me,  after 
the  ill  I  have  received."  The  Toledan  asked  what 
that  was  ;  and  Don  Fadrique,  after  sending  away  his 
servants,  said,  "  Donna  Theodora  is  this  morning  gone 
into  the  countrj^,  where,  it  is  believed,  she  intends  a 
long  stay.  I  am  very  much  surprised  at  it ;  why 
should  she  hide  it  from  me  ?  What  think  you  of 
it,  Don  Juan.'  Have  not  I  reason  to  be  alarmed 
at  it?" 

Zarate  carefully  avoided  telling  him  his  real  senti- 
ments, and  endeavoured  to  persuade  him  that  Donna 
Theodora  miglit  go  out  of  town,  without  giving  any 
reason  for  his  fears.  But  Mendoga,  very  little  satis- 
fied with  the  reasons  which  his  friend  gave  to  hearten 
him,  interrupted  him.  "All  this  discourse,"  said  he, 
** cannot  remove  the  jealousy  I  have  conceived. 
Perhaps   I    may  imprudently   have   done   sonictliing 


214  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

which  may  have  displeased  Donna  Theodora,  and 
to  punish  it,  she  leaves  me  without  condescending  so 
far  as  to  let  me  know  my  crime. 

"However  it  is,  I  cannot  live  in  this  uncertain 
condition ;  Don  Juan,  let  us  follow  her,  my  horses 
shall  be  read)'  instantly," — "  I  advise  you,"  said  the 
Toledan,  "  not  to  take  anybody  with  you.  This 
explanation  of  her  conduct  ought  to  be  without 
witnesses." — "Don  Juan  will  not  be  accounted  more 
than  proper,"  replied  Don  Fadrique  ;  "Donna  Theo- 
dora is  not  ignorant  that  you  know  all  that  passes 
in  my  heart.  She  values  you  ;  and  far  from  being 
an  obstacle,  you  will  be  assisting  in  the  appeasing 
her  in  my  favour," 

"No,  Don  Fadrique,"  replied  he,  "my  presence 
cannot  be  serviceable  to  you ;  I  therefore  conjure 
you  to  go  alone." — "No,  dear  Don  Juan,"  returned 
Mendoga,  "  we  will  go  together ;  I  expect  this  com- 
plaisance from  your  friendship." — "  How  tyrannical 
is  that!"  cried  the  Toledan,  with  an  air  of  grief; 
"  why  do  you  exact  from  my  friendship  what  it  ought 
not  to  grant  you  .'' " 

These  words,  which  Don  Fadrique  did  not  ccynpre- 
hend,  and  the  warmth  with  which  they  were  uttered, 
strangely  surprised  him.  He  looked  very  intently 
on  his  friend.  "Don  Juan,"  said  he,  "what  is  the 
meaning  of  these  words  I  have  just  heard  ^  What 
horrid  suspicions  rise  in  my  mind !  Ah,  you  too 
much  afflict  me  by  your  too  great  constraint !  Speak, 
what  is  the  cause  of  the  unwillingness  to  go  along 
with  me,  which  you  expressed  t  " 

"I  would  willingly  hide  it  from  you,"  answered 
the  Toledan :   "  but  since  you  yourself  force  me  to 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  215 

discover  it,  I  must  no  longer  conceal  it.  Let  us 
never  more,  Don  Fadrique,  applaud  the  sympathy 
of  our  affections  ;  it  is  but  too  perfect.  The  beauty 
which  has  wounded  you,  has  not  spared  your  friend. 

Donna  Theodora "' "  You  will  then  be  my  rival!" 

interrupted  Mendoga,  turning  pale.  "  Ever  since  I 
discerned  my  love,"  returned  Don  Juan,  "  I  have 
struggled  against  it.  I  have  continually  avoided 
the  sight  of  the  widow  Cifuentes;  you  know  it,  and 
}'ourself  have  blamed  me  for  it.  I  triumphed  at  least 
over  my  passion,  though  I  could  not  destroy  it. 

"But  yesterday  that  lady  sent  to  acquaint  me, 
that  she  desired  to  speak  with  me  at  her  house.  I 
went;  she  asked  why  I  seemed  to  avoid  her.  At 
last  I  was  forced  to  discover  the  true  cause;  believ- 
ing, that  after  that  declaration  she  would  approve  my 
intention  of  always  flying  the  sight  of  her;  but  by  a 
fantastical  turn  of  my  ill  stars — shall  I  tell  you  ? 
Yes,  Mendoga,  I  must  tell  you,  I  found  Donna 
Theodora  strongly  prepossessed  with  a  passion  for 
me." 

Though  Don  Fadrique  was  the  best-natured  and 
most  reasonable  man  in  the  world,  he  was  seized  with 
a  fit  of  r;ige  at  these  words  ;  and  here  interrupting  his 
friend,  "  Hold,  Don  Juan,"  said  he,  "  rather  pierce  my 
breast  than  pursue  this  fatal  recital.  You  are  not 
contented  with  owning  )'Ourself  my  rival,  but  also  in- 
form methatshe  loves  you.  Just  Heaven  !  what  is  it 
tliat  }-ou  venture  to  impart  to  me?  You  putourfriend- 
'^hip  to  too  severe  a  trial.  But  why  do  I  say  our 
friendsh  }•  .•'  you  have  long  since  violated  it,  by  en- 
couraging the  perfidious  sentiments  you  have  now 
declared  to  me. 


r>i6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"How  much  was  I  mistaken  1  I  thought  you 
master  of  a  generous,  great  soul,  but  find  you  a  faith- 
less friend,  since  you  can  entertain  a  passion  which 
wounds  me ;  I  am  sinking  under  this  unexpected 
blow,  which  I  feel  the  heavier  for  being  given  by  a 

hand" "In  the   name  of   God,   do   me   more 

justice,  Mendoga,"  interrupted  the  Toledan  in  his 
turn,  "  and  allow  yourself  a  moment's  patience  :  I  am 
not  a  false  friend:  hear  me,  and  you  will  repent  call- 
ing me  by  that  odious  name." 

He  then  related  what  had  passed  between  the 
widow  Cifuentes  and  him  ;  the  tender  owning  of  her 
passion,  and  the  persuasions  she  used  to  engage  him 
to  yield  without  scruple  to  his  love.  He  repeated  his 
answer;  and,  as  he  advanced  in  the  relation  of  what 
a  firm  resolution  he  discovered,  by  the  same  degrees 
Don  Fadrique  perceived  his  anger  to  wear  off".  "  At 
last,"  adds  Don  Juan,  "  friendship  carried  it  from  love, 
and  I  refused  to  give  my  faith  to  Donna  Theodora. 
Sne  wept  in  angry  despite  ;  but,  great  God  !  what  a 
storm  did  her  tears  raise  in  my  soul !  I  can  never  re- 
member them  without  trembling  afresh  at  the  danger 
I  ran.  I  began  to  believe  myself  barbarous  ;  and  for 
some  moments,  Mendoga,  my  heart  became  unfaith- 
ful to  you.  I  did  not,  however,  yield  to  my  weakness, 
but  escaped  those  dangerous  tears  by  a  hasty  flight. 
But  it  is  not  enough  to  have  avoided  this  danger,  it 
ought  to  be  feared  for  the  future;  I  must  hasten  my 
i^ieparture.  I  will  no  more  expose  myself  to  Theo- 
dora's eyes.  After  all  this,  will  Don  Fadrique  any 
more  accuse  me  of  ingratitude  and  perfidious- 
ness  ? " 

"No,"  replied  Mendoga,  embracing  him,  "I  return 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  217 

you  all  your  innocence  ;  my  eyes  are  open ;  pardon 
my  unjust  reproaches,  and  impute  them  to  the  first 
transport  of  a  lover  who  had  lost  all  his  hopes.  Alas  ! 
dught  I  to  think  that  Donna  Theodora  could  see  you 
long  without  loving  you,  and  yielding  to  those  charms 
whose  power  I  myself  have  tried  !  You  are  a  true 
friend  ;  I  will  no  more  charge  my  misery  on  anything 
but  fortune;  and  far  from  hating  you,  I  feel  my 
tenderness  for  you  increase  each  minute.  Can  you 
renounce  the  possession  of  Donna  Theodora  !  Can 
you  offer  up  to  friendship  such  a  sacrifice;  and  must 
not  I  be  touched  with  it !  Can  you  conquer  j'our  love, 
and  shall  not  I  make  an  effort  to  restrain  mine !  I 
ought  to  equal  you  in  generosity.  Don  Juan,  follow 
the  inclination  which  draws  you  ;  marry  the  widow 
Cifuentes;  let  my  heart,  if  it  will,  sigh.  Mendoga 
begs  it  of  you." 

"You  press  me  in  vain,"  replied  the  Toledan  ;  "I 
confess  I  have  a  violent  passion  for  her;  but  your 
repose  is  dearer  to  me  than  my  own  happiness." — 
"Ought,  then,"  answered  Don  Fadrique,  "Donna 
Theodora's  repose  to  be  indifferent  ?  Let  us  not 
flatter  ourselves;  the  inclination  she  has  for  you  de- 
cides my  fate  Though  you  should  remove  yourself, 
though,  to  yield  her  to  me,^  you  should  spend  a  de- 
plorable life  in  far-distant  countries,  I  should  never  be 
the  better  for  it ;  since,  as  she  never  yet  was  pleased 
with  me,  she  never  will.  Heaven  has  reserved  her  for 
you  alone ;  she  loved  you  from  the  first  moment  she 
saw  A'ou ;  in  a  word,  she  cannot  be  happy  without 
you.  Accept,  then,  the  hand  which  she  offers, 
accompli-h  her  and  your  own  desires,  leave  me 
to    my    id   lortunei    and    do   not    make    all    three 


2l8  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

miserable,  when  one  may  exhaust  all  the  rigour  of 
destiny." 

Asmodeus  was  here  obliged  to  interrupt  his  dis- 
course, to  hearken  to  the  student,  who  said,  "  What 
}'ou  tell  me  is  surprising;  are  there  really  any  people 
in  the  world  of  this  extraordinary  character?  I  see 
no  friends  in  the  world  who  do  not  quarrel,  I  do  not 
say  for  such  mistresses  as  Theodora,  but  even  for 
errant  jills.  Can  a  lover  renounce  the  object  he 
adores,  and  by  whom  he  is  beloved,  for  the  sake  of  a 
friend  ?  I  never  thought  that  possible  but  in  a  ro- 
mance :  the  nature  of  which  is  to  give  us  men  as  they 
ought  to  be,  not  as  they  are." — "  I  agree  with  you," 
answered  the  devil,  "it  is  very  uncommon;  but  it  is 
not  only  to  be  found  in  romances,  but  in  the  sublime 
nature  ot  man,  and  that  since  the  deluge,  in  which 
compass  I  have  known  two  instances  of  it  besides 
this.     But  to  return  to  our  stor\'. 

The  two  friends  continued  to  sacrifice  their  passion  ; 
and  the  one  resolving  not  to  yield  in  point  of  gene- 
rosity to  the  other, -their  amorous  sentiments  remained 
suspended  for  some  days.  They  ceased  to  speak  of 
Donna  Theodora  ;  they  durst  not  mention  her  name. 
But  whilst  friendship  thus  triumphed  over  love  in  the 
city  of  Valencia;  love,  as  though  he  would  revenge 
himself,  reigned  at  another  place  with  a  tyrannic  sway, 
and  forced  an  absolute  obedience,  without  the  least 
resistance. 

Donna  Theodora  abandoned  herself  to  that  tender 
passion  at  her  seat  of  Villa  Real,  situate  near  the 
sea ;  sh.e  incessantly  thought  of  Don  Juan,  and 
could  not  but  hope  she  should  marry  him,  though 
she   had    no   reason   to   expect    it,   after   the    rigid 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  219 

sentiments  of  friendship  for  Don  Fadrique  which 
he  discovered. 

One  day,  after  sunset,  as  she  was  walking  on  the 
seaside  with  one  of  her  women,  she  perceived  a 
small  shallop  just  got  to  shore.  At  first  sight  there 
seemed  to  be  on  board  seven  or  eight  very  ill-looking 
fellows ;  but  after  having  looked  on  them  nearer, 
and  observed  them  with  more  attention,  she  con- 
cluded that  she  had  mistaken  masks  for  faces; 
accordingly  they  were  really  masked,  and  armed 
with  swords  and  bayonets. 

She  trembled  at  their  frightful  aspects,  and  from 
thence  fearing  that  the  descent  which  they  were 
going  to  make  boded  no  good,  she  returned  hastily 
towards  her  house.  She  looked  back  from  time 
to  time  to  observe  them,  and  perceiving  that  they 
were  landed,  and  began  to  pursue  her,  she  ran  as 
fast  as  she  could  ;  but  not  being  so  nimble-footed 
as  Atalanta,  and  the  masked  men  being  strong  and 
swift,  tliey  overtook  her  at  her  own  door,  and  there 
seized  her. 

The  lady  and  her  woman  shrieked  out  so  loud, 
that  they  drew  some  of  the  domestics  thither,  who 
alarmed  the  whole  house,  and  all  Donna  Theodora's 
footmen  ran  thither,  armed  with  forks  and  clubs. 
Whilst  two  of  the  lustiest  of  the  masked  gang,  after 
having  seized  in  their  arms  the  mistress  and  the 
maid,  carried  them  to  the  shallop,  maugrc  all  their 
resistance,  the  remainder  made  head  .i-amst  the 
family,  who  began  to  press  very  hard  upon  them. 
The  fight  was  long;  but  at  last  the  m  skers  suc- 
ceeded in  their  enterprise,  and  regained  their  shallop, 
fighting  as  they  retreated.     It  was   now  time  they 


220  ASMODEUS :  OR, 

should  retire  ;  for  they  were  not  embarked  before  they 
saw  coming  from  the  Valencia  road  four  or  five  cava- 
liers, who  rode  full  speed  that  way,  and  seemed  to  fly  to 
the  relief  of  Donna  Theodora.  At  this  sight  they  made 
so  much  haste  to  get  out  to  sea,  that  all  the  cavaliers' 
endeavours  were  in  vain. 

These  cavaliers  were  Don  Fadrique  and  Don  Juan. 
The  first  of  them  had  received  a  letter,  by  M^hich  he 
was  advised,  that  it  v^as  reported  by  good  hands 
that  Don  Alvaro  Ponce  was  at  the  isle  of  Majorca  ; 
that  he  had  equipped  a  sort  of  tartan,  and,  assisted 
by  twenty  men  of  desperate  fortunes,  had  designed 
to  seize  and  carry  off  the  widow  Cifuentes  the  first 
time  she  should  be'  at  her  country-seat.  On  this 
news  the  Toledan  and  he,  with  their  valets-de- 
chambre,  instantly  set  out  to  acquaint  Donna  Theo- 
dora with  this  news.  At  a  good  distance  they  ob- 
served a  very  great  number  of  people  on  the  sea- 
shore, who  seemed  engaged  against  one  another ; 
and  not  doubting  but  that  it  was  as  they  feared, 
they  spurred  on  their  horses  full  speed  to  oppose 
Don  Alvaro's  project.  But  whatever  haste  they 
could  make,  they  arrived  only  soon  enough  to  be 
witnesses  of  the  rape,  which  they  designed  to  have 
prevented. 

In  the  meantime  Alvaro  Ponce,  trusting  to  the 
success  of  his  audacious  attempt,  made  off  from  the 
coast  with  his  prey  ;  and  his  shallop  reached  a  small 
armed  vessel,  which  expected  him  out  at  sea.  It  is 
not  possible  to  be  sensible  of  a  greater  sorrow  than 
that  which  Mendoca  and  Don  Juan  felt.  They  poured 
out  a  thousand  imprecations  against  the  ravisher,  and 
filled   the  air  with  complaints  as   lamentable  as  vaiu. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  221 

All  the  domestics  of  Donna  Theodora,  animated  by- 
such  excellent  examples,  did  not  spare  their  tears. 
The  shore  resounded  with  mournful  cries :  rage, 
despair,  and  desolation  reigned  on  the  melancholy 
strand  ;  nor  did  the  rape  of  Helen  occasion  a  greater 
consternation  in  the  Spartan  court. 


222  AS  MODE  US:  OR, 


CHAPTER  XV. 

OF  THE}  BROIL  BETWIXT  A   TRAGIC  AND  COMIC  AUTHOR. 

Here  the  student  could  not  help  interrupting  the  devil  : 
"Signer  Asmodeus,"  said  he,  "though  the  story  you 
are  telling  is  extremely  moving,  yet  I  am  iiot  able  to 
resist  my  earnest  desire  to  know  the  meaning  of  what  I 
there  see.  I  discern  two  men  in  their  shirts  in  a  cham- 
ber, pulling  and  tearing  each  other  by  the  throat  and 
hair,  and  several  men  in  their  night-gowns  endeavour- 
ing to  part  them.  Pray  tell  me  what  all  that  bustle 
means."  The  devil,  who  endeavoured  to  oblige  him  in 
everything,  without  delay  satisfied  his  request  in  the 
following  manner: — 

"Those  persons  whom  you  see  fighting  in  their 
shirts  are  two  French  authors ;  and  those  who  are 
parting  them  are  two  Germans,  a  Dutchman,  and  an 
Italian,  lodged  all  in  the  same  inn,  which  is  fre- 
quented by  none  but  foreigners.  One  of  these 
authors  writes  tragedies,  and  the  other  comedies. 
The  first,  upon  some  disgust  he  met  with  in  France, 
crowded  himself  into  the  French  ambassador's  re- 
tinue ;  and  the  other,  discontented  with  his  circum- 
stances at  Paris,  came  to  Madrid  in  quest  of  a  better 
fortune. 

"The  tragic   writer  is  a   vain    insolent   fellow,  who, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS  223 

in  spite  of  the  most  sensible  part  of  the  public,  has 
gained  a  great  name  in  his  own  country.  To  keep 
his  muse  in  breath,  he  writes  every  day.  Not  being 
able  to  sleep  this  night,  he  began  a  play  whose  plot 
is  taken  from  Homer's  Iliad.  He  has  finished  but 
one  scene  ;  and  his  least  fault  being  that  of  the  rest 
of  the  poets,  an  impertinent  inclination  to  pester  other 
people  with  their  performances,  he  rises,  snatches  up 
his  candle,  and  in  his  shirt  knocks  very  hard  at  the 
chamber-door  of  the  comic  author;  who,  making  a 
better  use  of  his  time,  was  got  into  a  sound  sleep ; 
but  soon  waking  at  the  noise,  he  opened  the  door  to 
the  other,  who  said,  entering  the  room  like  a  man 
possessed,  'Fall  down,  my  friend,  fall  at  my  feet,  and 
adore  a  genius  which  Melpomene  has  honoured.  I 
have  just  brought  forth  some  verses, — but  why  do  I 
say  I  have  just  done  it?  It  is  Apollo  himself  that 
dictated  them  to  me.  If  I  were  at  Paris,  I  would 
this  day  read  them  from  house  to  house,  and  I  wait 
only  for  daylight  to  charm  Moncieur  the  ambassador, 
and  all  the  French  at  Madrid,  with  them.  But  before 
I  show  them  to  anybody,  I  will  repeat  them  to  you.' 
"'I  thank  you  for  the  preference,'  answered  the 
comic  author,  with  a  powerful  A'awn;  '  but  the  worst  of 
it  is,  that  you  have  chosen  an  unseasonable  time  ;  for  I 
went  to  bed  so  late,  that  I  am  overpowered  by  sleep, 
and  so  cannot  promise  to  hear  all  the  verses  }'ou  have 
to  repeat,  without  nodding.' — 'Oh,  I  will  answer  for 
that,'  replied  the  tragic  author ;  '  though  you  were 
d\  ing,  the  scene  which  I  have  just  now  written  would 
revive  you.  My  versification  is  not  a  rhapsody  of 
stale,  common  thoughts  and  trivial  expressions,  sup- 
ported  barely  by  'rhyme;  it   is  a  noble,  masculine 


224  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

poem,  which  moves  the  heart  and  strikes  the  intel- 
lect. I  am  none  of  those  poetasters  whose  wretched 
modern  compositions  pass  over  the  stage  like  so  many 
ghosts,  and  then  go  to  Utica  to  divert  the  Africans. 
My  pieces,  worthy  to  be  consecrated  with  my  statue 
in  the  library  of  Apollo  Palatinus,  are  crowded  tlie 
thirtieth  night.  But  let  us,'  added  our  modest  poet, 
come  to  the  verses  I  intend  to  give  you  a  sample  of. 

"'This  is  my  tragedy,  The  Death  of  Patroclus. 
Scene  the  first.  Briseis  and  other  of  Achilles's 
captives  appear  tearing  their  hair,  and  beating  their 
breasts,  to  express  their  grief  for  the  death  of  Pat- 
roclus. Wholly  unable  to  support  themselves,  being 
utterly  dispirited  by  despair,  they  fall  down  on  the 
stage.  This,  you  will  say,  is  striking  a  bold  stroke; 
but  it  is  what  I  aim  at.  Let  your  little  geniuses  keep 
within  the  bounds  of  imitation,  without  daring  to  go 
an  inch  out  of  the  common  road.  With  all  my  heart. 
Their  fearfulness  is  prudence.  As  fur  me,  I  love 
novelty,  and,  in  my  opinion,  in  order  to  move  and 
transport  spectators,  one  must  present  them  with  new 
unexpected  incidents. 

"  '  Well,  then,  the  captives  are  upon  the  ground  ; 
Phoenix,  Achilles's  governor,  is  with  them,  to  help 
them  one  after  another  to  rise,  and  then  opens  the 
drama  with  these  lines  : 

'  Priam  shall  lose  his  Hector  and  his  Troy  ; 
Achilles,  to  reveni^e  his  friend,  prepares  : 
See  glittering  through  the  air,  on  every  side, 
Pikes,  lances,  helmets,  cuirasses,  and  darts. 
The  rattling  hail  in  less  abundance  pours. 
The  Greeks  all  swear  t'  appease  Patroclus'  ghost, 
Fierce  Agamemnon,  and  divine  Camelus, 
Old  honour'd  Nestor,  equal  to  the  gods, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  22$ 

Leontes,  dexterous  at  the  managed  spear, 

Strong  Diomede,  and  silver-tongued  Ulysses, 

And  see  !  Achilles  comes — godlike  he  drives 

His  steeds  immortal  towards  Troy's  proud  walls, 

And  leaves  the  distanced  winds  far  off  behind  ; 

Then  thus  he  shouting  cries — "O  vig'rous  race,* 

Podargus,  Xanthus,  Balms,  quick  advance  I 

And  when  with  spoil  and  carnage  we  are  tired, 

Haste  to  regain  our  camp, — but  not  without  your  master," 

Fleet  Xanthus  bows  his  neck,  and  thus  replies. 

For  Juno  gave  him  speech —  "  Achilles,  know, 

Your  faithful  horses  shall  your  will  obey  ; 

But  your  dark  hour  of  fate  is  drawing  near." 

He  spoke — and  now  the  winged  chariot  flies. 

The  exulting  Greeks  behold,  and,  shouting  loud, 

With  sounds  of  joy  shake  all  th'  adjacent  coast. 

Dressed  in  Vulcanian  arms  the  conqu'ring  prince 

Appears  more  glittering  than  the  morning  star, 

Or  than  the  sun  commencing  his  career, 

When  he  moves  on  to  bless  the  world  with  day  ; 

He  flames  like  fires,  which  on  some  mountain-top 

Are  made  at  night  by  the  rejoicing  swains. 

*"  I  stop  here,'  continued  the  tragic  author,  'to  give 
you  a  moment's  breathing;  for  if  I  should  repeat  the 
whole  scene  at  once,  the  too  great  multiplicity  of 
shining  passages  and  sublime  thoughts  would  over- 
come you.  Observe  the  beauty  and  justice  of  that 
comparison,  "  As  bright  as  fires  made  on  the  top  of  a 
mountain  at  night."  Everybody  will  not  discern  it : 
but  }'Ou,  who  have  wit  and  just  sense  ;  you,  I  sa}-, 
ought  to  be  ravished  with  it.' — '  I  am,  doubtless,' 
answered  the  comic  poet,  with  a  malicious  smile  ; 
'  nothing  is  so  fine,  and  I  hope  you  will  not  forget,  in 
your  tragedy,  the  care  which  Thetis  took  to  drive  away 
the  flies  from  Patroclus's  bod\-.' — '  Do  not  think  to 
make  a  jest  of  it,'  replied  the  tragic  poet.     'A  skilful 

•-Horn.  Iliad,  lib.  19. 

P 


i26  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

writer  may  venture  anything.  That  passage  perhaps 
of  the  whole  piece  is  capable  of  affording  the  finest 
verses,  and  I  assure  you  I  shall  not  miscarry  in  it. 

" '  All  my  works,'  added  he,  '  as  you  see,  are 
stamped  with  the  image  of  venerable  antiquity;  and 
when  I  read  them,  observe  how  they  are  applauded  ! 
I  stop  at  every  verse  to  receive  their  due  praise.  I 
remember,  I  one  day  read  a  tragedy  in  a  house  at 
Paris,  where  the  beaux-esprits  go  at  dinner-time,  and 
where,  without  vanity,  I  do  not  pass  for  a  Pradon. 
The  old  Countess  of  Villebrune  was  there,  who  has 
an  admirable  and  nice  taste.  I  am  her  favourite  poet : 
she  wept  heartily  at  the  first  scene ;  called  for  a  fresh 
handkerchief  at  the  second  act  ;  did  nothing  but  sob 
at  the  third  ;  grew  sick  at  the  fourth  ;  and  at  the 
catastrophe  I  thought  she  would  have  expired  with 
the  hero  of  the  piece.' 

"  At  these  words  the  merry  comic  author,  however 
desirous  to  keep  his  gravity,  could  not  contain  from 
bursting  into  a  laugh.  'Ay,'  said  he,  'I  very  well 
remember  that  countess's  humour :  she  is  a  woman 
who  cannot  bear  comedy  ;  she  has  such  an  utter  aver- 
sion for  it,  that  she  runs  out  of  the  box  as  soon  as 
the  music  has  done,  to  vent  all  her  grief.  Tragedy  is 
her  favourite  passion  ;  let  the  play  be  good  or  bad, 
provided  there  be  unhappy  lovers  in  it,  you  are  sure 
of  that  lady's  company;  and,  to  be  free  with  you,  if 
I  wrote  serious  poems,  I  should  be  glad  of  other 
applauders  than  her  ladyship.' 

"  '  Oh,  I  have  others  also,'  said  the  tragic  poet :  '  I 
have  the  approbation  of  a  thousand  persons  of  quality 
of  both  sexes.' — '  I  should  very  much  mistrust  the 
applause  of  such  people,'  interrupted  the  comic  writer. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  227 

*I  should  be  very  cautious  of  standing  by  their  judg- 
ments ;  and  I  will  tell  you  why  :  such  sort  of  spectators 
are  generally  absent  while  a  piece  is  reading,  and  are 
taken  by  the  beauty  of  a  verse  or  fine  sentiment. 
This  is  enough  to  challenge  their  commendation  of 
a  whole  work,  otherwise  very  imperfect.  On  the 
other  hand,  a  few  flat  hard  verses  shock  them,  and 
there  needs  no  more  to  make  them  pass  condemna- 
tion upon  an  excellent  piece.' 

"  '  Well  then/  replied  the  grave  auther,  '  since  you 
would  have  me  distrust  such  judges,  I  trust  them  to 
the  applause  of  the  pit.' — '  Pray,  if  }'Ou  please,'  replied 
the  other,  '  do  not  talk  to  me  of  your  pit ;  they  are  too 
fantastical  in  their  decisions;  they  are  sometimes  so 
grossly  mistaken  at  the  playing  of  new  pieces,  that 
they  shall  continue,  for  two  whole  months  together, 
enchanted  with  a  bad  play.  Indeed,  when  it  comes 
out,  their  eyes  are  opened,  and  the  author  is  damned 
after  such  success.' 

"  *  That  is  a  misfortune  I  am  in  no  danger  of,'  said 
the  tragic  writer ;  *  my  works  are  printed  as  often  as 
played.  I  own,  indeed,  it  is  not  so  as  to  comedies, 
they  being  but   trifles,  wretched,  feeble  productions 

of  wit ' '  Not  so  fast,  good  sir,'  interrupted  the 

other  author,  '  stop  a  little,  if  you  please ;  you  do  not 
see  you  grow  warm.  I  beseech  you  speak  of  comcd) 
with  a  little  less  contempt.  Do  you  believe  a  comic 
piece  less  difficult  to  write  than  a  tragedy;  or  that  it 
is  easier  to  make  well-bred  people  laugh  than  cry  .' 
Undeceive  yourself,  and  be  assured  that  an  inge- 
nious subject,  which  turns  on  the  manners  of  men, 
does  not  cost  less  pains  than  the  finest  heroic  poem. 

"'Egad,'  said  the  tragic  poet,  with  an  air  of  rail- 


228  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

lery,  '  I  am  surprised  to  hear  you  express  yourseli 
thus  :  but,  Monsieur  Calidas,  to  avoid  all  dispute,  I 
will  for  the  future  like  your  works,  though  I  have 
hitherto  despised  them.' — 'I  do  not  value  your 
contempt,  Monsieur  Giblet,'  hastily  returned  the 
comic  author;  'and,  to  answer  your  insolent  airs,  I 
will  now  tell  you,  in  my  turn,  what  I  think  of  the 
verses  you  have  just  recited.  They  are  ridiculous, 
and  the  thoughts,  though  tjiken  out  of  Homer,  are 
nevertheless  flat.  Achilles  talks  to  his  horses,  and 
his  horses  answer  him  ;  that  is  a  mean  low  image, 
as  well  as  the  comparison  of  the  fire  the  peasants 
make  on  a  mountain.  To  pillage  the  ancients  in  this 
manner,  is  not  to  do  them  an}^  honour.  They,  indeed, 
abound  with  admirable  beauties  ;  but  more  sense  and 
a  better  taste  than  you  have,  are  requisite  to  make 
a  happy  choice  of  what  ought  to  be  borrowed  from 
thc.i.' 

" '  Since  your  genius  is  not  sufficiently  elevated,' 
replied  Giblet,  'to  discern  the  beauties  of  my  poem, 
and  to  punish  your  rashness  in  presuming  to  criticise 
on  my  scene,  you  shall  not  hear  a  line  more  of  it.' — 
'  I  have  been  too  severely  punished,'  returned  Calidas, 
'in  hearing  the  beginning.  It  becomes  you,  indeed, 
very  well  to  despise  my  comedies !  Know  then,  that 
the  very  worst  I  could  ever  write  will  always  appear 
far  superior  to  your  best  pieces.  Assure  yourself,  it 
is  much  easier  to  take  a  fl.ight,  and  soar  on  lofty 
subjects,  than  to  hit  upon  a  delicate  nice  raillery.' 

" '  Thanks  to  my  stars,'  said  the  serious  writer  dis- 
dainfully, '  if  I  have  the  misfortune  not  to  be  approved 
vi  by  you,  I  ought  to  be  very  easy  under  it.  The 
court  thinks  more  favourably  of  me  than  you;  and 


THn  DEVIL  VrON  TWO  STICKS.  229 

the  pension  it  vouchsafed  ' — '  Do  not  think  to 

dazzle  me  with  your  court  pensions,'  interrupted 
Calidas  ;  '  I  know  too  well  how  they  are  obtained,  to 
value  your  works  at  all  the  more  for  that:  and  to 
prove  that  I  am  convinced  it  is  easier  to  write  trage- 
dies, when  I  return  to  France,  if  I  do  not  succeed  in 
comedies,  I  will  descend  to  the  writing  of  tragedy.' 

" '  For  a  farce-scribbler,'  interrupted  the  grave 
author,  '  you  have  indeed  a  great  deal  of  vanity.' — 
'  For  a  most  wretched  versifier,'  said  the  comic  author, 
'you  have  really  an  extravagant  opinion  of  yourself.' 
— '  You  are  an  insolent  fellow,'  replied  the  other  ;  '  I 
tell  you,  diminutive  Monsieur  Calidas,  if  I  was  not 
in  your  chamber,  the  catastrophe  of  this  adventure 
should  teach  you  how  to  respect  the  buskin.' — 'Oh, 
let  not  that  consideration  withhold  you,  great  Monsieur 
Giblet,'  answered  Calidas;  'if  you  have  a  mind  to  fight, 
I  will  engage  you  here  as  readily  as  anywhere  else.' 

"At  these  words  they  tore  one  another  by  the 
throat  and  hair,  and  both  boxed  very  warmly  with- 
out sparing  each  other.  An  Italian,  who  lay  in  the 
next  room,  heard  the  whole  dialogue,  and  by  the 
noise  of  the  blows  concluded  they  were  fighting;  he 
then  rose,  and,  though  an  Italian,  out  of  compassion 
for  them,  called  up  the  house.  A  Dutchman  and 
two  Germans,  whom  you  see  in  morning-gowns,  came 
along  with  the  Italian  to  part  the  combatants." 

"  This  is  a  very  pleasant  fray,"  said  Don  Cleofas ; 
"  but  by  what  I  see,  it  is  plain  that  the  tragic  authors 
in  France  think  themselves  much  more  considerable 
men  than  those  who  write  comedy." — "  Undoubt- 
edly," answered  Asmodeus ;  "the  former  suppose 
themselves  as  much  above  the  latter,  as  the  heroes 


230  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

of  their  tragedies  are  above  the  footmen  in  the  comic 
play." — "  Upon  what  pretence  can  they  found  their 
arrogance  ? "  replied  the  student ;  "  is  it  that  it  is 
more  difhcult  to  write  a  tragedy  than  a  comedy  ? " — 
"  Your  question,"  answered  the  devil,  "  has  been  a 
hundred  times  debated,  and  is  still  every  day.  My 
decision  of  it,  without  offence  to  such  of  mankind 
who  are  of  a  different  sentiment,  is  this:  that  to  form 
an  excellent  plot  for  a  comedy  does  not  require  a 
less  effort  of  genius  than  to  lay  the  finest  plan  in  the 
world  for  a  tragedy  ;  for  if  the  latter  were  the  more 
difficult,  we  must  then  conclude,  that  a  writer  of 
tragedies  would  be  more  capable  of  making  a  comedy 
than  the  best  comic  author,  which  would  not  agree 
with  experience.  These  two  sorts  of  poems  then 
require  a  different  genius,  but  equal  skill. 

"  Let  us  end  this  digression,"  continued  the  devil, 
"and  I  will  resume  the  thread  of  my  story,  which  you 
interrupted." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  231 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

TffE  CONTINUATION  AND  CONCLUSION  OF  THE  STORY  OF 
THE  POWER   OF  FRIENDSHIP. 

Though  Donna  Theodora's  servants  could  not 
hinder  her  being  forced  away,  they  yet  courageously 
opposed  it,  and  their  resistance  was  fatal  to  some  of 
Alvaro's  men  ;  amongst  others  they  wounded  one  so 
dangerously,  that,  unable  to  follow  his  comrades,  he 
remained  almost  dead  on  the  sand. 

This  unfortunate  wretch  was  known  to  be  one  of 
Alvaro's  footmen  ;  and  Donna  Theodora's  servants, 
perceiving  that  he  yet  breathed,  carried  him  to  her 
house,  where  they  spared  nothing  that  could  con- 
tribute to  the  recovery  of  his  spirits  ;  and  they  gained 
their  end,  though  the  great  quantity  of  blood  which 
he  had  lost  rendered  him  extremely  feeble.  To 
engage  him  to  speak,  they  promised  to  secure  his 
life,  and  not  to  deliver  him  up  to  the  severity  of  jus- 
tice, provided  he  would  tell  where  his  master  designed 
to  carry  Donna  Theodora. 

Flattered  by  this  promise,  though  in  his  condition 
there  appeared  but  small  hopes  of  his  ever  taking 
\he  benefit  of  it,  he  collected  his  little  remainder  of 
strength,  and,  in  a  very  feeble  tone,  confirmed  the 
advice  which  Don  Faarique  had  before  received  \  and 


232  ASMODBUS:  Ok, 

added,  that  Don  Alvaro's  design  was  to  carry  the 
widow  Cifuentes  to  Sassari,  in  the  island  of  Sardinia, 
where  he  had  a  relation  whose  interest  and  authority 
were  very  great,  and  who  he  knew  would  certainly 
protect  him. 

This  confession  somewhat  abated  the  despair  of 
Mendo^a  and  the  Toledan.  They  left  the  wounded 
man  in  the  house,  where  he  died  some  hours  after, 
and,  returning  to  Valencia,  consulted  what  measures 
to  take.  They  resolved  to  pursue  their  common 
enemy  to  the  place  of  his  retreat.  Accordingly,  they 
both  embarked  very  soon  after  at  Denia  for  Port 
Mah«)n,  not  doubting  their  meeting  with  an  oppor- 
tunity there  of  a  passage  to  Sardinia.  Their  hopes 
proved  true;  for  they  were  no  sooner  arrived  at 
Mahon,  than  they  were  informed  that  a  vessel 
freighted  for  Cagliari  was  just  ready  to  sail,  and  they 
took  the  opportunity. 

The  ship  put  off  with  the  most  favourable  wind 
they  could  desire  ;  but  five  or  six  hours  after  they 
were  perfectly  becalmed,  and  at  night  the  wind  turn- 
ing directly  contrary,  they  were  obliged  to  steer  from 
•one  side  to  the  other,  without  hope  of  its  changing. 
They  steered  thus  for  three  days ;  and  on  the  fourth, 
at  two  in  the  afternoon,  tiiey  discovered  a  vessel 
making  all  possible  sail  to  them.  They  at  first  took 
it  for  a  merchantman,  but  observing  that  it  came 
within  cannon-shot  of  them  without  showing  any 
colours,  they  did  not  doubt  but  that  it  was  a  pirate. 

They  were  not  deceived  ;  it  was  a  Tunis  ship, 
which  supposed  that  the  Christians  would  yield  with- 
out fighting  ;  but  when  they  perceived  that  they 
cleared  their  ship,  and  prepared  their  guns,  they  con- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS  233 

eluded  them  in  earnest ;  wherefore,  they  stopped,  did 
the  same,  and  prepared  to  engage. 

They  began  to  fire,  and  the  Christians  seemed  to 
have  some  advantage;  but  an  Algerine,  larger,  and 
provided  with  more  guns  than  both  the  others, 
coming  in  the  midst  of  the  action,  and  taking  the 
part  of  the  Tunis  ship,  made  full  sail  to  the  Spaniard, 
and  obliged  him  to  sustain  the  fire  of  both  ships. 

At  this  sight  the  Ciiristians  despairing,  and  resolv- 
ing not  to  continue  an  engagement  now  become  so 
unequal,  gave  over  firing,  when  there  appeared  on  the 
poop  of  the  Algerine  a  slave,  who  cried  out  to  them 
in  Spanish,  that  if  they  expected  quarter,  they  must 
surrender  to  the  Algerine.  These  words  ended,  a 
Turk  displayed  the  Algerine  green  taffeta  flag,  with 
silver  crescents.  The  Christians,  considering  that  all 
resistance  would  be  vain,  no  longer  thought  of  defend- 
ing themselves,  but  yielded  with  all  the  grief  which 
the  horrid  idea  of  slavery  could  cause  in  freemen  ;  and 
the  master  of  the  vessel,  fearing  a  longer  delay  might 
irritate  the  barbarous  cunquerors,  took  the  colours 
from  the  poop,  threw  himself  into  the  pinnace  with 
some  of  the  sailors,  and  went  on  board  the  Algerine. 

That  pirate  sent  a  parcel  of  soldiers  to  plunder  the 
Spanish  ship,  as  he  of  Tunis  likewise  gave  the  same 
order  to  some  of  his  crew,  so  that  all  the  passengers 
were  in  an  instant  disarmed  and  searched,  and  sent 
on  board  the  Algerine,  where  the  two  pirates  divided 
their  prey  by  lot. 

It  had  at  least  been  a  consolation  for  Mendo^a 
and  his  friend  to  have  both  fallen  into  the  hands 
of  the  same  pirate.  Tlieir  chains  would  have  been 
lighter,   if  they  gould    have  joined   in   the   bearing 


234  AHIDDEUS.  OR, 

them  •  but  fortune  resolved  they  should  experience 
all  her  severit)-,  subjected  Don  Fadrique  to  the  Tunis 
r  bbers,  and  Don  Juan  to  the  Algerine.  Imagine 
the  despair  that  seized  these  friends  when  they  saw 
they  were  going  to  part.  They  threw  themselves  at 
the  pirate's  feet,  and  conjured  him  not  to  separate 
them.  But  these  savage  villains,  whose  barbarity  is 
proof  against  any  sight,  could  not  be  moved  ;  but,  on 
the  contrary,  concluding  these  two  captives  to  be 
considerable  men,  who  could  pay  a  large  ransom, 
thev  resolved  to  keep  them,  as  they  were,  divided. 

Ivlendo^a  and  Zarate,  seeing  they  could  not  soften 
these  merciless  wretches,  cast  their  eyes  on  each 
other,  and  by  their  looks  expressed  the  excess  of 
their  aftlictit  n.  But  when  the  whole  booty  was 
divided,  and  the  Tunis  pirate  was  going  to  return  on 
board  his  own  ship  with  his  slaves,  the  two  friends 
were  ready  to  expire  with  grief.  Mendo^a  ran  to 
the  Toledan,  and  clasping  him  in  his  arms:  "We 
must  then,"  said  he,  "  separate.  Oh  terrible  necessity  ! 
Is  it  not  enough  that  the  audacious  villany  of  a 
ravisher  remains  unpunished,  but  must  we  be  in- 
capacitated to  unite  our  c  mplaints  and  sorrows  ? 
Ah  !  Don  Juan,  what  have  we  done  to  heaven,  that 
we  must  in  such  a  cruel  manner  experience  its  heavy 
displeasure?" — "Ah I  look  nowhere  else  for  the 
cause  of  our  misfortunes,"  answered  Don  Juan,  "th.cy 
ought  K;nly  to  be  in;puted  to  me ;  the  death  of  the 
two  persons  whom  I  sacrificed,  though  excusable  in 
men's  eyes,  must  undoubtedly  have  irritated  heaven, 
which  punishes  you  for  having  engaged  in  friendship 
with  a  miserable  wretch,  whom  justice  pursues." 

At  these  words  they  both  showered  down  tears  ia 


THE  DEVIL   UPON  TWO  STICKS.  235 

great  abundance,  and  sighed  with  such  violence,  that 
the  other  slaves  were  not  less  touched  with  their 
grief  than  their  own  misfortunes.  The  Tunis  soldiers, 
yet  more  barbarous  than  their  master,  observing  that 
Mendoga  did  not  hasten  to  the  vessel,  brutally 
snatched  him  out  of  the  Toledan's  arms,  and  forced 
him  along  with  them,  loading  him  with  blows 
"  Adieu,  dear  friend,"  cried  he,  "  I  shall  never  see 
you  more  !  Donna  Theodora  is  not  yet  revenged  ; 
the  ills  which  I  expect  from  these  cruel  men  will  be 
the  least  of  the  sufferings  of  my  slavery." 

Don  Juan  could  not  answer  these  words  ;  the  treat- 
ment which  he  saw  his  friend  receive,  threw  him  into 
a  fit  that  rendered  him  speechless.  The  order  of  the 
story  requiring  us  to  follow  the  Toledan,  we  will 
leave  Don  Fadrique  on  board  the  Tunis  ship. 

The  Algerine  returned  to  his  country,  where  being 
arrived,  he  carried  the  new  slaves  to  the  Basha,  and 
thence  to  the  public  slave-market.  An  officer  belong- 
ing to  the  Dey  Mezzomorto  bought  Don  Juan  for 
his  master,  and  set  him  to  work  in  the  garden  be- 
longiiTjg  to  Mezzomorto's  harem.  Though  this  employ 
must  needs  prove  very  painful  to  a  gentleman,  yet  the 
solitude  which  it  required  rendered  it  agreeable ;  for  in 
his  present  circumstances  nothing  could  more  divert 
him  than  the  reflection  on  his  misfortunes,  on  which 
he  incessantly  employed  his  thoughfe ;  and  was  so 
far  from  endeavouring  to  dislodge  these  most  afflict- 
ing images,  that  he  seemed  to  take  pleasure  in  the 
remembrance  of  them. 

One  day,  not  perceiving  the  Dey,  who  was  walking 
in  the  garden,  he  sung  a  melancholy  song  as  he  was 
working.     Mezzomorto  stopped  to  listen  to  it,  and, 


236  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

being  very  well  pleased  with  tlie  voice,  came  up  to 
him,  and  asked  him  his  name.  The  Toiedan  told 
him  it  was  Alvaro ;  for  when  he  was  sold  to  the  Dey 
he  thought  fit  to  change  his  name,  pursuant  to  the 
custom  of  other  slaves,  and  hit  upon  that  first,  by 
reason  the  rape  of  Theodora  by  Alvaro  Ponce  was 
continually  in  his  mind.  Mezzomorto,  who  under- 
stood Spanish  indifferently  well,  put  several  questions 
to  him  concerning  the  customs  of  Spain,  and  particu- 
larly concerning  the  measures  the  men  took  to  render 
themselves  agreeable  to  the  women  ;  to  all  which 
Don  Juan  returned  such  answers  as  very  well  satisfied 
the  Dey. 

"Alvaro,"  said  he  to  him,  "you  seem  not  to  want 
sense,  and  indeed  I  do  not  take  you  for  a  common 
man ;  but  whatever  you  are,  you  have  the  good  for- 
tune to  please  me,  and  I  will  honour  you  so  far  as 
to  make  you  my  confidant."  Don  Juan,  at  tlxese 
words,  prostrated  himself  at  the  Dey's  feet,  and  after 
having  taken  up  the  lowest  border  of  his  robe,  with 
it  touched  his  eyes,  mouth,  and  head. 

"  To  begin  with  giving  you  some  marks  of  it,"  re- 
sumed Mezzomorto,  "  I  will  tell  you  that  I  have  the 
finest  women  of  Europe  in  my  seraglio ;  amongst 
them  I  have  one  that  is  beyond  all  sort  of  comparison, 
and  I  do  not  believe  that  the  Grand  Seignior  himself 
is  possessor  of  a  more  perfect  beauty,  though  his  ships 
continually  bring  him  women  from  all  parts  of  the 
world.  Her  face  to  me  seems  the  sun  reflected,  and 
her  shape  is  as  exact  as  that  of  the  rose-tree  in  the 
garden  of  Eram  ;  you  may  see  that  I  am  enchanted. 

"But  this  miracle  of  nature,  though  enriched  with 
such  rare  beauty,  gives  herself  wholly  up  to 'a  fatal 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  237 

grief,  which  neither  time  nor  my  love  can  dissipate ; 
and  though  fortune  has  subjected  her  to  my  desires, 
I  have  not  yet  satisfied  them.  I  have  constantly 
bridled  them,  and,  contrary  to  the  common  custom  of 
men  in  my  circumstances,  who  aim  no  farther  than  at 
sensual  pleasures,  I  have  endeavoured  to  gain  her 
heart  by  such  a  complaisance  and  profound  respect, 
as  the  meanest  Mussulman  would  be  ashamed  of  ever 
owning  to  a  Christian  slave. 

"Yet  all  my  tenderness  only  increases  her  melan- 
choly, and  her  obstinacy  begins  at  last  to  tire  me. 
The  idea  of  slavery  is  not  graven  in  such  deep  tracks 
in  others,  and  even  those  were  soon  effaced  by  my 
favourable  treatment  of  them.  This  tedious  grief 
fatigues  my  patience ;  but  before  I  yield  to  the 
violent  transports  of  love,  I  must  make  one  effort 
more  in  which  I  would  use  your  assistance ;  the 
slave,  being  a  Christian,  and  of  your  nation,  may 
make  you  her  confidant,  and  you  may  persuade  her 
better  tiian  any  other.  Advantageously  represent 
to  her  my  quality  and  riches;  tell  her  that  I  will 
distinguish  her  from  all  my  slaves;  engage  her  to 
consider,  if  necessary,  that  she  may  one  day  become 
the  wife  of  Mezzomorto ;  and  assure  her,  that  I  shall 
have  a  greater  value  for  her  than  for  a  sultana,  whose 
hand  his  highness  should  himself  tender  me." 

Don  Juan  a  second  time  prostrated  himself  at  the 
Dey's  feet,  and,  though  not  very  well  pleased  with 
his  commission,  assured  him  that  he  would  do  his 
best  to  acquit  himself  in  the  performance.  "It  is 
enough,"  replied  Mezzomorto;  "leave  your  work, 
and  follow  lie.  I  will  order  it  that  you  shall  speak 
with  this  beautiful  slave  alone ;  but  have  a  care  how 


238  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

you  abuse  the  trust,  which  if  you  do,  your  rashness 
shall  be  punished  by  tortures  unknown  even  to 
Turks  themselves.  Endeavour  to  overcome  your 
melancholy,  and  know  that  your  liberty  is  annexed 
to  the  end  of  my  sufferings."  Don  Juan  left  off 
working,  and  followed  the  Dey,  who  was  going  before 
to  dispose  the  afflicted  captive  to  admit  his  agent. 

Slie  was  with  two  old  slaves,  who  retired  at  his 
approach.  The  charming  slave  saluted  him  with 
profound  respect ;  but  could  not  help  trembling, 
for  fear  of  what  might  happen  to  her,  every  visit  he 
made.  He  perceived  it;  and,  to  dissipate  her  fears, 
"  Fair  captive,"  said  he,  "  I  come  hither  at  present 
for  no  other  reason  than  to  tell  }Ou,  that  I  have  a 
Spaniard  amongst  my  slaves,  with  whose  conversa- 
tion, probably,  you  may  not  be  displeased  ;  if  you 
desire  to  see  him,  I  will  give  you  leave  to  speak 
with  him,  and  that  also  without  any  witnesses." 

The  beautiful  slave  answered,  that  she  most 
earnestly  desired  it.  "  I  will  immediately  send  him 
to  you,"  replied  Mezzomorto,  "  if  his  discourse  can 
assuage  your  grief."  These  words  ended,  he  ordered 
the  two  old  slaves,  who  served  her,  another  way, 
and  afterwards  himself  quitted  her  apartment ;  and 
meeting  the  Toledan,  he  whispered  to  him,  "You 
may  enter :  and  after  you  have  talked  with  the  fair 
slave,  come  to  my  apartment,  and  give  me  an  account 
of  your  success." 

Don  Juan  entered  the  chamber,  and  saluted  the 
slave  without  fixing  his  eyes  on  her  ;  and  she  received 
his  salutation  without  looking  very  intently  on  him, 
But  beginning  to  look  on  each  other  more  earnestly, 
thev  burst  out  into  tears  of  surprise  and  joy.     "O 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  239 

God!"  said  the  Toledan,  approaching  her,  "am  I 
not  deluded  by  a  phantom  ?  Is  it  really  Donna 
Theodora  whom  I  see?" — "Ah,  Don  Juan,"  cried 
the  fair  slave,  "is  it  you  that  speaks  to  me?  " — "  Yes, 
madam,"  answered  he,  tenderly  kissing  one  of  her 
hands,  "it  is  Don  Juan  himself!  You  may  know 
me  by  the  tears  which  my  eyes,  charmed  with  the 
happiness  of  seeing  you  again,  cannot  restrain  ;  at 
the  transports  of  joy  which  your  presence  is  only 
capable    of   exciting.     I    have    done    murmuring    at 

fortune,  since  she  has  restored  you  to  my  wishes 

But  whither  does  my  immoderate  joy  hurry  me? 
Alas  1  I  forget  that  you  are  in  chains  1  What 
strange  caprice  of  fortune  brought  you  hither?  How 
did  you  escape  Don  Alvaro's  rash  passion  ?  Ah, 
what  dismal  alarms  does  that  give  me !  and  how 
much  am  I  afraid  that  heaven  has  not  sufficiently 
protected  your  virtue." 

"Heaven,"  said   Donna  Theodora,  "has  revenged 

me  of  Alvaro  Ponce.     If  I  had  time  to  tell  )ou  " 

— "You  have  enough,"  interrupted  Don  Juan.  "  The 
Dey  has  permitted  me  to  be  with  you,  and,  what 
may  surprise  you,  to  talk  with  you  alone.  Let  us 
make  the  best  use  of  these  happy  moments ;  and 
pray  acquaint  me  with  all  that  has  happened  to 
you,  from  the  time  of  your  seizure  to  this  present." 
— "All,  who  told  you  that  it  was  Don  Alvaro  that 
seized  me?" — "I  know  it  but  too  well,"  returned 
Don  Juan.  Then  he  succinctly  related  how  he  was 
informed  of  it,  and  how  Mcndo^a  and  he  embarked 
in  search  of  the  ravisher,  and  were  taken  by  pirates. 
After  which,  Donna  Theodora  immediately  began 
the  recital  of  her  adventures  in  these  words : 


240  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"  It  is  needless  to  tell  you  that  I  was  extremely 
surprised  to. find  myself  seized  by  a  troop  of  masked 
men.  I  swooned  away  in  the  arms  of  him  that 
carried  me  off,  and  when  I  got  out  of  my  lit,  which 
doubtless  was  very  long,  I  found  myself  alone  with 
Agnes,  one  of  my  women,  at  sea,  in  the  cabin  of  a 
vessel  under  sail. 

"Agnes  exhorted  me  to  patience,  and  by  her  dis- 
course gave  me  room  to  conclude  that  she  had  a 
correspondence  with  my  ravisher,  who  then  presumed 
to  show  himself  to  me;  and,  throwing  himself  at 
my  feet,  '  Madam,'  said  he,  '  pardon  the  way  Don 
Alvaro  has  taken  to  possess  you.  You  know  what 
tender  addresses  I  made  to  you,  and  with  what  con- 
stancy I  disputed  your  heart  with  Don  Fadrique,  to 
the  time  that  you  gave  him  the  preference.  If  my 
passion  for  you  had  only  been  a  common  one,  I  had 
conquered  it,  and  comforted  myself  under  the  mis- 
fortune ;  but  I  am  destined  to  adore  \-our  charms, 
and,  scorned  as  I  am,  I  cannot  free  myself  from 
their  power.  But  yet  do  not  fear  that  my  love  will 
offer  any  violence.  I  did  not  make  this  attempt  on 
\our  liberty,  to  affright  your  virtue  by  base  means : 
no;  all  I  pretended  to  in  the  retirement  whither  I  am 
conveying  you,  is,  that  an  eternal  and  sacred  knot 
may  bind  our  destinies.' 

"  He  said  several  other  things  which  I  cannot  well 
remember;  they  tended  to  hint  that  he  thought,  in 
forcing  me  to  marry  him,  he  did  not  tyrannise  ;  and 
that  I  ought  rather  to  look  upon  him  as  a  passionate 
lover  than  an  insolent  ravisher.  Whilst  he  spake,  I 
did  nothing  but  weep  and  despair:  wherefore,  with- 
out losing  time  in  end&avours  to  persuade  me,  ho  left 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  241 

me  ;  but,  at  his  retiring,  made  a  sign  to  Agnes,  which 
I  discerned  was  his  order  to  her  to  reinforce  with 
address  those  arguments  with  which  he  designed  to 
dazzle  my  reason. 

"  She  acted  her  part  to  the  full ;  she  suggested  to 
me,  that,  after  the  noise  of  a  rape,  I  must  of  necessity- 
be  forced  to  accept  Don  Alvaro's  offer,  how  great 
soever  my  aversion  for  him  might  be  ;  that  my  re- 
putation demanded  this  sacrifice  of  my  heart.  Tlie 
laying  me  under  the  necessity  of  such  a  hideous 
marriage  not  being  the  way  to  dry  up  my  tears,  I 
remained  inconsolable.  Agnes  did  not  know  what  to 
say  to  me  farther,  when  on  a  sudden  we  heard  a  great 
noise  on  the  deck,  which  engaged  all  our  attention. 

"  This  was  occasioned  by  the  surprise  of  Don 
Alvaro's  men,  at  the  sight  of  a  large  vessel  making  all 
possible  sail  towards  us.  Our  ship  not  being  so  good 
a  sailer  as  that,  it  was  impossible  for  us  to  avoid  it. 
He  came  up  with  us,  and  immediately  we  heard  a 
crying,  'To  windward,  to  windward  1' 

"  But  Alvaro  Ponce  and  his  men,  choosing  rather  to 
die  than  }Meld,  ventured  to  dispute  their  liberty  with 
the  enemy.  The  action  was  very  sharp;  I  will  not 
run  into  particulars,  but  only  acquaint  you,  that  Don 
Alvaro  and  all  his  men  were  killed,  after  having 
fought  with  the  utmost  despair.  As  for  us,  we  were 
conducted  into  the  great  ship,  which  belonged  to 
Mezzomorto,  and  was  commanded  by  Aby  Aly 
Osman,  one  of  his  officers. 

"  Aby  Aly  earnestly  looked  at  me  with  surprise,  and 
knowing  by  my  dress  that  I  was  a  Spanish  woman, 
he  said  to  me  in  the  Castilian  tongue:  'Moderate 
your  grief  for  being  fallen  into  slavery,  it  is  a  mi-for- 

Q 


242  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

tune  which  was  inevitable  :  but  why  do  I  call  it  a 
misfortune  ?  it  is  an  advantage,  for  which  you  ought 
to  applaud  your  happy  stars :  you  are  too  charm- 
ing to  be  confined  only  to  be  obeyed  by  Christians: 
heaven  never  formed  you  for  those  wretched  mortals; 
you  merit  the  addresses  of  the  masters  of  the  world, 
and  none  but  Mussulmen  are  worthy  to  enjoy  you.  I 
will,'  adds  he,  'return  to  Algiers,  Though  I  have 
taken  no  other  prize,  I  am  persuaded  that  the  Dey, 
my  master,  will  be  pleased  with  this  expedition  ;  nor 
can  I  fear  his  blaming  my  impatience  to  put  into  his 
hands  a  beauty  that  will  afford  him  such  delicious 
pleasures,  and  be  the  ornament  of  his  seraglio.' 

"At  these  words,  which  discovered  what  I  had  to 
expect,  my  tears  redoubled.  Aby  Aly,  who  looked 
on  the  reason  of  my  fright  with  another  eye  than 
mine,  only  laughed,  and  made  all  the  sail  he  could 
towards  Algiers;  whil&t  I  afflicted  myself  beyond 
all  bounds  of  moderation.  Sometimes  I  directed 
m\'  sighs  to  heaven,  and  implored  its  assistance  ;  at 
others,  I  wished  some  Christian  ships  would  attack 
us,  or  that  the  waves  would  swallow  us  up  ;  and  after 
that,  I  wished  my  grief  and  tears  might  render  me  so 
frightful,  that  the  very  sight  of  me  might  strike  horror 
into  the  Dey.  Vain  desires,  alas,  resulting  from  my 
alarmed  modesty  !  We  arrived  at  the  port ;  I  was 
conducted  to  the  palace,  and  shown  to  Mezzomorto. 

"  I  do  not  know  what  Aby  Aly  said  when  he  pre- 
sented me  to  his  master,  nor  what  he  answered, 
because  they  spoke  Turkish ;  iTut  I  fancied  I  could 
discover,  by  the  gestures  and  looks  of  the  Dey,  that 
1  had  the  misfortune  to  please  him  ;   and  what  he 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  243 

afterwards  said  to  me  in  Spanish  perfected  my  despair, 
by  confirming  me  in  that  opinion. 

"I  threw  myself  in  vain  at  his  feet,  and  promised 
whatever  he  pleased  for  my  ransom  :  I  largely  tempted 
his  avarice,  by  the  offer  of  all  my  estate;  but  he  told 
me  that  he  valued  me  above  all  the  riches  in  the 
world.  He  caused  this  apartment,  the  most  magnifi- 
cent in  all  his  palace,  to  be  prepared  for  me ;  and  has 
left  no  means  unattempted  to  dispel  that  grief  which 
overwhelmed  me.  He  brought  me  all  the  slaves  of 
both  sexes,  that  could  either  sing  or  play  on  any 
instrument;  he  removed  Agnes,  believing  she  only 
fed  my  melancholy,  and  I  am  waited  on  by  old  slaves, 
who  incessantly  inculcate  to  me  their  master's  love, 
and  all  the  pleasures  reserved  for  me. 

"But  all  that  has  been  done  to  divert  me  serves 
only  to  augment  my  sorrows;  nothing  can  comfort 
me.  Captive  as  I  am,  in  this  detestable  place,  which 
every  day  resounds  with  the  cries  of  oppressed  inno- 
cence, I  suffer  less  by  the  loss  of  my  liberty,  than  the 
terror  with  which  the  Dey's  odious  passion  inspires 
me  ;  for  though  I  have  hitherto  found  no  other  treat- 
ment from  him  than  that  of  a  complaisant  lover,  I  am 
not  less  affrighted,  and  very  much  fear,  lest,  abandon- 
ing that  respect  which  perhaps  has  hitherto  restrained 
him,  he  should  at  last  abuse  his  power.  I  am  con- 
tinually afflicted  by  these  dreadful  reflections,  and 
every  moment  of  my  life  is  a  fresh  torment." 

Donna  Theodora  could  not  end  these  words  with- 
out showers  of  tears,  which  stabbed  Don  Juan  to  the 
heart.  "  It  is  not  without  reason,  madam,"  said  he, 
"that  you  form  such  a  horrible  idea  of  what  may- 
happen  to  you ;  r  am  as  much  terrified  at  it  as  you  ; 


244  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

the  Dey's  respect  is  nearer  its  declension  than  you 
imagine;  this  submissive  lover  will  soon  throw  off  his 
feigned  complaisance;  I  know  it  but  too  well,  and 
know  all  the  danger  you  are  in.  But,"  continued  he, 
changing  his  tone,  "  I  will  not  tamely  see  it  ;  slave  as 
I  am,  my  despair  is  to  be  feared.    Before  Mezzomorto 

shall    force  you,  I   will  plunge  into  his  breast" 

— "Ah,  Don  Juan!"  interrupted  Donna  Theodora, 
"what  a  dangerous  project  are  you  venturing  at! 
Ah,  be  extremely  careful  that  you  never  put  it  in 
execution !  What  prodigious  cruelties,  great  God, 
will  be  the  consequences  of  his  death  !  Will  the 
Turks  leave  it  unrevenged  ?  Oh,  the  most  dreadful 
torments !  I  cannot  think  of  them  without  trembling. 
Besides,  is  it  not  to  expose  yourself  to  an  unneces- 
sary danger  ?  Can  you,  by  killing  the  Dey,  restore 
my  liberty  ?  Alas  !  perhaps  I  may  be  sold  to  some 
villainous  wretch,  that  may  have  less  regard  for 
me  than  Mezzomorto  has.  O  Heaven  !  you  ought  to 
show  your  justice:  }ou  know  the  Dey's  brutal  de- 
sires ;  you  forbid  me  the  use  of  poison  and  sword ; 
it  therefore  belongs  to  you  to  prevent  a  crime  which 
offends  you." 

"  Yes,  madam,"  replied  Don  Juan,  "  Heaven  will 
prevent  it ;  I  perceive  that  it  inspires  me  ;  what  at 
present  occurs  to  my  mind,  is  doubtless  suggested 
to  me  from  thence.  The  Dey  gave  me  leave  to  see 
you  for  no  other  reason  than  to  incline  >'Ou  to  yield 
to  his  passion  :  I  am  charged  to  give  him  an  account 
of  our  conversation ;  but  I  must  deceive  him.  I 
will  then  tell  him  that  you  are  not  inconsolable;  that 
his  generous  conduct  with  regard  to  you,  begins  to 
assuage  your  griefs ;  and  that,  if  he  continues  in  the 


THE  DEVIL   UPON  TWO  STICKS.  245 

same  measures,  he  ought  to  hope  for  whatever  he 
wishes.  Accordingly,  when  he  comes  to  see  you 
again,  I  wish  he  might  find  you  less  melancholy 
than  ordinary,  and  feign  your  being  in  some 
measure  pleased  with  his  discourse." 

"  Oh,  horrid  constraint  1  "  interrupted  Donna  Theo- 
dora ;  "  how  can  a  frank  and  sincere  soul  betray  itself 
to  that  degree  ?  and  what  advantage  will  result  from 
such  a  painful  dissimulation.? " — "  The  Dey,"  answered 
he,  "  will  please  himself  with  this  alteration,  and  re- 
solve to  gain  you  wholly  by  complaisance.  In  the 
interim,  I  will  endeavour  your  liberty;  the  task,  I 
own,  is  difficult;  but  I  am  acquainted  with  a  slave 
whose  great  address  and  industry  may  not  be  un- 
serviceable to  us.  I  leave  you,"  continued  he  ;  "  the 
affair  requires  diligence,  and  we  shall  see  one  another 
again.  I  go  now  to  the  Dey,  whose  impetuous  flame 
I  will  endeavour  to  amuse  by  false  intelligence;  and 
you,  madam,  must  prepare  to  receive  him.  Dissemble, 
force  your  nature.  Though  his  presence  offend  your 
eyes,  yet  disarm  them  of  severity  and  hatred.  Pre- 
vail on  your  mouth,  which  only  opens  itself  daily  to 
bewail  your  misfortunes,  to  learn  a  flattering  tone  ; 
and  do  not  fear  showing  too  much  favour.  You  must 
promise  everything,  in  order  to  grant  nothing." — "  It 
is  enough,"  replied  Donna  Theodora  ;  "  I  will  follow 
all  your  directions,  since  the  fatal  evil  which  threatens 
me,  imposes  on  me  this  cruel  necessity.  Go,  Don 
Juan,  employ  all  your  cares  in  putting  an  end  to  my 
slavery.  It  will  be  a  great  addition  to  the  pleasure 
of  liberty,  to  owe  it  to  you." 

The   Toledan,   pursuant   to  his  orders,  waited   on 
Mezzomorto,   who-  said,   with   the   utmost   concern : 


246  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"  Well,  Alvaro,  what  news  do  you  bring  me  from  the 
fair  slave?  Have  }-ou  disposed  her  to  hearken  to 
me  ?  If  you  tell  me  that  I  ought  not  to  flatter 
myself  with  the  hopes  of  ever  subduing  her  cruel 
grief,  I  swear  by  the  head  of  the  Grand  Seignior, 
my  master,  that  I  will  this  day  seize  by  force  what 
she  has  hitherto  refused  to  yield  to  my  complaisance." 
— "  Sir,"  answered  Don  Juan,  "  that  inviolable  oath  is 
needless  ;  you  will  not  be  forced  to  make  use  of 
violence  to  satisfy  your  love.  The  slave  is  a  young 
lady  who  never  yet  loved  ;  she  is  so  proud  that  she 
has  rejected  the  addresses  of  the  greatest  men  in 
Spain.  She  lived  like  a  sovereign  princess  in  her 
own  country,  and  is  a  captive  here.  A  haughty  mind 
long  resents  the  great  difference  betwixt  these  con- 
ditions ;  yet,  sir,  this  proud  Spanish  lady  will,  by 
degrees,  grow  familiar  with  slavery ;  and  I  dare 
venture  to  tell  you,  that  already  her  chains  begin 
to  be  1  ghter.  The  great  deference  you  have  always 
showed  her,  and  the  respectful  cares  which  she  did  not 
expect  from  you,  have  somewhat  abated  her  sorrow, 
and  do  by  little  and  little  conquer  her  pride.  Soothe 
this  favourable  disposition,  and  complete  the  conquest 
of  this  fair  slave  by  fresh  marks  of  respect,  and  you 
will  soon  find  her  yield  to  your  desires,  and  lose  the 
love  of  liberty  in  your  arms." 

"  Your  words  ravish  me,"  replied  the  Dey.  "  The 
hopes  which  you  have  given  me  are  sufficient  to 
engage  me  to  do  anything.  Yes,  I  will  restrain  my 
impatient  desires  to  satisfy  them  better.  But  do  not 
deceive  me  ;  or  art  thou  not  thyself  deceived  .-*  I  will 
immediately  go  talk  with  her,  and  see  whether  I  can 
discover  in  her  eyes  those  flattering  appearances  which 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  247 

you  have  observed."  These  words  ended,  he  went 
to  Donna  Theodora;  and  Don  Juan  returned  to  the 
garden,  where  he  met  the  gardener,  who  was  the 
dexterous  slave  by  whose  industry  he  promised  to 
set  widow  Cifuentes  at  hberty. 

The  gardener,  whose  name  was  Francisco,  was  of 
Navarre.  He  knew  Algiers  perfectly  well,  having 
served  several  patrons  before  he  lived  with  the  Dey. 
"  Friend  Francisco,"  said  Don  Juan,  approaching 
him,  "  I  am  extremely  afflicted  at  what  I  have  seen. 
There  is  in  this  palace  a  young  lady  of  the  first 
quality  in  Valencia ;  she  has  entreated  Mezzomorto 
to  set  his  own  price  on  her  ransom ;  but  he  will  not 
part  with  her,  because  he  is  in  love  with  her." — 
"  Alas!  why  does  that  trouble  you  so  much  ?"  said 
Francisco.  "  Because  I  am  of  the  same  city,"  replied 
the  Toledan.  "  Her  relations  and  mine  are  intimate 
friends;  and  there  is  nothing  I  would  not  undertake 
to  contribute  to  her  deliverance." 

"  Though  it  is  no  very  easy  thing,"  replied  Fran- 
cisco, "  I  dare  engage  to  accomplish  it,  if  this  lady's 
relations  will  be  pleased  to  pay  very  well  for  this 
piece  of  service." — "  Do  not  doubt  in  the  least,"  re- 
turned Don  Juan  ;  "  I  will  be  responsible  for  their 
acknowledgments,  but  more  especially  for  her  own 
gratitude.  Her  name  is  Donna  Theodora;  she  is  the 
widow  of  a  man  who  has  left  her  a  very  great  estate, 
and  she  is  as  generous  as  rich.  I  am  a  Spanish 
gentleman,  and  my  word  ought  to  satisfy  you." 

"  Well,"  replied  the  gardener,  "  I  will  depend  on 
your  promises,  and  go  look  for  a  renegade  Catalan  of 

my  acquaintance,  and  propose  it  to  him" "  What 

do  you  say?"  interrupted  the  Toledan,  very  much 


248  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

surprised  ;  "can  you  rely  on  a  wretch,  who  has  not 

been    ashamed    to    abandon    his    religion    for" 

— "Though  a  renegade,"  interrupted  Francisco  in  his 
turn,  "  he  is  yet  an  honest  man,  who  deserves  rather 
to  be  pitied  than  hated  ;  and,  if  his  crime  can  admit 
of  any  excuse,  I  should  indeed  be  willing  to  think  him 
excusable.     I  will  tell  you  his  story  in  two  words. 

"  He  is  a  native  of  Barcelona,  and  a  chirurgeon  by 
profession.  Perceiving  that  he  did  not  succeed  in  his 
practice  in  his  native  place,  he  resolved  to  settle  at 
Carthagena,  hoping  that  he  might  thrive  better  by 
removing.  He  embarked  then  for  Carthagena,  with 
his  mother;  but  they  met  an  Algerine  pirate,  who 
took  and  brought  them  hither.  The\'  were  sold  ;  his 
mother  to  a  Moor,  and  he  to  a  Turk,  who  used  him  so 
very  ill,  that  he  turned  Mahometan  to  end  his  cruel 
slavery;  as  also,  to  procure  the  liberty  of  his  mother, 
who  was  very  ri^^orously  treated  by  the  Moor,  her 
patron.  Then  entering  himself  in  the  Basha's  pay, 
he  made  several  vox-ages,  and  got  four  hundred  pata- 
coons,  part  of  which  he  employed  in  the  ransom  of 
his  mother;  and,  to  improve  it,  he  intended  to  rob  on 
the  sea  for  his  own  account. 

"  He  became  a  captain,  and  bought  a  small  vessel 
without  a  deck,  and  with  some  Turkish  soldiers,  who 
willingly  joined  with  him,  he  went  to  cruise  between 
Carthagena  and  Alicant,  and  returned  laden  with 
booty.  He  went  out  again,  and  his  voyage  succeeded 
so  well,  that  at  last  he  fitted  out  a  larger  vessel,  with 
which  he  took  several  considerable  prizes  ;  but,  his 
good  fortune  failing  him,  he  one  day  attacked  an 
English  frigate,  who  so  shattered  his  ship  that  he 
could  scarce  regain  the  port  of  Algiers ;  and,  as  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  249 

people  o(  this  country  judge  of  the  merit  of  the 
pirates  by  the  success  of  their  enterprises,  this  rene- 
gade began  to  be  despised  by  the  Turks  ;  and,  grow- 
ing very  uneasy  and  melancholy,  he  sold  his  ship,  and 
retired  to  a  house  out  of  town,  where,  ever  since,  he 
has  lived  on  the  estate  he  has  left,  with  his  mother 
and  several  slaves. 

**  I  frequently  visit  him,  for  we  lived  together  with 
the  same  patron,  and  are  very  great  fi  lends.  He  has 
disclosed  to  me  his  most  secret  thoughts  ;  and  within 
these  three  da}'s  he  told  me,  with  tears  in  his  eyes, 
that  his  mind  could  never  be  at  rest  since  he  had 
renounced  his  faith;  that,  to  appease  the  remorse 
which  incessantly  racked  his  mind,  he  was  sometimes 
inclined  to  quit  the  turban,  and  hazard  being  burnt 
alive,  to  repair,  by  a  public  acknowledgment  of  his 
repentance,  the  scandal  he  had  cast  on  the  Christians. 

"  This  is  the  renegade  to  which  I  design  to  address 
m\-self,"  continued  Francisco  ;  "  such  a  man  as  this  you 
ought  not  to  suspect.  Under  pretence  of  going  to 
the  bagnio,*  I  will  go  to  his  house,  and  suggest  to 
him  that,  instead  of  consuming  himself  with  grief  for 
withdrawing  himself  from  the  bosom  of  the  church, 
he  ought  to  think  of  means  of  returning  to  it :  that, 
to  execute  this  design,  he  need  only  equip  a  ship,  on 
pretence  that,  weary  of  an  idle  life,  he  would  return  to 
hiis  old  trade  of  cruising;  and  with  this  ship  we  will 
gain  the  coast  of  Valencia,  where  Donna  Theodora 
should  give  him  enough  to  pass  the  rest  of  his  days 
agreeably  at  Barcelona." 

"  Yes,  dear  Francisco,"  cried  Don  Juan,  transported 
with  the  hopes  which  the  Navarre  slave  gave  him, 
*  That  is,  the  place  where  the  slaves  meet. 


25©  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"you  may  promise  the  renegade  everything  ;  you  and 
he  shall  be  sure  to  be  rewarded.  But  do  you  believe 
this  project  really  practicable  in  the  manner  you  have 
formed  it?" — "It  may  meet  with  some  difficulties 
which  I  do  not  foresee,"  replied  Francisco,  "but  the 
renegade  and  I  will  remove  them.  Alvaro,"  added 
he,  as  he  was  leaving  him,  "  I  have  a  very  good 
opinion  of  your  enterprise,  and  hope,  at  my  return, 
to  bring  j'ou  good  news." 

It  was  not  without  anxiety  that  Don  Juan  waited 
for  Francisco,  who  returned  in  three  or  four  hours. 
"  I  have  talked  with  the  renegade,"  said  he,  "  and  pro- 
posed our  design  to  him  ;  and  after  mature  delibera- 
tion, we  have  agreed  that  he  shall  buy  a  small  ship 
ready  fitted  to  go  out  ;  and  it  being  allowed  to  make 
use  of  slaves  for  sailors,  he  shall  man  the  vessel  with 
his  own  ;  that,  to  prevent  suspicion,  he  should  engage 
twelve  Turkish  soldiers,  as  though  he  really  intended 
to  go  out  to  cruise  ;  but  that,  two  days  before  that 
which  he  should  assign  for  his  departure,  he  should 
embark  in  the  night  with  his  slaves,  weigh  anchor 
without  any  noise,  and  come  to  fetch  us  on  board 
with  his  skiff,  from  a  little  door  of  this  garden  near 
the  sea.  This  is  the  plan  of  our  enterprise  ;  )'Ou  may 
inform  the  captive  lady  of  this,  and  assure  her,  that 
wilhin  fifteen  days  at  farthest,  she  shall  be  freed  from 
her  slavery." 

How  inexpressible  was  Zarate's  joy,  to  have  such 
a  comfortable  assurance  to  carry  to  Donna  Theodora. 
To  ©btain  permission  to  see  her,  he  the  next  day 
searclied  for  Mezzomorto;  and,  having  found  him, 
"  Pardon  me,  my  lord,"  said  he,  "  if  I  presume  to  ask 
you   how  you  found  the  beautiful  slave.     Are  you 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  251 

better  satisfied  ?" — "I  am  charmed,"  interrupted  the 
Dey  ;  "her  eyes  did  not  turn  awa\'  from  my  tendcrest 
addresses  ;  her  discourse,  which  always  before  con- 
sisted only  of  endless  reflections  on  her  condition, 
was  not  intermixed  with  any  complaints ;  but  she 
even  seemed  to  listen  to  mine  with  an  obliging 
attention.  It  is  to  your  endeavours,  Alvaro,  that  I 
owe  this  change.  I  see  you  know  your  own  country- 
women; I  will  have  you  talk  with  her  again.  Finish 
what  you  have  so  happily  begun  ;  exhaust  all  your 
wit  and  address,  to  hasten  my  felicity,  and  I  will  then 
break  your  chains  ;  and  I  swear,  by  the  soul  of  our 
great  prophet,  that  I  will  send  you  home  to  your 
own  country  so  richly  laden  with  presents,  that  the 
Christians,  when  they  see  thee,  shall  not  believe  thou 
returnest  from  slavery." 

The  Toledan  did  not  fail  to  flatter  Mezzomorto's 
error;  he  feigned  himself  extremely  sensible  of  his 
promises ;  and,  under  pretence  of  hastening  the 
accomplishment  of  the  Dey's  joys,  he  hastened  to  see 
the  fair  slave,  whom  he  found  alone  in  her  apartment, 
the  old  woman  who  attended  her  being  emplo}ed 
elsewhere.  He  told  her  what  the  Navarre  slave  and 
the  renegade  had  contrived,  on  the  credit  of  the 
promises  which  he  made  them. 

It  was  no  small  consolation  for  Donna  Theodora 
to  hear  that  such  proper  measures  were  taken  for  her 
deliverance,  "  Is  it  possible,"  said  she  in  the  excess 
of  her  joy,  "that  I  may  hope  to  see  Valencia,  my 
dear  country,  again  ?  How  transporting  will  the 
bliss  be,  after  so  many  fears  and  dangers,  to  live  at 
ease  with  you  !  Ah,  Don  Juan,  how  charming  is  that 
thought !  Will  you  share  that  pleasure  with  me  ?  Do 


252  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

you  think  that,  in  delivering  me  from  the  Dey,  it  is 
your  wife  which  you  tear  from  him?" 

"Alas!"  answered  Zarate,  with  a  profound  sigh, 
"those  endearing  words  would  charm  me,  if  the 
remembrance  of  an  unhappy  friend  did  not  throw  in 
a  bitter,  which  spoils  all  the  sweetness.  Pardon  me, 
madam  that  nicety,  and  confess  also,  that  Mendoga 
deserves  your  pity  ;  it  is  for  your  sake  that  he  went 
from  Valencia  and  lost  his  liberty.  I  can  assure  you, 
that  at  Tunis  he  is  less  loaded  with  the  weight  of  his 
chains,  than  the  despair  of  ever  revenging  your 
sufferings." — "  He  doubtless  deserved  a  better  fate," 
interrupted  Donna  Theodora ;  "  I  take  heaven  to 
witness,  that  I  am  thoroughly  sensible  of  all  that 
he  has  done  for  me.  I  share  with  him  the  sufferings 
which  I  have  caused;  but,  by  the  cruel  malignity  of 
the  stars,  my  heart  can  never  be  the  price  of  his 
services." 

This  conversation  was  interrupted  by  the  arrival 
of  the  two  old  women  who  waited  on  Donna  Theo- 
dora; when  Don  Juan  turned  the  discourse,  and, 
acting  the  Dey's  confidant,  "  Yes,  charming  slave," 
said  he  to  the  widow  Cifuentes,  "you  have  deprived 
n'm  of  liberty,  who  keeps  }-ou  in  chains.  Mezzo- 
morto,  your  master  and  mine,  the  most  engaging  and 
most  amiable  of  all  the  Turks,  is  very  well  pleased 
with  you;  continue  to  treat  him  favourably,  and  you 
will  soon  see  an  end  of  your  griefs."  At  the  end  of 
these  last  words  he  left  Donna  Theodora,  who  did 
not  comprehend  their  true  sense. 

Affairs  remained  during  eight  days  in  this  posture 
at  the  Dey's  palace,  whilst  the  renegade  Catalan 
bought  a  small  vessel,  almost  wholly  fitted  for  sailing, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  253 

and  prepared  for  his  departure.  But,  six  days  before 
he  was  ready  to  put  to  sea,  Don  Juan  met  with  what 
very  much  alarmed  his  fears. 

Mezzomorto  sent  for  him ;  and,  being  entered  his 
closet,  "  Alvaro,"  said  he,  "you  are  free;  you  may 
return  to  Spain  whenever  you  please;  and  these 
presents  which  I  promised  you,  are  ready.  I  saw  the 
fair  slave  to-day;  and  oh,  how  vastly  different  does 
she  appear  from  the  same  person  whose  griefs  have 
given  me  so  much  pain  !  The  sense  of  her  captivity 
every  day  wears  off.  I  found  her  so  charming,  that 
I  have  this  moment  resolved  to  marry  her.  She  shall 
be  my  wife  within  the  space  of  two  days." 

At  these  words  the  Toledan  changed  colour;  and, 
notwithstanding  all  the  restraint  he  laid  on  himself, 
could  not  hide  his  disturbance  and  surprise  from  the 
Dey,  who  asked  him  the  cause  of  that  disorder.  "My 
lord,"  answered  Don  Juan,  all  in  confusion,  "  I  am 
doubtless  very  much  amazed,  to  think,  that  one  of 
the  greatest  lords  of  the  Ottoman  empire  should  so 
debase  himself  as  to  marry  a  slave.  I  very  well  know 
it  is  not  unprecedented  amongst  you  ;  but,  for  the 
illustrious    Mezzomorto,    who    may    pretend    to    the 

daughter  of  the  principal  officers  of  the  Porte  " 

— "  I  allow  what  you  say,"  interrupted  the  De}' ;  "  I 
migl.t  at  the  same  time  aspire  to  the  Grand  Vizier's 
daughter,  and  flatter  mx'self  with  the  hopes  of  suc- 
ceeding my  father-in-law;  but  I  have  an  immense 
estate,  and  am  not  very  ambitious.  I  prefer  the  ease 
and  pleasures  which  I  enjoy  here  in  my  viziership,  to 
that  dangerous  honour,  to  which  we  are  no  sooner 
raised,  than  the  fear  of  the  Sul  ans,  and  the  jealousy 
of  those  near  them,  who  envy  us,  precipitate  us  into 


554  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

the  lowest  abyss  of  misery.  Besides,  I  love  my  slave, 
and  her  beauty  qualifies  her  to  deserve  the  dignity  to 
which  my  affection  invites  her.  But,"  adds  he,  "in 
order  to  deserve  the  honours  I  design  her,  she  must 
this  very  day  change  her  religion.  Do  you  believe 
Lhat  any  ridiculous  prejudices  M^ill  prevail  on  her  to 
despise  my  offers  ? " — "  No,  my  lord,"  returned  the 
Toledan,  "  I  am  persuaded  that  she  will  sacrifice  all 
to  such  a  high  elevation.  But,  give  me  leave  to  tell 
you,  that  you  ought  not  to  marry  her  so  hastily; 
do  nothing  rashly;  it  is  not  to  be  doubted,  but  that 
the  thoughts  of  abandoning  the  religion  she  sucked 
in  with  her  mother's  milk  will  startle  her  at  first. 
Give  her,  then,  time  to  consider  of  it;  when  she  re- 
presents to  herself,  that  instead  of  dishonouring,  and 
afterwards  suffering  her  to  grow  old  and  neglected 
amongst  the  rest  of  your  captives,  you  join  her  to 
yourself  by  such  a  glorious  marriage,  her  gratitude 
and  vanity  will  by  little  and  little  remove  her  scruples. 
Defer,  therefore,  the  execution  of  your  design  for 
eight  days  only." 

The  Dey  continued  some  time  thinking.  He  did 
not  at  all  like  the  delay  his  confidant  proposed,  whose 
advice,  however,  appeared  reasonable.  "  I  yield  to 
your  reason,"  interrupted  the  Dey;  "though  I  am  so 
impatient  to  enjoy  the  fair  slave,  I  will  yet  wait  eight 
days.  Go  immediately  to  her,  and  dispose  her  to 
accomplish  my  desires  at  the  expiration  of  that  time. 
I  desire  that  the  same  Alvaro,  who  has  so  faithfully 
discharged  himself  with  regard  to  her,  may  have  the 
honour  to  offer  her  my  matrimonial  faith." 

Don  Juan  flewto  the  apartment  of  Donna  Theodora, 
and  informed  her  what  passed  betwixt  MezzomortO' 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  255 

and  him,  that  she  might  regulate  herself  accord' 
iiv^lw  He  also  told  her  that  the  renegade's  ship 
would  be  ready  in  six  days  ;  but  she  telling  him  that 
she  was  in  great  pain  to  know  how  she  should  get  out 
of  her  apartment,  since  all  the  doors  of  the  chambers, 
through  which  she  was  obliged  to  pass  to  reach  the 
stairs,  were  close  shut ;  "You  ought  not  to  give  yourself 
much  trouble  on  that  account,  madam,"  said  Don  Juan ; 
"one  of  )'Our  closet  windows  opens  into  the  garden, 
and  from  thence  you  may  descend  by  a  ladder  which 
I  will  provide  }'ou." 

Accordingly,  the  six  days  being  expired,  Francisco 
advertised  the  Toledan,  that  the  renegade  was  pre- 
paring to  depart  the  next  night  ;  which  you  may 
very  well  think  was  expected  with  great  impatience. 
The  time  came  at  last,  and  what  rendered  it  yet  more 
lucky  was,  that  it  grew  very  dark.  When  the  moment 
destined  for  the  execution  of  their  enterprise  came, 
Don  Juan  raised  the  ladder  to  Donna  Theodora's 
closet  window,  who  no  sooner  saw  it,  than  she  de- 
scended on  it  with  the  utmost  c5ncern  and  haste,  and 
then  leaning  on  the  false  Alvaro,  who  conducted  her 
to  the  little  garden  door,  which  opened  on  the  sea. 

They  made  all  possible  haste,  and  beforehand 
seemed  to  taste  the  pleasures  of  being  freed  from 
slavery  ;  but  fortune,  who  was  not  perfectly  recon- 
ciled to  these  lovers,  raised  a  more  cruel  misfortune 
than  all  those  which  they  had  hitherto  suffered,  and 
which  they  could  not  foresee. 

They  were  gotten  out  of  the  garden,  and  hastening 
to  the  seaside  to  reach  the  boat,  which  waited  for 
them,  when  a  man,  whom  they  took  for  one  of  their 
crew,  and  which  they  did  not  at  all  mistrust,  came 


256  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

directly  to  Don  Juan,  with  a  naked  sword,  and  run- 
ning him  into  the  breast,  "  Perfidious  Alvaro  Ponce,'* 
cried  he,  "  it  is  thus  that  Don  Fadrique  de  Mendoga 
is  obliged  to  punish  a  villainous  ravisher.  You  do  not 
deserve  that  I  should  attack  you  like  a  man  of 
honour." 

Don  Juan  could  not  resist  the  force  of  the  push, 
which  threw  him  down  ;  and  at  the  same  time  Donna 
Theodora,  whom  he  supported,  seized  at  once  with 
amazement,  grief,  and  the  fright,  swooned  away  on 
the  other  side.  "Ah!  Mendo9a,"  said  the  Toledan, 
"what  have  you  done?  It  is  Don  Juan  that}ou  have 
wounded  !  " — "  Just  Heaven  !  "  replied  Don  Fadrique, 

"  is   it  possible  that  I   should  assassinate  " — "  I 

forgive  you  my  death,"  returned  Zarate;  "  fate  alone 
is  to  be  blamed,  or  rather  it  was  designed  thus  to  put 
an  end  to  our  miseries.  Yes,  m)-  dear  Mendoga,  I  die 
contented  since  I  put  into  your  hands  the  beautiful 
Theodora,  who  can  assure  you  that  my  friendship  for 
you  has  never  been  violated." 

"  Too  generous  friend,"  said  Don  Fadrique,  seized 
with  a  violent  despair,  "you  shall  not  die  alone;  the 
same  sword  which  plunged  thus  cruelly  into  your 
breast,  shall  punish  your  murderer.  Though  my 
mistake  may  excuse  my  crime,  it  cannot  comfort 
me."  At  these  words  he  turned  the  point  of  his  sword 
to  his  breast,  ran  it  up  to  the  hilt,  and  fell  upon  Don 
Juan,  who  fainted  away,  less  enfeebled  by  his  own 
wound  than  his  friend's  rage. 

Francisco  and  the  renegade,  who  were  but  ten  paces 
ofif,  and  who  had  their  reasons  which  detained  them 
from  running  to  the  assistance  of  the  slave  Alvaro, 
were  extremely   astonished  to  hear  Don   Fadrique's 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  257 

words,  and  to  see  his  last  action  ;  they  then  found 
their  mistake,  and  that  the  wounded  men  were  two 
friends,  and  not  mortal  enemies,  as  they  thought. 
They  ran  to  their  assistance  ;  but  finding  them  sense- 
less as  v/ell  as  Donna  Theodora,  who  \'et  remained  in 
her  swoon,  they  were  at  a  loss  what  measures  to  take. 
Francisco  was  of  opinion,  that  they  should  content 
themselves  with  cai'rying  off  the  lady,  and  leave  the 
gentlemen  on  the  shore,  where,  according  to  all 
appearances,  they  would  immediately  die,  if  they  were 
not  yet  dead.  But  the  renegade  was  not  of  that 
opinion.  He  concluded  they  ought  not  to  be  left; 
that  their  wounds  might  perhaps  not  be  mortal,  and 
that  he  could  dress  them  on  board,  where  he  had  all 
the  instruments  of  his  former  trade,  which  he  had  not 
yet  forgotten.     Francisco  fell  in  with  his  opinion. 

As  he  was  not  ignorant  of  what  importance  it  was 
to  be  expeditious,  the  renegade  and  he,  by  the  assist- 
ance of  some  slaves,  carried  into  their  skiff  the  un- 
happy widow  Cifuentes,  and  her  two  lovers,  yet  more 
unfortunate  than  she,  and  in  a  very  few  minutes  reached 
their  ship.  As  soon  as  they  were  all  gotten  on  board, 
some  of  them  spread  their  sails,  whilst  others  on  their 
knees  on  the  deck  implored  the  assistance  of  Heaven, 
by  the  most  fervent  petitions  which  the  fear  of  being 
pursued  by  Mezzomorto's  ships  could  inspire. 

The  renegade,  after  having  charged  with  the  man- 
agement of  the  ship  a  French  slave,  who  understood 
it  perfectly  well,  applied  himself  first  to  Donna  Theo- 
dora, whom  he  recovered  out  of  her  swoon,  and  then 
took  such  successful  care  of  Don  Fadrique  and  the 
Toledan,  that  they  also  recovered  their  senses.  The 
widow  Cifuentes,  who  fainted   away   at  the  sight  of 

R 


2S8  ASMODEUS:  OR,  -      *     ■ 

Don  Juan's  being  wounded,  was  very  mucn  surpr  sed 
to  find  Mendoga  there ;  and  though  at  the  sight  of 
him  she  really  believed  that  he  had  fallen  on  his  own 
sword,  for  grief  of  havhig  wounded  his  friend,  yet  she 
could  not  look  on  him  otherwise  than  the  murderer  of 
the  man  she  loved. 

It  was  certainly  the  most  moving  scene  in  the 
world,  to  see  these  three  persons  returned  to  them- 
selves; and  the  condition  out  of  which  they  had  been 
recovered,  though  a  resemblance  of  death,  did  not 
more  deserve  pity.  Donna  Theodora  earnestly  looked 
on  Don  Juan,  with  eyes  in  which  were  painted,  in 
lively  colours,  all  the  emotions  of  a  soul  overwhelmed 
with  grief  and  despair.  And  the  two  friends  fixed  on 
her  their  dying  eyes,  feebly  uttering  the  most  pro- 
found sighs. 

After  having  for  some  time  kept  a  silence  equally 
tender  and  unhappy,  Don  Fadrique  thus  broke  it  by 
addressing  himself  to  the  widow  Cifuentes  :  "  Madam," 
said  he,  "before  I  die,  I  have  }et  the  satisfaction  to 
see  you  delivered  out  of  slaver}- ;  would  to  Heaven 
that  you  were  indebted  for  your  liberty  to  me;  but  it 
has  appointed  that  you  should  owe  that  obligation  to 
the  man  you  love.  I  love  that  rival  too  well  to  mur- 
mur at  it,  and  wish  that  the  wound  which  I  have  heen 
so  unhappy  as  to  give  liim,  may  not  prevent  the  full 
enjoyment  of  your  gTc.  ful  acknowledgments."  The 
lady  made  no  answer  to  these  words ;  but  far  from 
being  then  sensible  of  the  m.elancholy  fate  of  Don 
Fadrique,  she  was  only  influenced  by  the  aversion 
to  him,  which  the  present  condition  of  the  Toledan 
had  inspired. 

In  the  meantime  the  chirurgeon  prepared  to  exa- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  259 

mine  and  probe  the  v\  muds.  He  began  with  that  of 
Don  Juan,  and  did  not  find  it  dangerous,  by  reason 
the  pass  had  only  glanced  below  the  left  pap,  and 
had  not  touched  any  of  the  nobler  vital  parts.  This 
report  of  the  chirurgeon  very  much  abated  Donna 
Theodora's  affliction,  and  equally  rejoiced  Don  Fad- 
rique;  who,  turning  his  head  toward  that  lady,  "I  am 
satisfied,"  said  he  ;  "I  leave  this  life  without  regret, 
since  my  friend  is  out  of  danger:  I  shall  not  then  die 
laden  with  your  hate." 

These  words  were  uttered  with  such  a  moving  air, 
that  Theodora  was  touched  by  them ;  and  as  her  fear 
for  Don  Juan  grew  over,  she  ceased  to  hate  Don  Fad- 
rique,  and  no  longer  looked  on  him  otherwise  than  on 
a  man  who  deserved  her  pity.  "  Ah,  Mendoga  !  "  cried 
she,  influenced  by  a  generous  transport,  "let  your 
wound  be  dressed,  it  is  not  perhaps  more  dangerous 
than  that  of  your  friend.  Oh !  yield  to  our  care  of 
your  life  ;  and  if  I  cannot  make  you  happy,  at  least 
I  will  not  bestow  that  felicity  on  another  ;  but  out 
of  compassion  and  tenderness  for  you,  I  will  with- 
hold the  hand  which  I  designed  to  give  Don  Juan, 
and  offer  to  you  the  same  sacrifice  which  he  has 
made  you." 

Don  Fadrique  was  going  to  reply,  but  the  chirur- 
geon, afraid  that  speaking  might  prejudice  him,  ob- 
liged him  to  silence,  and  searched  his  wound,  which 
he  judged  mortal,  by  reason  the  sword  had  pierced 
the  upper  part  of  his  lungs,  as  he  concluded  from  his 
excessive  flux  of  blood,  the  consequence  of  which 
was  very  much  to  be  feared.  As  soon  as  he  had 
dressed  the  gentlemen,  he  caused  them  to  be  carried 
to  his  own  cabin,  to  repose  them  on  two  beds,  one 


26o  ASMODEUS.  OR, 

next  the  other;  and  conducted  Donna  Theodora 
thither,  whose  presence  he  thought  would  not  be 
prejudicial  to  them. 

Notwithstanding  all  this  care,  Mendoga  fell  into  a 
fever,  and  towards  night  the  flux  of  blood  augmented. 
The  chirurgeon  then  told  him  he  was  incurable  ;  and 
informed  him,  that  if  he  had  anything  to  say  to  his 
friend,  or  to  Donna  Theodora,  he  had  no  time  to  lose. 
This  news  strangely  afflicted  the  Toledan  ;  but  Don 
Fadrique  received  it  with  indifference.  He  sent  for 
the  widow  Cifuentes,  who  came  to  him  in  a  condition 
much  easier  to  be  imagined  than  described. 

Her  face  was  covered  with  iears,  and  she  sobbed 
with  so  much  violence,  that  she  disturbed  Mendoga. 
"Madam,"  said  he,  "  I  am  unworthy  those  precious 
tears  that  you  shed  ;  restrain  them,  I  beg,  for  a 
niomeat :  I  ask  the  same  of  you,  dear  Zarate,"  adds 
he,  observing  the  insupportable  grief  which  his  friend 
showed  ;  "  I  know  that  this  separation  must  very  sen- 
sibly afflict  you  ;  I  am  too  well  acquainted  with  your 
friendship  to  doubt  it:  but  I  beseech  of  you  to  stay 
till  my  death,  and  reserve  these  tears  to  honour  it 
v^'ilh  so  many  marks  of  tenderness  and  pity.  Sus- 
pend }'Our  grief  till  then,  since  that  touches  me  more 
than  the  loss  of  my  life.  1  must  acquaint  you  through 
what  meanders  of  fate  I  was  conducted  to  this  fatal 
shore,  where  I  have  tainted  myself  with  my  friend's 
blood  and  with  my  own.  You  must  be  in  pain  to 
know  how  I  could  take  Don  Juan  for  Don  Alvaro,  but 
I  will  immediately  inform  you,  if  the  small  remainder 
of  life  will  allow  me  to  make  that  melancholy  dis- 
cover}'. 

"  Some  hours  after  the  ship  in   which  I  was  had 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  261 

quitted  that  wherein  I  left  Don  Juan,  we  met  a  French 
privateer,  which  attacked  and  took  the  Tunis  ship, 
and  set  us  on  shore  at  Ahcant.  I  was  no  sooner  at 
liberty  than  I  thought  of  ransoming  Don  Juan,  to 
which  end  I  went  to  Valencia  and  raised  money;  and 
on  advice  that  at  Barcelona  there  were  several  monks 
of  the  order  for  the  redemption  of  slaves  ready  to  set 
out  for  Algiers,  I  resolved  not  to  lose  this  occasion. 
But  before  I  left  Valencia,  I  entreated  Don  Francisco 
de  Mendoga,  my  uncle,  to  use  his  interest  at  the  court 
of  Spain  to  obtain  a  pardon  for  my  friend,  because 
my  design  was  to  bring  him  back  with  me,  and  re- 
establish him  in  his  estate,  which  was  confiscated  after 
the  death  of  the  Duke  of  Naxera, 

"  As  soon  as  we  were  arrived  at  Algiers,  I  went  to 
the  places  frequented  by  slaves ;  but  having  run 
through  all  of  them,  I  did  not  find  what  I  searched 
for,  I  met  the  Catalan  renegade,  to  whom  this  vessel 
belongs,  whom  I  remembered  formerly  to  have  been 
in  my  uncle's  service.  I  told  him  the  occasion  of  my 
voyage,  and  desired  him  to  make  a  strict  search  for 
my  friend.  '  I  am  sorry,  sir,'  said  he,  '  1  cannot  serve 
you.  I  am  to  leave  Algiers  to-night  with  a  lady  of 
Valencia,  who  is  a  slave  to  the  Dey.' — '  Pray  what  is 
the  lady's  name.'''  said  I.  'Her  name,'  replied  he, 
'  is  Theodora.' 

"  My  surprise  at  hearing  this  was  enough  to  let  the 
renegade  see  that  I  was  concerned  for  that  lady.  He 
discovered  to  me  the  design  he  laid  to  knock  off  her 
chains.  And  as  he  mentioned  one  Alvaro  in  his  story, 
I  did  not  doubt  but  it  was  Alvaro  Ponce  himself. 
'  Assist  my  resentment,'  cried  I,  transported,  to  the 
renegade ;  '  help  me  to  revenge  myself  on  my  enemy. 


262  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

— 'You  shall  soon  be  satisfied,'  answered  he,  'but  let 
me  first  know  your  cause  of  complaint  against  Alvaro.' 
Upon  this,  I  told  him  our*  whole  story ;  and  he 
having  heard  it,  'It  is  enough,'  cried  he:  'you  need 
only  accompany  me  on  the  night  chosen  for  our' 
departure,  where  you  will  see  your  enemy  ;  and  after 
you  have  punished  him,  you  shall  take  his  place, 
and  join  with  us  in  conducting  Donna  Theodora  to 
Valencia.' 

"  Yet  this  impatience  did  not  hinder  my  search  after 
Don  Juan  ;  but  despairing  to  hear  any  news  of  him, 
I  left  money  for  his  ransom  in  the  hands  of  an  Italian 
merchant  named  Francisco  Capati,  who  lives  at 
Algiers,  and  undertook  his  ransom  if  he  could  ever 
find  him. 

"At  last  the  night  appointed  for  our  departure  and 
my  revenge  came,  when  I  went  to  the  renegade,  who 
led  me  to  that  part  of  the  seashore  behind  Mezzo- 
morto's  gardens.  We  stopped  at  a  little  door  that  soon 
opened,  whence  came  out  a  man  who  made  directly 
up  to  us,  pointing  with  his  finger  to  a  man  and  woman 
who  were  coming  after  him  :  '  Those  who  follow  me,' 
said  he,  '  are  Alvaro  and  Donna  Theodora.' 

"At  this  sight,  enraged  to  the  last  degree,  I  drew 
my  sword,  ran  to  the  unfortunate  Alvaro,  and,  per- 
suaded that  it  was  my  hateful  rival  whom  I  was 
approaching,  I  wounded  that  faithful  friend,  whose 
uncertain  destiny  was  the  cause  of  all  my  disturbance. 
But,  thanks  to  Heaven,"  continued  he  in  a  softer  tone, 
"  my  mistake  will  neither  cost  him  his  life,  nor  the 
eternal  tears  of  Donna  Theodora." 

"Ah,  Mendoga,"  interrupted  the  lady,"  "you  injure 
my  affliction;  I  shall  never  comfort  myself  for  the 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  263 

loss  of  you;  for  though  I  should  even  marrj'  your 
friend,  it  would  be  only  uniting  our  griefs :  your  love, 
your  friendship,  and  your  misfortunes  would  be  the 
whole  subject  of  our  discourse." — "  It  is  too  much, 
madam,"  replied  Don  Faorique  ;  "I  am  not  worth}- 
your  so  long  mourning  for  me.  Allow,  I  conjure  you, 
Zarate  to  marry  you,  after  he  shall  have  revenged 
)Ou  of  Alvaro  Ponce." — *'  Don  Alvaro  is  no  more," 
replied  the  widow  Cifuentes  ;  "  the  same  day  that  he 
seized  me,  he  was  killed  by  the  pirate  who  took  me." 

"Madam,"  said  Mendoga,  "this  news  gives  me 
pleasure  :  my  friend  will  the  sooner  be  happy  ;  follow 
without  restraint  the  guidance  of  your  mutual  passion  ; 
I  see  with  joy  the  moment  approaching,  which  will 
remove  the  obstacle  your  compassion  and  his  gener- 
osity have  raised  to  prevent  your  mutual  happiness. 
May  all  your  days  be  spent  in  repose  and  union, 
which  the  jealousy  of  fortune  may  not  dare  to  dis- 
turb !  Adieu,  madam  ;  adieu,  Don  Juan  ;  vouchsafe 
both  of  you  sometimes  to  remember  a  man,  who 
never  loved  any  so  well  as  you." 

The  lady  and  the  Toledan,  instead  of  answering, 
redoubled  their  tears.  Don  Fadrique,  who  perceived 
it,  and  found  himself  very  ill,  thus  continued:  "I 
grow  too  tender  ;  death  has  already  surrounded  me, 
and  I  forget  to  supplicate  the  divine  goodness,  to 
pardon  my  having  shortened  a  life,  which  it  alone 
ought  to  have  disposed  of."  At  these  words  he  lifted 
up  his  eyes  to  heaven  with  all  the  signs  of  a  sincere 
repentance,  and  the  flux  of  blood  immediately 
occasioned  a  suffocation,  which  carried  him  off. 

Then  Don  Juan,  hurried  by  his  despair,  tore  off 
his  plaisters,  and  would  have  rendered  his  vround  in- 


264  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

curable  ;  but  Francisco  and  the  renegade  threw  them- 
selves on  him,  and  opposed  his  distraction  ;  and 
Donna  Theodora,  terribly  affrighted  at  this  furious 
transport,  assisted  them  both  in  diverting  Don  Juan 
from  his  design.  She  besought  him  with  such  a 
moving  air,  that,  returning  to  himself,  he  suffered  his 
wound  tc  be  again  bound  up  ;  and  at  last  the  interest 
of  a  lover,  hy  slow  degrees,  abated  the  rage  of  a 
friend.  But  if  he  recovered  his  reason,  it  served  only 
to  prevent  the  distracted  effects  of  grief,  and  not  to 
diminish  the  sense  of  it. 

The  renegade,  who,  amongst  other  things  he  had 
brought  out  of  Spain,  had  some  excellent  Arabian 
balsam  and  precious  perfumes,  embalmed  Mendoga's 
body  at  the  instance  of  the  lady  and  Don  Juan,  who 
assured  him,  that  at  Valencia  they  would  perform  all 
the  honours  of  his  sepulture.  The  two  lovers,  too, 
passionately  indulged  their  grief  all  the  while  they 
were  on  board ;  but  the  rest  were  more  cheerful,  and, 
the  wind  being  favourable,  they  were  not  long  before 
they  discovered  the  coasts  of  Spain. 

At  that  sight  all  the  slaves  \'ielded  themselves  up 
to  joy;  and  when  the  vessel  was  happily  arrived  at 
the  port  of  Denia,  every  one  took  a  different  course. 
The  widow  Cifuentes  and  the  Toledan  sent  a  courier 
to  Valencia  with  letters  for  the  governor  and  Donna 
Theodora's  family.  The  news  of  that  lady's  return 
was  received  with  all  possible  expressions  of  joy  by 
all  her  relations  ;  but  Don  Francisco  de  Mendoga  was 
extremely  afflicted  at  the  loss  of  his  nephew  ;  he 
discovered  it  very  plainly  when  he  accompanied  the 
widow  Cifuentes's  relations  to  Denia,  where  he  de- 
sired to  see  the  corpse  of  the  unfortunate  Don  Fad- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  265 

rique.  The  good  old  man  then  melted  into  tears, 
and  uttered  such  lamentable  complaints,  as  sensibly- 
touched  all  the  spectators.  He  inquired  by  what 
adventure  his  nephew  fell. 

"I  will  tell  you,  my  lord,"  said  the  Toledan ;  "far 
from  blotting  it  out  of  my  memor}-,  I  take  a  melan- 
choly pleasure  in  continually  calling  him  to  mind, 
and  feeding  my  sorrows.  "  He  then  related  to  him 
the  sad  accident ;  and  the  recital  of  his  story  draw- 
ing fresh  tears  from  him,  redoubled  those  of  Don 
Francisco.  As  for  Donna  Theodora,  her  relations 
expressed  their  great  joy  to  see  her  again,  and 
felicitated  her  on  the  miraculous  manner  of  her 
delivery  from  the  tyranny  of  Mezzomorto. 

After  a  perfect  relation  of  all  particulars,  Don 
Fadrique's  corpse  was  put  into  a  coach,  and  carried 
to  Valencia,  but  not  buried  there;  because  Don 
Francisco  de  Mendoga,  preparing  to  live  at  Madrid, 
resolved  to  have  his  nephew's  body  carried  to  that 
city. 

While  all  manner  of  preparations  were  making  for 
their  journey,  the  widow  Cifuentes  loaded  Francisco 
and  the  renegade  with  presents  equal  to  their  wishes. 
Francisco  went  to  Navarre,  and  the  renegade  imme- 
diately returned  with  his  mother  to  Barcelona  ;  there, 
having  renounced  his  errors,  and  reconciled  himself 
to  the  church,  he  lives  in  a  reputable  manner  at  this 
present  time. 

In  the  meanwhile,  also,  Don  Francisco  received  a 
packet  from  the  court,  wherein  was  Don  Juan's 
pardon  ;  which  the  king,  notwithstanding  the  great 
value  he  had  for  the  house  of  Naxera,  could  not  refuse 
the  Mendogas,  who  all  joined  in  soliciting  it.     This 


266  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

news  was  the  more  agreeable  to  the  Toledan,  because 
it  procured  him  the  liberty  of  accompanying  the 
corpse  of  his  friend,  which  he  durst  not  have  done 
without  it. 

At  last  they  all  set  forward,  accompanied  with  a 
great  number  of  persons  of  quality  ;  and  as  soon  as 
they  arrived  at  Madrid,  they  buried  the  corpse  of 
Don  Fadrique  in  a  church,  where  Zarate  and  Donna 
Theodora  raised  a  noble  monument  over  his  grave. 
They  did  not  stop  there  ;  but  kept  themselves  in 
mourning  for  their  friend  for  the  space  of  a  whole 
year,  to  eternise  their  grief  and  friendship. 

After  having  given  such  signal  marks  of  their 
tenderness  for  Mendoga,  they  married ;  but  by  an 
inconceivable  effect  of  the  power  of  friendship,  Don 
Juan  long  retained  his  melancholy  for  his  friend, 
which  nothing  was  able  to  remove,  Don  Fadriqae 
was  always  present  in  his  thoughts  ;  he  saw  him  every 
night  in  his  dreams,  and  generally  just  as  he  had  seen 
him  breathing  his  last.  But  yet  his  reason  began  to 
dispel  these  melancholy  views ;  and  Donna  Theodora's 
charms,  with  which  he  was  captivated,  triumphed  by 
little  and  little  over  the  sad  remembrance  of  Mendoga. 
To  conclude,  at  last  Don  Juan  was  going  to  live 
hap{)ily,  and  very  contentedly  ;  but  a  few  days  past 
he  fell  from  his  horse,  as  he  was  hunting,  and  hurt  his 
head  ;  the  wound  grew  to  an  imposthume,  so  that  the 
physicians  could  not  save  him.  He  is  just  dead  ;  and 
Theodora,  the  lady  whom  you  see  in  the  arms  of  two 
women  who  are  watching  her  distraction,  may  pro- 
bably soon  follow  him. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  267 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

OJ^  DREAMS. 

When  Asmodeus  had  ended  his  story,  Don  CleoTa-j 
said  to  him  :  "  This  is  a  very  fine  image  of  friendship, 
but  it  is  rare  to  find  two  men  love  one  another  like 
Don  Juan  and  Don  Fadrique;  and  I  believe  it  will 
be  more  difficult  to  meet  with  two  ladies  so  good 
friends,  as  generously  to  make  a  reciprocal  sacrifice 
of  their  lovers  to  each  other." 

"Without  doubt,"  says  the  devil,  "it  is  what  has 
not  been  yet,  and  never  will  be  seen  in  this  world  : 
women  are  not  so  complaisant  to  one  another.  Sup- 
pose two  ladies  love  each  other  in  an  unusual  degree, 
their  friendship  may  be  tender  and  sincere,  and  they 
may  even  forbear  speaking  ill  of  one  another  in  ab- 
sence ;  such  good  friends  may  they  be,  and  that,  I 
assure  you,  is  a  great  deal ;  yet  if  you  meet  with  them, 
and  incline  more  to  the  one  than  the  other,  rage 
presently  seizes  the  fair  one  that  is  slighted,  not  tiiat 
she  loves  you,  but  she  would  be  preferred.  This  is 
the  nature  of  all  women  ;  they  are  too  jealous  one  of 
another  to  be  capable  of  friendship." 

"  The  story  of  these  two  unparalleled  friends," 
replied  Leandro  Perez,  "  is  a  little  romantic,  and  has 
taken  us  up  too  much  time.     The  night  is  already  far 


268  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

advanced,  and  we  shall  immediately  see  the  day 
begin  to  break.  But  still  I  expect  a  fresh  entertain- 
ment from  you.  I  see  abundance  of  people  asleep, 
and  should  be  glad  to  know  what  they  are  dreaming 
of." — "  With  all  my  heart,"  answered  the  demon  ;  "  I 
see  you  love  variet}^  and  I  will  oblige  you." 

"  I  fancy,"  said  Zambullo,  "  I  shall  hear  a  great 
many  very  ridiculous  dreams," — "  Why  so  ?  "  answered 
the  cripple.  "You,  who  are  master  of  Ovid,  must 
know  what  the  poet  says,  that  it  is  towards  daybreak 
that  dreams  are  truest,  because  at  that  time  the  soul 
is  disengaged  from  the  vapours  arisjjig  from  digestion." 
— "For  my  part,"  replied  the  student,  "whatever 
Ovid  may  please  to  say  on  this  matter,  I  have  no 
faith  in  dreams." — "You  are  in  the  wrong  then," 
answered  Asmodeus ;  "one  should  neither  believe 
them  all,  nor  treat  them  all  as  chimerical,  for  they 
are  a  sort  of  liars  that  sometimes  speak  truth.  The 
Emperor  Augustus,  whose  head,  sure,  was  as  good  as 
a  student's,  despised  no  dreams  wherein  he  found 
himself  concerned  ;  and,  at  the  battle  of  Philippi,  was 
very  near  leaving  his  tent,  upon  the  recital  of  a  dream 
relating  to  him.  I  could  give  a  thousand  instances 
to  convince  you  of  your  rashness,  but  shall  pass  them 
over,  to  oblige  \ou  in  this  new  inclination  you  so 
much  long  to  have  satisfied. 

*'  Let  us  begin  with  that  fine  house  on  the  right 
hand  :  the  master  of  it,  whom  you  see  sleeping  in 
those  rich  lodgings,  is  a  liberal  and  debauched  count; 
he  is  dreaming  that  he  is  at  the  play,  that  he  hears  a 
young  actress  sing,  and  is  conquered  by  the  voice  of 
this  Syren. 

**  In  the  next  apartment  lies  the  countess,  his  wife. 


TBE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  269 

who  loves  play  to  madness.  She  is  dreaming  that 
she  has  no  money,  and  is  pawning  her  jewels  to  a 
jeweller,  who  lends  her  throe  hundred  pistoles  on 
them  at  common  interest. 

"  In  the  next  house  to  this  lives  a  marquis,  who  is 
in  love  with  a  famous  coquette;  he  dreams  that  he 
has  borrowed  a  considerable  sum  of  money  to  make 
her  a  present ;  and  his  steward,  who  lies  in  that  little 
chamber  there,  a  storey  higher,  that  he  is  growing 
rich  as  his  master  grows  poor.  Well,  what  think  \'ou 
of  these  two  dreams  ;  do  they  appear  extravagant  ? " 
— "  No,  really,"  replied  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  find  Ovid 
was  in  the  right ;  but  I  would  very  fain  know  what 
spark  that  is  who  is  asleep  with  his  mustachios  in 
papers,  like  ladies'  favourites,  and  in  his  sleep  has  an 
air  of  gaiety,  which  persuades  me  he  is  no  vulgar 
fellow." — "  It  is  a  country  gentleman,"  replied  Asmo- 
deus,  "a.  viscount  of  Arragon,  proud  and  vain;  his 
soul  is  this  very  moment  swimming  in  joy,  for  he 
dreams  that  he  is  with  a  great  lord  of  the  court,  who 
gives  him  the  place  of  honour  at  a  public  ceremony. 

"  But  in  the  same  house  I  see  two  brothers, 
physicians,  who  are  in  very  mgrtifying  dreams  :  one 
dreams  that  there  is  a  law  made,  forbidding  any  one 
^o  give  a  physician  a  fee,  unless  the  patient  be  cured  ; 
and  his  brother,  that  there  is  an  order  published, 
requiring  all  doctors  to  go  into  mourning  for  all  the 
patients  that  die  in  their  hands." 

"Would  to  God,"  quoth  the  student,  "this  last 
order  was  true,  and  every  doctor  was  obliged  to  go 
to  the  funeral  of  his  patients,  as  the  lieutenant-criminal 
in  France  is  bound  to  be  present  at  the  execution  of 
the  malefactor  he  has  condc^mned." 


270  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"The  comparison  is  just,"  replied  the  devil;  "all 
the  difference  is,  that  the  latter  may  be  said  to  see 
his  sentence  put  into  execution,  whereas  the  other 
has  already  executed  his." 

Here  Don  Cleofas  interrupted  the  demon,  crying: 
"  See,  see  ;  who  is  that  gentleman  there  that  rubs  his 
eyes,  and  gets  up  so  hastily  ?  " 

"It  is  a  courtier,"  replied  the  devil,  "who  is  soliciting 
for  a  government  in  New  Spain  ;  a  terrible  dream 
has  awakened  him  :  He  dreamed  the  first  minister 
had  looked  coldly  on  him,  I  see,  too,  a  young  creature 
that  seems  just  waked,  and  not  very  well  pleased  with 
her  dream.  It  is  a  young  lady  of  condition,  one  as 
prudent  as  she  is  beautiful,  who  is  besieged  by  two 
lovers.  She  has  a  very  great  tenderness  for  the  one, 
and  a  horrid  aversion  for  the  other.  She  just  now 
saw  in  her  dream  the  gallant  she  detests  at  her  feet; 
and  he  showed  so  much  love,  and  was  so  pressing, 
that,  had  she  not  waked,  she  was  going  to  treat  him 
with  more  kindness  than  she  ever  treated  the  other 
she  loves.  During  sleep,  nature  throws  off  the  re- 
straints of  reason  and  virtue. 

"  Look  upon  that  house  at  the  corner  of  that  street: 
there  lives  an  attorney ;  see,  he  is  abed  with  his  wife, 
in  a  chamber  hung  with  old  tapestry  hangings,  with 
antique  figures :  he  dreams  that  he  is  going  to  pay  a 
visit  to  one  of  his  clients  in  the  almshouse,  and  gives 
him  charity  out  of  his  own  pocket;  and  his  wife,  that 
her  husband  has  turned  a  young  clerk,  of  whom  he 
was  jealous,  out  of  doors." 

"  I  hear  somebody  snore,"  says  the  student,  "and 
believe  it  is  that  fat  fellow  there,  in  the  little  room 
on  the  left  hand  of  us." — "The  very  same,"  replied 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  271 

Asmodeus  ;  "  it  is  a  prebend  dreaming  he  is  saying 
his  prayers. 

"  Next  to  him  is  a  mercer,  who  sells  very  ^ear 
bargains  to  people  of  quality,  but  all  upon  trust ;  he 
has  about  ten  thousand  crowns  owing  him.  He 
dreams  his  debtors  are  bringing  him  his  money  ;  and 
his  creditors  are  dreaming  that  he  is  on  the  point  of 
breaking." — "These  two  dreams,"  said  the  student, 
"did  not  come  out  of  the  Temple  of  Sleep  by  the 
same  gate." — "No,  I  assure  you,"  replied  the  demon  : 
"  the  first  for  certain  came  out  of  the  ivory  gate,  and 
the  second  at  that  of  horn. 

"  In  the  house  next  to  the  mercer  lives  a  famous 
bookseller ;  he  printed  a  book  that  went  off  very  well 
a  little  while  ago.  When  he  bought  it,  he  promised 
to  give  the  author  fifty  pistoles  on  a  second  edition  ; 
and  he  dreams  now  of  reprinting  it  without  giving 
him  any  notice  of  it." 

"Ah,  does  he  so?"  says  Cleofas ;  "I  need  not  ask 
out  of  which  gate  this  dream  came,  and  I  do  not 
doubt  that  it  will  prove  one  of  the  truest  that  ever 
he  had  in  his  life.  I  am  acquainted  with  those 
worthy  gentlemen  the  booksellers  ;  they  make  no 
manner  of  conscience  of  cheating  their  authors." 
The  demon  answered  :  "Very  true;  but  you  should 
speak  what  you  know  of  those  worthy  gentlemen,  the 
authors,  too.  Upon  my  word,  they  have  no  more 
conscience  than  the  booksellers.  A  little  adventure 
that  happened  not  a  hundred  years  ago  at  Madrid, 
„hall  convince  you  of  it. 

"Three  booksellers  were  at  supper  together  at  a 
tavern.  The  conversation  turned  upon  the  scarcity 
of  good   modern   books.      Thereupon   one   of  them 


272  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

said:  "As  you  are  my  friends,  I  will  tell  you  in 
confidence,  what  a  bargain  I  had  some  days  ago. 
I  bought  a  copy,  it  was  a  little  dear  indeed,  but 
written  by  such  a  hand  !  it  is  old  gold  ! '  Another 
of  them  then  took  up  the  discourse,  telling  them 
what  a  bargain  he  had  the  day  before.  'And  I 
too,  gentlemen,'  cried  the  third  in  his  turn,  '  will  be 
as  communicative  as  either  of  you;  I  have  a  jewel 
of  a  manuscript  to  show  you,  and  it  was  but  this 
very,  day  I  had  this  lucky  hit.'  At  the  same  time 
each  drew  out  of  their  pockets  the  valuable  copy 
they  had  been  talking  of,  and  as  it  appeared  to  be  a 
new  piece  for  the  stage  called  '  The  Wandering  Jew,' 
they  were  in  amaze  to  see  the  same  copy  had  been 
sold  to  them  all  three. 

"In  another  house,"  continued  he,  "  I  see  a  timorous, 
respectful  lover,  who  is  just  awake.  He  is  in  Jove 
with  a  brisk  young  widow,  and  dreamed  that  be 
had  her  in  the  middle  of  a  wood,  where  he  said 
abundance  of  soft  things  to  her,  and  she  to  him ; 
as:  '  Ah  !  there  is  no  resisting  you  ;  I  should  yield  to 
you,  if  I  was  not  on  my  guard  against  all  mankind  : 
they  are  so  false,  I  dare  not  trust  them  upon  their 
words,  I  am  for  actions.' — 'What  actions,  madam,' 
replied  the  lover,  'do  you  require  of  me?  Must  I 
undertake  the  twelve  labours  of  Hercules  to  show 
my  love.^' — 'No,  no,  Don  Nicasio,'  says  the  lady,  'I 

do  not  demand  any  such  thing  of  you,  I  only* 

and  then  he  awoke." 

"Pray,"  says  the  student,  "tell  me  why  the  man 
who  is  asleep  in  yonder  dark-coloured  bed  talks  to 
iiimself  as  if  he  was  possessed."  The  devil  answered  : 
"Oh!  that  is  a  notable  licentiate,  who  is  in  a  dream 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  273 

that  puts  him  in  a  terrible  agitation ;  it  is  no  less 
than  that  he  is  in  dispute,  and  maintaining  the 
immortality  oi'  the  soul  against  a  little  doctor  of 
physic,  who  is  as  good  a  Catholic  as  physician.  On 
the  second  floor  with  the  licentiate  lives  a  gentleman 
of  Estremadura,  named  Baltazzor  Fanfarronico,  who 
is  come  post  to  court,  to  demand  a  reward  for  having 
killed  a  Portuguese  with  a  blunderbuss;  do  you  know 
what  he  is  dreaming  of''  why,  that  they  have  given 
him  the  government  of  Antequerre,  and  yet  he  is 
not  satisfied ;  he  thinks  he  deserves  a  viceroyalty. 

"  I  see  two  persons  of  consequence  in  furnished 
lodgings,  dreaming  very  disagreeably.  One  of  them, 
governor  of  a  fort,  dreams  he  is  besieged  in  it,  and 
after  a  weak  resistance  he  is  obliged  to  surrender 
himself  and  his  garrison  prisoners  of  war.  The 
other  is  the  bishop  of  Murcia :  this  eloquent  prelate 
has  orders  to  preach  a  sermon  at  the  funeral  of  a 
princess,  which  is  to  be  in  two  days.  He  dreams 
he  is  in  the  pulpit,  and  that  he  stops  short  at  the 
very  entrance  of  his  discourse."  —  "It  is  not  im- 
possible," said  Don  Cleofas,  "for  such  an  unlucky 
accident  really  to  happen." — "  No,  indeed,"  replied  the 
devil,  "and  it  is  not  long  since  it  happened,  in  good 
earnest,  to  his  lordship  on  such  another  occasion. 

"  Shall  I  show  you  a  man  that  is  used  to  walk  in 
his  sleep.''  Only  look  into  the  stables  belonging  to 
this  house,  and  tell  me  what  you  see  there." — "  I 
di.scern,"  said  Leandro  Perez,  "a  man  in  his  shirt, 
with  a  currycomb  in  his  hand." — "  So  he  has,"  replied 
the  devil ;  "  it  is  a  groom  sleeping,  who  every  night 
rises  out  of  his  bed,  and  curries  his  horses  in  his 
sleep,  and  then  goes  to  bed  again.     The  people  of 

S 


274  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

the  house  think  it  is  some  whimsical  spirit,  and  the 
groom  himself  is  of  their  mind. 

"  In  that  great  house  over  the  way  lives  an  old 
knight  of  the  golden  fleece,  who  was  formerly  viceroy 
of  Mexico.  He  is  fallen  sick,  and  as  he  apprehends 
he  shall  die,  his  viceroyalty  begins  to  make  him 
uneasy.  Indeed  his  conduct  in  it  is  enough  to  make 
him  so.  The  records  of  New  Spain  do  not  speak 
of  him  with  honour.  He  has  just  had  a  dream,  the 
horror  of  which  is  not  yet  quite  over,  and  probably 
it  may  send  him  into  the  other  world." 

"This  dream,  then,"  said  ZambuUo,  "must  be 
very  extraordinary." — "You  shall  hear  it,"  replied 
Asmodeus;  "it  has  something  very  odd  in  it.  This 
lord  just  now  dreamed  that  he  was  in  the  regions  of 
the  dead,  where  all  the  Mexicans,  who  have  been 
the  victims  of  his  injustice  and  cruelty,  came  pour- 
ing in  upon  him,  loading  him  with  injurious  and 
reproachful  language,  and  would  have  even  torn 
him  to  pieces,  but  that  he  took  to  his  heels,  and  so 
escaped  their  fury.  After  which,  he  found  himself 
in  a  great  hall  liung  with  black  cloth,  where  were 
his  father  and  grandfather  sitting  at  a  table  with 
three  covers  on  it.  These  two  mournful  guests  made 
signs  to  him  to  come  near  them,  and  his  father 
said,  with  the  gravity  natural  to  the  deceased,  'We 
have  long  expected  you ;  come  and  take  your  place 
amongst  us.'" 

"The  villain  is  mad,"  cried  the  student;  "we 
must  pardon  a  sick  man  if  he  is  light-headed." — "In 
return,"  said  the  cripple,  "  his  niece,  who  lies  in  the 
apartment  over  him,  is  passing  the  night  most 
deliciously.      Her  slumbers    offer   to    her    the    most 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  275 

agreeable  ideas.  She  is  between  twenty  and  thirty, 
ugly  and  ill  made,  and  is  dreaming  that  her  uncle, 
whose  sole  heir  she  is,  is  dead,  and  that  a  crowd  of 
young  noblemen  are  flocking  about  her,  and  con- 
tending who  shall  have  the  g'ory  of  being  most  in 
her  good  graces." 

"  If  I  am  not  mistaken,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  hear 
somebody  laugh  behind  us." — "No,  you  are  not 
mistaken,"  replied  the  devil  ;  *'  it  is  a  woman  hard  by, 
laughing  in  her  sleep.  She  is  a  widow  who  sets  up 
for  a  prude,  and  whose  darling  pleasure  is  scandal; 
she  dreams  she  is  talking  with  an  old  devout  lady, 
whose  conversation  delights  her  infinitely. 

"  I  must  laugh  in  my  turn  too,"  said  the  devil, 
**  at  that  honest  citizen  in  the  room  under  the  widow, 
who  can  scarce  live  tolerably  on  what  he  has.  He 
dreams  of  picking  up  pieces  of  gold  and  silver,  and 
that  the  more  he  picks  up,  the  more  remain.  He  has 
already  filled  a  great  chest  with  them." — "  Poor 
soul!"  said  Leandro,  "he  will  not  long  enjoy  his 
treasure." — "  No,"  said  the  devil ;  "  when  he  wakes, 
he  will  be  in  the  same  condition  as  the  rich  man  on 
his  deathbed,  he  will  see  all  his  riches  disappear. 

"  If  you  have  any  curiosity  to  know  the  dreams  of 
those  two  actresses,  I  will  let  you  into  them.  One  of 
them  is  dreaming  she  is  catching  birds  with  a  bird- 
call, and  that  still  as  she  takes  them,  she  strips  ofif 
their  feathers,  and  throws  them  to  be  devoured  by  a 
fine  large  boar-cat  she  is  fond  of,  and  who  is  the  only 
gainer  by  them.  The  other  fancies  she  is  turning  a 
pack  of  greyhounds  and  Danish  doge,  which  she  used 
to  admire,  out  of  her  house,  and  that  she  intends  to 
keep  only  one  fine  sleek  lapdog,  which  she  has  takea 


276  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

into  favour." — "Two  very  odd  dreams!"  cried  th^ 
student.  "I  fancy,  if  we  had  interpreters  of  dreams 
at  Madrid,  as  they  had  formerly  at  Rome,  they  would 
be  horribly  perplexed  to  explain  them." — "  Not  so 
much  as  you  think,"  answered  the  devil.  "Avery 
little  light  into  what  passes  amongst  those  gentry  of 
the  stage,  would  give  one  a  very  plain  interpretation 
of  them." 

"  For  my  part,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "  I  neither 
understand  nor  trouble  my  head  about  them.  I  had 
much  rather  know  who  that  lady  is  asleep  in  the 
rich  bed  of  j-ellow  velvet  fringed  with  silver,  by 
whom  there  is  a  stand,  with  a  candle  and  book  on  it." 
— "  She  is  a  lady  with  a  title,"  replied  the  demon, 
"  who  has  a  very  genteel  equipage,  all  of  which,  she 
is  resolved,  shall  consist  of  tall  smart  fellows.  One 
of  lier  customs  is  to  read  abed,  without  which  she  is 
not  able  to  lay  her  eyes  together  all  night.  Last 
night  she  took  Ovid's  Metamorphoses  to  bed  with 
her,  and  her  reading  that  is  the  occasion  of  the 
extravagant  dream  she  is  in  at  present.  She  is 
fancying  that  Jupiter  is  fallen  in  love  with  her,  and 
is  hiring  himself  to  her,  in  the  form  of  a  tall,  well- 
shaped  page." 

"  Now  we  are  upon  metamorphoses,  here  is  another 
more  pleasant  one.  I  discern  a  player,  who  is,  in  his 
sleep,  enjoying  the  pleasure  of  a  dream  that  flatters 
him  very  agreeably.  This  actor  is  so  old,  that  there 
is  not  a  soul  in  Madrid  who  can  say  they  saw  the  first 
of  him.  He  has  been  upon  the  stage  so  long,  that 
one  may  say  he  is  theatrified  ;  and  has  a  genius,  but 
is  so  proud  and  vain  of  it,  that  he  imagines  he  is  some- 
thing above  mankind.     Would  you  know  what  this 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  ^TtC^iS.  277 

mock  hero  is  dreaming  of?  That  he  is  dying,  and 
sees  all  the  deitiej  of  Olympus  met  together  to  decid/; 
what  they  shall  do  with  a  mortal  of  his  importance. 
He  hears  Mercury  telling  the  council  of  the  gods,  that 
so  celebrated  a  comedian,  after  acting  the  part  of 
Jupiter  and  the  rest  of  the  chief  divinities  so  often, 
ought  not  to  undergo  the  common  fate  of  mankind, 
but  that  he  ought  to  be  received  amongst  themselves. 
Momus  applauds  Mercury's  opinion  ;  but  some  of  the 
other  gods  and  goddesses  being  against  so  new  an 
apotheosis,  Jupiter,  to  avoid  disputes,  turns  this  old 
comedian  iniio  a  scene." 

The  devil  was  going  on,  when  ZambuUo  inter- 
rupted him.  "  Hold,"  said  he,  "  Signor  Asmodeus, 
you  do  not  perceive  it  is  day.  I  am  afraid  they  .nay 
spy  us  out  on  this  house.  If  the  rabble  should  once 
have  a  view  of  your  lordship's  figure,  they  will  never 
have  done  shouting." 

"  I  will  warrant  they  shall  never  see  us,"  answered 
the  demon.  "  I  have  the  same  power  as  those  fabu- 
lous divinities  we  have  been  talking  of.  And  as  the 
amorous  son  of  Saturn  hid  himself  in  a  cloud  on 
Mount  Ida,  that  they  might  not  see  him  caress  his 
dear  consort  Juno,  so  I  will  raise  a  mist  that  the 
sight  of  man  shall  not  be  able  to  penetrate,  and 
which  shall  not  hinder  your  seeing  whatever  I 
intend  to  show  you."  No  sooner  said  but  done,  a 
thick  vapour  immediately  encompassed  them,  yet, 
as  dark  as  it  was,  it  hid  nothing  from  the  student's 
eyes. 

"  Let  us  return  to  our  dreams,"  continued  the 
cripple.  "  But  I  do  not  consider."  acidc  1  iie,  "  th.it 
the  manner  in  which  I  have  made  you  pass  the  night 


278  ASMODEVS:  OR, 

must  have  tired  you.  I  think  I  must  carry  you  home, 
and  let  you  sleep  for  two  or  three  hours.  In  the  mean- 
time, I  will  take  a  turn  over  the  four  quarters  of  the 
world,  and  play  some  of  my  pranks;  after  which,  I 
will  come  and  take  you  up,  and  we  will  divert  our- 
selves afresh." — "  I  am  neither  sleepy  nor  tired," 
answered  Don  Cleofas  ;  "  instead  of  leaving  me,  I 
pray  oblige  me  in  letting  me  into  the  various  designs 
of  those  people  that  I  see  up  and  going  out.  What 
are  they  going  upon  so  early  ? " — "  What  you  would 
know,"  replied  the  demon,  "is  worth  your  observa- 
tion. You  are  going  to  see  a  picture  of  the  cares, 
motions,  and  pains  that  poor  mortals  give  them- 
selves in  this  life,  in  order  to  fill  up  that  little  space 
between  their  birth  and  their  grave  as  agreeably  as 
they  can." 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  279 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

WHERE    YOU    WILL   SEE   SEVERAL    ORIGINALS    THAT 
ARE   NOT    WITHOUT    THEIR    COPIES. 

*'  First  of  all,  mind  that  group  of  beggars  already  in 
the  street.  They  are  so  many  debauchees,  most  of 
them  of  good  families,  that  live  in  a  community  like 
monks,  and  pass  almost  every  night  in  debauchery  in 
their  own  house,  where  there  is  always  an  ample 
provision  of  bread,  meat,  and  wine.  See,  they  are 
parting  in  order  to  go  play  their  different  parts  in  the 
churches,  and  at  night  will  meet  and  drink  the  health 
of  those  well-disposed  Christians,  who  piously  con- 
tribute towards  their  expenses.  Do  but  admire  the 
contrivances  of  those  rogues  in  disguising  themselves, 
and  moving  people's  pity.  No  coquette  better  knows 
how  to  dress  herself  in  order  to  draw  in  a  coxcomb. 

"  Examine  those  three  narrowly  that  are  together 
on  the  same  side  the  way.  He  on  crutches,  who 
trembles  ail  over,  and  seems  to  walk  with  so  much 
difficult}'  that  you  would  think  he  would  be  upon  his 
nose  every  step  he  takes,  though  he  has  on  a  long 
grey  beard,  and  looks  so  decrepit,  is  a  young  hale 
fellow,  so  nimble  and  light  that  he  would  outrun  a 
stag.  The  other  with  a  scald  head  is  a  handsome 
youth,  whose  head  is  covered  with  a  skin  that  hides  a 


28o  ASMODEUS:  OR 

hea.'.  of  hair  fit  for  a  court  page.  And  the  other,  with 
his  br>jech  in  a  bowl,  is  a  comical  dog;  he  has  the  art 
of  fetching  such  lamentable  sounds  from  the  bottom 
of  his  stomach,  that,  at  his  dismal  accents,  there  is 
not  an  old  woman  but  what  will  come  down  four  pair 
of  stairs  to  give  him  a  farthing. 

"  Whilst  these  lazy  rogues,  under  pretence  of 
poverty,  are  picking  the  pockets  of  the  public,  I  see 
a  world  of  industrious  artisans,  though  Spaniards, 
that  are  preparing  to  get  their  daily  bread  by  the 
sweat  of  their  brow.  On  all  sides  I  perceive  men 
rising  and  dressing  themselves,  in  order  to  go  to 
their  several  employments.  How  many  designs, 
formed  this  night,  will,  before  the  next,  be  executed, 
or  vanish  into  air !  What  various  steps  are  interest, 
love,  and  ambition  putting  men  upon  !  " 

"  What  is  that  I  see  in  the  street  ? "  interrupted 
Don  Cleofas.  "  Who  is  that  woman  loaded  with 
medals,  that  a  footman  is  leading  with  so  much 
haste  ?  Her  business  must  be  pressing,  sure." — "Yes, 
certainly,"  answered  the  devil,  "  it  is  a  venerable 
matron,  trotting  to  a  house  where  they  want  a  cast 
of  her  ofhcc.  She  is  going  to  an  actress,  who  is 
screaming  out,  and  has  two  cavaliers  with  her  that 
seem  to  be  in  a  peck  of  troubles.  One  is  her  husband, 
and  the  other  a  man  of  quality,  concerned  in  what 
is  going  forward  ;  for  an  actress's  labour  is,  like 
Alcmena'6,  always  owing  to  a  Jupiter  and  an  Amphi- 
tryon. 

"Would  not  one  say,  to  see  that  gentleman  on 
horseback  with  his  gun,  that  he  was  going  to  make 
war  upon  all  the  hares  and  partridges  about  Madrid  ? 
and  yet  that  diversion  is  thefarthest  from  his  thoughts; 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  2S1 

he  is  taken  up  with  another  design.  He  is  going  to 
a  httle  villa  where  he  will  disguise  himself  like  a 
peasant,  and  in  that  dress  be  introduced  to  a  farmer's 
where  his  mistress  lives  under  the  care  of  a  severe 
and  vigilant  mother. 

"  That  young  graduate  you  see  taking  such  hasty 
strides,  goes  every  morning  to  make  court  to  an  old 
uncle  of  his,  whose  prebendary  he  has  an  eye  upon. 
Fix  your  eyes  on  that  house  over  against  us  ;  you  see 
a  man  putting  on  his  cloak,  and  preparing  to  go  out. 
It  is  an  honest  rich  citizen,  whose  rest  is  broken  by 
a  very  weighty  affair.  He  has  an  only  daughter  to 
dispose  of.  He  does  not  know  whether  he  shall 
bestow  her  upon  a  young  attorney  that  courts  her,  or 
a  haughty  Hidalgo  that  demands  her.  He  is  going  to 
consult  his  friends  about  it,  and  really  it  is  a  very  per- 
plexing business.  He  is  afraid  if  he  should  choose  the 
gentleman,  that  he  may  have  a  son-in-law  to  despise 
him  ;  on  the  other  side,  if  he  should  take  the  attorney, 
he  is  apprehensive  lest  he  should  take  a  worm  into 
his  family  to  eat  up  all  the  goods  in  it. 

"  Pray,  observe  a  neighbour  of  this  perplexed  father^ 
a  n)an  in  a  nightgown  of  red  brocade  flowered  with 
gold,  in  that  house  so  magnificently  furnished.  He 
is  a  wit,  that  sets  up  for  a  man  of  quality  in  spite  of 
his  mean  birth.  It  is  not  ten  years  since  he  was  not 
worth  a  groat,  and  at  present  he  has  ten  thousand 
ducats  a  year.  He  has  a  very  pretty  equipage,  but 
he  maintains  it  by  pinching  his  table,  the  frugality  of 
which  is  so  great,  that  he  generally  eats  his  titbit  by 
himself.  Not  but  that,  out  of  o.stentation,  he  some- 
times entertains  people  of  qualit}',  and  has  to-day 
invited  several  counsellors  of  state  to  dine  with  him. 


282  A  SHOD  BUS:  OR, 

To  this  end  he  has  just  now  sent  for  a  cook,  and  is 
going  to  haggle  with  him  for  an  odd  farthing,  after 
wliich  lie  will  write  down  on  cards  the  several  courses 
and  dishes  they  agreed  upon." — "  This  fellow  you  are 
talking  of  must  be  a  confounded  miser,"  said  Zam- 
builo.  "Why,"  answered  Asmodeus,  "all  beggars 
that  leap  into  estates  turn  misers  or  prodigals.  It 
is  the  rule." 

"  Pray  tell  me,"  said  the  student,  "  who  that  fair 
lady  is  that  I  see  at  her  toilet,  entertaining  a  very 
handsome  young  fellow?" — "Oh,  really,"  said  the 
cripple,  "  what  you  see  there  very  well  deserves  your 
observation.  That  lady  is  a  German  widow,  who  lives 
upon  her  jointure  at  Madrid,  and  keeps  very  good 
company  ;  and  the  gentleman  with  her  is  a  young 
lord,  whose  name  is  Don  Antonio  de  Monsalva. 

"  Though  he  be  of  one  of  the  best  families  in  Spain, 
yet  he  has  promiged  the  widow  to  have  her,  and  has 
to  that  end  given  her  a  promissory  note  for  three 
thousand  pistoles.  But  he  is  crossed  in  this  affair 
by  his  relations,  who  have  threatened  to  confine  him, 
if  he  do  not  break  off  all  correspondence  with  the 
lady,  whom  they  look  upon  as  a  designing  creature. 
The  gallant,  mortified  to  see  them  all  oppose  his 
inclination,  came  last  night  to  pay  his  mistress  a 
visit,  who,  seeing  him  uneasy,  asked  him  the  reason. 
He  told  her;  at  the  same  time  assuring  her  that  all 
the  opposition  he  could  suffer  frca»m  his  family  should 
never  shake  his  constancy.  The  lady  appeared 
charmed  with  his  resolution,  and  they  parted  about 
midnight  very  well  pleased  with  each  other. 

"  Monsalva  came  again  this  morning,  and  finding 
his  widow  at  her  toilet,  began  to  entertain  her  again 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  283 

upon  the  subject  of  his  passion.  While  they  were 
chatting,  the  lady  took  off  the  papers  from  her 
favourites,  and  the  cavalier,  without  reflection,  took 
up  one  of  them  that  was  unpinned,  and,  seeing  his 
own  hand,  '  How,  madam,'  said  he,  smiling,  '  is  this 
the  use  that  you  put  your  billets-doux  to  ? ' — *  Yes, 
Monsalva,'  answered  she,  '  you  see  to  what  use  I  put 
those  promises  that  young  gentlemen  make  who  would 
have  me  against  the  consent  of  their  families;  I  wrap 
up  my  favourites  in  them.'  When  Monsalva  found 
it  was  really  his  note  the  lady  had  torn,  he  could  not 
help  admiring  her  disinterestedness,  and  again  swore 
to  her  an  eternal  constancy. 

"  Cast  your  eye,"  pursued  the  devil,  "  upon  that 
tall  lean  fellow  walking  just  under  us,  with  a  large 
commonplace  book  under  his  arm,  an  inkhorn  at 
his  button,  and  a  guitar  on  his  back." — "  The  man," 
said  the  student,  "  makes  but  a  ridiculous  figure,  and 
I  warrant  is  an  original." — "  Certainly,"  replied  the 
devil,  "  he  is  an  odd  mortal ;  but  there  are  c\nic 
philosophers  in  Spain,  and  he  is  one.  He  is  going 
to  a  meadow  near  Buen  Retiro,  where  there  is  a  clear 
spring,  whose  limpid  water  forms  a  stream  that 
wanders  amongst  the  flowers.  He  will  stay  there 
the  whole  day  contemplating  the  beautiful  riches  of 
nature,  playing  upon  the  guitar,  and  writing  his 
reflections  into  his  commonplace  book.  He  has  the 
food  he  generally  lives  on  in  his  pocket,  that  is,  a 
few  onions  and  a  slice  of  bread.  This  is  the  sober 
and  abstemious  life  he  has  lived  for  these  ten  years; 
and  if  any  Aristippus  were  to  tell  him,  as  he  did 
Diogenes,  If  thou  knewcst  how  to  make  thy  court 
to    the    great,    thou    wouldst    not    eat    onions  ;    our 


284  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

modern  philosopher  would  answer,  I  could  make 
my  court  to  the  great  as  well  as  thou,  if  I  would 
debase  one  man  so  low  as  to  make  him  cringe  to 
another. 

"  And  indeed  this  philosopher  was  forr^erly  very 
assiduous  in  his  addresses  to  great  men,  who  in  efifect 
made  his  fortune;  but  finding  that  their  service  was 
no  other  than  an  honourable  slavery,  he  broke  off  all 
correspondence  with  them.  He  kept  a  coach,  which 
he  laid  down,  because  he  saw  he  bespattered  men 
that  were  better  than  himself.  Nay,  he  has  gone  so 
far  as  to  give  away  almost  all  his  estate  amongst  his 
friends  that  wanted  it,  and  has  only  reserved  a  sub- 
sistence in  the  way  he  lives  ;  for  he  thinks  it  as  dis- 
honourable for  a  philosopher  to  beg  of  the  common 
people  as  of  the  grandees. 

"  Pity  the  cavalier,  who  is  walking  after  the  philo- 
sopher with  a  dog ;  he  may  boast  of  being  of  one  of 
the  best  families  in  Castile.  He  was  rich,  but  ruined 
himself,  like  Lucian's  Timon,  by  treating  his  friends 
every  day,  especially  by  making  grand  entertain- 
ments upon  the  birthdays  or  marriages  of  princes  and 
princesses  ;  in  a  word,  on  every  occasion  Spain  has 
had  to  make  rejoicings:  but  the  moment  kis  para- 
sitical friends  saw  his  reverse  of  fortune,  they  dis- 
appeared and  abandoned  him.  None  but  his  dog 
continued  faithful  to  him," 

"Tell  me,  Signor  Devil,"  cried  Leandro  Perez, 
"what  means  all  that  noise.-'" — "It  is,'^  answered 
the  cripple,  "  one  of  the  ladies  you  lately  saw 
round  a  table  at  cards,  affrighted  at  the  disagreeable 
sight  of  day.  She  is  come  home,  and  it  is  her  foot- 
man that  is  thundering  at  her  door.     You  see  she  is 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  285 

alighted  out  of  her  coach,  got  within  doors,  and  is 
sat  down  ;  she  has  just  lost  five  hundred  pounds,  and 
cannot  go  to  bed  till  her  maid  has  brought  her  a 
pack  of  cards  ;  and  she  is  going-  to  wake  her  husband 
to  show  him  how  she  lost  the  last  game;  then  falls 
into  a  passion,  goes  raving  to  bed,  and  rails  at  the 
good  man  for  not  getting  a  place  at  court." 

"By  what  I  can  find,"  interrupted  the  student, 
"  the  good  man  has  a  blessed  time,  to  be  tied  to 
a  baggage  who,  not  content  with  running  out  his 
fortune,  must  arraign  his  conduct,  and  rob  him  of  his 
rest  besides." — "  Oh  1  "  replied  the  cripple,  "  you  do 
not  know  the  artifices  of  women.  She  has  begun  first, 
for  fear  of  having  the  tables  turned  upon  her." 

"  Very  well,  very  well,  upon  my  word,"  answered 
the  student,  laughing  :  "  but  methinks  I  see  another 
equipage  in  the  same  street." — "Yes,"  replied  the 
demon,  "  it  belongs  to  a  rich  contador,  who  every 
morning  comes  to  a  house  hard  by,  where  lives  a  dona 
roba,  who  is  under  the  care  of  this  sinner  of  Moorish 
race,  whom  he  loves  to  distraction.  Last  night  he 
heard  she  had  been  playing  him  a  trick,  upon  the 
news  of  which  he  falls  into  a  rage,  and  writes  her  a 
letter  full  of  threats  and  reproaches.  You  will  hardly 
guess  the  fetch  which  our  coquette  resolved  upon ; 
instead  of  having  the  assurance  to  deny  the  fact,  she 
has  this  very  morning  sent  him  word  that  his  prove 
cations  are  just  ;  that  he  ought  for  the  future  to  looV 
on  her  with  contempt,  since  she  could  have  the  base 
ness  to  wrong  so  gallant  a  man  ;  that  she  acknow 
ledges  and  detests  her  fault,  and  that  to  punish 
herself  for  it,  she  has  already  cut  off  her  fine  hair, 
which  he  knows  she  dotes  on  :  in  short,  that  she  is 


286  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

determined  to  go  expiate  her  crime  in  a  monastery, 
and  there  pass  the  rest  of  her  life  in  repentance. 

"  But  the  old  dotard  is  not  able  to  hold  out  against 
his  mistress's  pretended  remorse,  and  is  got  up  thus 
early  to  make  her  a  visit.  He  has  found  her  in  tears  ; 
and  the  comedian  has  pla}'ed  her  part  so  well,  that 
he  has  just  pardoned  her  for  what  is  past,  and  to 
comfort  her  for  the  loss  of  her  hair,  he  is  this  moment 
promising  her  to  make  her  lady  of  a  manor,  by  buy- 
ing her  a  fine  estate,  which  is  actually  to  be  sold  in 
the  country  near  the  Escurial" 

"  I  do  not  know  what  recompense  he  can  make 
her  for  the  next  trick  she  plays  him,"  interrupted  the 
student,  "  without  he  marry  her.  But,  pray,  who  is 
that  pretty  woman  yonder,"  continued  he,  "  so 
earnestly  talking  to  her  maid  ?  some  good  housewife, 
to  be  sure,  by  her  being  up  so  early." — "You  are 
mistaken,"  answered  Asmodeus,  "she  has  not  yet 
been  abed,  but  is  going,  and  giving  her  maid  orders 
not  to  let  in  her  husband  till  she  has  called  her  up  to 
rattle  him  for  making  her  sit  up  so  late." — "  Rather 
early,"  said  the  student.  "  True,"  answered  the  devil. 
"  But,  pray,  look  into  that  tavern ;  there  is  the  good 
man  calling  for  another  bottle,  because  he  is  afraid 
of  going  home  at  this  time  of  day,  and  is  therefore 
bottling  up  all  the  courage  he  can,  to  stand  his  wife's 
thunder." 

"All  the  shops  are  open,"  said  the  student,  "and  I 
discern  a  cavalier  going  into  a  cook's."—"  He  is," 
replied  the  demon,  "  a  young  fellow  of  a  good 
family,  who  is  ate  up  with  the  itch  of  writing,  and 
is  absolutely  resolved  to  set  up  for  an  author.  Not 
that  he  wants  wit,  nay,  he  has  sufficient  to  criticise 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  2S7 

such  pieces  as  appear  upon  the  stage ;  but  not 
enough  to  write  a  tolerable  one  himself.  He  is  going 
into  the  cook's  to  order  a  great  dinner;  for  this  very 
day  he  treats  four  players,  whom  he  would  fain 
engage  to  protect  a  scurvy  piece  of  his,  which  he  is 
going  to  bring  into  their  house. 

"Now  we  are  upon  the  subject  of  authors,"  con- 
tinued he,  "  there  are  two  who  are  met  in  the  street. 
Observe  with  what  a  sneei  they  salute;  they  despise 
each  other,  and  very  justly.  The  one  writes  as  easil}^ 
as  the  poet  Crispinus,  whom  Horace  compares  to  a 
smith's  bellows ;  and  the  other  ruins  a  vast  deal  of 
time  in  cool  insipid  compositions." 

"Who  is  that  little  man  coming  out  of  his  coach  at 
that  church-porch?"  said  Zambullo.  "He  is,"  an- 
swered the  cripple,  "a  person  well  worth  your  obser- 
vation. It  is  not  ten  years  since  he  quitted  the 
profession  of  a  notary,  where  he  was  head-clerk,  to 
go  bury  himself  in  a  monastery  of  Carthusians  at 
Saragossa :  he  had  not  passed  six  months  of  his 
novitiate,  before  he  bid  adieu  to  his  convent,  and 
appeared  again  at  Madrid.  His  acquaintance  were 
surprised  to  see  him  all  at  once  jump  into  the  place 
of  one  of  the  principal  members  of  the  council  of  the 
Indies  ;  and  his  sudden  rise  is  still  the  subject  of 
conversation.  Some  say  he  has  sold  himself  to  the 
devil ;  others,  that  he  is  in  the  good  graces  of  some 
rich  dowager  ;  and  others,  in  short,  that  he  has  found 
a  treasure." — "But  you  know  the  truth  of  it,"  inter- 
rupted Don  Cleofas.  "  Oh !  as  to  that,  certainly 
I  do,"  replied  the  demon,  "  and  will  unravel  tlie 
mystery  to  you. 

"  During  our   monk's  novitiate,  it  happened  one 


288  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

day,  whilst  he  was  digging  a  deep  hole  in  his  garden, 
to  plant  a  tree  there,  he  cast  his  eye  upon  a  brass 
casket,  which  he  opened,  and  within  it  found  a  gold 
box,  which  had  in  it  about  thirty  exceeding  fine 
diamonds.  Though  he  had  no  judgment  in  jewels, 
he  could  not  help  thinking  he  had  met  with  a  very 
good  booty;  and  immediately  coming  to  the  same 
resolution  as  Judge  Gripus  in  one  of  Plautus's 
comedies,  who,  having  found  a  treasure,  gave  over 
the  trade  of  a  fisherman,  he  threw  off  the  gown,  and, 
by  the  means  of  a  jeweller  who  was  his  friend, 
converted  his  precious  stones  into  pieces  of  gold, 
and  his  pieces  of  gold  into  a  post,  which  has  enabled 
him  to  make  a  figure  in  civil  society. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  289 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

rARTHER  OBSERVATIONS   MADE   BY    THE   DEVIL    AND 
DON   C LEO  FAS. 

"  I  MUST,"  pursued  Asmodeus,  "  divert  you  with  a 
passage  concerning  that  man  going  into  a  chocolate- 
house.  He  is  a  physician  of  Biscay,  and  is  going  to 
drink  a  dish  of  chocolate,  after  which  he  will  pass 
the  whole  day  at  chess. 

"  Be  not  in  fear  for  his  patients  all  the  while  ;  he 
has  none  ;  and  if  he  had,  the  moments  he  spends  at 
his  beloved  game  would  not  be  the  most  unhappy 
for  them.  He  never  fails  visiting  a  handsome  rich 
widow  every  night,  whom  he  fain  would  marr\',  and 
pretends  a  vast  passion  for.  Whilst  he  is  with  her,  a 
rogue  of  a  footman,  who  is  the  only  servant  he  has, 
and  is  let  into  the  affair,  brings  him  a  pretended  list 
of  names  of  several  people  of  quality  who  have  sent 
for  him.  The  widow  takes  all  this  for  gospel,  and 
cmr  chess-player  is  upon  the  point  of  winning  his 
party. 

"But  let  us  stop  a  moment  at  that  fine  house  over 
against  us.  I  must  not  go  on  without  showing  }-ou 
the  people  that  live  there.  Examine  the  apartments. 
What  do  you  see  in  them  ?  " — *'  I  see  some  ladies 
there,"  answered  the  student,  "and  am  dazzled  with 

T 


290  ASMODEUS :  OR, 

their  beauty.  Some  of  them  I  see  rising,  and  others 
already  up.  What  charms  they  discover  to  my  eyes ! 
I  fancy  I  see  so  many  of  Diana's  nymphs,  as  they 
are  painted  to  us  by  the  poets." 

"  If  these  women  you  so  much  admire,"  replied  the 
cripple,  "have  the  charms  of  Diana's  nymphs,  it  is 
too  sure  they  have  not  their  chastity.  They  are  four 
or  five  ladies  of  pleasure,  who  live  together  upon  a 
general  stock.  Their  dangerous  charms  draw  heed- 
less young  fellows  in,  like  those  fair  damsels  who,  by 
their  allurements,  caused  such  knights  as  passed  by 
the  castles  they  inhabited,  to  stop.  Woe  to  such 
who  suffer  themselves  to  be  wheeled  by  them  !  To 
let  passengers  know  the  danger  they  are  in,  there 
should  be  a  mark  set  upon  such  houses,  in  the  same 
manner  as  they  are  placed  along  a  river,  to  show  such 
passages  one  should  not  come  near." 

"I  do  no^  ask  you,"  said  Leandro  Perez,  "where 
these  noblemen  are  goi»g  in  their  coaches  ;  to  be  sure 
they  are  going  to  the  king's  levee." — "  You  are  right," 
answered  t^e  devil  ;  "  and  if  you  have  a  mind  to  go 
thither  too,  I  will  carry  you.  We  shall  meet  with  some- 
thing diverting  there." — "  You  could  have  proposed 
nothing  more  agreeable,"  replied  Zambullo  ;  "  it  is 
so  great  a  pleasure  that  I  taste  it  beforehand." 

Upon  which  the  devil,  ready  to  obey  all  Don 
Cleofas'  motions,  flew  with  him  towards  the  king's 
palace  ;  but  before  they  got  thither,  the  student  per- 
ceiving some  men  at  work  upon  a  very  lofty  gate, 
asked  the  devil  if  it  was  not  the  gate  of  a  church  they 
were  building.  "  No,"  answered  Asmodeus,  "  it  is 
the  gate  of  a  new  market,  and  is  very  grand,  as  \ou 
see.     Yet,  were  they  to  carry  it  up  to  the  clouds,  it 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  291 

will  never  come  up  to  the  two  excellent  Latin  verses 
that  are  designed  for  an  inscription  to  it." 

"What  is  that  you  tell  me?"  cried  Leandro;  "or 
what  idea  would  you  give  me  of  those  verses  ?  I 
long  to  hear  them." — "They  are  these,"  replied  the 
demon.    "  Prepare  yourself  to  admire  them. 

"  *Quam  bene  Mercurius  nunc  merces  vendid  opimas, 
Momus  ubi  fatuos  vendiciit  ante  sales  ! ' 

"There  is  one  of  the  prettiest  puns  in  the  world  in 
these  two  verses," — "  I  cannot  find  out  all  the  beauty 
of  them,"  said  the  student.  "  I  do  not  well  under- 
stand what  faiuos  sales  means." — "You  do  not  know, 
then,"  answered  tha  devil,  "  that  on  the  ground  where 
this  market  is  building,  stood  a  college  of  monks 
that  taught  school.  The  masters  used  to  make 
their  scholars  act  plays;  but  such  insipid  pieces,  so 
strangely  larded  with  interludes,  that  even  the  preter- 
perfect  tenses  and  supines  of  verbs  were  not  excused 
dancing." — "Oh  !  pray,  no  more  of  them,"  interrupted 
ZambuUo;  "I  know  but  too  well  what  stuff  those 
college  performances  are  !  The  inscription  is  admir- 
able." 

Scarce  was  Asmodeus  and  the  student  got  upon  the 
staircase  leading  to  the  king's  apartment,  when  they 
saw  several  courtiers  going  up ;  and  still  as  any  of 
those  noblemen  passed  by  them,  the  devil  played 
the  part  of  a  nomenclator:  "  See  there,"  said  he  to 
Leandro  Perez,  pointing  to  them  with  his  finger  one 
after  ano-her,  "that  is  Count  Villalonso,  of  the  family 
of  Puebla  d'Ellerena;  this  is  the  Marquis  of  Castro 
Fuestes  ;  that  there  is  Don  Lopes  de  los  Rios,  first 
lord  of  the  treasury ;  this  here  is  the  Count  de  Villa 


29^  ASMCDEUS.-  OR, 

Hombrosa."  Nor  did  he  only  tell  their  names,  but 
their  characters  too,  always  maliciously  adding  some 
stroke  of  satire,  giving  every  one  of  them  a  wipe. 

"This  16rd,"  said  he  of  one  of  them,  "is  affable  and 
obliging  ;  he  listens  to  you  with  an  air  of  condescen- 
sion :  do  you  want  his  protection,  he  grants  it  you 
generously,  and  besides  offers  you  his  interest.  It  is 
a  pity  a  man  who  so  much  loves  to  oblige,  has  so  short 
a  memory,  that  in  a  quarter  of  an  hour  after  you  have 
been  talking  with  him,  he  forgets  what  you  have  been 
saying. 

"  That  duke,"  speaking  of  another,  "is  one  of  the 
most  agreeable  character  of  any  man  at  court :  he  is 
not  changing  every  quarter  of  an  hour,  like  the  rest  of 
his  brethren  ;  he  has  no  caprice,  no  inequality  in  his 
humour.  Besides,  he  is  not  ungrateful  to  such  as 
show  an  affection  for  his  person,  or  do  him  any 
service  :  but,  unluckily,  he  is  a  little  too  tardy  in 
acknowledging  them ;  he  lets  people  wait  so  long  for 
any  favour  they  expect,  that  whenever  they  obtain  it, 
they  think  they  have  paid  very  dear  for  it." 

After  the  demon  had  acquainted  the  student  with 
the  good  and  ill  qualities  of  a  great  number  of  those 
noblemen,  he  carried  him  into  a  hall,  where  were 
people  of  all  sorts,  and  amongst  them  so  many 
knights,  that  Don  Cleofas  cried  out :  "  Bless  me,  what 
a  number  of  kniyhts  are  here!  sure  there  must  be  a 
great  many  in  Spain  !" — "That  there  are,"  replied  the 
cripple;  "nor  ought  it  to  be  surprising,  since,  to  be 
a  knight  of  St  Jago.  or  Calatrava,  it  is  not  necessary, 
as  it  formerly  was  at  Rome,  to  have  five  and  twenty 
thousand  crowns'  inheritance ;  and  indeed  you  see 
they  are  a  very  sophisticated  kind  of  a  commodity. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  293 

"Observe  that  mean-looking-  man  behind  you." 
— "Speak  lower,"  interrupted  Zambullo,  "the  man 
hears  }ou." — "  No,  no,"  answered  the  devil,  "  the  same 
charm  that  makes  us  invisible,  prevents  our  being 
heard.  Look  upon  him  ;  he  is  a  Catalan,  just  come 
from  the  Philippine  islands,  where  he  has  been  a-pri- 
vateering.  To  look  at  him,  would  you  imagine  him 
to  be  such  a  thunderbolt  of  war?  Yet  he  has  done 
prodigious  actions  by  his  bravery.  He  is  going  this 
morning  to  present  a  petition  to  the  king,  wherein  he 
asks  a  particular  post  as  the  reward  of  his  services; 
but  I  very  much  doubt  whether  he  will  obtain  it,  be- 
cause he  did  not  apply  to  the  chief  minister  fi»-st 

"At  his  right  hand,"  said  Leandro  Perez,  "there  is 
a  tall,  bulky  man,  who  seems  to  be  giving  himself  airs 
of  consequence.  Were  one  to  judge  of  him  by  his 
haughty  air,  he  should  be  some  rich  nobleman.  — 
"  Far  from  it,"  repHed  Asmodeus  ;  "  he  is  an  Hidalgo, 
and  wretchedly  poor  too,  whose  subsistence  is  a  gam- 
ing-house he  keeps  under  the  protection  of  a  grandee. 

"  But  there  is  a  licentiate  that  deserves  richly  to 
be  pointed  out  to  you  ;  he  at  the  first  window,  in  deep 
discourse  with  a  cavalier,  in  light  grey  velvet.  They 
are  talking  of  an  affair  that  was  yesterday  decided 
by  the  king.     I  will  give  you  the  particulars  of  it. 

"  About  two  months  since,  this  licentiado,  who  is  a 
member  of  the  Academy  of  Toledo,  published  a  book 
of  morality,  which  shocked  all  the  old  Castilian 
authors.  They  found  it  full  of  bold  expressions  and 
new-coined  words.  Presently  they  enter  into  a  con- 
federacy against  this  very  singular  production:  they 
meet  and  draw  up  a  petition,  which  the}'  present  to 
the  king,  desiring-  him  to  condemn  this  book,  as  con- 


2^4  AShlODEUS:  OR, 

L\Ary  to  the  purity  and  perspicuity  of  the  Spanish 
tongue. 

"  The  petition  was  thought  worthy  his  majesty's 
consideration,  who  named  a  committee  of  three  to 
examine  the  piece.  They  reported,  that  the  stj'lc 
was  really  faulty,  and  so  much  the  more  dangerous, 
the  more  brilliant :  and  thus  the  king  decreed  upon 
that  report,  That,  under  pain  of  his  displeasure,  twi 
members  of  the  same  university,  who  write  in  the 
licentiate's  gout,  shall  not  compose  any  books  for  the 
future  ;  and  likewise,  for  the  better  preserving  the 
Castilian  tongue,  that  the  places  of  those  acade- 
micians, upon  their  demise,  shall  be  filled  up  with 
persons  of  the  first  quality  only." 

"  A  wonderful  decision  !  "  cried  Zambullo,  laughing. 
"  The  partisans  of  the  vulgar  Castilian  have  now 
nothing  to  fear." — "  Pardon  me,"  replied  the  demon  ; 
"  writers  who  are  enemies  to  this  noble  simplicity 
which  charms  sensible  readers,  are  not  all  of  the 
Academy  of  Toledo." 

Don  Cleofas  was  desirous  to  know  who  that 
cavalier  in  light  grey  velvet  was,  whom  he  saw 
engaged  in  conversation  with  the  licentiate.  "  He 
is,"  said  the  cripple,  "a  Castilian,  and  a  younger 
brother,  an  officer  of  the  Spanish  guard,  and,  I  assure 
you,  a  man  of  a  great  deal  of  wit.  But  to  make  you 
a  judge  of  that,  I  will  tell  you  a  repartee  that  he 
made  yesterday  to  a  lady  in  very  good  company. 
For  the  better  understanding  it,  you  must  know  he 
has  a  brother  whose  name  is  Don  Andre  de  Prada, 
that  was  for  some  years  an  officer  in  the  same  corps 
he  is  now  in. 

"A  rich  farmer  of  the  king's  revenues   one  day 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  295 

came  up  to  Don  Andre,  and  accosting  him,  said: 
'  Signor  de  Prada,  I  bear  the  same  name  as  you,  but 
our  families  are  different.  I  know  j^ou  are  of  one  of 
the  best  in  Catalonia,  and,  at  the  same  time,  that  you 
are  not  rich  ;  as  for  me,  I  am  rich,  but  of  very  obscure 
birth.  Could  there  be  no  way  of  sharing  between  us 
the  advantage  which  each  of  us  enjoy  separately? 
can  you  get  at  your  patent  of  nobility?' — 'Yes,'  said 
Don  Andre.  'Well,  then,'  replied  the  farmer, '  if  you 
will  give  me  a  share  in  them,  I  will  put  them  into  the 
hands  of  an  able  genealogist,  who  shall  go  to  work 
upon  them,  and  make  us  cousins  in  spite  of  our 
ancestors  :  on  which  consideration,  I  will,  by  way  of 
acknowledgment,  present  you  with  thirty  thousand 
pistoles.  Is  it  a  bargain  ? '  Don  Andre  was  tempted 
by  the  sum,  accepted  the  proposal,  put  his  musty  old 
originals  into  the  farmer's  hands,  and,  with  the  money 
he  received,  bought  ;i  considerable  estate  in  Catalonia, 
where  he  has  ever  since  lived. 

"  Now,  the  younger  brother  of  that  gentleman,  who 
had  no  advantage  by  the  bargain,  was  yesterday  at 
dinner,  where,  by  chance,  this  Signor  de  Prada,  the 
farmer  of  the  king's  revenues,  happened  to  be  talked 
of;  and  thereupon  a  lady  in  the  company,  addressing 
herself  to  this  young  officer,  asked  him  if  he  was  not 
a  relation  of  his.  '  No,  really,  madam,'  answered  he, 
'I  have  not  that  honour,  it  is  my  brother.'  " 

The  student,  vastly  pleased  with  so  diverting  a 
repartee,  burst  into  a  laugh ;  but,  of  a  sudden,  seeing 
a  little  man  running  after  a  courtier,  he  cried  out: 
"  Good  God  !  how  many  bows  that  little  man  follow- 
ing the  nobleman  is  making  him!  Certainly  he  has 
some  favour  to  ask.?" — "What  you  are   remarking 


jc,5  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

upon  there,"  said  the  devil,  "  well  deserves  the  trouble 
of  telling-  you  the  occasion  of  so  many  civilities. 
That  little  man  is  an  honest  citizen,  that  has  a  pretty 
neat  box  near  Madrid,  at  a  place  where  there  are 
mineral  waters  in  some  esteem.  This  house  he  lent 
without  any  expectations  to  that  lord  for  three 
months,  who  went  thither  to  drink  the  waters.  The 
citizen  is  at  this  instant  most  heartily  entreating  him 
to  serve  him  on  an  occasion  that  offers,  and  the  noble- 
man is  very  politely  refusing  him. 

"  I  must  not  let  that  cavalier  of  plebeian  race 
escape  me,  who  is  pressing  through  the  crowd,  and 
giving  himself  airs  of  quality.  He  has  lately  grown 
excessively  rich  in  a  small  time,  by  the  science  of 
numbers.  He  keeps  as  many  domestics  as  a  grandee, 
and  his  table,  for  delicacy  and  abundance,  exceeds 
that  of  the  chief  minister.  He  has  one  equipage  for 
himself,  one  for  his  wife,  and  another  for  his  children. 
The  finest  horses  and  mules  in  the  world  are  to  be 
seen  in  his  stables.  And,  the  other  day,  he  bought 
and  paid  ready  money  for  a  rich  set  of  harnesses, 
which  the  prince  of  Spain  cheapened,  and  thought 
too  dear." — "Insolence!"  said  Leandro  ;  "were  a 
Turk  to  see  this  merry  fellow  flaunting  it  thus,  he 
would  be  apt  to  think  that  his  good  fortune  was  just 
going  to  give  him  the  slip," — "As  for  what  may 
happen,  I  know  not,"  said  Asmodeus,  "  but  I  cannot 
help  thinking  like  a  Turk. 

"  Bless  me — what  do  I  see  !  "continued  the  demon, 
with  astonishment.  "lean  hardly  believe  my  eyes. 
I  see  a  })oet  in  the  hall,  who  should  not  be  here 
How  dares  he  venture  hither,  after  having  lam- 
pooned several  of  the  chief  of  the  Spanish  nobility  ? 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  297 

Sure  he  must  depend  upon  being  despised  by 
them. 

"  Consider  attentive!}'  that  honourable  person  who 
comes  in  leaning  upon  a  squire  ;  see  how  everybody 
gives  back  to  make  way  for  him.  It  is  Signer  Don 
Josepho  de  Reynaste  and  Ayala,  recorder  of  the  cit\-. 
lie  is  come  to  give  the  king  an  account  of  what 
happened  last  night  at  Madrid.  Pray,  do  but  admire 
the  old  gentleman." 

"Really,"  said  Zambullo,  **he  has  the  look  of  an 
honest  good  man." — "  It  were  to  be  wished,"  replied 
the  cripple,  "that  every  corregidor  would  choose  him 
for  their  pattern.  He  is  not  one  of  those  turbulent 
spirits  that  do  everything  out  of  humour  or  passion. 
He  will  not  commit  a  man  upon  the  single  evidence 
of  a  bailiff  or  clerk.  He  knows  too  well  that  such 
people  generally  are  mercenary,  and  capable  of  com- 
mitting the  basest  actions  under  his  name  and  autho- 
rity. Wherefore,  when  a  man  is  committed,  he  sifts 
the  affair,  till  he  has  found  out  the  truth.  And, 
indeed,  he  never  sends  an  innocent  man  to  jail.  The 
guilty  only  are  committed  by  him.  Nor  does  he 
leave  even  them  to  the  barbarity  that  is  exercised  in 
such  places.  He  visits  those  unfortunate  people  him- 
self, and  takes  care  that  no  inhumanity  shall  be  added 
to  the  just  severities  of  the  law." 

"What  a  charming  character  is  this!"  cried 
Leandro  ;  "and  what  an  amiable  man  must  he  be  1 
I  should  be  glad  to  hear  him  talk  to  the  king." — "  I 
am  extremel}'  sorry,"  answered  the  devil,  "that  I  am 
obliged  to  tell  j'ou,  I  cannot  comply  with  your  desire 
without  laj-ing  mwself  open  to  be  insulted.  I  am  not 
allowed  access  to  crowned  heads  ;  that  would  be  en- 


298  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

croaching  upon  the  rights  of  Leviathan,  Belsegor,  and 
Ashtaroth.  I  have  already  told  you,  that  those  three 
spirits  are  in  possession  of  the  privilege  of  engrossing 
all  sovereigns.  Other  demons  are  forbid  appearing 
in  courts ;  and  I  do  not  know  what  I  was  thinking 
upon  when  it  came  into  my  head  to  bring  you  hither. 
I  own  it  was  taking  a  very  rash  step.  If  those  three 
devils  should  light  on  me,  they  would  fall  upon  me 
most  furiously,  and,  between  you  and  I,  I  should  have 
much  the  worst  of  it." 

"  Since  we  are  in  such  ticklish  circumstances,"  re- 
plied the  student,  "  our  best  way  would  be  to  make 
off  as  soon  as  we  can.  I  should  be  mortally  grieved 
to  see  you  worried  by  your  brethren,  without  being 
able  to  assist  you  ;  for  were  I  to  take  your  part,  I 
fancy  you  would  be  little  the  better  for  me." — "  No, 
without  doubt,"  replied  Asmodeus,  "they  would  not 
feel  your  blows,  and  you  would  sink  under  theirs." 

"  But,"  added  he,  "to  make  up  for  not  being  able  to 
introduce  you  into  your  monarch's  closet,  I  will  give 
a  satisfaction  which  is  well  worth  that  which  you 
must  lose."  At  these  words  he  took  Don  Cleofas  by 
the  hand,  and  cleft  the  air  with  him  towards  the 
Monastery  de  la  Merci. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  299 


CHAPTER  XX. 

OF     THE     CAPTIVES. 

They  both  alighted  upon  a  house  near  the  monas- 
tery, at  the  gate  of  which  there  was  a  vast  concourse 
of  people  of  both  sexes.  "What  a  world  of  people 
are  here  1  "  said  Leandro  Perez ;  "  what  ceremony 
has  brought  these  folks  together? "  "  It  is,"  answered 
the  demon,  "  a  ceremony  you  have  never  seen,  though 
it  is  what  happens  at  Madrid  every  now  and  then. 
Three  hundred  shix-cs,  all  of  them  subjects  to  the 
King  of  Spain,  will  be  here  in  a  moment.  They  are 
come  back  from  Algiers,  from  whence  the  fathers  of 
the  redemption  have  ransomed  them.  All  the  streets 
they  are  to  go  through  will  immediately  be  crowded 
with  spectators." 

"Indeed,"  replied  Zambullo,  "it  is  a  sight  I  have 
never  yet  been  very  fond  of  seeing;  and  if  that  be 
what  your  lordship  reserves  for  me,  I  must  tell  you 
plainly  you  should  not  have  cried  it  up  to  me  so 
much." — "  I  know  you  too  well,"  answered  the  devil, 
"to  believe  the  sight  of  the  unfortunate  will  be  an 
agreeable  amusement  to  you ;  but  when  I  tell  you, 
that  at  the  same  time  I  show  them  you,  I  design  to 
let  you  into  such  remarkable  particulars  as  occur  in 


300  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

the  captivity  of  some  of  them,  and  the  perplexity 
that  others  will  find  themselves  in  at  their  return 
home,  I  am  persuaded  you  will  not  be  sorry  that 
I  have  given  you  this  diversion." — "  Oh  no !  if  the 
matter  be  as  you  represent  it,"  cried  the  student, 
"  what  you  tell  me  alters  the  case,  and  you  will 
obli^^e  me  by  keeping  your  promise." 

Whilst  they  were  thus  talking,  they  heard  a  great 
shout,  which  came  from  the  mob  at  the  sight  of  the 
captives,  who  advanced  in  this  order:  they  marched 
two  and  two  in  their  slaves'  habit,  with  their  chains 
about  their  necks.  A  great  many  monks  de  la  Merci, 
\\ho  had  been  to  meet  them,  walked  before,  mounted 
upon  mules,  whose  housings  were  black  serge,  as  if 
they  were  leading  up  a  funeral  procession  ;  and  one 
of  these  good  fathers  carried  the  standard  of  the 
redemption.  Then  came  the  captives,  the  youngest 
first,  the  most  aged  followed ;  and  behind  them, 
brought  up  the  rear,  a  monk  of  the  same  order  as 
the  first,  mounted  upon  a  small  horse  ;  and  this 
reverend  friar  had  altogether  the  air  of  a  prophet. 
Indeed  he  was  the  head  of  the  mission.  He  attracted 
the  eyes  of  the  spectators  by  his  gravity,  as  well  as 
by  a  long  grey  beard,  which  helped  to  give  him  that 
venerable  look ;  and  on  the  countenance  of  this 
Spanish  Moses  was  to  be  read,  the  inexpressible  joy 
he  felt  at  bringing  back  so  many  Christians  to  their 
own  country. 

"These  captives,"  said  the  cripple,  "are  not  all 
equally  transported  at  recovering  their  liberty;  and  if 
there  are  some  amongst  them  who  are  rejoiced  at 
being  so  near  seeing  their  relations  again,  there  are 
Others  who  are  afraid  lest,  during  their  absence^,  some 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  301 

thing  may  have  happened  in  their  families  more  cruel 
to  them  than  slavery  itself. 

"  Those  two,  for  example,  that  walk  foremost,  are 
in  the  latter  case.  One  of  them,  a  native  of  the  little 
village  of  Velilla,  in  the  kingdom  of  Arragon,  after 
having  been  ten  years  a  slave  amongst  the  Turks, 
without  hearing  anything  of  his  wife,  will  find  her 
married  to  a  second  husband,  and  mother  of  five  chil- 
dren that  are  none  of  his  own.  The  other,  the  son  of 
a  clothier  of  Segovia,  was  carried  off  by  a  corsair  near 
sixteen  years  ago.  He  is  afraid,  after  so  many  )^'ears, 
that  the  face  of  the  family  may  be  very  much  altered  ; 
and  his  fears  are  not  without  foundation,  for  his  father 
and  mother  are  dead,  and  his  brothers,  who  have 
divided  the  estate,  have,  by  their  ill  conduct,  since 
spent  it." 

"  I  am  examining  the  face  of  a  slave,"  said  the 
student,  "  who,  by  his  air,  seems  charmed  with  being 
no  longer  exposed  to  the  bastinado." — "  The  captive 
you  are  looking  at,"  answered  the  devil,  "has  great 
reason  to  be  rejo3ced  at  his  deliverance  ;  for  he  knows 
that  an  old  aunt,  whose  sole  heir  he  is,  is  just  dead, 
and  that  he  is  going  t©  enjoy  a  splendid  fortune. 
This  is  the  circumstance  which  so  agreeably  takes  up 
]iis  thoughts,  and  gives  him  the  air  of  satisfaction  you 
observe  in  him. 

"  But  it  is  not  so  with  the  unfortunate  cavalier  that 
is  next  to  him.  A  cruel  uneasiness  incessantly  tor- 
ments him,  and  this  is  the  cause  of  it:  At  the  time 
he  was  taken  by  a  pirate  of  Algiers,  in  passing  from 
Spain  to  Italy,  he  loved  and  was  beloved  by  a  fair 
lady,  whose  fidelity  he  suspects  was  not  proof  against 
the  impatience  and  uncertainty  of  his  return." — "  And 


302  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

has  he  been  long  a  slave?"  said  ZambuUo.  "  Eighteen 
months,"  replied  Asmodeus.  "  Why,  then,"  said 
Leandro,  "  I  fancy  this  lover  gives  too  much  in  to  an 
unnecessary  and  unjust  fear.  He  has  not  put  his 
lady's  constancy  to  sufficient  proof,  to  be  excusable 
for  thus  alarming  himself." — "  Nay,  but  you  are  mis- 
taken, though,"  replied  the  cripple;  "for  his  princess 
no  sooner  heard  he  was  a  slave  in  Barbary,  than  she 
provided  herself  with  another  gallant. 

"  Would  you  think,"  continued  the  devil,  "  that  man 
walking  next  the  two  we  have  been  talking  of,  and 
whose  thick  red  beard  renders  him  frightful  to  look 
at — would  you,  I  say,  think  that  man  ever  was  a  very 
pretty  fellow  ?  Yet  nothing  is  more  certain  ;  and  under 
that  hideous  figure  you  see  a  hero  whose  story  is  so 
uncommon,  that  I  will  give  it  you. 

"  That  tall  youth's  name  is  Fabricio;  scarce  was  he 
fifteen  when  his  father,  a  rich  husbandman  of  Cin- 
quello,  a  great  market-town  in  the  kingdom  of  Leon, 
died,  and  shortly  after,  his  mother;  so  that  being 
the  only  son,  he  remained  master  of  a  considerable 
estate,  which  was  committed  to  the  administration 
of  an  uncle,  a  man  of  probity.  Fabricio  finished  his 
studies  which  he  had  then  already  begun  at  Salamanca, 
and  afterwards  learned  riding,  fencing,  and  in  short 
neglected  nothing  that  could  contribute  to  make  him 
appear  amiable  in  the  eyes  of  Donna  Hippolita,  the 
sister  of  a  pretty  gentleman,  whose  cottage  was  about 
two  musket-shots  from  Cinquello. 

"  The  lady  was  perfectly  handsome,  and  much  about 
the  same  age  as  Fabricio,  who,  being  used  to  see  hei' 
Irom  his  infancy,  had,  as  it  were,  sucked  in  his  love 
for  her  \yith  his  milk.     Hippolita,  too,  had  eyes  to  see 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  303 

he  was  not  ugly :  but,  knowing  him  to  be  the  son  of 
an  husbandman,  disdained  to  look  on  him  with  much 
attention.  She  was  insufferably  proud,  as  well  as  her 
brother  Don  Thomaso  de  Xaral,  who  perhaps  had 
not  his  equal  in  all  Spain  for  his  poverty,  and  the  pride 
that  puffed  him  up  upon  account  of  his  nobility. 

"This  haughty  country-gentleman  dwelt  in  a  house 
which  he  called  his  castle,  but  which,  to  give  it  its 
due,  was  no  more  than  a  heap  of  rubbish,  it  was  so 
near  falling  over  his  head.  Yet  though  his  estate 
would  not  allow  him  to  repair  it,  and  though  it  was 
as  much  as  ever  he  could  do  to  make  both  ends  meet, 
still  he  must  have  a  valet  to  wait  on  him,  and  his 
sister  a  negro  woman  besides. 

"It  was  a  diverting  circumstance  to  see  Don 
Thomaso  make  his  appearance  at  the  town  on 
Sundays  and  holidays,  dressed  in  a  suit  of  crimson 
velvet,  the  pile  of  which  was  quite  worn  off,  and  in  a 
little  hat  with  a  rusty  yellow  plume  of  feathers  in  it, 
which  he  kept  by  him  the  rest  of  the  week  as  care- 
fully as  relics.  Tricked  up  in  these  tatters,  which  he 
looked  upon  as  so  many  proofs  of  his  nobility,  he 
strutted  like  a  lord,  and  thought  he  sufficiently  repaid 
the  low  bows  that  were  made  him,  by  a  look  or  a  nod. 
His  sister  was  not  less  conceited  of  the  antiquity  of 
her  family,  to  which  folly  she  added  that  of  being  so 
unconscionably  vain  of  her  beauty,  as  to  live  in  a 
continual  expectation  of  being  demanded  for  a  wife 
by  some  grandee. 

"  These  were  the  characters  of  Don  Thomaso  and 
Hippolita.  Fabricio  was  well  acquainted  with  it; 
and  in  order  to  insinuate  himself  into  the  good  graces 
of  these  two  vainglorious  persons,  resolved  to  flatter 


304  ASMODEUS:  OR,  '   ' 

their  vanity  by  a  show  of  respect,  which  he  did  with 
so  much  art,  that  the  brother  and  sister  at  last  con- 
descended to  allow  him  from  time  to  time  to  come 
and  pay  his  obeisance.  Being  as  well  acquainted 
with  their  poverty  as  their  arrogance,  he  often  longed 
to  make  them  an  offer  of  his  purse ;  but  this  he  was 
deterred  from,  by  the  fear  of  shocking  their  pride, 
and  thereby  making  them  his  enemies.  However, 
his  ingenious  generosity  found  means  to  assist  them 
without  making  them  blush.  '  Signer,'  said  he  one 
day  to  our  gentleman,  '  I  have  two  thousand  ducats, 
which  I  would  deposit  in  some  friend's  hands;  be  so 
good  as  to  keep  them  for  me,  and  you  will  oblige  me 
vastly.' 

"You  need  not  ask  whether  Xaral  consented. 
Besides  that  it  was  very  low  with  him,  he  had  the 
right  conscience  for  a  trustee.  He  readily  took  the 
sum,  and  as  soon  as  he  had  got  it  into  his  hands, 
without  ceremony  employed  a  good  part  of  it  in 
repairing  his  cottage,  and  providing  himself  with  all 
rwanner  of  necessaries.  A  new  suit  of  very  fine  blue 
velvet  was  taken  up  and  made  at  Salamanca  ;  and  a 
green  feather,  bought  there  likewise,  robbed  the  old 
yellow  plume  of  the  glory  which  it  had  enjoj'ed  from 
time  immemorial  of  adorning  the  noble  skull  of  Don 
Thomaso.  The  fair  Hippolita,  too,  had  her  gee-gaws, 
and  was  entirely  new  clothed  from  top  to  toe.  It 
was  thus  Xaral  ran  out  the  si;pa  he  was  entrusted 
with,  without  ever  considering  it  was  none  of  his 
own,  and  that  he  should  never  be  able  to  repay  it. 
That  was  a  scruple  that  never  disturbed  him  ;  na}',  he 
even  thought  it  but  reasonable  that  a  plebeian  shoiiKi 
pay  for  the  honour  of  a  gentleman's  acquaintance. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  305 

"But  Fabricio  had  foreseen  all  this,  imagining  at 
the  same  time  that  his  ready  money  might  soften  Don 
Thomaso  into  a  greater  familiarity,  and  Hippolita, 
by  degrees  accustoming  herself  to  bear  his  assiduities, 
might  at  last  pardon  him  the  boldness  of  lifting  his 
thoughts  so  high  as  to  her.  Indeed,  he  had  freer 
access  to  them  than  before,  and  they  showed  him 
more  civility  than  they  used  to  do:  but  a  man  that 
is  rich  is  always  well  received  by  the  great,  whenever 
he  wdll  make  himself  their  milch-cow.  Xaral  and  his 
sister,  who  before  had  never  known  anything  more  of 
riches  than  its  name,  no  sooner  found  how  useful  it 
was,  but  were  of  opinion  such  a  man  as  Fabricio 
deserved  a  little  complaisance.  They  treated  him 
with  a  respect  and  attention  that  charmed  him.  He 
thought  his  person  was  now  not  disagreeable  to  them, 
and  that  they  had  assuredly  reflected  that  gentlemen, 
to  keep  up  their  nobility,  were  every  day  obliged  to 
have  recourse  to  alliances  with  mean  families.  This 
thought,  which  flattered  his  passion,  made  him  deter- 
mine to  ask  Hip[jolita  in  marriage. 

"  The  first  favourable  moment  he  could  find  for 
speaking  to  Don  Thomaso,  he  told  him  he  pas- 
sionately desired  to  be  his  brother-in-law,  and  that 
in  order  to  enjoy  this  honour,  he  would  not  only 
relinquish  his  right  to  the  deposit,  but  would  besides 
make  him  a  present  of  a  thousand  pistoles.  The 
haughty  Xaral  reddened  at  this  proposal,  which 
awakened  his  pride;  and  in  his  first  impulses  of 
passion  could  hardly  forbear  discoverin;^  all  the 
contempt  he  entertained  for  the  son  of  a  husband- 
man. Yet  how  much  soever  he  resented  this  rash 
attempt  of  Fabricio,  he  smothered  it,  and,  without 

U 


3c6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

any  signs  of  scorn,  answered,  that  he  could  not  im- 
mediately determine  such  an  affair  upon  the  spot;  and 
it  was  proper  Hippolita  should  be  consulted  upon  it; 
and  that  there  should  be  a  meeting  of  relations. 

"  He  sent  the  lover  home  with  this  ansu  er,  and 
in  fact  called  a  diet,  composed  of  a  (ew  Hidalgoes 
of  his  neighbourhood,  who  were  related  to  him,  and 
whose  brains,  like  his,  were  turned  with  their  fond- 
ness for  the  Hidalguia.  He  held  a  council  with 
them,  not  to  ask  their  opinions  whether  he  should 
grant  his  sister  to  Fabricio,  but  to  contrive  how  they 
should  punish  this  young  insolent  fellow,  who,  not- 
withstanding his  mean  birth,  had  dared  to  aspire  to 
the  possession  of  a  young  lady  of  Hippolita's  quality. 

"  When  he  had  laid  before  the  assembly  this 
daring  action,  at  the  bare  name  of  Fabricio,  of  a 
husbandman's  son,  you  might  have  seen  the  eyes 
of  all  these  nobles  sparkle  with  rage.  Each  man 
vomited  fire  and  flame  at  the  audacious  mortal. 
They  all  were  unanimous  that  he  ought  to  breathe 
his  last  under  the  bastinado,  to  expiate  the  affront 
he  had  done  their  famil)'  by  the  proposal  only  of  so 
shameful  a  match.  However,  upon  mature  delibera- 
tion, the  result  of  this  important  diet  was,  that  the 
criminal  should  be  suffered  to  live;  but  to  teach  him 
not  to  forget  himself  for  the  future,  the}-  should  play 
him  a  trick  which  he  might  have  cause  to  remember 
a  long  while. 

"  Several  mean  rascally  expedients  were  proposed, 
and  at  last  this  had  the  most  hands:  that  Hippolita 
should  pretend  to  favour  Fabricio's  addresses;  and 
that,  under  colour  of  softening  the  lover's  pain  for 
Don  Thomaso's  refusal,  she  should   make   him    an 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  307 

appointment  to  come  one  night  to  the  castle,  where, 
the  moment  of  his  being  let  in  by  the  negro  woman, 
people  posted  there  on  purpose  should  surprise  him 
with  that  wench,  and  force  him  to  marry  her. 

"  The  sister  of  Xaral  at  first  gave  in  to  this  vil- 
lainous contrivance  without  reluctance.  She  thought 
her  pride  was  concerned  to  look  upon  the  pursuits  of 
a  man  of  a  condition  so  vastly  inferior  to  her  own,  as 
an  outrage  done  to  her.  But  this  haughty  disposi- 
tion soon  gave  way  to  emotions  of  pity;  or,  rather, 
love  at  one  blow  made  himself  master  of  the  proud 
Hippolita. 

"  From  that  moment  she  considered  things  with 
another  eye.  She  looked  upon  the  obscurity  of 
Fabricio's  birth  as  amply  made  up  by  the  shining 
qualities  he  possessed ;  and  saw  nothing  in  him  but 
a  cavalier  that  deserved  her  tenderest  affection. 
Admire,"  continued  the  demon,  "admire  the  prodi- 
gious alteration  that  love  is  able  to  produce.  This 
very  same  young  creature,  who  imagined  that  a 
prince  scarce  deserved  her,  in  an  instant  grows  fond  of 
the  son  of  a  husbandman,  and  hugs  herself  in  her  pre- 
tensions, after  thinking  herself  dishonoured  by  them. 

"  She  gave  herself  up  to  the  inclination  that  hurried 
her  away,  and,  far  from  submitting  to  become  an 
instrument  of  her  brother's  resentment,  carried  on  a 
secret  correspondence  with  Fabricio  by  means  of  the 
negro  woman,  who  sometimes  introduced  him  into 
the  cottage.  But  Don  Thomaso  had  some  suspicion 
of  what  passed;  he  began  to  suspect  his  sister;  he 
watched  her,  and  was  convinced  by  his  own  eyes, 
that,  instead  of  comph-ing  with  the  intentions  of  the 
family,  she  betrayed  them.    Immediately  he  informed 


3o8  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

two  of  his  cousins  of  it,  who,  taking-  fire  at  the 
news,  began  to  cry  out,  *  Vengeance,  Don  Thomaso, 
vengeance  1  '  Xaral,  who  wanted  no  prompting  to 
demand  satisfaction  for  an  offence  of  this  kind, 
answered  them  with  a  Spanish  modesty,  that  they 
should  see  the  use  he  could  make  of  his  sword,  when 
his  honour  was  to  be  revenged.  He  then  desired 
them  to  be  at  his  house  on  a  night  which  he  ap- 
pointed them. 

"  They  were  very  exact  to  their  appointment.  He 
carried  them  in,  and  hid  them  in  a  little  room,  with- 
out being  perceived  by  any  of  the  family ;  he  then 
left  them,  saying  he  would  come  and  let  them  know, 
so  soon  as  the  gallant  should  have  set  his  foot  within 
the  castle,  provided  he  should  think  fit  to  come  that 
night;  which  did  not  fail  to  happen;  the  unlucky 
planet  of  our  lovers  decreeing  they  should  choose  this 
very  night  for  an  interview. 

"Already  was  Fabricio  with  his  dear  Hippolita; 
and  they  had  begun  upon  a  topic  which  they  had 
gone  through  a  hundred  times,  and  yet,  though  re- 
peated without  intermission,  has  still  always  the 
graces  of  novelty,  when  they  were  disagreeably  inter- 
rupted by  those  cavaliers  that  were  upon  the  watch 
in  order  to  surprise  them.  Don  Thomaso  and  his  two 
cousins  came  all  three  courageously  pouring  in  upon 
Fabricio,  who  had  but  just  time  to  draw,  and  who, 
judging  by  this  action  of  theirs  that  they  intended  to 
murder  him,  fought  like  one  in  despair.  He  wounded 
them  all  three,  and  still  presenting  the  point  of  his 
sword,  was  so  lucky  as  to  gain  the  door  and  get  off. 

"Upon  this,  Xaral  finding  his  enemy  had  escaped 
him,  after  dishonouring  his  family  unrevenged,  turned 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  309 

his  fury  against  the  unfortunate  Hippolita,  and  plunged 
his  sword  into  her  heart;  and  his  two  relations, 
mortified  to  the  last  degree  with  the  ill  success  of 
their  designs,  each  of  them  went  home  with  their 
wounds. 

"Let  us  break  off  here,"  continued  Asinodeus  ; 
"  when  we  have  seen  all  the  captives  go  b\%  I  will 
make  an  end  of  my  story,  and  inform  you  how,  after 
the  law  had  seized  upon  all  his  estate  on  account  of 
this  melancho'y  accident,  he  had  the  misfortune,  in  a 
voyage,  to  be  made  a  slave." 

"  Whilst  \'ou  was  in  \'our  story,"  said  Don  Cleofas, 
"I  could  not  help  taking  notice  of  one  of  these  un- 
fortunate people,  a  young  fellow  who  looks  so  de- 
jected, so  languishing,  that  it  was  as  much  as  I  could 
do  to  forbear  interrupting  you  to  inquire  into  the  cause 
of  it." — "  Nor  will  you  lose  your  labour,"  answered 
the  demon,  "  for  I  can  satisfy  your  curiosity.  That 
slave,  whose  melancholy  struck  you,  is  the  only  son 
of  a  good  family  at  Valladolid.  He  has  been  two 
years  in  captivity,  with  a  patron  who  has  an  exceed- 
ing pretty  wife;  and  his  wife  was  violently  in  love 
with  her  slave,  who  returned  her  love  by  a  very 
tender  passion.  The  patron,  suspecting  something, 
made  haste  to  sell  the  Christian,  for  fear  his  business 
at  his  house  might  be  the  propagating  of  Turks. 
The  tender-hearted  Castilian  has  ever  since,  without 
ceasing,  bewailed  the  loss  of  his  mistress,  and  his 
liberty  is  not  able  to  make  him  easy  under  it." 

"An  old  gentleman  with  a  very  good  aspect  draws 
my  eyes  towards  him,"  said  Leandro  Perez;  "pray, 
who  may  he  be  ?" — "  It  is  a  barber  of  Guipuscoa," 
answered  the  devil,  "who  is  returning  to  Bisca\',  after 


jio  ASMODEUS.  OR, 

a  forty  years'  captivity.  At  the  time  he  fell  into  a 
corsair's  hands,  in  a  voyage  from  Valencia  to  the  island 
of  Sardinia,  he  had  a  wife,  two  sons,  and  a  daughter, 
of  whom  he  has  now  only  one  son  left,  who,  more 
fortunate  than  his  father,  has  been  at  Peru,  and  is  re- 
turned \\  ith  immense  riches  to  his  own  country,  where 
he  has  bought  two  fine  estates." — "What  satisfaction!" 
exclaimed  the  student  ;  "what  transport  it  must  be  to 
that  son  to  enjoy  his  father  again,  and  to  be  in  a  con- 
dition to  make  his  last  days  happy  and  easy!" 

"  You  talk  like  a  tender,  affectionate  child,"  replied 
the  cripple;  "but  the  Biscayan  barber's  son  is  of  a 
tougher  make.  The  unexpected  arrival  of  his  father 
will  give  him  more  uneasiness  than  pleasure;  and 
instead  of  taking  him  home  into  his  house  at  Gui- 
puscoa,  and  sparing  nothing  to  show  how  overjoyed 
he  is  at  recovering  him,  he  may  perhaps  make  him 
one  of  his  gamekeepers. 

"  Behind  the  barber  is  a  little  Arragonian  physician, 
as  like  an  ape  as  one  drop  of  water  to  another.-  He 
has  not  been  a  fortnight  at  Algiers;  for  as  soon  as 
the  Turks  learned  his  profession,  they  refused  to  let 
him  stay  amongst  them,  and  chose  rather  to  give  him 
up  without  any  ransom  to  the  fathers  of  the  redemp- 
tion, who  were  far  from  intending  to  redeem  him,  and 
have  sore  against  their  will  brought  him  back  to 
Spain." 

"  For  goodness  sake,  tell  me,"  said  the  student, 
"  who  that  very  odd  sour-looking  fellow  is,  who  walks 
by  himself  with  a  shambling  gait,  and  his  hat  over 
his  eyes." — "  He  is,"  answered  Asmodeus,  "a  very  odd 
fellow  indeed,  and  the  ill-nature  in  his  countenance 
proceeds  from  having  nobody  to  talk  to.     He  is  one  of 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  311 

those  disagreeable  people  whom  Horace  has  set  a 
mark  on  by  the  name  of  question-askers,  or  praters. 
Not  content  with  the  produce  of  his  own  brains,  he  is 
eternally  upon  the  hunt  into  other  people's  aftairs, 
for  some  circumstances  to  administer  ease  to  that 
restless  prating  humour  so  shocking  to  all  mankind. 
And  this  fellow  is  so  signally  unfortunate  that  way, 
that  an  eighteen  months'  slavery  of  his  own,  together 
with  that  of  the  whole  ship's  crew,  is  owing  to  this 
very  silly  habit  of  asking  impertinent  questions.  For 
whilst  he  was  inquiring  of  the  pilot  the  longitudes  and 
latitude  of  several  places,  the  knowledge  of  which 
could  never  be  of  the  least  use  to  him,  the  pilot, 
diverted  from  his  observations  by  the  young  man's 
impertinence,  suffered  the  ship  to  run  upon  a  bank  of 
sand,  which  gave  an  Algerine  rover  time  to  come  up 
with  them,  and  make  a  seizure  of  her  and  all  that  was 
in  her.  Wiiile  you  live,"  continued  he,  "avoid  such 
company,  trifling  at  best;  they  are  good  for  nothing 
but  to.  disturb  the  pleasure  and  repose  of  society : 
and  if  they  happen,  for  the  plague  of  mankind,  to  be 
ill-natured  with  their  curiosity,  there  is  no  mischief 
they  are  not  capable  of." 

"  You  need  not  fear  my  profiting  by  this  piece  of 
advice,"  replied  the  student,  "  for  my  own  sake  at 
least." — "Very  well,"  said  the  devil,  "then  let  us 
resume  the  thread  of  our  observations,  whicli  that 
good-for-nothing  creature  has  broken  in  upon. 
Observe  that  other  slave  that  has  a  little  brown  cap 
upon  his  bald  pate.  You  that  have  such  a  tender 
feeling  of  others'  misfortunes,  alas!  how  much  would 
you  pity  him,  did  you  know  the  sufferings  he  has 
undergone   in   a    twelve    years'   slavery   at   Algiers, 


312  ASMODEVS:  OR, 

under  an  English  renegade,  to  whose  lot  he  fell!" — 
"And  who  is  that  poor  captive?"  said  Zambullo.— 
"  He  is  a  cordelier  of  Navarre,"  answered  the  demon. 
'•  I  must  own  I  am  very  glad  he  has  suffered  like  a 
wretch  as  he  is;  since,  by  his  discourses  of  morality, 
he  hindered  above  a  hundred  Christian  slaves  from 
taking  the  turban." 

"And  I  must  tell  you,  with  the  same  freedom," 
replied  Don  Cleofas,  "that  I  am  sorry  the  good 
father  has  been  so  long  at  the  mercy  of  a  barbarian." 
— "  You  are  as  much  in  the  wrong  to  be  afflicted,  as 
I  to  rejoice  at  it,"  answered  Asmodeus ;  "for  this 
friar  has  so  well  improved  by  his  twelve  years' 
sufferings,  that  it  is  much  better  for  him  to  have 
passed  that  time  in  torments,  than  in  his  cell  to 
combat  temptations  which  he  would  not  always  have 
got  the  better  of." 

"The  captive  that  comes  immediately  after  the 
cordelier,"  said  Leandro  Perez,  "  looks  very  composed 
for  a  man  just  come  out  of  slaver)'.  He  raises  my 
curiosity  to  know  who  he  is." — "  You  are  before- 
hand with  me,"  replied  the  cripple;  "I  was  going 
to  point  him  out  to  you.  In  him  you  see  a  citizen 
of  Salamanca — an  unhappy  father — a  mortal  grown 
insensible  of  misfortunes,  by  having  run  through  so 
many.  I  am  tempted  to  relate  to  you  his  sad  story, 
and  there  leave  the  rest  of  the  captives ;  and  indeed, 
after  him,  there  are  few  whose  adventures  deserve 
reciting." 

The  student,  already  tired  with  seeing  so  many  sad 
figures,  answered,  he  desired  nothing  better.  Imme- 
diately the  devil  began  the  story  contained  in  the 
following  chapter. 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  313 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

OF  THE  LAST  STORY  THAT  ASMODEUS  TOLD.  HOW,  AS  HB 
WAS  MAKING  AN  END  OF  JT,  HE  WAS  SUDDENLY 
INTERRUPTED,  AND  HOW  DISAGREEABLY  FOR  HIM 
DON   C  LEO  FAS   AND    HE    WERE   PARTED. 

Pablos  DE  Bahabon,  son  of  an  Alcalde  of  a  small 
town  in  Old  Castile,  after  having  divided  between 
himself,  and  one  brother  and  a  sister,  a  small  in- 
heritance which  their  father,  though  a  covetous  man, 
had  left  them,  set  out  for  Salamanca,  with  design  to 
ir.crease  the  great  number  of  students  that  then 
crowded  to  that  university.  He  was  well  made,  had 
wit,  and  was  then  in  the  twenty-third  \'earof  his  age. 
With  a  good  thousand  of  ducats,  and  a  very  great 
inclination  to  spend  them  in  good  cheer,  he  did  not 
long  fail  of  being  talked  of  in  the  city.  All  the  young 
people  strove  for  a  share  in  the  friendship  and  enter- 
tainments which  Don  Pablos  every  day  gave.  I  say 
Don,  for  he  had  assumed  that  title  in  order  to  support 
his  pretensions  to  a  greater  familiarity  with  such 
studei\ts,  whose  nobility  might  otherwise  have  obliged 
him  to  behave  with  greater  reserve.  But  so  much 
did  he  love  diversion  and  good  company,  and  so 
little  did  he  manage  his  purse,  that  at  fifteen  months' 
end  his  mone\'  failed  him.  However,  he  still  ina^lc 
a  shift  to  rub  on.  as  well  by  the  means  of  credit  he 


314  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

had  given  him,  as  of  a  few  pistoles  he  borrowed  ; 
but  that  could  not  go  far,  and  he  soon  remained 
without  resource. 

Upon  this,  his  friends  finding  him  unable  to  live 
as  he  had  done,  forbore  their  visits,  and  his  creditors 
began  to  plague  him;  and  though  he  assured  the 
latter  that  in  a  few  days  he  expected  bills  of  exchange 
out  of  his  own  country,  yet  some  of  them  grew  impa- 
tient, and  pursued  him  so  closely  with  bailiffs,  that 
he  narrowly  escaped  being  taken;  when,  as  he  was 
walking  by  the  side  of  the  river  de  Tormes,  he  met 
an  acquaintance  who  accosted  him  thus  :  "  Signor 
Don  Pablos,  take  care  of  yourself;  for  I  must  tell 
you,  there  are  several  bailiffs  in  pursuit  after  you, 
and  the}'  intend  to  lay  hold  on  you,  as  soon  as  ever 
your  set  \'our  foot  within  the  town." 

Bahabon,  terrified  with  this  piece  of  news,  which 
but  too  well  agreed  with  the  state  of  his  affairs, 
immediately  made  off  towards  Corita;  but  left  the 
road  with  intent  to  gain  a  wood  that  was  in  his  view, 
into  whicli  he  threw  himself,  resolving  to  lie  concealed 
there,  till  night  should  befriend  him  with  her  darkness 
to  pursue  his  journey  with  more  security.  It  was  a 
season  when  the  trees  were  adorned  with  all  their 
leaves ;  he  chose  the  thickest,  and  got  up  into  it, 
and  there  sat  upon  its  branches,  the  leaves  of  which 
entireh'  hid  him. 

Thinking  himself  safe  here,  the  fear  of  bailifts 
soon  vanished  ;  and  as  men  make  the  finest  reflec- 
tions in  the  world  when  their  faults  are  committed,  so 
he  called  over  all  his  ill  conduct,  and  resolved,  if  ever 
he  should  see  himself  rich  again,  to  make  a  better  use 
of  his  money  ;  but,  above  all,  he  swore  never  more  to 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  315 

be  the  bubble  of  those  false  friends,  who  draw  young 
fellows  into  debauchery,  and  whose  friendship  is  over 
with  the  fumes  of  their  wine. 

Whilst  he  was  thus  entertaining  himself  with 
thoughts  of  a  dififerent  kind  that  crowded  into  his 
mind  one  after  another,  night  came  on.  Upon  which, 
disengaging  himself  from  the  branches  and  leaves 
that  covered  him,  he  was  preparing  to  get  down, 
when,  by  the  feeble  light  of  the  moon  that  was  then 
new,  he  thought  he  discerned  the  form  of  a  man.  At 
sight  of  this  his  former  fear  returned,  and  he  fancied 
it  was  the  bailiff,  who,  having  traced  him,  was  looking 
for  him  in  this  wood  ;  and  his  fear  increased  upon 
seeing  the  man  sit  down  at  the  foot  of  the  tree  where 
he  was,  after  going  two  or  three  times  round  it. 

The  Devil  upon  Two  Sticks  stopped  short  in  his 
story  here.  "  Signor  Zambullo,"  said  he  to  Don 
Cleofas,  "give  me  leave  for  a  few  moments  to  divert 
myself  with  the  perplexity  I  see  I  have  at  present 
put  you  into.  You  are  very  much  in  pain  to  know 
who  the  mortal  could  be  that  came  so  unluckily 
thither,  and  what  could  have  brought  him.  This  is 
what  I  am  going  this  moment  to  let  you  iifto.  I  will 
not  abuse  your  patience." 

The  man,  after  sitting  down  at  the  foot  of  the  tree, 
whose  thick  foliage  hid  Don  Pablos  from  him,  rested 
himself  for  a  few  minutes.  He  then  began  to  dig  the 
earth  with  a  poniard,  and  made  a  large  hole,  wherein 
he  buried  a  leathern  bag;  he  then  filled  up  the  hole, 
covered  it  carefully  with  moss,  and  went  away.  Baha- 
bon,  who  had  observed  all  this  with  the  greatest  atten- 
tion, and  whose  fears  were  changed  into  transports  of 
joy,  waited  for  the  man's  being  at  a  distance,  that  he 


3i6  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

might  come  down  from  his  tree,  and  dig  up  the  bag, 
in  which  he  did  not  doubt  but  that  he  should  find 
either  gold  or  silver.  To  this  end  he  made  use  of  his 
knife  ;  but  had  he  had  none,  he  found  himself  so 
eager  for  the  work,  that  with  his  hands  only  he  would 
have  penetrated  to  the  very  centre  of  the  earth. 

The  moment  he  had  the  bag  in  his  hands,  he  began 
to  sound  it,  and,  persuaded  there  was  money  in  it,  he 
hastened  out  of  the  wood  with  his  booty,  not  so  much 
then  fearing  to  meet  a  bailiff  as  the  man  who  owned 
the  bag.  Transported  as  our  student  was  with  so 
lucky  a  hit,  he  walked  nimbly  all  night  long,  without 
keeping  any  road,  without  feeling  any  fatigue  or  in- 
convenience from  the  burden  he  was  loaded  with. 
But  as  soon  as  the  day  glimmered,  he  stopped  under 
some  trees  pretty  near  the  town  of  Molorido  ;  not  so 
much  indeed  to  rest  himself,  as  at  last  to  satisfy  the 
curiosity  he  had  to  examine  into  the  contents  of  his 
bag.  He  therefore  untied  it  with  that  agreeable 
trembling  you  feel  upon  the  approach  of  any  vast 
pleasure.  He  therein  found  a  parcel  of  good  double 
pistoles  ;  and,  to  crown  his  joy,  counted  to  the  tune  of 
two  hundred  and  fifty. 

Having  contemplated  them  with  excessive  satis- 
faction, he  began  to  bethink  himself  very  seriously 
what  course  he  should  take  ;  and  when  he  had 
formed  his  resolution,  fastened  up  his  doubloons  in 
h  s  pockets,  threw  away  the  bag,  and  went  to 
Molorido.  He  inquired  out  an  inn,  where,  wiulst  his 
breakfast  was  preparing,  he  hired  a  mule,  and  that 
very  day  returned  to  Salamanca. 

He  perceived  plainly,  by  the  surprise  everybody 
showed  at  seeing  him  again,  that  the  reason  of  his 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  317 

disappearing  was  no  secret ;  but  he  had  his  story 
ready.  He  told  them,  that  having  occasion  for 
money,  and  receiving  none  from  his  own  country, 
though  he  had  written  for  it  twenty  times,  he  had 
resolved  to  take  a  turn  thither  himself;  and  that  the 
day  before,  just  as  he  got  into  Molorido,  he  had  met 
his  steward  with  money.  So  that  he  now  found  it 
was  in  his  power  to  undeceive  those  who  thought 
him  a  man  who  had  no  fortune.  He  added,  he  in- 
tended to  show  his  creditors  they  were  in  the  wrong 
to  drive  an  honest  man  to  extremities,  who  long  ago 
had  paid  them  had  his  stewards  been  more  punctual 
in  remitting  him  his  rents. 

In  realit}',  the  next  day  he  sent  for  all  his  creditors, 
and  paid  them  to  the  last  farthing.  The  same  friends 
that  had  deserted  him  in  his  want,  no  sooner  knew  he 
had  a  fresh  supply  of  money,  but  they  came  flocking 
in  upon  him,  and  once  more  began  to  flatter  him, 
hoping  to  divert  themselves  again  at  his  expense. 
But  he  laughed  at  them  in  his  turn;  and,  religiously 
observing  the  oath  he  had  sworn  in  the  wood,  sent 
them  away  abruptly.  Instead  of  following  his  former 
way  of  life,  he  turned  his  thoughts  towards  making  a 
progress  in  the  science  of  the  laws,  and  study  became 
his  sole  employment. 

However,  you  will  say  he  was  all  this  while  very 
conscientiously  spending  the  double  pistoles  that  did 
not  belong  to  him.  I  agree  with  you  ;  and  was  only 
doing  what  four  parts  in  five  of  mankind  wi]'  do  in 
the  like  case.  Yet  he  intended  some  time  or  other  to 
restore  them,  if  by  chance  he  should  discover  who 
owned  them.  But,  relying  upon  his  good  intentions, 
he   spent  them  without  scruple,  and  patiently  waited 


31 8  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

till  he  should  find  him  out;  which,  notwithstanding, 
he  did  about  a  year  after. 

The  report  spread  about  Salamanca  that  a  man  of 
that  town  called  Ambrosio  Piquillo,  going  to  a  wood 
to  fetch  a  bag  full  of  pieces  of  gold  which  he  had 
buried,  had  found  nothing  but  the  hole  where  he  had 
taken  it  into  his  head  to  bury  them,  and  that  the 
poor  man  was  thereby  reduced  to  beggary. 

I  must  say,  in  praise  of  Bahabon,  that  tlve  secret 
reproaches  of  his  conscience  at  hearing  this  were  not 
thrown  away.  He  inquired  where  Ambrosio  lived, 
and  made  him  a  visit  in  a  little,  poor  habitation, 
where  all  the  furniture  was  one  chair  and  a  wretched 
bed.  "  Friend,"  said  he,  with  a  hypocritical  air,  "  I 
have  heard  from  common  fame  the  sad  accident  that 
has  befallen  you  ;  and  charity  obliging  us  all  to  help 
one  another  as  far  as  we  can,  I  am  come  to  bring  you 
some  small  assistance.  But  I  should  be  glad  to  hear 
your  unfortunate  adventure  from  your  own  mouth." 

"  Sir,"  answered  Piquillo,  "  I  will  tell  you  in  two 
words.  I  had  a  son  who  used  to  rob  me.  I  per- 
ceived it ;  and  fearing  he  might  lay  his  hands  upon 
a  leathern  bag,  wherein  I  had  two  hundred  and  fifty 
good  doubloons,  I  thought  I  could  not  do  better  than 
to  bury  them  in  the  same  wood,  whither  I  had  the  folly 
to  carry  them.  Since  that  unlucky  day,  my  son  took 
all  that  I  had,  and  ran  away  with  a  woman  whom  he 
had  debauched.  Finding  myself  in  a  deplorable  con- 
dition, by  the  debaucheries  of  this  wicked  son  of  mine, 
orratherbymyfooliishtendernessforhim,Ihad  recourse 
to  my  leathern  bag.  But,  alas  1  the  only  hopes  of  sub- 
sistence which  I  had  left  me,  werecruelly  torn  from  me." 

The  poor  man  could  not  bring  out  these  words 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  319 

without  findinrr  his  affliction  renewed,  and  sheddingf 
abundance  of  tears.  Don  Pablos  relented  at  so  mov- 
ing a  scene,  and  said  to  him  :  "  My  dear  Ambrosio, 
we  must  not  lay  the  crosses  we  meet  with  too  much 
to  heart;  your  tears  are  of  no  service;  they  will  never 
fetch  back  your  money,  which  is  really  lost  to  }-ou,  if 
it  be  fallen  into  the  hands  of  any  rascal.  But  who 
knows  ?  }'our  double  pistoles  may  have  happened 
into  an  honest  man's  hands,  who,  to  be  sure,  will 
restore  them  as  soon  as  he  knows  they  belong-  to 
you.  Come,  perhaps  you  may  get  them  again,  do 
not  despair  of  it;  and  in  the  meanwhile,"  added  he, 
(at  the  same  time  giving  him  ten  of  those  very  doub- 
loons that  came  out  of  the  leathern  bag),  "  here,  take 
this,  and  come  again  in  eight  days."  Having  spoke 
thus  to  him,  he  told  him  his  name  and  where  he  lived, 
and  went  out  of  the  room,  quite  confounded  at  the 
blessings  and  acknowledgments  Ambrosio  bestowed 
upon  him.  Such  are  for  the  most  part  all  generous 
actions;  we  should  be  far  from  admiring  them,  could 
we  see  into  their  motives. 

At  the  eight  days'  end,  Piquillo,  who  had  not 
forgot  Don  Pablos'  commands,  went  and  made  him 
a  visit.  Bahabon  made  very  much  of  him,  and  said 
very  affectionately  to  him  :  "  Friend,  upon  the  good 
character  I  have  had  of  you,  I  am  resolved  to  contri- 
bute my  utmost  towards  your  re-establishment.  I 
will  emplo}'  both  my  credit  and  my  purse. 

"As  a  beginning,"  continued  he,  "do  you  know 
what  I  have  done  ?  I  am  acquainted  with  some 
persons  of  distinction  who  are  extremely  charitable; 
I  have  been  with  them,  and  have  moved  them  to  pity 
you  so  much,  that -I  have  got  two  hundred  crowns  off 


320  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

them  for  you."  At  the  same  time  he  went  into  his 
closet,  and  came  out  in  a  moment  with  a  linen  bag, 
wherein  he  had  put  that  sum  in  silver,  and  not  in 
doubloons,  lest  the  man  might  suspect  the  truth  of 
the  matter,  by  receiving  so  many  double  pistoles. 
Whereas  by  this  artifice  he  obtained  his  end  with 
more  security,  which  was  to  make  restitution  in  such 
a  manner,  as  might  reconcile  his  conscience  with  his 
reputation. 

And  indeed  poor  Ambrosio  was  far  from  thinking 
these  crowns  a  restitution.  He  sincerely  took  them 
for  a  gathering  made  for  him,  and  having  again  humbly 
thanked  Don  Pablos,  returned  to  his  little  cottage, 
blessing  heaven  all  the  way  for  finding  a  gentleman 
so  good  as  to  take  all  this  trouble  to  serve  him. 

The  next  day  he  met  a  friend  in  the  street,  whose 
affairs  were  not  at  all  in  a  better  posture  than  his 
own,  and  who  said  to  him  :  "  In  two  days  I  am  going 
to  Cadiz,  in  order  to  embark  on  board  a  ship  that  is 
shortl}'  to  set  sail  for  New  Spain.  I  do  not  like  the 
way  of  life  I  am  in  here,  and  my  mind  tells  me  I 
shall  succeed  better  at  Mexico  ;  I  would  advise  you 
to  go  with  me,  if  you  can  raise  only  a  hundred 
crowns." 

"  I  can  raise  two  hundred,"  answered  Piquillo, 
"  without  any  trouble,  and  would  willingly  undertake 
this  voyage,  were  I  sure  of  a  livelihood  in  the  Indies." 
Whereupon  his  friend  boasted  the  fertility  of  New 
Spain,  and  laid  before  him  so  many  ways  of  growing 
rich,  that  Ambrosio,  giving  in  to  his  friend's  views, 
thought  of  nothing  but  of  preparing  to  set  out  for 
Cadiz.  But  before  he  left  Salamanca,  he  took  care 
lo  have  a  letter  left  with  Bahabon,  wherein  he  tells 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  321 

him,  that  having-  met  with  a  very  good  opportunity 
cf  going  to  the  Indies,  he  had  a  mind  to  make  use  of 
it,  in  order  to  try  whether  fortune  would  be  kinder  to 
him  in  a  new  country  than  she  had  been  in  his  own  ; 
that  he  took  the  Hberty  of  informing  him  of  it,  and  of 
assuring  him  he  would  never  forget  his  great  favours 
to  him. 

Ambrosio's  departure  a  little  vexed  Don  Pablos, 
who  thereby  saw  the  scheme  he  had  laid,  by  little 
and  httle  to  discharge  his  conscience,  quite  discon- 
certed. But  considering  that  in  a  few  years  the  good 
old  man  mi;^ht  return  to  Salamanca,  he  insensibly 
grew  easy  and  applied  himself  more  than  ever  to  the 
civil  and  canon  laws  ;  and  made  so  prodigious  a 
progress,  as  well  by  his  application  as  the  quickness 
of  his  parts,  that  he  became  the  most  shining  member 
of  the  university,  and  was  at  last  chosen  rector  of  it. 
He  was  not  content  with  supporting  that  honour  by 
liis  profound  learning,  but  took  such  infinite  pains 
with  himself,  as  to  acquire  all  the  qualities  of  a  man 
of  honour  and  integrity. 

Whilst  he  was  rector,  he  heard  that  a  young  fellow 
of  Salamanca  had  been  committed  to  prison  upon  an 
accusation  for  a  rape,  and  was  upon  the  point  of  being 
executed.  Bahabon,  upon  this,  remembering  that 
Piquillo's  son  had  carried  off  a  woman,  inquired  who 
the  prisoner  was;  and  being  informed  it  was  this  very 
son  of  Piquillo,  undertook  his  defence.  One  admirable 
circumstance  in  the  science  of  the  law  is,  that  it 
furnishes  arguments  on  both  sides  ;  and  as  our  n  ctor 
was  a  complete  master  of  it,  he  made  an  excellent 
use  of  it  in  the  defence  of  the  criminal.  It  is  true, 
he  joined   to    it  the   credit   of   his   friends,   and    the 

X 


322  AS  MODE  US:  OR, 

strongest  solicitation;  which  indeed  did  more  than 
all  the  rest. 

The  criminal  then  came  off  whiter  than  snow.  He 
went  to  thank  his  deliverer,  who  said  thus  to  him  : 
"  I  have  served  you,  but  it  was  in  regard  to  your 
father;  I  loved  him;  and  to  give  you  a  fresh  instance 
of  it,  if  you  have  any  thoughts  of  continuing  here,  and 
living  honestly,  I  will  undertake  to  make  a  maft  of 
you.  If,  as  your  father  has  done,  you  have  a  mind  to 
take  a  trip  to  the  Indies,  you  may  be  sure  of  fifty 
pistoles,  I  engage  my  word  for  them."  Young 
Piquillo  made  him  this  answer :  "  Since  I  have  the 
honour  of  your  lordship's  protection,  I  would  act  very 
wrong  to  leave  a  place  where  I  enjoy  so  great  an 
advantage.  No,  my  lord,  I  will  remain  at  Salamanca, 
and  do  protest  to  you  that  my  conduct  shall  be  such 
as  shall  please  you."  Upon  these  assurances,  the 
rector  put  twenty  pistoles  into  his  hands,  saying : 
"  Here,  friend,  take  these  ;  take  up  some  honest  pro- 
fession, employ  your  time  well,  and  rest  assured  that 
I  will  not  desert  you." 

About  two  months  afterwards,  it  happened  that 
young  Piquillo,  who  from  time  to  time  used  to  make 
his  court  to  Don  Pablos,  one  day  appeared  before 
him  all  in  tears.  "What  is  the  matter  with  you.?" 
said  Bahabon.  "  Sir,"  answered  the  son  of  Ambrosio, 
"  I  have  just  heard  a  piece  of  news  that  breaks  my 
heart.  My  father  has  been  taken  by  an  Algerine 
rover,  and  is  actually  in  chains.  An  old  man  of  this 
town,  who  is  returned  from  Algiers,  after  a  ten  years' 
slavery,  whom  the  fathers  of  mercy  have  lately  re- 
deeined,  just  now  told  me  he  left  him  there  a  captive. 
Alas  !  "  added  he,  beating  his  breast,  and  tearing  his 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  323 

hair.  "Wretch  that  I  am!  it  was  my  debaucheries 
forced  my  father  to  hide  his  money,  and  banish  him- 
self from  his  country  !  It  is  I  that  have  delivered  h-m 
up  to  a  barbarian,  who  is  loading  him  with  fetters  ! 
Ah  !  Signor  Don  Pablos,  why  did  you  rescue  me  from 
the  hands  of  justice  ?  Since  you  loved  my  father, 
you  should  have  been  his  avenger,  and  suffered  me 
by  my  death  to  have  expiated  the  horrid,  horrid  crime 
of  having  caused  all  his  calamities." 

At  this  discourse,  which  showed  a  rakish  son  con- 
verted, the  rector  was  moved  with  the  grief  which  the 
young  Piquillo  testified.  "  My  child,"  said  he,  "  it  is 
with  pleasure  I  see  you  repent  of  your  faults  ;  but  dry 
up  your  tears.  It  is  sufficient  that  I  know  what  is 
become  of  Ambrosio,  to  assure  you  that  you  shall 
see  him  again.  His  liberty  is  to  be  purchased  with  a 
ransom,  and  that  I  take  upon  myself.  Whatever  he 
may  have  suffered,  I  am  persuaded  that,  finding  a 
discreet  affectionate  son  in  you  at  his  return,  he  will 
no  more  complain  of  his  ill  fortune." 

Don  Pablos  eased  the  mind  of  Ambrosio's  son  by 
this  promise,  and  three  or  four  days  after  set  out  for 
Madrid,  where,  upon  his  arrival,  he  put  into  the  hands 
of  the  fathers  of  mercy  a  purse  of  an  hundred  pistoles, 
with  a  little  label  upon  it  in  these  words  :  "  This  sum 
is  given  the  fathers  of  redemption  for  the  ransom 
of  a  poor  citizen  of  Salamanca,  named  Ambrosio 
Piquillo,  captive  at  Algiers."  Those  good  fathers  in 
their  last  voyage  to  Algiers  have  punctually  followed 
the  rector's  intention.  They  have  redeemed  Am- 
brosio, who  is  the  slave  whose  composed  air  you  so 
much  admired. 

"  But,  methinks,"  said  Don  Cleofas,  "  Bahabon  is 


3H  ASMODEUS.  OR, 

now  not  at  all  in  the  citizen's  debt." — "Don  Pablos  13 
not  of  your  opinion,"  answered  Asmodeus  ;  "he  in- 
tends to  return  both  principal  and  interest.  His  nice 
conscience  is  even  scrupulous  of  enjoying-  the  wealth 
he  has  acquired  during  his  rectorship.  And  when  he 
sees  Piquillo,  he  intends  to  say  thus  to  him  :  '  My  dear 
friend  Ambrosio,  no  longer  look  on  me  as  your  bene- 
factor; in  me  only  you  see  a  rascal  who  dug  up  the 
money  you  hid  in  the  wood.  It  is  not  sufficient  for 
me  to  restore  you  your  two  hundred  and  fifty  doub- 
loons, since  I  made  use  of  it  to  attain  the  rank  I  hold 
in   life ;    whatever  I  have  is  yours.     I  will  keep  no 

more  than  you  shall  judge  necessary  to  '" Here 

the  Devil  upon  Two  Sticks  stopped  short.  He  was 
suddenly  taken  with  a  frisson,  and  changed  colour. 

"What  is  the  matter.?"  said  the  student;  "v;hat 
extraordinary  emotion  makes  you  shake,  and  stop 
short.?" — "Ah,  Signer  Leandro,"  cried  the  demon, 
with  a  trembling  voice,  "  how  unfortunate  am  1 1  The 
conjuror,  who  kept  me  in  the  bottle  in  his  laboratory, 
has  found  I  am  flown.  He  is  going  to  recall  me  by 
such  forcible  conjurations  as  I  cannot  resist." — "What 
a  mortification  is  this  to  me  !  "  said  Don  Cleofas,  quite 
softened  with  compassion;  "and  what  a  loss  am  I 
going  to  suffer!  Alas,  we  are  going  to  part  for 
ever!" — "I  do  not  think  so,"  answered  Asmodeus. 
"  The  magician  may  want  my  assistance,  and  if  I  have 
the  good  fortune  to  do  him  any  service,  perhaps,  out 
of  gratitude,  he  may  give  me  my  liberty.  If  that 
should  happen,  as  I  hope,  depend  upon  it,  I  will  soon 
be  with  you,  upon  conditio'S'  that  you  reveal  to  no 
soul  living  what  has  this  night  passed  between  us ;  for 
should  you  be  so  indiscreet  as  to  impart  it  to  any- 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  325 

body,  I  tell  you  beforehand,  you  will  never  see  me 
more.  What  makes  my  leaving  you  a  little  easier  to 
me,"  pursued  he,  "  is,  that  at  the  worst,  I  have  made 
your  fortune.  You  will  marry  the  fair  Seraphina, 
whom  I  have  made  dotingly  fond  of  you.  Signer 
Don  Pedro  de  Escolano,  her  father,  is  resolved  to 
marry  her  to  you.  Do  not  let  slip  so  fine  a  settle- 
ment. But,  bless  me ! "  added  he,  "  I  already  hear 
the  magician  call  me;  all  hell  rings  with  the  terrible 
words  pronounced  by  this  formidable  cabalist.  I  can- 
not stay  any  longer  with  your  lordship.  Adieu,  dear 
Zambullo,  till  I  see  you  again."  At  these  words,  he 
embraced  Don  Cleofas,  and,  having  seen  him  safe  to 
his  apartment,  disappeared. 


326  ASMODEUS:  OR, 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

OF  IVHA  T  DON'  CLEOFAS  DID  AFTER  THE  DEVIL  HAD  LEFT 
HIM,  AND  HO IV  THE  AUTHOR  OF  THIS  WORK  THOUGHT 
FIT  TO  END  IT. 

As  soon  as  Asmodeus  was  gone,  the  student  finding 
himself  fatigued  with  having  been  all  the  night  on  his 
legs,  bestirring  himself,  undressed,  and  went  to  bed 
to  take  a  little  rest.  His  spirits  were  so  agitated  he 
could  hardly  get  to  sleep ;  but  at  last,  paying  Mor- 
pheus that  tribute,  which  all  mortals  owe,  with  usury, 
he  fell  into  a  dead  sleep,  in  which  he  continued  that 
whole  day,  and  the  following  night. 

In  this  condition  he  had  remained  for  four  and 
twenty  hours,  when  Don  Lewis  de  Lujana,  a  young 
gentleman  of  his  acquaintance,  came  into  his  chamber, 
crying  out  as  loud  as  he  could,  "  Soho  !  Signor  Don 
Cleofas,  up,  up."  At  this  noise  Zambullo  waked. 
"Do  you  know,"  said  Don  Lewis,  "that  you  have 
been  abed  ever  since  yesterday  morning  }  " — "  That 
is  impossible,"  answered  Leandro.  "  And  yet  nothing 
can  be  more  true,"  replied  his  friend  ;  "  you  have 
slept  the  clock  round  twice.  Everybody  in  the  house 
has  assured  me  it  is  fact." 

The  student,  astonished  at  so  long  a  nap,  was  at 
first  afraid  that  his  adventure  with  the  Devil  upon 


fHE  DBVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  327 

Two  Sticks  was  no  more  than  a  dream.  Yet  he  could 
not  think  so  neither ;  and  when  he  recalled  some 
particular  circumstances  he  no  longer  doubted  but 
what  he  had  seen  was  real.  However,  to  ease  his 
doubts  he  got  up,  dressed  with  all  haste,  and  went 
out  with  Don  Lewis,  whom  he  carried  towards  the 
Gate  of  the  Sun,  without  telling  him  any  reason. 
When  they  were  there,  and  Don  Cleofas  found  Don 
Pedro's  house  almost  burnt  to  the  ground,  he  pre- 
tended a  surprise.  "  What  is  this  I  see  .-* "  said  he. 
"  What  sad  work  the  fire  has  made  here  !  Whose 
was  this  unfortunate  house  ?  Is  it  long  since  it  was 
burnt?" 

Don  Lewis  de  Lujana  answered  his  two  questions, 
and  thus  pursued  his  discourse  :  "  The  vast  damages 
of  this  fire  make  less  noise  in  the  city,  than  a  circum- 
stance I  am  going  to  tell  you.  Signor  Don  Pedro  de 
Escolano  has  an  only  daughter,  beautiful  as  the  day. 
They  say  she  was  in  a  room  filled  with  fij-e  and  smoke, 
where  she  must  inevitably  have  perished ;  and  she 
was  rescued,  notwithstanding,  by  a  young  gentleman 
whose  name  I  have  not  yet  learned.  It  is  the  common 
topic  of  every  conversation  at  Madrid.  The  cavalier's 
bravery  is  cried  up  to  the  skies  ;  and  it  is  believed, 
that  though  he  be  nothing  more  than  a  private  gentle- 
man, he  may  very  well  obtain  the  daughter  of  Don 
Pedro,  as  the  reward  of  so  glorious  an  action." 

Leandro  Perez  listened  to  Don  Lewis,  without 
showing  he  was  the  least  concerned  in  what  he  was 
talking  of;  and  disengaging  himself  upon  an  excuse 
he  feigned,  he  went  to  the  Prado,  and,  sitting  down 
under  some  trees,  fell  into  a  deep  thought.  Imme- 
diately the  Devil  upon  Two  Sticks  came  into  his  mind. 


328  ASMODEUS:  OR, 

"  I  cannot,"  said  he,  "  too  much  regret  my  dear 
Asmodeus.  He  would  in  a  short  time  have  carried 
me  all  over  the  world,  and  I  should  have  made  that 
tour,  without  any  of  the  inconveniences  that  travel- 
ling is  liable  to.  Doubtless  I  have  a  great  loss  ;  but," 
presently  subjoined  he,  "  perhaps  it  is  not  irreparable. 
Why  should  I  despair  of  seeing  him  again  .''  It  may 
happen,  as  he  himself  said,  that  the  conjuror  may 
immediately  give  him  his  liberty."  Then,  thinking 
of  Don  Pedro  and  his  daughter,  he  resolved  to  make 
him  a  visit,  pushed  on  by  the  curiosity  alone  of  seeing 
the  fair  Seraphina. 

The  moment  he  appeared  before  Don  Pedro,  that 
lord  ran  and  embraced  him  with  open  arms,  crying 
out :  "  \\  eicome,  generous  cavalier.  I  began  to  be 
angry  with  you.  How,  said  I,  after  the  pressing 
instances  I  made  Don  Cleofas  to  come  and  see  me, 
is  he  still  absent  from  my  eyes  ?  How  ill  does  he 
return  the  impatience  I  feel  to  testify  the  esteem  and 
friendship  I  have  for  him  !  " 

Zambullo  hung  down  his  head  out  of  respect  at  so 
obliging  a  reproach,  and  excused  himself  to  the  old 
gentleman  by  telling  him,  he  feared  he  should  have 
been  troublesome  in  the  confusion  he  judged  he  must 
have  been  the  day  before.  "  That  excuse  will  not 
satisfy  me,"  replied  Don  Pedro;  "you  could  never 
be  troublesome  in  a  house  where,  had  it  not  been  for 
you,  a  greater  sadness  would  have  reigned.  But," 
added  he,  "  be  pleased  to  follow  me,  you  have  other 
thanks  to  receive  besides  mine."  At  these  words,  he 
took  him  by  the  hand,  and  led  him  into  Seraphina's 
apartment. 

That  lady  was  just  come  from  prayers.  "  Daughter," 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  329 

said  her  father,  "  I  am  come  to  present  the  gentleman 
to  you  who  so  bravely  saved  your  life.  Show  him 
how  sensible  you  are  of  the  great  favour  he  did  you, 
since  the  condition  you  was  in  the  day  before  yester- 
day would  not  permit  you  to  do  it  then."  Where- 
upon Signora  Seraphina,  opening  a  mouth  of  roses, 
addressed  herself  to  him  in  a  compliment  that  would 
charm  all  my  readers,  could  I  repeat  it  word  for 
■word  ;  but  as  it  has  not  been  handed  down  to  me 
exactly,  I  choose  rather  to  pass  over  in  silence  than 
spoil  it. 

I  shall  only  say,  that  Don  Cleofas  imagined  it  was 
a  divinity  he  saw  and  heard,  and  that  he  was  at  once 
taken  by  the  eyes  and  the  ears.  Immediately  he 
felt  a  violent  passion  for  her.  But  far  from  consuier- 
ing  her  as  one  he  was  sure  of  marrying,  he  doubted, 
notwithstanding  all  the  devil  had  said,  whether  so 
glorious  a  reward  v.as  to  be  the  recompense  of  a 
service  they  imagined  he  had  done  them.  The  more 
charming  she  appeared  to  him,  the  less  did  he  dare 
to  flatter  himself  with  the  happiness  of  gaining  her. 

What  confirmed  him  in  his  uncertainty  of  obtain- 
ing so  great  a  blessing  was,  that  Don  Pedro,  during 
the  long  conversation  they  had,  never  touched  once 
upon  that  string,  and  only  loaded  him  with  civilities, 
without  hinting  the  least  desire  to  be  his  father-in- 
law.  Seraphina,  too,  on  her  side,  as  polite  as  her 
papa,  turned  the  discourse  wholly  upon  gratitude, 
without  making  use  of  any  expression  that  could 
give  Zambullo  room  to  think  that  she  loved  him.  So 
that  he  took  his  leave  of  Signo'-  liscolano  with  a 
great  deal  of  love,  and  very  litt'e  hope. 

"  Friend  Asmodeus,"  said  Iv;  on  his  way  home,  as 


330  ASMCDEUS:  OR, 

if  he  had  still  been  with  the  devil,  "  when  yo|j  assured 
me  that  Don  Pedro  was  inclined  to  make  me  his  son- 
in-law,  and  that  Seraphina  burnt  with  a  lively  flame 
which  }-ou  had  inspired  her  with  for  me,  you  must 
have  intended  to  divert  yourself  at  my  expense,  or 
else  y  u  must  own  that  you  know  as  little  of  the 
present  as  the  future." 

Our  student  was  sorry  he  had  visited  the  lady, 
and,  looking  upon  his  passion  for  her  as  an  ill-fated 
love  he  ought  t  conquer,  resolved  to  spare  no  pains 
to  accomplish  it.  He  went  farther,  he  reproached 
himself  with  his  eagerness  at  pushing  his  design, 
supposing  he  had  found  the  father  inclined  to  grant 
him  his  daughter,  and  he  looked  upon  it  as  shameful 
to  owe  his  happiness  to  an  artifice. 

He  was  still  full  of  these  reflections,  when  Don 
Pedro,  having  sent  for  him  the  next  day,  began  thus: 
"  Signor  Leandro  Perez,  it  is  time  for  me  to  prove  by 
my  actions,  that  when  you  obliged  me,  you  did  not 
do  a  geod  office  to  one  of  those  courtiers  who,  were 
he  in  my  place,  would  content  himself  with  returning 
it  with  a  little  court  holy  water.  But  I  intend  that 
Seraphina  herself  shall  be  the  reward  of  that  danger 
you  run  upon  her  account.  I  must  tell  you  too,  that 
I  have  found  her  to  be  my  own  daughter,  in  the 
proposal  I  made  her  of  marrying  her  deliverer.  She 
showed  her  joy  by  a  transport,  which  has  convinced 
me  her  gratitude  equals  my  own.  It  is  then  resolved 
on,  you  shall  have  my  daughter." 

At  these  words,  the  good  Signor  de  Escolano,  who 
expected  Don  Cleofas  would  have  returned  his  most 
humble  thanks  for  so  great  a  favour,  was  surprised 
to  see  hiai  stand  speechless  and  confounded.     "  Speak, 


THE  DEVIL  UPON  TWO  STICKS.  331 

Zambullo,"  said  he.  "What  am  I  to  think  of  the 
disorder  my  proposal  has  put  you  into?'  What  can 
have  set  you  against  her  ?  Ought  a  private  gentle- 
man to  refuse  an  alliance  by  which  a  grandee  would 
think  himself  honoured  ?  Has  the  nobility  of  my 
family  any  blemish  that  I  am  a  stranger  to  ?  " 

"  My  lord,"  answered  Leandro,  "I  am  but  too  sen- 
sible of  the  distance  which  heaven  has  placed  between 
us." — "  Wherefore,  then,"  replied  Don  Pedro,  "  do  you 
seem  so  little  pleased  at  a  marriage  that  does  you  so 
much  honour  ?  Come,  be  ingenious,  Don  Cleofas ; 
you  are  in  love  with  some  lady  to  wiiom  you  have 
given  }'Our  faith  ;  and  it  is  she  whose  interest  at  this 
time  stands  as  a  bar  to  your  advancement." — "  Had 
I  a  mistress,  to  whom  I  might  have  engaged  myself 
by  any  oath,"  answered  the  student,  "without  doubt 
no  reason  should  induce  me  to  be  false  to  her.  But 
it  is  not  that  which  prevents  me  accepting  your 
favours.  The  nice  notion  I  have  of  honour  commands 
me  to  forego  the  glorious  establishment  you  design 
me,  and  far  from  intending  to  make  an  ill  use  of  the 
error  you  are  in,  I  am  going  to  undeceive  you:  I  am 
not  Seraphina's  deliverer." 

"What  do  I  hear!"  cried  the  old  gentleman  in 
amaze;  "was  it  not  you  that  rescued  her  from  the 
flames  that  were  going  to  devour  her.'*  Was  it  not 
you  that  performed  so  gallant  an  action  .-*  " — "  No,  my 
lord,"  answ^ered  Zambullo.  "  Vain  had  been  that 
attempt  to  any  mortal  man  ;  and  I  will  plainly  tell 
you  it  was  a  devil  that  saved  your  daughter." 

These  words  increased  Don  Pedro's  surprise,  who, 
thinking  he  ought  not  to  understand  them  in  a  literal 
Sense,  desired  the  student  to  speak  plainer.     Upon 


332  ASMODEUS. 

this  Leandro,  without  giving  himself  any  pain  for 
Asmodeus'  friendship,  told  him  all  that  had  passed 
between  the  devil  and  himself.  The  old  gentleman 
then  resumed  the  discourse,  and  said  to  Don  Cleofas  : 
"The  confidence  you  have  now  reposed  in  me,  con- 
firms me  in  my  design  of  giving  you  my  daughter. 
You  are  originally  her  deliverer;  had  not  you  inter- 
ceded with  the  Devil  upon  Two  Sticks  to  snatch  her 
from  impending  death,  he  had  infallibly  suffered  her 
to  perish.  It  is  you,  therefore,  that  have  preserved 
Seraphina's  days.  In  a  word,  you  have  deserved  her, 
and  I  offer  her  you,  with  half  ni}'  estate." 

Leandro  Perez,  at  these  words,  which  eased  all 
scruples,  threw  himself  at  Don  Pedro's  feet,  in  order 
to  thank  him  for  his  great  goodness.  Shortly  after, 
the  wedding  was  celebrated  with  a  magnificence 
suitable  to  the  heiress  of  Signor  Escolano,  and  to  the 
great  satisfaction  of  the  friends  of  our  student,  who 
was  thereby  well  rewarded  for  a  few  hours  of  liberty 
which  he  had  procured  the  Devil  upon  Two  Sticka, 


t) 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAU 

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